Dear G,
It was not safe to feel these feelings for the little girl
you once were, but it is safe NOW for the adult you are now to feel these
repressed feelings of the child. It’s okay to lose it and let your body do
what it needs to do to release and
express these emotions, let it cry, scream, shake, shiver, it will not last
forever, ride the wave of your feelings to shore and your will arrive at the
other side free. Your fear of being
alone with these intense fears and painful feelings and wanting to find a
person that will hold your hand and give you a hug while you are feeling the
intensity of these feelings is very understandable, this is a need of the child
you once were that needed a loving mother to help the child you once were
articulate her feelings, now the adult in you has to became the loving mother,
understanding and help the very hurt child
within you to articulate and consciously experience these feelings, if you keep
waiting to find the right therapist to accompany you, you might wait forever,
because from my experience and yours is near to impossible and you will die in
the emotional prison of your childhood waiting for this person, but really you
are not really alone, you have Alice Miller’s books and you have me that
understand what you are going through.
The presence of Alice Miller’s books was my support to help me gather
the courage to get through the intense repressed fears and painful feelings of
the child I once was. You might feel you are going to die and want to commit
suicide to end the pain, but feelings alone don’t kill. The child you once were
lived in constant terror of being killed, but it’s safe now for you to witness
and feel the terror the child you once were had to live with. Yes write
everything you are feeling and send it to me if you like. I am here to
listen. Remember you cannot really love
your daughter until you love and liberate the little girl within you.
Wishing you much courage and strength,
Sylvie
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