Sylvie, do you consider yourself a feminist? I am interested because someone I know claims that feminism is a hate cult and that patriarchy is a myth. I don't know what to make of this.
Answer: No, I don’t consider myself a feminist. I do agree that a of lot of women that call themselves feminists, just like a lot of men that idealize their mothers and take revenge on all other women for the wrongs done to them by their own mothers when they were defenseless little children. A lot of feminists do the same; they idealize their mothers and transfer the hate of the little girl they once were into men in general making men their scapegoat and hate can never be resolved by scapegoating, it only can be resolved when seen and felt in the right context.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Behind every crime a personal tragedy lies hidden
"I have no doubt that behind every crime a personal tragedy lies hidden. If we were to investigate such events and their backgrounds more closely, we might be able to do more to prevent crimes than we do now with our indignation and moralizing. Perhaps someone will say: But not everyone who was a battered child becomes a murderer; otherwise, many more people would be murderers. That is true. However, humankind is in dire enough straits these days that this should not remain an academic question. Moreover, we never know how a child will and must react to the injustice he or she has suffered-there are innumerable "techniques" for dealing with it. We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation if parents would respect them and take them seriously as persons. In any case, I don't know of a single person who enjoyed this respect* as a child and then as an adult had the need to put other human beings to death. *
By respect for a child, I don't mean a "permissive" upbringing, which is often a form of indoctrination itself and thus shows a disregard for the child's own world. We are still barely conscious of how harmful it is to treat children in a degrading manner. Treating them with respect and recognizing the consequences of their being humiliated are by no means intellectual matters; otherwise, their importance would long since have been generally recognized. To empathize with what a child is feeling when he or she is defenseless, hurt, or humiliated is like suddenly seeing in a mirror the suffering of one's own childhood, something many people must ward off out of fear while others can accept it with mourning. People who have mourned in this way understand more about the dynamics of the psyche than they could ever have learned from books.
The persecution of people of Jewish background, the necessity of proving "racial purity" as far back as one's grandparents, the tailoring of prohibitions to the degree of an individual's demonstrable "racial purity"--all this is grotesque only at first glance. For its significance becomes plain once we realize that in terms of Hitler's unconscious fantasies, it is an intensified expression of two very powerful tendencies. On the one hand, his father was the hated Jew whom he could despise and persecute, frighten, and threaten with regulations because his father would also have been affected by the racial laws if he had still been alive. At the same time--and this is the other tendency--the racial laws were meant to mark Adolf's final break with his father and his background. In addition to revenge, the tormenting uncertainty about the Hitler family was an important motive for the racial laws: the whole nation had to trace its "purity" back to the third generation because Adolf Hitler would have liked to know with certainty who his grandfather was. Above all, the Jew became the bearer of all the evil and despicable traits the child had ever observed in his father. In Hitler's view, the Jews were characterized by a specific mixture of Lucifer-like grandeur and superiority (world Jewry and its readiness to destroy the entire world) on the one hand and ugliness and ludicrous weakness and infirmity on the other. This view reflects the omnipotence even the weakest father exercises over his child, seen in Hitler's case in the wild rages of the insecure customs official who succeeded in destroying his son's world.
It is common in analysis for the first breakthrough in criticizing the father to be signaled by the surfacing of some insignificant and ludicrous trait of his that the patient's memory has repressed. For example, the father--big out of all proportion in the child's eyes--may have looked very funny in his short nightshirt. The child had never been close to his father, had been in constant fear of him, but with this memory of the skimpy nightshirt, the child's imagination provides a weapon, now that ambivalence has broken through in the analysis, which enables him to take revenge on a small scale against the godlike, monumental paternal figure. In a similar fashion, Hitler disseminates his hatred and disgust for the "stinking" Jew in the pages of the Nazi periodical Der Stürmer in order to incite people to burn books by Freud, Einstein, and innumerable other Jewish intellectuals of great stature. The breakthrough of this idea, which made it possible for him to transfer his pent-up hatred of his father to the Jews as a people, is very instructive."
