Inside the Mind of a Malignant Narcissist

IF YOU'RE ASKING YOURSELF THE QUESTION AM I THE NARCISSIST? THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT

"Only empathetic people with a conscience engage in this type of introspection. To the #narcissist, you are the problem and their ego will not allow them to consider otherwise." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

"If you don't have empathy with animals, you don't have empathy at all."  Ricky Gervais 

I will never forget them abandoning the friendly black kitty I had rescued and fixed while I was there on vacation. If she fought for and cared about the kitty as much as she fights for and cares about her mother's money, she would have earned my respect.

"No Empathy

A narcissist will demonstrate a significant lack of empathy. A lack of empathy is one of the most defining characteristics of a narcissist. He/She cannot put themselves in another person's shoes or understand the other person's feelings. The narcissist did not develop this ability as they were growing up. Do not expect that he/she will develop empathy as an adult."

"A malignant narcissist will accuse you of abuse when you leave them. They do this to silence you. A survivor shares their account of the abuse in order to help others. Note the difference." Yes, that's the difference between me and them.

"If you want to deeply hurt someone's soul beyond the capacity of any words known to man, just wait until they have developed a very personal and strong emotional bond to you. Pretend to love them and be their friend. Then, begin to emotionally abuse them, withdraw from them, devalue them, and discard them like they never existed and you will see a job well done. - Inside the Mind of a Malignant Narcissist"

"When asked about narcissistic personality disorder, a therapist sadly shook his head. "I've actually never seen a client with NPD because they are convinced they don't have a problem" he said. "But they leave ar high body count", he added. "Their victims are the people who come to see me.”" They live under the illusion that they are perfect and it's only others that have problems and are wrong. 

"On the rare occasion a #narcissist actually goes to therapy, it’s often for manipulation purposes. Therapists not sufficiently trained in personality disorders make the best" supply! #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery

"The narcissist is unable to be alone with his/herself. Isolation is unbearable and even terrifying to the narcissist, because he/she needs to feed off the constant attention and validation of others. For the narcissist, isolation equals starvation."

"Why does it feel like the Narcissist hates me?

Narcissists have contempt for people they are jealous of. And it does not matter if you are their spouse, friend or even their own children.

Narcissists feel entitled and more deserving than other people and it does not matter who it is. As insane as it sounds if there is something that they envy about you, they will want to destroy you. They suffer from pathological envy. Another reason they are so rough with victims and push them around is because it makes them feel powerful and in control. That's how they get their ego boost and their Narcissistic supply."

"Do narcissists ever wonder what they did wrong when the supply that had everything and gave them everything walks out on them?

Sure. But, not in the way you want them to. They wonder how they messed up their game. They know their actions are unconscionable. They are aware that they are abusing, and using people. So, the question for them is, where did go wrong in my grooming of this person? How did they not get attached properly? How do I adapt my lies to keep the next one longer? They aren't upset because they lost love and a great relationship. They simply do not function on that level. They are upset because they lost. Period. Now they have to start all over with someone new."

"What is a narcissist most afraid of? The answer is humiliation, ignorance and overlook by others around them. If you can create a situation in which a narcissist feels his or her cover has been blown and other people see them as they truly are, that would be a perfect "revenge", because a narcissist is empty from inside and their worst fear is that others will see that emptiness."

"Being discarded for not being a good source of narcissistic supply is an achievement. It means you are stronger than they are. You are smarter than they are. You held your own and won. You knew you deserved better and expected that from your partner.

The reason hoovering has failed is because he/she knows you are SMARTER than that. Hoovering you would cause them exposure. Narcissistic injury. The person they are with now, or whom they are chipping away at now, has been identified as weak, and easily manipulated.

The narcissist has sensed your strength and intelligence and is frightened of you." 

"When toxic parents use the "we gave you food and shelter" just remember prisons also give you food and shelter. That does not mean that they love you or can meet your emotional needs"

"We cannot try and argue, reason or debate anything with a malignant narcissist. This is often where we get stuck for a long time. We expend our energy trying to make them "see" what they are and what they did.

This is futile. They will never see. They will never understand. The reason for this is that they already know and will adopt all sorts of defense mechanisms to protect themselves. When they know that you know, it becomes a dangerous situation for you."

