Facing our Fears

Dear G,

I am sorry Facebook lost one of your e-mails to me; feel free to write me to my e-mail, it might be better than Facebook. Facebooks sucks most of the time!

I am at work and I can’t write much, but it seems you have been believing in lies most of your life and not listen and trusting your feelings and inner voice. First of your parents and then of your husband and therapists symbolizing your parents. Your inner self was telling you not to have children, but you repressed your inner voice and let your husband persuade you to have a child you were not ready to have to satisfy  his need of being a father and you believed the therapists lie that having a child would improve your mental health, how ignorant can a therapist be that coerces her patient into having a child to use as method of medication to improve the mental health of the morher, that child is born with impossible mission and bound to fell, because no child or anyone else in the external world can heal anyone, but ourselves.

You said you live alone, doesn’t your daughter live with you? You also said your fears are too intense and you are at your ex-husband's house, so you are not alone with your fears. Consciously facing and feeling these fears is what will liberate you, so try to find the courage to stay in your house and consciously feel these fears, these are the fears of the child you once were that what ever happened to her it scared, terrorized the child you once were and because there was not a helping witness to help you then feel and express these fears had to repress them in order to survive, you don’t have to know the details of what happened, but you just need to know you were terrorized as a child and now is safe to feel these fears in your house, keep telling yourself feelings don’t kill, only actions kill, sit in your hands or lie in your bed until the fears subside that they will, but if you run to your ex-husband and use him as a form of  medication to temporally  relieve your fears, they don’t get experienced and released from your body, but will be repressed once again to later on be triggered again over and over again and keeps you stuck in your emotional prison of your childhood. Remember feeling guilt will not help anyone, guilt is a shield to protect us from feeling the fear of feeling the whole range of all of our painful feelings, you have to allow yourself to feel the anger at the people in your life that lied to you and mislead you and feel the pain of the effects of those lies have caused in your in your life.

Wish you much courage and strength,

Sylvie