From the book “For Your Own Good” by Alice Miller, Page 77
The persecution of people of Jewish background, the necessity of proving "racial purity" as far back as one's grandparents, the tailoring of prohibitions to the degree of an individual's demonstrable "racial purity"--all this is grotesque only at first glance. For its significance becomes plain once we realize that in terms of Hitler's unconscious fantasies, it is an intensified expression of two very powerful tendencies. On the one hand, his father was the hated Jew whom he could despise and persecute, frighten, and threaten with regulations because his father would also have been affected by the racial laws if he had still been alive. At the same time--and this is the other tendency--the racial laws were meant to mark Adolf's final break with his father and his background. In addition to revenge, the tormenting uncertainty about the Hitler family was an important motive for the racial laws: the whole nation had to trace its "purity" back to the third generation because Adolf Hitler would have liked to know with certainty who his grandfather was. Above all, the Jew became the bearer of all the evil and despicable traits the child had ever observed in his father. In Hitler's view, the Jews were characterized by a specific mixture of Lucifer-like grandeur and superiority (world Jewry and its readiness to destroy the entire world) on the one hand and ugliness and ludicrous weakness and infirmity on the other. This view reflects the omnipotence even the weakest father exercises over his child, seen in Hitler's case in the wild rages of the insecure customs official who succeeded in destroying his son's world.
It is common in analysis for the first breakthrough in criticizing the father to be signaled by the surfacing of some insignificant and ludicrous trait of his that the patient's memory has repressed. For example, the father--big out of all proportion in the child's eyes--may have looked very funny in his short nightshirt. The child had never been close to his father, had been in constant fear of him, but with this memory of the skimpy nightshirt, the child's imagination provides a weapon, now that ambivalence has broken through in the analysis, which enables him to take revenge on a small scale against the godlike, monumental paternal figure. In a similar fashion, Hitler disseminates his hatred and disgust for the "stinking" Jew in the pages of the Nazi periodical Der Stürmer in order to incite people to burn books by Freud, Einstein, and innumerable other Jewish intellectuals of great stature. The breakthrough of this idea, which made it possible for him to transfer his pent-up hatred of his father to the Jews as a people, is very instructive."
From the book “For Your Own Good” by Alice Miller, Page 77
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Another shooting
Another shooting happened again, and no one in the media is able to ask the fundamental questions: why is this young man so angry?
And at whom is he really angry?
Because he was not allowed to freely express his anger at the people he is really angry at, probably his parents, he unconsciously took revenge on scapegoats by killing other people who had nothing to do with the causes of his rage.
I don’t know if this young man was on medication, but does anyone remember the Virginia Tech shooter?
He was seeing psychiatric doctors and was taking medication, but the medication did not help him, and his repressed rage eventually erupted like a volcano and killed other young people who had nothing to do with the roots of his rage.
The doctors, instead of giving him medication needed to help the young man put and feel his feelings in the right context, but to protect the parents from his rage, other people had to die.
Repressed rage cannot stay repressed forever; if it does not find expression in this generation, it will find it in the next generation.
The question is who will be killed, the self, others, or both.
The flyer below, by Alice Miller, articulates beautifully where the roots of violence lie.
Another shooting! Someone who didn't understand his triggered repressed emotions, most likely triggered by a present betrayal in the workplace, and was driven by the repressed emotions to hurt himself and others.
Our society is in desperate need of enlightened witnesses, but the media is run by weasels like my friend’s neighbor at FOX News, Mark Rodman, who blocks enlightened witnesses that can help the public see.
The media’s objective is not to enlighten the public but to keep it blind, so they can manipulate the public in any direction they want and exploit these senseless acts of violence for pure sensationalism and ratings, so they can gain more power over others and make more money for themselves.
The media says that it was not a terrorist attack, but don’t be fooled.
The psychological dynamics of terrorists are the same as those of this shooter. This shooter let his unresolved repression turn him into a terrorist.
The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown
The misled brain and the banned emotions
The Facts:
1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.
2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.
3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents, who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)
Questions and Answers:
Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?
A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?
A: We can - at least to some degree - liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can't retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.
Conclusion:
Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.
http://www.alice-miller.com/flyers_en.php
And at whom is he really angry?
Because he was not allowed to freely express his anger at the people he is really angry at, probably his parents, he unconsciously took revenge on scapegoats by killing other people who had nothing to do with the causes of his rage.
I don’t know if this young man was on medication, but does anyone remember the Virginia Tech shooter?
He was seeing psychiatric doctors and was taking medication, but the medication did not help him, and his repressed rage eventually erupted like a volcano and killed other young people who had nothing to do with the roots of his rage.
