Until the Full Truth of Facts can be seen Liberation is not Possible

“ A baby requires the certainty that he will be protected in every situation, that his arrival is desired, that his cries are heard, that the movements of his eyes are responded to and his fears calmed.

...The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.

...It is only in the child that trauma are bound to lead to psychic wounds because they damage the organism in its growth process. These injuries can heal if one dares to see them, or they can remain unhealed if one is forced to go on ignoring them. The feminist movement will forfeit none of its strength if it finally admits that mothers also abuse their children. Only the truth, even the most uncomfortable, endows a movement with the strength to change society, not the denial of the truth. When men abuse their women and the women put up with it, both the violence of the men and the tolerance of the women are consequences of early child abuse. Hence young children, male as well as female, can become victims of adults of either sex. When sensitive, nonbrutal women (and men) are incapable of protecting their children from the brutality of their partner, one must attribute this inability to the blinding process and the intimidation experienced in their own childhood. That is the simple truth. Only when these roots of all violence are exposed is it possible to examine the phenomena without retouching or embellishing them. When a female therapist has been taught that men are solely to blame for all evil in the world, she will, of course, be able to support her female patients when they eventually discover that they have been sexually abused by their fathers, grandfathers, or brothers: Unlike the followers of the drive theory, she will not talk them out of this truth. But as long the truth about the mother who allowed the abuse to happen, who failed to protect the child and ignored her distress, is kept out of sight, the full reality is not allowed to be either perceived or acknowledged. And as long as the child’s feelings cannot be experienced, the rage against men---a rage she can already experience---remain impotent: it can even remain coupled with the undissolved loyalty and devotion toward the father or other abusive men. When mothers are defended as pathetic victims, the female patient will not discover that with a loving, protective, perceptive, and courageous mother she could never have been abused by her father or brother. A daughter who has learned from her mother that she is worth protecting will find protection among strangers too and will be able to defend herself. When she has learned what love is, she will not succumb to simulated love. But a child who was merely pushed aside and disciplined, who never experienced soothing caresses, is not aware that anything like nonexploitive caresses can exist. She has no choice but to accept any closeness she is offered rather than be destroyed. Under certain circumstances she will even accept sexual abuse for the sake of finding at least some affection rather than freezing up entirely. When, as an adult woman, she comes to realize that she was cheated out of love, she may be ashamed of her former need and hence feel guilty. She will blame herself because she dare not blame her mother, who failed to satisfy the child’s need or perhaps even condemned it. Psychoanalysts protect the father and embroider the sexual abuse of the child with the Oedipus, or Electra, complex, while some feminist therapist idealize the mother, thus hindering access to the child’s first traumatic experience with the mother. Both approaches can lead to a dead end, since the dissolved of pain and fear is not possible until the full truth of facts can be seen and accepted.” Alice Miller  “Banished Knowledge” page 1, 2, 78 and 79

Alzheimer, Trauma, Repression

Lately, I come across a lot of people that tell me someone in their family suffers from Alzheimer.

AM: For a feeling person as you are it must be heart-breaking to assist a person who doesn't remember anything and to feel her pain that she can't feel. For people who are afraid of their own pain, it might be okay but not for you. You clearly see that you want to live YOUR life and you see what you need to do to "spread your wings and to fly". I wish you can do it soon, it is never too late.

AM: Thank you for sharing with us your interesting observations. The behavior of your father showed one of the ways how repressed memories can bother a person who has lost his defenses against emotions that he has had to his disposal his whole life. He may lose his control and cry for attention, something he never dared to do in his childhood. Another person may become totally erased. Aging triggers the traumatic memories because we become again dependent on others when our forces decrease. This dependency demands again facing our old history. Alzheimer disease is then the alternative to continuing therapy. Either remember the old pain again or deny whatever comes up - as has been done the whole life (PTSD)

Assisting Alzheimer

Hi Ms. Miller,

I hope this letter finds you well. I wanted to express a situation to you in which I am being a part of and wanting to look at the deeper, underlying effects that I am allowing myself to participate in.