"Narcissistic abuse is insidious because the abuse is covert, cunning, and indirect. Narcissists go to great pains to avoid being observed publicly as being abusive. The Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde behavior create fear, distress, confusion, inner turmoil, and chaos for the victim. The constant 'walking on eggshells' and attempting to avoid further conflict can be crippling. To complicate matters a narcissist is rarely medically diagnosed and often goes undetected in society (home, work, organizations, and social settings)."

"When conflict arises, we are able to let it go and move on. Narcissists must get revenge.

We trust in the good of all people.

Narcissists believe everyone is just like them.

We like to help people feel good about themselves and feel relief when a conflict has been resolved.

Narcissists like to fight.

We take responsibility when we've made a mistake. Narcissists blame everyone else.

We enjoy being compassionate.

Narcissists enjoy being manipulative."

"The only way to get rid of a narcissist for good is if you cause them Narcissistic Mortification. It is different and more potent than causing a Narcissistic Injury, which only injures them for a short period of time, and then it's over. They will get angry, throw tantrums, and rage but it doesn't affect them permanently.

On the other hand, a Narcissistic Mortification will stop a narc from ever contacting you again because they do not ever want to experience it again. It is too devastating to them and will avoid you like the plague.

The way to cause Narcissistic Mortification is to humiliate and embarrass the narc IN PUBLIC, in front of witnesses that the narc abuser looks up to, and considers useful or significant. Doing this behind closed doors will not work, it has to be done in front of other people he considers significant.

If you do that, the narcissist's defense mechanisms are abruptly and completely dismantled and they are left feeling naked and exposed. They will never ever want to experience that a second time and he will never come near you again."

"About the only time you've had the narcissist's undivided attention was at the start of the relationship. They needed to know everything about you so they could mirror it back to you. This was so you would like and trust them. It's the oldest trick in the con artist's book."

"You always have the right to defend yourself. Abusive people will act like you don't have to right to stand up to them, disagree with them, voice your opinions, express your emotions, or say anything in response to their criticisms, accusations, sarcasm, bullying, rudeness, or cruelty. You have every right in the world to stand up for yourself. Unfairness, disrespect, hypocrisy, and double standards are red flags for narcissistic and emotional abuse."

"Abuse is not about one person hitting another person. It is about one person needing to control another person completely and utterly. Their rules must be obeyed no matter what. These rules are changed constantly and if not obeyed the abuser will punish their target. The whole world looks for marks in order to establish if there was abuse without really understanding the real meaning of what abuse is all about"

"Why do narcissists hold on to resentments rather than discuss their issues?

They don't engage in anything where they may be to blame. Confrontations are not allowed. You're always to blame. If you do try and discuss anything hard they will shut you down, blame you, twist the issue till you're made out to be the perpetrator and they're the victim. It's best to sweep it under the rug like they do. You won't win and you'll be the bad guy."

"YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PEOPLE NEVER REALLY GROW. THEY NEVER LEARN THEIR LESSON. THEY NEVER RECOGNIZE THEIR MISTAKES. THEY NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FAULTS. THEY NEVER ADMIT THEY WERE IN THE WRONG. YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE AN APOLOGY FROM THEM AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEIR BEHAVIOR CHANGE."

"Narcissists have secret lives. They lie effortlessly. They are two-faced - appearing with a perfect public image that most people believe. In the shadows, when no one is looking, they do tremendous damage to family, friends & those who live with them."

"Narcissists only surround themselves with people who enable their behavior, ignore their behavior, or encourage their behavior. Anyone who tries to hold them accountable will be accused and blamed for the exact things the narcissist is guilty of. And the people who know the truth will remain silent."

"For the narcissistic abuser the words, compromise, resolution, apology, or remorse do not exist

Their sole purpose is to win. They see you trying to discuss the relationship as a competition which they have to win. Their trophy is your life and soul. Their grand prize is control."

"Narcissists are trapped in the mind of a two-year-old, and they possess no cognitive ability to reason, to negotiate, to cooperate, to give and take, to love, to empathize. Rather their lives consist of ultimatums, demands, greed, egocentric thinking, bullying, temper tantrums, silent treatments, and a plethora of 'I WANTS' and 'GIVE ME'S'."

"Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this, you're disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice."

