Confronting the Internalized Parents

We have to confront the internalized parents in ourselves if we don't want to become like them. 

Marty, my boyfriend of 10 years triggered my internalized older sisters that raised me. 

Growing up I had promised myself I would not become like them but all I had done until I met Marty was to repress them. Marty was the perfect trigger to bring them to the surface and I was becoming like my older sisters and hated myself and Marty for it. 

My older sisters used to stalk me and here I caught myself stalking Marty just like I was stalked when I was little. He forced me to confront my internalized older sisters and liberate myself to become a true mature conscious adult!

Falling in love and sexual attraction means that we have found the perfect person to trigger us, rise to the surface, all that was repressed in us; no one can trigger in us what is not already in ourselves. Once we have faced our repression and felt the excruciating feelings of the child we once were in the right context. We don’t fall in love anymore and have sexual attraction. We are in love; and if we meet another person in love, and if we choose to stay together, then we'll be two people in love together. We find love when we are love. Falling in love is more dangerous than most people are willing to admit. If we knew falling in love meant going into all the dark chambers of the soul, none of us would risk it. To become a real lover in life involves opening up our whole being.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/01/no-divorce-or-separation-cannot-make.html

People need to heal their traumas by confronting their internalized parents with the help of a truly enlightened witness, to develop their inner child to truly grow and leave the parents and become autonomous independent adults. 

Otherwise, it is just like leaving one cult to join another. How can I make it clear that until we feel the repressed emotions within the context of our own childhood, we will never leave the prison of our childhood, and it doesn't matter if we never talk to our family of origin again, because we just keep endless reenacting our childhood drama with substitute mothers and fathers’ figures in one form or another?  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/02/how-use-of-information-is-abused.html?m=1

Transference

I seem to have the talent of triggering people’s repressed emotions of the child they once were, but handling people’s transference I am not as good as I like to be. It’s never comfortable when people project or transfer into me their repressed hatred of the child they once were at their parents.

 “Should we as adults be treated in the same way as our parents treated us as children, many of us - especially if we have been through therapy - can become aware of the cruelty endured before. But the knowledge of the whole amount of cruelty can still rest repressed because the terror happened when we had not yet a name for it. For this reason, we need what we call "the transference", hating, for instance, another person instead of our mother or father.

The transference is unavoidable if we were once abused, as children. It can also be highly confusing.

But it can be liberating as well if we are ready to see it as a consequence of our early life.

If we have summoned the courage to look our outraged, hateful YOUNG parents in the eyes,

and to feel the fear of the small child we once were, then the misleading, confusing, and defensive role of the transference disappears.

We can then strive to feel the fear of the small baby, scared to death by the two big human beings holding our body and soul in their hands and doing or saying to us whatever they wanted, totally careless about our future, about what consequences their abuse might have on our lives.

They acted like robots, directed by their own childhoods, unable of any kind of reflection whatsoever.

If we don’t want to become like them we must strive to SEE them as exactly as possible. We can use in this way the transference as a means for discovering the feelings of the small child that we once were and to deepen our understanding for him or her. At this moment the transference becomes our guide that will enable the small child in us to BELIEVE what their body KNEW it’s whole life but his mind could never believe: that so much evil and hatred can be directed towards a small, innocent child only because the parents have endured the same and have never questioned this.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/about-transference/

Here is where most of humanity is stuck. unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats or poisonous containers to temporally alleviate their own childhood repression. Repeating exactly what their own parents did to them and this vicious circle goes on endlessly...