I care for an elderly woman her name is Kay, she is 86 years old and has Alzheimer's disease. (Do you think this disease is a deep manifestation of repressed feelings? My instincts tell me it is since it is a severe form of memory loss and loss of one's ability to care for themselves as the illness progresses more and more)

Her family has ways of doing things without telling Kay of the goings and doings of her personal belongings and her house. When her husband passed away a year ago, they took a lot of his things from her apartment the very night he died, and they took and have sold most of her belongings from her house and now are selling her house without telling her. Her daughter recently told us of this, and asked each of us (3 personal care providers), if they should tell her mother of her house being sold. But my feeling is that she already knew the answer and how we would respond to this question since they proceeded to do these other "behind the scenes activities" without telling her.

I know it would devastate Kay, she and her husband built their house from the ground up, lived in it for over 50 years, and I would even take her to see her house every week for several months, but we could only look at her house from the side of the street in my car since she was not allowed to go inside her own home. She couldn't understand why she didn't have the key to her own house and why she couldn't go inside it, why we would just sit in my car looking at it as strangers, never going in. I had told her(without telling her children), that her granddaughter had moved in and didn't want to invite her grandmother into her own house, the reason being she thought she would upset Kay to see all her possessions no longer there, and the inside of the house changed so much to what it used to be. I could understand this, however, if they had talked to her about this, the shock would have been understandable and explain to her the reason's and so
forth. Now, we are not to mention of her house being sold, and if she asks about how her house is, or about wanting a key to it, we agreed to say to her that her son was looking after it and that everything is fine and that when she would see him again (which is very rare), we would ask about the key(only if she remembered to ask).

I realize that a lot of what has been happening is very clear of the secrecy and lies that not only I grew up with and that I have personally generated in my own life and how a lot of families operate. I know that we live in a society where adult children put their parents away in nursing homes and take advantage of them due to there mental and physical fragility, by taking their money and whatever else for there own use. I understand where this is coming from the hatred, the anger, the denials, the hurt, the ways we take revenge on one another, unconsciously and consciously, the wanting to just put someone like a child or an elderly person away to not have to see them and remind them of what they represent. I know that Kay's children have a lot of blame and hurt and unexpressed feeling towards Kay and it is being expressed by these current actions.

I have a close relationship with Kay, and I know without a doubt that if she had been communicated with care about her house and belongings she, of course, would get rightly upset, but I also know she would understand...and due to the nature of her disease, she would "forget" allowing some residue of her needs being met even for a brief moment until the memory of that episode fades and the questionings of her house and belongings would arise again, but knowing somewhere in the depth of her being, the memory of being told and seeing allowed in her home would reside within herself even if she were to "forget".

As someone being a close care provider for Kay and using my "judgment" for what seems to be the "best" for her, I don't know where the line is drawn between doing what I feel is innately right in incidents when I have told her outright about her house and why she can't go in, and other things I have told her factually of things that her family had not told her. Along with the present agreement of withholding and lying to her due to her state of being...I have been confused and sad, and angry about how I am part of this and how we overall communicate and relate with each other on a daily basis.

I would sure appreciate your thoughts on this and your perception on the elder population especially the nursing homes and how the adult children take there hurts on the parents by these institutions. I know it is just not the parents, but the whole system of nurses, doctors, care providers- like myself, etc... I have definitely seen how I have neglected myself in going into this profession, for I have asked myself for several, several years why am I doing this line of work, because deep down it does not bring great joy or fulfillment, only something that I know how to do and I am told I am very good...which seems to translate that I am very good at providing other's needs but my own. Do you think that when I can fully come out of the depressions and the deep hurts from my childhood that I can finally discover what and how I truly want to live my life? You discovered this through your paintings, and left psychoanalysis, and wanted to write. I have a
profound sadness on the possibilities that I may never know what it is I really wanted to do with my life other than being a care provider. I feel really, really sad that it may be too late for me, that whatever inclinations or inspirations I might have had as a child will never be discovered...that they have been pushed down so deeply down...that it will never see the light to exist. And I feel really, really sad not knowing if I will truly come to a place of healing, to spread my wings and fly.

AM: For a feeling person as you are it must be heart-breaking to assist a person who doesn't remember anything and to feel her pain that she can't feel. For people who are afraid of their own pain, it might be okay but not for you. You clearly see that you want to live YOUR life and you see what you need to do to "spread your wings and to fly". I wish you-you can do it soon, it is never too late.