"BREAKING UP WITH A DYSFUNCTIONAL NARCISSIST IS LIKE WAKING UP FROM A COMA. YOU HAVE TO RE-LEARN EVEN THE MOST BASIC THINGS OF YOUR DAILY LIFE. THIS IS BECAUSE DURING THE COURSE OF THE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR NARCISSIST YOU WERE SLOWLY, AND METHODICALLY, BEING 'ERASED'."

"To The Adult Child Of A Narcissist

You could reach the highest pinnacle of success. Crawl to them on your knees through broken glass. But nothing you can ever do or become would be enough to secure their love.

It's never been about you being unworthy or undeserving, even though it feels that way.

The only way out of this maze of suffering is to face the truth: They never loved you and never will because they are incapable of caring for anyone but themselves.

They are an infinite loop of emptiness A heart forever twisted to gaze only upon itself. They cannot give you what they do not have." John Mark Green

"WHY NARCISSISTS WILL NEVER BE HAPPY

No matter what type of relationships narcissists seek, they are never happy. They go about their lives seeking something that is not achievable because the ego has created the biggest fog, especially for them.

If narcissists should be in a long-term relationship, it is only to act as camouflage. Sort of leading a normal life but the lies, the cheating, the fakeness, the selfishness, and the hate will always be there."

"In dysfunctional, toxic and narcissistic groups, friendly empaths are outcasted and scapegoated while predators and bullies are popular and glorified." So true!

"Narcissistic Smear Campaigns

1 PREEMPTIVELY starts a smear campaign by planting seeds in the minds of others

2 Begins the smear by painting himself or herself as the devoted, loving, innocent VICTIM of you

3 Twist stories and tells lies about your  character making sure to incorporate a GRAIN OF TRUTH

4 Lines up REPLACEMENT to use for future reputation management, supply, and triangulation

5 DISCARDS you out of the blue, then 5 flaunts new supply and uses your reactions as proof you're to blame for all the problems in the relationship"

"What is the darkest manipulation tactic?

Covert manipulation.

It is done under the guise of them "caring" for you. These spiders lure you into their web of abuse by showering you with attention, love, kindness, and being thoughtful and supportive. Everything you've always wanted.

Then, once they have you on their web, they start to take those things away, little by little and they say it's your fault they're going away. You try and improve and please them. You're now caught in their web with a spider and its slowly wrapping more of the web around you.

Then, when there's no more energy to suck out of you they leave you to die alone stuck in their web. It takes you YEARS to get out of it and nobody can help you get out. You have to find your own way of untangling that web, and it's not just physically but psychologically and emotionally stuck in that web too.

After the person (spider) leaves you to die on the web (or during your relationship with them) they go and make another web and the same cycle repeats itself with the next victim.

Covert abuse is by far the worst because it's done under the guise of love when the reality is quite the opposite, it's the definition of EVIL and DEATH"

"Trauma stays in your system. When something is so traumatic and painful, that it is too much for a person to handle, the body protects that person by repressing it and allowing the person to disassociate from the pain. The problem with that is the trauma is never processed, so it stays in the body and causes all kinds of havoc. When a person is experiencing ongoing consistent abuse like in narcissistic abuse. This causes Complex post-traumatic stress disorder."

"The thing victims need to understand is that narcissists don't think like normal people, they have different agendas. A narcissist's goals are things like controlling you, getting their narcissistic supply, or anything that feeds their dysfunctional appetite. So while you are trying to have a conversation with them about, let's say, the problems in your relationship, they are doing things like stonewalling (ignoring you, or looking at you with that blank stare, and saying nothing at all.) or diverting your attention, and manipulating the conversation a different way. You have to understand, They don't want to talk about the relationship. They don't want to take responsibility for their part in anything, and they definitely don't want to work things out. They want to continue to do what they want, without repercussions. You have to clearly understand, that they don't want the same things you do. That is why they play games, manipulate, lie, and everything else they do, it's a way to divert responsibility, keep control, and make you feel unimportant and unworthy. That is why none of it ever made sense to you, they have a completely different agenda. One you don't know about or ever agreed to. " -Maria Consiglio

"SIGNS OF FINANCIAL ABUSE

*Threats of leaving or withholding money for basic expenses

*No access to bank accounts or credit cards

*Every 'cent' is tracked

*Forced career choices

*All bills in one person's name

*Withholding financial information/details from you

* Telling you that you can't understand finances

Financial abuse is one of the many ways an abuser tries to control their partner. The lack of access to financial means is a major factor in a victim's ability to leave their abuser. and not to return back to the abuse!"

