“The characteristic subjective experience of narcissistic individuals is a sense of inner emptiness and meaninglessness that requires recurrent infusions of external confirmation of their importance and value. . . . When the environment fails to provide such evidence, narcissistic individuals feel depressed, ashamed, and envious of those who succeed in attaining the supplies that they lack.”
While going through the dark cloud cast over me by the sociopaths at my last job, I had to have a lot of talks with the child within me and reassure her that everything was going to be okay, that we were not dependent and defenseless on these dark people, like we were as a small, powerless and defenseless child, and I would find another job to take care of us in no time, because the child in me got very angry at the present betrayal and for very short brief moments, the child within me wanted to lash out in ways that could hurt us in the long run and this was exactly what the sociopaths were hoping I would do, they wanted me dead, in jail or in mental hospital, so they could discredit me and my book.
I kept telling the child within me that had the right to be angry and the anger was very much justified, because their lies and actions were very hurtful, but if we acted out in anger we would be as evil as them and would hurt us, not them, and then we would be exactly where the sociopaths want us to be, acting out these cowards own evil transferred into me, they were pure evil, because they knew exactly what they were doing with their lies, mind games and schemes.
I never had experience in my whole life someone wanting to consciously hurt me to this extreme so bad, it was a game for them, they were very good at their game, but they lost, because I removed their masks and I exposed their wicked games and how evil they were.
What makes these people pure evil is the fact they consciously knew what they were doing and that’s why the child within me got even angrier, because they were consciously trying to destroy me to cover up their own wrongdoing, especially with their own children, not like my childhood abusers that were unconsciously reenacting their own painful childhood dramas and they had no idea of what they were doing.
In order to keep their own illusions and protect their false image of "good people" and "good parents", they needed to destroy me; they were nothing but cowards, but sadly this happens everywhere in our world.
I could not agree more with the words in the quote below by Robert Reich! When I got hired nine and half years ago, I was invited to board meetings, but after they read my book and found out I was not one of them, but I was a real honest person that could see everything and everyone clear, it made them uncomfortable, so they start having board meetings how to destroy me and of course I was excluded from their meetings to destroy me! But I didn't need to be in their meeting, because I knew exactly what they were saying and doing! Overnight my opinion no longer counted and I became their number one enemy they needed to destroy so they could go on with their lies, facades, and illusions as usual. When I would question the property manager, she always answered: “that’s not how we do things here!” of course not, the way they do things there is the fascist way and not in a democratic way!