The doctors, instead of giving him medication needed to help the young man put and feel his feelings in the right context, but to protect the parents from his rage, other people had to die.
Repressed rage cannot stay repressed forever; if it does not find expression in this generation, it will find it in the next generation.
The question is who will be killed, the self, others, or both.
The flyer below, by Alice Miller, articulates beautifully where the roots of violence lie.
Another shooting! Someone who didn't understand his triggered repressed emotions, most likely triggered by a present betrayal in the workplace, and was driven by the repressed emotions to hurt himself and others.
Our society is in desperate need of enlightened witnesses, but the media is run by weasels like my friend’s neighbor at FOX News, Mark Rodman, who blocks enlightened witnesses that can help the public see.
The media’s objective is not to enlighten the public but to keep it blind, so they can manipulate the public in any direction they want and exploit these senseless acts of violence for pure sensationalism and ratings, so they can gain more power over others and make more money for themselves.
The media says that it was not a terrorist attack, but don’t be fooled.
The psychological dynamics of terrorists are the same as those of this shooter. This shooter let his unresolved repression turn him into a terrorist.
LIVE:
Multiple people reported dead in shooting at Orlando workplace:
http://bit.ly/2rW5GS2
The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown
The misled brain and the banned emotions
The Facts:
1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.
2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.
3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents, who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)
Questions and Answers:
Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?
A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?
A: We can - at least to some degree - liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can't retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.
Conclusion:
Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.
http://www.alice-miller.com/flyers_en.php
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Whitney Houston told her true story by reenacting it in the stage of the world
Whitney Houston, one more person in the stage of the world told her true story unconsciously and compulsively how she was abused as a small child by continuing abusing herself and finished the job her childhood abusers started… very sad she never made this connection and as an adult, she was not able to save herself from the emotional prison she was born into. She gives evidence that no matter how gifted a person is and how much money people have, being gifted and money alone does not save anyone, can make our journey more comfortable, but if we don’t find the courage to face and feel our painful truths, being gifted and money can make it worse, because it can be used to escape or avoid from facing and feeling our painful truths.
It confirms how true Alices’s words below are:
“The greatest cruelty that can be inflicted on children is to refuse to let them express their anger and suffering except at the risk of losing their parents' love and affection. The anger stemming from early childhood is stored up in the unconscious, and since it basically represents a healthy, vital source of energy, an equal amount of energy must be expended in order to repress it. An upbringing that succeeds in sparing the parents at the expense of the child's vitality sometimes leads to suicide or extreme drug addiction, which is a form of suicide. If drugs succeed in covering up the emptiness caused by repressed feelings and self-alienation, then the process of withdrawal brings this void back into view. When withdrawal is not accompanied by restoration of vitality, then the cure is sure to be temporary. Christiane F., subject of an international bestseller and film, paints a devastatingly vivid picture of a tragedy of this nature.
Cruelty can take a thousand forms, and it goes undetected even today, because the damage it does to the child and the ensuing consequences are still so little known. This section of the book is devoted to these consequences.
The individual psychological stages in the lives of most people are:
1. To be hurt as a small child without anyone recognizing the situation as such
2. To fail to react to the resulting suffering with anger
3. To show gratitude for what are supposed to be good intentions
4. To forget everything
5. To discharge the stored-up anger onto others in adulthood or to direct it against oneself “
Comment by JR: "The greatest cruelty that can be inflicted on children is to refuse to let them express their anger and suffering except at the risk of losing their parents' love and affection."
In adoption, one is supposed to feel grateful for having been separated from what one needed most -- one's own mother -- even to the point of dancing on her virtual grave along with the new parents.
Dr. Gabor Maté, when he asked his (drug-addicted) patients to describe how they felt the first time they did drugs, told him, "It felt like a warm, soft hug," -- something they never experienced in their childhood and much needed. He asks, "How do you tell a patient to stop doing this thing that gives them what they needed (and still need)?" How can irreplaceable primal needs ever be replaced if they were not provided when they were truly needed?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Demi Moore Hospitalized: Can Divorce Make You Sick?
