"Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children.
From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/01/pedagogy-fills-needs-of-parents-not-of.html?m=1
Children Learn What They Live
If children live with hostility,
they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule,
they learn to be shy.
If children live with tolerance,
they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement,
they learn confidence.
If children live with praise,
they learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness,
they learn justice.
If children live with security,
they learn faith.
If children live with approval,
they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance and friendship,
they learn to find love in the world.
Something I keep witnessing --- people with unresolved deep-seated trauma --- that has been transmitted from generation to generation, either overtly through abuse or covertly with the illusion of love aided by the hypocrisy of a political or religious cult, they are obsessed with politics, religion, or both, so they don’t have to face, see and feel their deep-seated trauma.
The body sticks to the facts." — Alice Miller
"Not leaving sooner is not an indication or a measure of a victim's strength or intelligence. It has more to do with the severity of trauma they have experienced."
""The smarter you become about narcissistic abuse, the crazier the narcissist will say you are.
"When conflict arises, we are able to let it go and move on. Narcissists must get revenge. We trust in the good of all people.
Narcissists believe everyone is just like them. We like to help people feel good about themselves and feel relief when a conflict has been resolved.
Narcissists like to fight. We take responsibility when we've made a mistake. Narcissists blame everyone else.
We enjoy being compassionate. Narcissists enjoy being manipulative."
"If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status." Alice Miller 'Free from Lies'
Yes, the powerful enables in our society are the real problem. The malignant narcissists, sociopaths, assholes, or whatever you like to call them, they, would never have been able to go on with their lies and mind games without the enablers... enablers are just as guilty if not more... https://sylvieshene.blogspot.
I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they like me... Now I look around and wonder if I like them...
For cult leaders or religious leaders, charlatans, hypocrites, sociopaths, and psychopaths --- all fake people acting as if personality, my book is a piece of shit, because it exposes them, but for those that want the whole truth based on facts, my book is a treasure.
It’s so sad to constantly witness how awful, how fake a person is, yet everyone loves them because they put on a good show.
Dear Sylvie,
ReplyDeleteI hope this comment finds you well.
My name is Arianna and I work for a UK based production company https://collectivemedia.group/.
First of all, I'd like to commend you for sharing your experience with PU in one of your older posts. I think you're an incredibly emotionally intelligent and brave person - and judging by the comments you received, I see that you helped quite a few readers with your insights on PU.
I would love to have a chat about your brief interaction with them, if you were open to it at all. You can get in touch at hello@collectivemedia.group.
Many thanks for your kind attention!
Regards,
Arianna