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2708&grp=0709

Alzheimer, Trauma, Repression
Dear Alice Miller,

On July 15 a reader in your mailbox asked: "Do you think this disease [i.e. Alzheimer] is a deep manifestation of repressed feelings? My instincts tell me it is..."

When I was caring for my father who suffered from Alzheimer's disease in the last few years of his life, I had the same impression as your reader. My father had a severely traumatic childhood, however, he never discussed it in depth with anyone, and when he did mention it, it was only humorous; his real emotions remained deeply repressed. When he retired from his work, he has stripped off his defences that enabled him to ward off his feelings of futility and emptiness generated by this massive repression; his childhood situation came back to haunt him. Gradually losing his memory and regressing to an infantile state of mind, he allowed himself, probably for the first time in his life, to behave like a child: to be unsatisfied, irresponsible, dependent, helpless, and to express his endless need for attention. My mother who could not tolerate his helplessness (as she could not tolerate her children's helplessness before) became the substitute of his mother - a woman devoid of feelings altogether - but this time, he could loudly protest. In his "senility", he allowed himself to say things that sounded delirious, but that were in fact very true; for example, he said that he doesn't recognize me; true: my father had never bothered to find out who I really was.

To care for a person with Alzheimer's disease is a huge emotional burden; the affected person shows you just how helpless he had been as a child, but you can do nothing to save him from his predicament. The "senility" makes it totally impossible to discuss a person's childhood with him. The feelings of helplessness and hopelessness are therefore transferred from the demented person who cannot deal with them, to the caregivers. Personally, this brought me close to psychological collapse. I, therefore, urge anyone who takes care of a demented person to take good care of THEMSELVES. Remember: you are not responsible for this person's miserable childhood. And the helplessness this person makes you feel is difficult to bear: it reminds you of your own helplessness in the first years of your life... It can also reactivate the frustration of a child who desperately tries to save his parents from their pain: the drama of the gifted child. Mission impossible - once again.

The correlation between psychological trauma and dementia has recently been demonstrated in a research presented in the 2009 International Conference on Alzheimer's Disease. This new research demonstrates that people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are twice as likely to suffer from dementia in later life than people without PTSD. This research gives further support to your readers' intuitions.

Please feel free to publish this letter.

NP

AM: Thank you for sharing with us your interesting observations. The behavior of your father showed one of the ways how repressed memories can bother a person who has lost his defenses against emotions that he has had to his disposal his whole life. He may lose his control and cry for attention, something he never dared to do in his childhood. Another person may become totally erased. Aging triggers the traumatic memories because we become again dependent on others when our forces decrease. This dependency demands again facing our old history. Alzheimer disease is then the alternative to continuing therapy. Either remember the old pain again or deny whatever comes up - as has been done the whole life (PTSD)

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2711&grp=0709 

"Coming Out " Works!

Yes we need to start coming out with our stories to remove the stigma once and for all.

“In our research, having a close friend that’s gay or lesbian can have a profound impact on support," Cox explained. “We see this across Democrats, Republicans, and Evangelicals. It really cuts across a lot of demographics and, in a lot of ways, is more powerful than ideology."

"The same isn’t true for women who have abortions. Most Americans know someone who is gay or lesbian, but they often don’t have the same personal connections with women’s own abortion stories. That’s not because women who have abortions are rare — in fact, one in three U.S. women has had an abortion by the time she is 45 years old — but rather because of a lingering stigma surrounding this aspect of women’s reproductive care. That societal stigma ultimately dissuades women from being open about their experiences with abortion by reinforcing messages about how the procedure is morally depraved, something to be ashamed of, and something women always regret.

That’s why women’s health advocates encourage a “coming out” model for the women who have chosen to terminate a pregnancy, similar to the process within the LGBT community. If politicians like Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH) can “evolve” on pro-equality policies because they have personal connections with gay and lesbian individuals, perhaps they will also consider supporting a wider range of pro-woman policies if they hear more from women in their lives who have chosen an abortion. But that isn’t likely to happen soon, particularly if women still don’t feel safe to share their stories without shame and stigmatization.”