The intended Profile
“It's a dark, cool, quiet place. A basement in your soul. And that place can sometimes be dangerous to the human mind. I can open the door and enter that darkness, but I have to be very careful. I can find my story there. Then I bring that thing to the surface, into the real world. ” ― Haruki Murakami
Going into the dark chamber of our soul alone or with the wrong witness, it can be sometimes very dangerous, because sometimes we can kill ourselves, others, or both, like James Holmes did, and as many other mass shooters. We need a true enlightened witness like Alice Miller to help us navigate through the dark chambers of our soul, so we can face and feel the true story and bring it to the surface safely without putting ourselves and others in danger with unconscious, disastrous enactments.
James Holmes, like many other mass shooters, was under psychiatric care, but it was apparent that the doctors were not able to see clearly how much trouble these young men were in. Now, sadly, he lost the opportunity forever to break free from his childhood drama. Now the prison guards are playing the substitute parent figures, and he is in the role of the child for eternity, and the people he killed also will never have a chance to find true freedom. So many lives wasted.
Cheryl: Thanks for sharing so much, Sylvie. I've been wanting to add my own experience, but I've been conflicted about how much I want to share here. Your words, these and the ones above, bring greater clarity and understanding, particularly the "prisoner in the cell" metaphor.
Cheryl: Thanks for sharing so much, Sylvie. I've been wanting to add my own experience, but I've been conflicted about how much I want to share here. Your words, these and the ones above, bring greater clarity and understanding, particularly the "prisoner in the cell" metaphor.
Sylvie Imelda Shene: You're welcome, Cheryl. I am glad my posts bring you clarity and understanding.:-)
Sharon: Yes. Thank you, Sylvie.
Sharon: Yes. Thank you, Sylvie.
Sylvie: You are very welcome, Sharon.
Derek: "Excellent analysis."
Phd: "I would say what scared me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me." Demi Moore
Sylvie: Really, Phd, she wrote those words, that’s sad. She needs to figure out that she is the one who needs to give herself the love she never got from her own parents when she was a little girl, and now, only she can make up for this loss. Ashton Kutcher or anyone in the outside world can never make up for it.
Sylvie: Really, Phd, she wrote those words, that’s sad. She needs to figure out that she is the one who needs to give herself the love she never got from her own parents when she was a little girl, and now, only she can make up for this loss. Ashton Kutcher or anyone in the outside world can never make up for it.
Gayle: Quote is right on.
Sylvie: I know Gayle. I would not have written it if I were not sure it was true, as I have experienced it myself. Knowledge is experience; everything else is just information, and we know that most information out there is lies and misleading information.
Sharon: So true!
Sylvie: I know, Sharon.
Sharon: Too bad people don't get that. I was just listening to a woman the other day, blaming her soon-to-be ex for why she is suffering from PTSD and how he ruined her life and their daughter's life. I was thinking what a great opportunity it is for her to heal some old wounds.
Sylvie: I know, Sharon, it’s very sad that so few people get it. I, too, witness people constantly missing great opportunities at true liberation. Feeling the feelings of the child they once were in the right context is too tricky for most people, because they would have to stop idealizing their parents and question them. And unconsciously and compulsively, they keep looking for scapegoats to blame.
Sharon: I have to admit. I can still fall into the blame game. The good news is that it happens far less, and when I do, I pull myself out more quickly.
Sylvie: I know, Sharon, it’s very sad that so few people get it. I, too, witness people constantly missing great opportunities at true liberation. Feeling the feelings of the child they once were in the right context is too tricky for most people, because they would have to stop idealizing their parents and question them. And unconsciously and compulsively, they keep looking for scapegoats to blame.
Sharon: I have to admit. I can still fall into the blame game. The good news is that it happens far less, and when I do, I pull myself out more quickly.
Friday, November 4, 2011
L's Letter
Hi L, I was not going to respond to your comment, because I did not think you were ready to hear what I see and feel, but you asked for my thoughts and here they are:
Only children need to repress and deny their plight in order to survive, but as an adult what once was a lifesaving mechanism will keep us unconscious and compulsively repeating or reenacting our childhood drama over and over again keeping us eternally trapped in an emotional prison. As an adult, if we gather the courage to see and feel we will not die to the contrary we will save our lives and the future of our children and be free to really live.
