Birds of a feather flock together is an English proverb. The meaning is that beings (typically humans) of similar type, interest, personality, character, or other distinctive attributes tend to mutually associate.
The idiom is sometimes spoken or written as an anapodoton, where only the first part ("Birds of a feather") is given and the second part ("...flock together") is implied, as, for example, "The whole lot of them are thick as thieves; well, birds of a feather, you know" (this requires the reader or listener to be familiar with the idiom).
That's why some people stay together because they have the same characteristics. As I say criminals work well together!
Many times narcissistic people put others in a position where limiting your contact and turning down the dial on the relationship isn't sufficient. They really don't like boundaries and limits and they can cause chaos and destruction even with limited contact. This is why going no contact is often the only way to protect your peace!
Narcissists are master manipulators.
They play the poor abused victim after they've emotionally devastated someone, and the real victim decides to stand up to them. If there's one thing a narcissist can't stand, it's anyone who stands up and defends themselves.
How dare you ever disagree with them, not comply, or threaten their sense of power and superiority! Calling out their rude, cruel, abusive, and disrespectful behaviors will cause them to unleash a load of hatred, rage, and aggressive bullying behaviors, and they will seek ways to threaten and punish you.
Unhealed trauma makes you hold onto people you shouldn't, and tolerate so much shit you don't deserve because you don't want to feel alone. Healing makes you realize some people don't deserve access to your life - no matter how much you love them.
PARENT - The narcissistic parent has no conscience and no feelings for others, especially their own children. The only thing that matters is their own selfish ego: coercing, manipulating, causing chaos, and damaging lives everywhere they go.
Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and nice that you overlook the fact that you're being disrespected.
Very true. Eventually, you will become their enemy, too. I sure did!
“But how are we to stand up for children in our society and improve their situation if we laugh at and tolerate cruelty, arrogance, and dangerous stupidity? …Humor saved Frank McCourt’s life and enabled him to write his book. His readers are grateful to him for it. Many of them have shared the same fate and they want nothing more dearly than to be able to laugh it off. Laughter is good for you, so they say, and it certainly helps you survive. But laughter can also entice you to be blind. You may be able to laugh at the fact that someone has forbidden you to eat of the Tree of Knowledge, but that laughter will not really wake you up from your sleep. You must learn to understand the difference between good and evil if you want to understand yourself and change anything in the world as it is. Laughter is good for you, but only when there is reason to laugh. Laughing away one’s own suffering is a form of fending off pain, a response that can prevent us from seeing and tapping the sources of understanding around us. “Alice Miller, taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free” pages, 101.102,103
"Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything."
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=stalking+the+soul
They are the eternal victims... As I wrote in my book on page 131 "Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression."
To narcissits image and what others think of them ist's very important. Yes, feeling superior to others is imperative.
Yep! Walk away from them all.
They are the eternal victims... As I wrote in my book on page 131 "Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression."
Also on page 82, I wrote: "Alice Miller was frustrated by the fact that the path from
being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator is
totally ignored worldwide. She concluded that it’s because
“almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very
early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even
good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes
against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson
was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the
emotional blindness governing our world.”48"
To narcissits image and what others think of them ist's very important. Yes, feeling superior to others is imperative.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” -Lao Tzu
Yes, I know the answer. That's why I'm gone. I will not allow anyone to make me their scapegoat, family or not family.
Yes, talk is cheap! As they say, actions speak louder than words.
I'm not a victim no matter how much people try to hurt me and the hardships they make me go through.
As I wrote in my book page 174 " I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get
sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce
Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books
helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so
others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully
inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve
their own freedom.
I constantly witness many people going public with their
sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into
feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions
and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish
to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the
wounded children they once were, just like their parents or
parent-substitutes exploited them when they were
defenseless little children. They keep themselves and others
endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play
either the role of the victim or the perpetrator.
Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional
doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom.
Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift
you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more
healed, or free, you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And
because people will sense that you’re not needy, the more
people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but
autonomy is very attractive!"
Where there's no authentic love there must be laws and rules.
"...But those who have spontaneous feelings can only be themselves. They have no other choice if they want to remain true to themselves. Rejection, ostracism, loss of love, and name-calling will not fail to affect them; they will suffer as a result and will dread them, but once they have found their authentic self they will not want to lose it. And when they sense that something is being demanded of them to which their whole being says no, they cannot do it. They simply cannot.
This is the case with people who had the good fortune of being sure of their parent’s love even if they had to disappoint certain parental expectations. Or with people who, although they did not have this good fortune to begin with, learned later---for example, in analysis---to risk the loss of love in order to regain their lost self. They will not be willing to relinquish it again for any price in the world.