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/04/02/1809121/why-us-politicians-arent-evolving-on-abortion-rights/

Love is learned through experience not by teaching or preaching

excerpt below from the book Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child by Alice Miller:

Much of what Jesus said in the course of His life and, even more, His deeds insisted that He did not have just this one father (God), who insisted on the observance of His commandments, on sacrifice and was demanding, distant, invisible, and infallible, a father whose "will [must] be done." From His early days Jesus also knew another father--Joseph, who never called attention to himself, who protected and loved Mary and the child, encouraged the child, assigned him central importance, and served him. It must have been this modest man who made it possible for the child to distinguish what was true and to experience the meaning of love. This is why Jesus was able to see through the hypocrisy of his contemporaries. A child raised in accordance with traditional principles, who knows nothing else from the start, is not able to detect hypocrisy because he lacks a basis for comparison. Someone who knows only such an atmosphere from childhood will perceive it as normal in all situations, perhaps suffering because of it but unable to recognize it for what it is. If he has not experienced love as a child, he will long for it, but will not know what love can be. Jesus did know.

There would without any doubt be more people capable of love if the church, instead of urging its members to obey authority and expecting allegiance to Christ on these grounds, would understand the crucial significance of Joseph's attitude. He served his child because he regarded Him as the child of God. What would it be like if all of us regarded our children as children of God--which we could do, after all? In his Christmas message of 1979 in honor of the Year of the Child, Pope John Paul II said that it is the task of adults to instill ideals in their children. These words coming from a man capable of love are certainly well-intended. But when pedagogues, both clerical and secular, set out to instill prescribed ideals in a child, they invariably turn to the methods of "poisonous pedagogy" and at best train children to become adults who train others in turn instead of raising them to become loving human beings.

Children who are respected learn respect. Children cared for learn to care for those weaker than themselves. Children who are loved for what they are cannot learn intolerance. In an environment such as this they will develop their own ideals, which can be nothing other than humane, since they grow out of the experience of love.

I have been told more than once that someone who was able to let his true self unfold during childhood would become a martyr in our society because he would refuse to adapt to some of its norms. There is something to be said for this idea, which is often advanced as an argument in defense of traditional child-rearing practices. Parents say they want to make their child learn to adapt as early as possible so he or she will not have to suffer too much later on in school or professional life. Since we still know very little about the influence of childhood suffering on the development of personality, it would seem difficult to refute this argument. Examples from history also appear to confirm it, for there are many who were forced to die a martyr's death because they refused to accept the prevailing standards of society and instead remained loyal the truth (and thus themselves).

But who is it actually who is so eager to see that society's norms are observed, who persecutes and crucifies those with the temerity to think differently--if not people who have had a "proper upbringing"? They are the ones who learned as children to accept the death of their souls and do not notice it until they are confronted with the vitality of their young or adolescent children. Then they must try to stamp out this vitality, so they will not be reminded of their own loss.

In the history of art the massacre of children has been depicted over and over again. Let us take as an example King Herod's slaying of all the male children in his realm. He feels threatened by them because there may be among them the new king who will one day vie for his throne, and for this reason he brings about a bloodbath in Bethlehem by ordering every boy aged two and under to be killed. Mary and Joseph flee to Egypt in order to save their child. Their love not only saves Jesus's life, it also enables the riches of His soul to unfold, which ultimately leads to His early death. One could rightly claim that it was Jesus's authenticity that caused His death, from which a false, conformist self would have saved Him. But can a meaningful life be measured quantitatively? Would Jesus have been happier if His parents, instead of treating Him with love and respect, had raised Him from an early age to be a faithful subject of Herod or to live a long life as a scribe?

The fact that Jesus grew up with parents whose only goal was to love and respect Him can hardly be denied, not even by believing Christians, who, in accordance with religious tradition, see in Jesus the Son of God. Every year throughout the Christian world the child is honored in the celebration of Christmas, yet Christian pedagogy has never been guided by this. Even someone who assumes that Jesus owes his capacity for love, His authenticity and goodness to the grace of His Divine Father and not to the extraordinary loving ways of Mary and Joseph might wonder why God entrusted these particular earthly parents with the task of caring for His child. It is quite astonishing that none of Christ's followers has ever raised this question, which could had led to new directions in child-rearing. The caring parents of the child Jesus have never served as models; on the contrary, religious manuals generally recommend strict disciplinary measures starting in infancy. Once it is no longer a secret that certain psychological laws are behind this kind of model, once enough parents become aware that preaching love will not nurture the child's ability to love, whereas respect and understanding in childhood will, then those who receive this respect and understanding in childhood will no longer be the exception and will not have to to die a martyr's death.