I understand your fears and anxiety and you went around in your head tip-toeing using your intellect, creating a smokescreen that is confusing you and others that are still emotionally blind so you did not have to see the truth and feel your fears and anxiety and took the side of a person that is too threating just like your abusive uncle was because the little boy you once were still trapped in that bathroom, I hope one day the adult in you, now, finds the courage and strength to face the internalized intimidating uncle and you rescue the little boy you once were out of that bathroom and liberate yourself so when in the present moment you are in the presence of intimidating person you can stand up to him/her and not let the fear of the child you once were from exposing the truth and facts.
Your friend gave me more evidence that in most cases people desire to have children comes from their unconscious need to have an available object to project themselves because at the moment I stated that she lashed out at me with personal attacks, I understand these projections and now that I have freed myself I can handle them without losing my balance, but a child has no way of understanding these projections and this is why I would never carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new life I could not take care of and protect and would never give the baby up for adoption because the chance of ending up with a person that will use the baby unconsciously and compulsively to satisfy her needs and to project herself into is very high and I would never take that risk.
Of course, that can be exceptions to the rule, but those exceptions are very rare making it a very costly risk -- it's playing Russian Roulette with the lives of defenseless little babies -- for example, I now sometimes think about adopting a child, but not because I have a need to be a mother, but because I now know, without a doubt, I am in place of being a conscious mother and there are so many children unfortunately out there in need of a mother because so many women were not conscious of the risks of carrying a pregnancy to term and given birth to a new life they can’t take care of emotionally and financially.
When a person cannot have children should feel fortunate of the clue their bodies are given them and not force it, because I know without a doubt when we force things is never a good outcome and to this day I have not seen a happy child that the parents went to extreme lengths to conceive him/her. I wish I had saved the letter of a girl that wrote to me from England that was the product of first test-tube babies in the seventies and how she hated her mother because her mother only thought of what she wanted and never thought once about her child’s feelings and how she felt used by her mother all her life.
And yes a lot of people are not as fortunate to have their body giving them the clue that they are not in position of being conscious parents and if they became aware of their reality they have to take steps to prevent from bringing new life into the world they cannot really love and nurture, so I know without a doubt from my experiences Alice Miller’s words in most cases are facts and very true and Alice Miller herself never said that are no exceptions to the rule.
“(Daryl, you're a genius) I am neither pro-choice nor pro-life. I am pro-education.”
Education alone does nothing because unless people are able to face and feel the repressed feelings of the child they once were in the right context their compulsion to repeat will continue endless no matter how much education they get. The more educated people are the more they use their intellect and rationalizations and pass their psychological virus silently and covertly under the disguise of help with very seductive lies coated with disconnected truths deceiving themselves and the masses.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Only children need to repress and deny their plight in order to survive, but as an adult what once was a lifesaving mechanism will keep us unconscious and compulsively repeating or reenacting our childhood drama over and over again keeping us eternally trapped in an emotional prison. As an adult, if we gather the courage to see and feel we will not die to the contrary we will save our lives and the future of our children and be free to really live.
I understand your fears and anxiety and you went around in your head tip-toeing using your intellect, creating a smokescreen that is confusing you and others that are still emotionally blind so you did not have to see the truth and feel your fears and anxiety and took the side of a person that is too threating just like your abusive uncle was because the little boy you once were still trapped in that bathroom, I hope one day the adult in you, now, finds the courage and strength to face the internalized intimidating uncle and you rescue the little boy you once were out of that bathroom and liberate yourself so when in the present moment you are in the presence of intimidating person you can stand up to him/her and not let the fear of the child you once were from exposing the truth and facts.
Your friend gave me more evidence that in most cases people desire to have children comes from their unconscious need to have an available object to project themselves because at the moment I stated that she lashed out at me with personal attacks, I understand these projections and now that I have freed myself I can handle them without losing my balance, but a child has no way of understanding these projections and this is why I would never carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new life I could not take care of and protect and would never give the baby up for adoption because the chance of ending up with a person that will use the baby unconsciously and compulsively to satisfy her needs and to project herself into is very high and I would never take that risk.
Of course, that can be exceptions to the rule, but those exceptions are very rare making it a very costly risk -- it's playing Russian Roulette with the lives of defenseless little babies -- for example, I now sometimes think about adopting a child, but not because I have a need to be a mother, but because I now know, without a doubt, I am in place of being a conscious mother and there are so many children unfortunately out there in need of a mother because so many women were not conscious of the risks of carrying a pregnancy to term and given birth to a new life they can’t take care of emotionally and financially.