"Narcissistic abuse can kill you! I am not talking about domestic violence and the risks involved with physical abuse.

I am talking about the torture to your mind and soul.

It can kill you. It can drive you to a point of feeling as if ending your life is the only solution"

"People expect evil to appear in obvious forms, announcing itself, clearly displaying its intentions.

That's what people expect, but that's not the reality. Evil is subversive, manipulative, tricking you into thinking that it's good, and tricking you into giving it your consent."

"The very systems that are supposedly there to assist those living in domestic violence to escape, and get back on their feet, abuse them more. Social services, judges, lawyers, police, and representatives of the court, enable abuse and degrade people more."

"Never discredit your gut instinct. You are not paranoid. Your body can pick up on bad vibrations. If something deep inside of you says something is not right about a person or a situation, trust it." I do! 

"You are a lot of things to a malignant narcissist. You are a possession, a means to an end, a form of supply, a way to charge their empty soul, but you are never a person, you're a thing. A thing to be used for whatever their need might be at any given time"

"Please understand this, Narcissists are severely emotionally stunted, underdeveloped adults.

Regardless of how high mentally functioning they appear to be, they have the emotional intelligence of an angry, irrational young child."

"Types of Flying Monkeys

Flying monkeys can be divided into two main types:

• Complicit and Willing (Conspirator) Well-Meaning Dupes (Deluded)

Each of these two types can be further divided into smaller categories:

• Positive Intentioned Negative intentioned

Some flying monkeys can be very hard to recognize and some function as flying monkeys ENTIRELY without ever realizing it. If we are to protect ourselves from this behavior, It Is IMPERATIVE that we understand these people and how they are utilized against us.

Recovering From A RELATIONSHIP WITH A NARCISSIST"

"Evil vs Broken 

Do not confuse a broken person for an evil person. A broken person can be fixed an evil person cannot. An evil person causes pain, they hurt others. They deliberately cause chaos. A broken person would never do any of those things because they know how it feels to be on the other side of those actions. Don't confuse someone who can be saved with someone that you will need to be saved from."

"A narcissist is always a narcissist! Being narcissistic is not just being mean. A narcissist creates a fake self and world (sometimes more than one) and everything they do is to maintain and present that fake self. A narcissist has an uncanny ability to know the proper behavior in any given situation (circumstances + individuals involved) to get what they want out of that situation and support their overall goal of making the fake self seem real. If someone likes a narcissist, then the narc has played the role properly to convince that person that they are nice, lovable, caring, etc. The narc manipulates, or attempts to, everyone. But for the primary people in their lives - significant other, parents, children, employees, closest 'friends" - they also attempt control. They think they must control those people in order to keep the fake self alive. This addition of control in close "relationships" makes it appear that the narc is not being narcissistic in non close relationships."

"Ex Recycling - Psychopaths keep their exes strung along for added attention & triangulation. They use these people to appear in "high demand" at all times, creating competition and jealousy with their current partners. Their exes can usually be placed into one of two categories: 1) In Love With Me. 2) Crazy. The "crazy" exes are the ones who saw through the psychopath's lies and refused to take part in their games anymore. The "In Love With Me" exes are the ones who still believe they play some sort special role in the psychopath's life. When the psychopath runs out of new victims, they will recycle these old targets and convince the world that they were soul mates all along. But the only truly happy people are the supposedly crazy ones who finally turned their backs and left all of the manufactured drama behind." 

"Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, evil asshole with no soul." Yes, thier souls have been murdered in childhood. 

The best revenge is none. Make the time and space to heal, mourn your losses, move on, and don't become like those who hurt you.

I SUFFER FROM THAT DISORDER WHERE I SPEAK THE TRUTH AND IT PISSES PEOPLE OFF

What they hate in you, is missing in them. Keep shining.

"I feel like I should want more, but I don't. I want less. Less stuff. Less rushing. Less stress. Less noise. Less unnecessary baggage."

"Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often a torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words." Carl Jung