If we also take Herod as a symbol of our own society, we can point to aspects of the story of Jesus that may be used as arguments either for or against traditional child-rearing practices (depending on our personal experience): on the one hand, the massacre of the innocents and, on the other, extraordinary parents, servants of their child, who in the eyes of traditional pedagogues would then of necessity have become tyrants. Society, personified in Herod, fears children's vitality and authenticity and attempts to eradicate them, but lived-out truth cannot be destroyed, not even when the officials of Church and state take it upon themselves to "administer" the truth with the intent of eliminating it. The repeated resurrection of the truth cannot be suppressed; again and again, individual human beings affirm and live it. The Church as a social institution has continually attempted to prevent this resurrection from taking place--for example, by instigating wars in the name of Christ or by encouraging parents, by instigating wars in the name of Christ or by encouraging parents to use strict coercive measures to deaden their children's souls (i.e.,feelings) in the name of the sacred values of child-rearing (obedience, submissiveness, denial of self).

The church's struggle (supposedly an expression of God's will) against children's vitality is renewed daily by training them to be blindly obedient to those in authority and to think of themselves as wicked; this approach is more reminiscent of Herod, with his fear of the resurrection of the truth in the child, than it is of Jesus, with His demonstrated confidence in human potentiality. The hatred rooted in the small child's reaction to this training swells to immense proportions, and the Church (in part unconsciously) abets the proliferation of evil, which, on a conscious level, it professes to oppose.

It requires no great effort to identify the apocalyptic features of our century: world wars, massacres, the specter of nuclear war, the threat to the earth's ecological balance, the depletion of energy sources, the increase in drug addiction--the list could go on and on. Yet the same century has also taught us knowledge that is utterly new in human history and that could bring about a decisive change in our lives if its full significance was to penetrate public consciousness. I am referring to the discovery to the territory that the period of early childhood is of crucial importance for a person's emotional development. The more distinctly we come to see that the most ominous events of the present and recent past are not the products of mature rationality and the more clearly we recognize the absurdity and unpredictable of the arms race, the most urgent becomes the need to investigate the origins and nature of the human destructiveness whose helpless victims we all are.

The magnitude of destructiveness that we read about in the newspapers every day actually represents only the last chapter of long stories we are usually ignorant of. We are victims, observers, reporters, or mute witnesses of a violence whose roots we do not see, a violence that often takes us by surprise, outrages us, or simply makes us stop and think, but we lack the inner ability (i.e., parental or Divine permission) to perceive and to take to heart the simple and obvious explanations that are already available. pages 96-100.

Alice Miller used a term above "poisonous pedagogy," which some people may not be familiar with, so I will enclose a link to a section in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in
Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence, where she explains in a summary what the term "poisonous pedagogy" means 
http://www.alice-miller.com/books_en.php?page=3

Driven by the dead hand of their own repression to create stupid laws

It’s very sad when politicians unconsciously and compulsively are driven blindly by the dead hand of their own repression to create destructive laws to keep the public repressed and obedient.