When a person cannot have children should feel fortunate of the clue their bodies are given them and not force it, because I know without a doubt when we force things is never a good outcome and to this day I have not seen a happy child that the parents went to extreme lengths to conceive him/her. I wish I had saved the letter of a girl that wrote to me from England that was the product of first test-tube babies in the seventies and how she hated her mother because her mother only thought of what she wanted and never thought once about her child’s feelings and how she felt used by her mother all her life.
And yes a lot of people are not as fortunate to have their body giving them the clue that they are not in position of being conscious parents and if they became aware of their reality they have to take steps to prevent from bringing new life into the world they cannot really love and nurture, so I know without a doubt from my experiences Alice Miller’s words in most cases are facts and very true and Alice Miller herself never said that are no exceptions to the rule.
“(Daryl, you're a genius) I am neither pro-choice nor pro-life. I am pro-education.”
Education alone does nothing because unless people are able to face and feel the repressed feelings of the child they once were in the right context their compulsion to repeat will continue endless no matter how much education they get. The more educated people are the more they use their intellect and rationalizations and pass their psychological virus silently and covertly under the disguise of help with very seductive lies coated with disconnected truths deceiving themselves and the masses.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Parents Lay the Ground
Hi C,
I am so sorry it took me so long to answer your letter.
First, I would like to congratulate you for your courage to speak up about the abuse
you suffered at the hands of a sadistic teacher. What she did was a crime, but sadly, crimes
against children still go unrecognized and unpunished by society at large. You
say that your parents did nothing to protect you, and they themselves were
abusive towards you. Usually, that’s the case, parents lay the ground and make
their children vulnerable to abusers.
Schools and all of society’s institutions
are very happy to continue the abuse that parents started at home. Your parents
deserve most of your justified anger for abusing you and making you vulnerable
to abusers that crossed your path, and for not taking any steps to protect you
from an extremely abusive, sadistic teacher. I think it’s great that you are using
your support group, a safe place, to start speaking up about your abuse and how
you feel. I feel is very important we feel the repressed intense excruciating
feelings of the child we once were towards our real abusers and allow those
wounds to heal first naturally, before we go into the general public seeking
justice, because if we still repressed and wounded we run the risk of feeling
victimized all over again by people that act similar and remind us of our
childhood abusers triggering our repressed excruciating intense feelings and
making us lose our balance and cool when we need it the most to make a stand
for ourselves and other children.
Unfortunately, most people in our society in
power positions are wounded children themselves. They don’t want to be reminded of the abuse and that is why they unconsciously and compulsively worked so hard to be in power over others, so they would not have to face and feel the abuse they suffered at their parents hands when they were defenseless little children remaining for eternity scared little children to face and question their own internalized parents. They use unconsciously the same tactics to silence others, the same way
their parents silence them. Still, if we have resolved our own repression, we will
be able to keep our composure when we encounter repressed and unconscious
people in a position of power.
I did not suffer the extreme abuse that you suffered. I was
hit in the head and hands by teachers and constantly emotionally humiliated in
front of the class for not spelling my words correctly and not giving the
answers the teachers wanted to hear, but never went to the extreme of them
removing my clothes and spanking me on my bare bottom.
What happened to you is
completely an extreme of abuse of power and is also sexual abuse, because I
have no doubt the teacher has some type of sexual gratification by putting your
pants down and spanking you bare bottom and for sure she should be brought to
justice for crimes against children that are the worst crimes against humanity. Still, society chooses to look the other way.
You say: “My father was also extremely abusive verbally,
emotionally, and somewhat physically. I am single. I will remain single so as to not
infect anyone with my father's genes. I swore his DNA would end with me, but my
brother and sister have children, so...
I will not have children and wouldn't want to do to them
what was done to me. I might be a spanker and wouldn't want to have their
sexuality corrupted by these abusive spankings. It wasn't/isn't worth the risk.
I've read no books and had no special therapy.”
I congratulate you for your courage to see what
happened to you, and your fear of passing it on to others is very understandable, and I am so sorry you sacrificed getting close to others and your
fatherhood. I too felt the same way as
you, and I used to say to myself: the pain stops in me, but it does not have to
be this way. Genes have nothing to do with it. We can learn to take
responsibility for our feelings and resolve our repression and become open to
enter into relationships with people that also have become conscious of their
own history and taking responsibility for their own repressed feelings and no
longer unconsciously and compulsively doing into others what once was done to
them when they were defenseless little children.