The artificial nature of moral laws and rules of behavior is most clearly discernible in a situation in which lies and deception are powerless, i,e., in the mother-child relationship. A sense of duty may not be fruitful soil for love but it undoubtedly is for mutual guilt feelings, and the child will forever be bound to the mother by crippling feelings of guilt and gratitude. The Swiss author Robert Walser once said: “There are mothers who choose a favorite from among their children, and it may be that they will stone this child with their kisses and threaten... its very existence.” If he had known, had known on an emotional level, that he was describing his own fate, his life might not have ended in a mental institution.
It is unlikely that strictly intellectual attempts to seek explanations and gain understanding during adulthood can be sufficient to undo early childhood conditioning. Someone who has learned at his or her peril to obey unwritten laws and renounce feelings at a tender age will obey the written laws all the more readily, lacking any inner resistance. But since no one can live entirely without feelings, such a person will join groups that sanction or even encourage the forbidden feelings, which he or she will finally be allowed to live out within a collective framework.
Every ideology offers its adherents the opportunity to discharge their pent-up effect collectively while retaining the idealized primary object, which is transferred to new leader figures or to the group in order to make up for the lack of a satisfying symbiosis with the mother. Idealization of a narcissistically cathected group guarantees collective grandiosity. Since every ideology provides a scapegoat outside the confines of its own splendid group, the weak and scorned child who is part of the total self but has been split off and never acknowledge can now be openly scorned and assailed in this scapegoat. The reference in Himmler’s speech to the “bacillus” of weakness which is to be exterminated and cauterized demonstrates very clearly the role assigned to the Jews by someone suffering from grandiosity who attempts to split off the unwelcome elements of his own psyche.
In the same way that analytic familiarity with the mechanisms of splitting off and projection can help us to understand the phenomenon of the Holocaust, a knowledge of the history of the Third Reich helps us to see the consequences of “poisonous pedagogy” more clearly. Against the backdrop of the rejection of childishness instilled by our training, it becomes easier to understand why men and women had little difficulty leading a million children, whom they regarded as the bearers of the feared portions of their own psyche, into the gas chambers. One can even imagine that by shouting at them, beating them, or photographing them, they were finally able to release the hatred going back to early childhood. From the start, it had been the aim of their upbringing to stifle childish, playful, and life-affirming side. The cruelty inflicted on them, the psychic murder of the child they once were, had to be passed on in the same way: each time they sent another Jewish child to the gas ovens, they were in essence murdering the child within themselves."
From the book: “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” By Alice Miller
Yep! I have learned to walk away the moment someone decides to play this dirty game with me. I'm free and I'm staying free
The truth will set you free but first will make you miserable.
Yes, they are. I love it when they give up on me because they think I will not be worth much, not a good supply, and i will not be a large payoff down the road, so they move on to someone else they think is worth more, a better supply and a better chance of a large payoff down the road.
Very true. No, you are not lying.
My tolerance for BS and disrespect is zero. The moment someone thinks it's okay to disrespect me and feel free to show me their true colors, I will walk away, and this will be the last time this person will have access to me. Bye, bye 👋
I'm getting too old! I don't give people second chances anymore.
You know the old cliché love heals, well it is true, but the love must come from within, doesn’t matter how much love we get from the external world, if we don’t love ourselves, the love we get from the external world will have no effect on us. The only love that matters is the love we have for ourselves.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/02/happy-valentines-day.html
No, it's not going to happen. Just walk away and let them be to meet their own future and destinies.
Yes, it's a bad idea!
No. it's not. Narcissists want to be on top of everyone. I want people on my side. I don’t want to be on top of anyone but I also don't want to be underneath anyone. I would rather be alone. Free at last.
Yep!
Yes, it's a bad combination.
This man says a lot of disconnected half truths truths or half-baked concepts but he is deceiving a lot of people at the same time. Weak people are dangerously repressed unconsciously, compulsively, and cowardly looking for scapegoats to temporally and superficially alleviate their own unresolved childhood repression.
This psychologist is a perfect example of the these words Alice Miller wrote and I quoted in my book on page 129 "I really
want to reinforce the idea that so-called therapists and gurus
only substitute one dangerous illusion for another. As Alice
Miller writes, “What can happen when a doctor doesn’t stop
at self-deception in his flight from pain, but deceives his
patients, even founding dogmatic institutions in which
further ‘helpers’ are recruited to a faith advertised as scientific
‘truth,’ can be catastrophic.”64
Yep! Whatever you give to a Narcissist, that be attention, time, money, or whatever, it has to be given freely, and don't have any expectations of getting any of it back... narcissists are bottomless pits, no matter how much you put into it -- all is lost.
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