People that idealize their childhoods and parents will keep having a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears. 
Because of society's stigma on abortion, pregnant poor vulnerable women seeking an abortion make the perfect scapegoats to take revenge for the wrongs done to them by their own mothers or caregivers when they were defenseless little children. 
Pro-life people suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, they want others to have the same fate as them. We need people with the courage to stand up to stupid laws politicians unconsciously create -- hiding behind their illusion of love for the unborn --  to suppress and be cruel to people already born -- the same way their own parents or caregivers were cruel to them when they were defenseless little children. 
It is NOT PRO-LIFE when people defend zygotes, not even a fetus, and despise women who decide in favor of abortion, whereas the same "pro-lifers" have no problem with spanking children or abusing them in any possible physical or psychological way AFTER birth, as many of them come from a religious/Christian background with, as we know, often brings on the weirdest kind of fanatic ideology. Indoctrination is child abuse. What we need are more laws to protect BORN LIFE, such as finally banning paddling and other awful, "legal" ways of child abuse from schools and homes and more money to support women who like to carry their pregnancies to term and give birth to new beings, instead of hypocrisy and moralism.
Pro-lifers want to protect unborn life, but discard the ones already born. The pro-lifer's hypocrisy is epic and knows no bounds. Pro-lifers say having an abortion is murder and mutilates our soul, I see it the other way around: carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth to a new being that we are not able to take care of and protect, THAT, is soul mutilating and soul-murdering and robs poor vulnerable women the chance at freedom and I talk from experience, knowledge is experienced, everything else is just information and my experience has taught me that most information out there is misleading information and lies. I know without a doubt if I had carried a pregnancy to term when I was not ready, my soul would have been mutilated and would have been soul murdered by bringing a new being into an abusive vicious circle and my soul would not have become whole and free like it is today.  I was able to liberate a soul instead of contributing two more mutilated lost and confused souls into this world and continuing the painful vicious circle. Pro-lifers fight so hard for unborn beings because unconsciously and compulsively they want an endless supply of innocent powerless beings to use, exploit and project their disowned parts. Carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth to a new being we are not ready to nurture, take care of and protect, THAT is soul-murdering and contributes to the destruction of the world. Pro-lifers are soul murderers disguised as pro-lifers and destroyers of life that are already born.
I completely agree with the words Alice Miller wrote in her book “Breaking Down the Walls of Silence” she says:
"It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologists for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life.  Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children.  But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer:  the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society. 

It is above all the children already born that have a right to life - a right to coexistence with adults in a world in which, with or without the help of the church, violence against children has been unequivocally outlawed.  Until such legislation exists, talk of “the right to life” remains not only a mockery of humanity but a contribution to its destruction."

Read more here

"The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"
 When 1 in 3 women have abortions, it means a lot of women that proclaim to be pro-life had abortions themselves. Hypocrisy is so sad.

"The Only Moral Abortion is My Abortion"

“Abortion is a highly personal decision that many women are sure they'll never have to think about until they're suddenly faced with an unexpected pregnancy. But this can happen to anyone, including women who are strongly anti-choice. So what does an anti-choice woman do when she experiences an unwanted pregnancy herself? Often, she will grin and bear it, so to speak, but frequently, she opts for the solution she would deny to other women -- abortion.

In the spring of 2000, I collected the following anecdotes directly from abortion doctors and other clinic staff in North America, Australia, and Europe. The stories are presented in the providers' own words, with minor editing for grammar, clarity, and brevity. Names have been omitted to protect privacy.

"I have done several abortions on women who have regularly picketed my clinics, including a 16-year-old schoolgirl who came back to picket the day after her abortion, about three years ago. During her whole stay at the clinic, we felt that she was not quite right, but there were no real warning bells. She insisted that the abortion was her idea and assured us that all was OK. She went through the procedure very smoothly and was discharged with no problems. A quite routine operation. The next morning she was with her mother and several schoolmates in front of the clinic with the usual anti-posters and chants. It appears that she got the abortion she needed and still displayed the appropriate anti-views expected of her by her parents, teachers, and peers." (Physician, Australia)

"I've had several cases over the years in which the anti-abortion patient had rationalized in one way or another that her case was the only exception, but the one that really made an impression was the college senior who was the president of her campus Right-to-Life organization, meaning that she had worked very hard in that organization for several years. As I was completing her procedure, I asked what she planned to do about her high office in the RTL organization. Her response was wide-eyed, 'You're not going to tell them, are you!?' When assured that I was not, she breathed a sigh of relief, explaining how important that position was to her and how she wouldn't want this to interfere with it." (Physician, Texas)”

http://www.prochoiceactionnetwork-canada.org/articles/anti-tales.shtml

"Most pro-life women oppose abortion with four exceptions: rape, incest, the life of the mother, and me." 

http://www.quora.com/Why-do-some-pro-life-women-have-abortions-and-profess-to-be-still-pro-life

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155909327175946&set=a.10150238328470946&type=3&theater

Yes, let that sink in. But most of these debates about abortion are like a broken record, they keep repeating the same old lingo with misinformation and lies and no one ever asks the real questions of where this hatred for women comes from and why?