I suggest you read Alice Miller’s books and visit her
website www.alice-miller.com. Her books and website helped me resolve
my own repression and liberate myself, and become a voice for other children.
I wish you courage and strength on your journey to liberation
and much success in becoming a strong voice for children still suffering at the
hands of ignorant adults.
Sylvie
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Congratulations for your courage,
Sylvie
Sure, Sylvie. I was horrified when I woke up this morning and saw those two just being hateful all over the place, but this is something you and I are used to dealing with on the Net. I figured there wasn't any point in joining the fray if, as you mentioned, L is not going to ditch those people.
I feel sorry for L and hope he finds a way out someday.
Talk to you later,
J
Hi J,
I did not read L’s full comments this morning and I just read most of it right now, but I did not finish reading it, because he is just making me his scapegoat or poisonous container! It just shows how lost he still is unconsciously and compulsively making innocent people that have nothing to do with his anger and pain, but I was just the trigger of it and by making me the scapegoat or poisonous container he loses a great opportunity to resolve this hate and free himself. Sadly I see him dependent on his real abusers and on the disability check from the government for his whole life and therefore will not be able to feel his hate in the right context and endless needing scapegoats to relieve his pent up anger, very sad.
These words Alice wrote to me became very true once again.
AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.
Again thanks for your support
Sylvie
What Alice says, it is very true. Especially the part about them understanding just enough of this stuff intellectually. An advanced ego defense is intellectualization, which I find people doing a lot after years of the older, less sophisticated defense mechanism can no longer shield them from the facts about their abusive history.
Stef also talks a lot about how people will try to make the enlightened witness/philosopher so angry and fed up with humanity that they become withdrawn and stop trying to help the world. I want to avoid stepping into that trap. I will help people regardless of how many adult victims wish to project on me.
Thank you very much, Sylvie.
J
I think I read it and I too did not bother saying anything either, because I could feel L is not open for real feedback and I could tell if we express our true perceptions and he did not agree with it he would come out swinging viciously the same way his childhood abusers intimidate him. And now that I expressed to him how I truthful saw his situation he came out viciously with personal attacks toward me and Alice Miller. He still among my friends on Facebook, but he has been restricted and cannot see everything I post. Me too I want to avoid stepping into that trap and keep on trying exposing abusers and give support to people that really want to help themselves to break free from their emotional prison.
Congratulations on liberating yourself and not letting other people’s projections stopping you.
I wish much success in this very important work you are doing and again thank you for your support,
Sylvie
I just remember now having the chat below with D when L made Stefan Molyneux his scapegoat. D wrote to me asking for my thoughts on what L had written. I thought you might like to read the words I wrote at the bottom.
August 22Sen...t from Chat
D
can you chat by chance?
August 22Sent from Chat
Sylvie Imelda Shene
I am not too busy right now, but I am at work and things can change.
August 22Sent from Chat
D
sure, I understand 9same here). could we maybe schedule a time for a skype convo? I wanted to get your thoughts/feedback on what L has written
August 22Sent from Chat
Sylvie Imelda Shene
I am reading L notes too!
August 22Sent from Chat
D
ok
I'd like to know your thoughts on how (or even if) to respond
August 22
Sylvie Imelda Shene
I am thinking about to respond if I can find the right words. He has some valid points, and maybe the words Stefan picked are not the best ones like if we were rejected as a child we will desire rejection, of course at the conscious level we don’t desire rejection, but unconsciously and compulsively we will be attracted to people that will reenact our childhood drama because unconsciously we still have the illusion that we can change our childhood abuser now in the substitute figures standing in symbolizing our parents or childhood caretakers and finally get the love we been longing for all of our lives, but it will never happen and we only get better after we let go of that illusion and face the fact that no one can ever make up for the love that we needed as a child and now only us can learn to love and care for ourselves. I see L stuck in his story and not able to get out looking for someone with a miracle to save him like he has the illusion that if he could afford primal therapy with Arthur Janov, he would get better, but regression therapy can be very dangerous because it can make people addictive to pain and keep people stuck in the state of the helpless child. I am free to talk for a little bit at 2:45PM my time, Let me know if you are available at that time. Sylvie