The Illusion of Connection: On Freedom, Boundaries, and the ‘Good Samaritan’ Trap

Recently, a post of mine was shared on Facebook, and an old follower—let’s call her Marie—left a lengthy comment. She assumed I wouldn’t see it because she believed I had blocked her years ago. Her comment was a list of grievances: she accused me of being a "staunch feminist," claimed I had cut her off "cold turkey" because of her political opinions, and questioned how "liberated" I truly am if I choose to walk away from people without giving them a detailed explanation.

Reading her words didn't anger me; instead, it offered a profound moment of clarity. It reminded me of a vital lesson about human nature, social media, and what true freedom actually looks like.

The Myth of the Digital Obligation

In 2022, I made a conscious decision to step back from social media and focus entirely on writing here on my blog. I didn't just distance myself from "Marie"—I distanced myself from everyone. The digital landscape had become toxic, fueled by political tribalism and an insatiable appetite for conflict.

When I returned to social media recently, I set a strict boundary: I no longer reply to comments or engage in debates. My time and energy are far too precious to waste on discussions with people who look for fights, who seek the pleasure of arguing for the sake of arguing, but who possess zero interest in self-reflection or understanding themselves and others.

Marie’s grievance stems from an entitlement that is rampant today: the belief that we owe strangers our energy, our time, and an explanation for our boundaries. But a truly free person does not have to give explanations to anyone, nor is a free person dependent on the explanations of others. When someone chooses to distance themselves from us, the mature response is to respect their choice, let them go, and move on with our own lives. Letting people be—that is the very essence of freedom.

Disguised as Good Samaritans

Looking back, I see the reality of our past interaction. Years ago, while I was navigating my first intense period of psychological warfare after publishing my book, A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, Marie appeared on my page. She was highly supportive, validating my experiences. Though I always had an underlying question about her genuineness, I was grateful for the public support.

Now, with the benefit of time and distance, the mask has slipped. I have become deeply aware of opportunistic people who suddenly materialize when you are going through difficult times. Disguised as "Good Samaritans," they eagerly offer advice and assistance. In reality, they aren’t there to help you heal; they are there to pick the meat off your bones. They feed on your vulnerability to satisfy their own unresolved psychological needs.

The Projection of Unresolved Rage

In her comment, Marie claimed that she stopped reading my work because she labeled me a "staunch feminist" who is "anti-patriarchy." Anyone who actually reads my writing knows I do not subscribe to that label. As I have written before, I am for everyone’s rights and equality.

True feminism—in the sense of human rights—is noble, but many who adopt the label (or fight against it) are simply caught in a cycle of projection. Many men idealize their mothers and take revenge on all other women for the wrongs done to them in childhood. Similarly, many feminists idealize their mothers and transfer the repressed hate of the little girl they once were onto men in general, making them scapegoats. Hate can never be resolved by scapegoating; it can only be resolved when it is seen and consciously felt in its right context—the childhood home.

Marie also claimed to be a reader of Alice Miller. But it was Alice Miller herself who warned me about people exactly like Marie. Before her passing in 2010, Alice wrote these powerful words to me in our correspondence:

"I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people... as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean.  I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases it is a lie."  

 To truly understand Alice Miller’s work means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage toward them, and to stop using innocent bystanders as a poisonous container to dump accumulated unresolved repressed childhood rage.

What True Liberation Looks Like

Most people on social media are not who they pretend to be. They wrap themselves in political fervor—whether fiercely defending figures like Donald Trump or obsessing over Hillary Clinton—because politics serves as a perfect screen for emotional blindness. They project their unresolved childhood dynamics onto the political stage, mistaking their emotional reactivity for passion.

When Marie asks how "liberated" I am because I chose to walk away from her political arguments without a grand exit speech, she reveals her own trap. She is trapped in the need for external validation, trapped in the demand for compliance, and trapped in the unresolved rage of a child demanding answers from a world that owes her none.

I do not need to defend my liberation to anyone. True liberation is the ability to walk away from toxicity without feeling the need to justify your departure. It is the peace of knowing who you are, maintaining your boundaries, and leaving the theater of public delusion behind.