Are You a Narcissist’s Flying Monkey?

 Are you caught up in a narcissist's emotional abuse of others?

Anyone who remembers watching the Wizard of Oz as a child will probably remember how horrifying the Wicked Witch of the West’s flying monkeys were. These monkeys were sent by the witch to do her dirty work, and the phrase has since become synonymous with people who end up doing the dirty work of a narcissist.

Some of the reasons people become flying monkeys include:

Self-preservation and protection. Rosie’s motivation to become her brother’s flying monkey was understandable and was based on self-preservation. Like other people who do a narcissist’s dirty work for them, she didn’t pay much, if any, attention to the impact of her actions. Her need to look after herself was far greater than her need to protect anyone else. Forming an alliance with the person perceived as the strongest member of a family or organisation is one reason people adopt this role. Telling tales, spreading misinformation, and using gaslighting techniques against anyone who dares to question the narcissist might just mean you get to keep your job and don’t find yourself on the receiving end of narcissistic rage.

Rescuing the narcissistic "victim." If you tend to fall into a rescuing role, you may feel compelled to jump to the defence of the narcissist who blames everyone and everything for whatever is going wrong in their life. Sticking up for the narcissist meets your inbuilt need to feel valued and needed because of your rescuer role.

A loss of sense of self. Some flying monkeys are so browbeaten by the narcissist that they have far less capacity than otherwise might be expected when it comes to knowing right from wrong. They may have experienced years of emotional abuse at the hands of the narcissist and have lost a sense of self and independent decision-making along the way.

Loving the drama. Some flying monkeys really thrive on the drama. When you’re involved with a narcissist, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll be involved in a few dramas along the way. What can beat the adrenaline of being caught up in lies, secrecy, and deception?

Being a narcissist. Flying monkeys often have strong narcissistic traits themselves, including a desire for attention, a lack of empathy, and a desire to bully and manipulate others. They may be involved in a family, work, or other situation in which they know that their best opportunity to fulfill their narcissistic desires comes from allying themselves with a more powerful narcissist.

If you have had your fill of being a flying monkey, the narcissist in your life is unlikely to be happy about it and, at the least, may not want anything to do with you once you cease to be of use. Being used by a narcissist to take care of some of the least desirable aspects of their business is always going to place you in a compromised, stressful environment and you should ensure that you have the appropriate support in place when you choose to change your role.

Read more in the link below:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202010/are-you-narcissist-s-flying-monkey

Traits of a Narcissist

In order for someone to be a diagnosed narcissist, they must embody at least five of the nine recognized traits, based on the APA’s criteria (2013) and Mitra and Fluyau (2021):

1. They have a grandiose sense of self-worth and self-importance. They exaggerate their achievements or expect to be recognized as superior without any basis.
2. They are preoccupied or obsessed with success, power, beauty, love, etc.
3. They believe they are unique and can only be understood by specific people.
4. They require and demand a constant flow of admiration and attention;
5. They have a sense of entitlement without exerting any energy for such treatment, and they have an unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment or compliance with their demands, however baseless.
6. They cannot empathize with anyone, nor will they attempt to identify with or recognize another’s needs or wants.
7. They are arrogant, haughty, and regularly display these behaviors and attitudes. They will look down their nose at other people or project their shortcomings onto others.
8. They are envious of other people and/or believe other people are envious of them.
9. They are deeply manipulative and will stop at little to get what they want. This person will weaponize or exploit anyone—even children or animals—to achieve their own end result.

Read more in the link below:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-in-the-age-narcissism/202205/identifying-the-narcissist-in-your-life