"Saying that pregnancy is a "consequence" of sex and that mothers should birth and raise that child as a punishment, is so much more dehumanizing to children than abortion.

I couldn't imagine if I was born to a mother who desperately wanted an abortion but was denied and then heard pro-birth people saying the entire reason for my miserable existence is to "punish" my parents. Not because I'm loved or wanted, but born and exist as a tool someone else wanted to use to scorn my parents.

If that isn't devaluing human life I don't know what it is." Prochoicelove

Totally agree with Elyse Watson's comment: "No, the body inside a pregnant person's body is not theirs, but they have every right to evict that body from their body and stop it from using their resources to survive. It's the fetus that uses the pregnant person, not the other way around. No one has the right to use someone's body without constant consent. Also, having an abortion is taking responsibility for one's actions."

Every one of us deserves to be born welcomed and wanted by our own Mother. Anything less is an abomination.

I don’t want special treatment because I’m a woman! I want to be treated like an equal.

Cult leaders are so annoying

I want to scream when people come to my blog defending and saying that their cult leader is the next level of Alice Miller. No, your cult leader hijacked and memorized like parrots the knowledge Alice Miller acquired through many years of research and hard work, and she personally genuinely experienced in her life and shared it in her books with the rest of the world. 

Your cult leader with this memorized knowledge that they have not experienced themselves, they twist it around to manipulate their emotionally blind followers and lie to them that they are Alice Miller next level and create a smoke screen by saying Alice Miller was abusive, because she stood up to their deceiving tactics and in this way manipulate people not to read her books themselves and join their cults instead. These people are very sick and don’t realize that they are unconsciously and compulsively reenacting theirs and their followers' childhood drama keeping everyone endless stuck in their childhood emotional prison, the cult leaders playing the role of the father/mother figure and the followers playing the role of the child. It’s so sad.   

It’s so annoying is when the followers of cult leaders anonymously make comments defending their cult leader like a little child would defend their parents, cowards, at least they could show their true identity -- calling people abusive for standing up to their cult leaders’ lies.

These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”
Also, read the article “Gurus and Cults Leaders How They Function” 

Two Wounded Families Cladding Together

In the summer of 1973, while my sister Laura was planning her wedding, a man that was from a nearby village of my parents stopped by our house in Porto to ask permission to build a house in our land, next to my parents' house in the village, for him and his three children. The oldest girl was in her late teens or early twenties and the youngest girl was a few years younger than me and the boy was closer to my age. I remember very well being in my room and listen to my older sisters talking and Laura saying --- how would be good for our aging parents to have neighbors, he is a hardworking man Laura said, that has work very hard in Germany and now is coming back to Portugal, trying to be a father to his children. 

To my older sisters being a hard worker was the best quality a person could possess and eclipsed all bad character defects a person might have, no matter how bad and now they are paying the price for their emotional blindness. 

I remember very well thinking to myself: this is not a good idea, but I didn’t dare to express my opinion, because I knew I didn't have a voice in my family and I was a nobody to them -- I had heard enough times -- from Isabel that my opinion didn’t count, so why bother saying anything. 

But I was right! This family was more wounded than my family and two wounded families cladding together is like two trains traveling at high-speed cladding with each other, very destructive.  

Most summers when I would go visit my parents in the village I would whiteness this man bully my aging parents and he stealing and use more land than he had been giving permission to use and was sad for me to witness my mother and father suffer by the abuse of this man, once this man even poisoned my mother’s chickens! 

I especially was very sad when they removed a cherry tree my father had planted that gave the best white cherries I ever tasted. 

I witnessed my mother many times crying and yelling at this man that he was stealing our land and she saying to him: I never gave you permission to use this part of the land, but my sisters were too busy in the city with work and obsessing about me and following their cult leaders to notice what was happening to our aging parents and our land. You would think all the psychic people they were visiting for guidance in their lives; if they were true psychics would have warned them about the dangers of this very wounded family. 

While visiting my parents I became friends with this man’s two daughters, they had two more sisters, but they chose to stay with an aunt in a nearby village, they were still mad at their father. 

The oldest girl was playing the role of the “wife” and “mother” took care of all the house duties like cleaning and cooking, etc. while the brother and younger sister went to school. I once asked them what had happened to their mother and they told me, that their mother had run away to France from their father and that she went to the extreme to bleach her face and change her identity, so her father could not recognize her, because she was very afraid of their father finding her, of course, she was afraid of their father he was a bully. 

And now his son is a bully just like his father was and has become a high official in law enforcement. 

And from this position of power is trying to legalize and put in his name the land his father stole from my parents by falsifying documents and lying, like saying their house was built before 1951 because they build their house without a license and after 1951, no one could build without a permit. 

I was born in 1959 and I guaranty you their house was not built until I was a teenager, in the seventies, but because he is in power position is able to bribe people in the courts and get people in the village to lie for him, even the village priest! 

My older sister have been fighting their lies and falsified papers for at least 8 years, what should have been so easy to take care of, because the land was in my parents name and they never had any of the land in their names, they just had a house build in our land and that does not give them ownership of the land, they own the house, but not the land. 

In a corrupted country like Portugal people in power position can use and bully those below them and do whatever they want without fear, because in Portugal people in power protect each other no matter how big of a crime they commit against innocent people. 

My family should have learned their lesson, because when I was around 4 years old, they had also allowed a man from a nearby village to build a mill in our land, because our land was so central by the bus stop that connected to all the nearby villages and it would be handy for his clients to drop their wheat and rye to be milled and he too tried to still our land, but was not difficult to prove that it was our land and when the mill got too old my parents didn’t allow him to rebuild and eventually he left, and this man was not only a land thief he was also a child molester, because he tried to molest me once, that after that I made sure I never was alone with him. 

But now this man from a place of power in law enforcement is able to bribe the officials in the courts to do whatever he wants and the fight goes on forever. In general, people that were extremely wounded in their childhood choose professions that require violence like law enforcement or the army to unconsciously satisfy the fantasies of revenge of the child they once were on innocent people and be awarded for it instead of getting in trouble. 

They want to be in power position over others, so they can use and bully those in our society that are weaker and powerless like they once were when they were defenseless little children. 

This wound of having been abandoned by their own mother that run away to France and left them with an abusive father and then the father leaving for Germany when they were little children to be raised by aunts had to be for them completely psychic murdering and my family made the perfect scapegoats for them to pay the price for their psychic being murdered by the people that brought them into this world. “…The mother, to be sure, has her own sphere of authority in the household, where she rules over the children when the father is not at home; this means that she can to some extent take out on those weaker than herself the humiliation she has suffered. In the totalitarian state, a similar function is assigned to the security police. They are the overseers of the slaves, although they are slaves themselves, carrying out the dictator’s wishes, serving as his deputies in his absence, instilling fear in his name, meting out punishment, assuming the guise of the rulers of the oppressed.” Alice Miller “For Your Own Good” page 146 and 147 

“I designate as pessimistic the thought that we are far more dependent than our pride would like to admit on individual human beings (and not only on institutions), for a single person can gain control over the masses if he learns to use to his own advantage the system under which they were raised. People who have been “pedagogically” manipulated as children are not aware as adults of all that can be done to them. Like the individual authoritarian father, leader figures, in whom the masses see their own father, actually embody the avenging child who needs the masses for his own purposes (of revenge). And this second form of dependence---the dependence of the “great leader” on his childhood, on the unpredictable nature of the unintegrated, enormous potential for hatred within him---is decidedly a very great danger.” Alice Miller “For Your Own Good” Page 243 

“Statistical studies are hardly the thing to make disinterested jurists into empathic and perceptive human beings. And yet every crime, by virtue of being an enactment of childhood drama, cries out for understanding. The newspapers carry these stories every day, but unfortunately usually report only the last act. Can knowledge of the underlying causes of a crime bring about a change in the way justice is administered? Not as long as the primary concerns are to assign guilt and impose punishment. But someday it may be possible to gain an understanding for the fact that emerges so clearly in the case Jurgen Bartsch: the accused never bears all the guilt by himself but is a victim of a tragic chain of circumstances. Even so, a prison sentence is unavoidable if society is to be protected. But there is a difference between prison being used to punish a dangerous criminal according to the principles of “poisonous pedagogy” and human tragedy being perceived, therapy during confinement. ” Alice Miller “For Your Own Good” page 199 and 200