Monday, February 28, 2022

The Root Cause of War

Here is the root cause of all wars. We are all responsible for allowing dangerously repressed people to become leaders. 

The powerful enablers in Putin's life who enabled him to come to power are just as guilty. Ask yourself who in your circle of people you know are sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, bad players, or whatever you like to call these evil people, and you are enabling them to get ahead and into power positions over others for fear of speaking up. One day, these malignant people might become world leaders and put all of our lives in danger like Putin is doing today. Like it or not, we are all responsible. 

Everyone wants to fight corruption from the top, but how we prevent sociopaths from getting into the highest office of the land is to expose them and their corruption at the local level. We fight corruption from the bottom up, not from the top. However, as we witnessed at my place of work, where I worked for nine and a half years, no one dared to expose the sociopaths and their corruption. And no one cares that my livelihood was almost destroyed by these evil players. 

Once we give power to these very dangerously repressed malignant personalities, they will never give up power without destroying the livelihoods of many innocent beings and causing mass destruction. As we are witnessing with Putin, and as has been the case many times before with past dictators. When will the masses wake up and stop giving power to these dangerously repressed malignant personalities?

Let's make it clear that holding information that can be helpful to others is a form of lying and is abuse. Being a passive liar is just as destructive as speaking out loud lies. Lies are the fuel that fuels conflict and wars. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/03/lies-is-fuel-that-creates-wars.html?m=1

"The unconscious compulsion to avenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82

“Humiliations, spankings, and beatings, slaps in the face, betrayal, sexual exploitation, derision, neglect, etc., are all forms of mistreatment because they injure the integrity and dignity of a child, even if their consequences are not visible right away. 

However, as adults, most abused children will suffer, and let others suffer, from these injuries. This dynamic of violence can deform some victims into hangmen who take revenge even on whole nations and become willing executors to dictators as unutterably appalling as Hitler and other cruel leaders.

Dictators and the dynamics of cruelty
Every dictator torments his people in the same way he was tormented as a child. The humiliations inflicted on these dictators in adult life had nothing like the same influence on their actions as the emotional experiences they went through in their early years. 

Those years are “formative” in the truest sense: in this period, the brain records or “encodes” emotions without (usually) being able to recall them at will. 

As almost every dictator denies his sufferings (his former total helplessness in the face of brutality) there is no way that he can truly come to terms with them. 

Instead, he will have a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom he can avenge himself for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears.
Read more in the link below:

“The Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceaușescu knew nothing of the way he suffered as a child from having been pent up in one room with ten brothers and sisters in a state of extreme neglect. 

As an adult living in the monomaniacal opulence of luxurious palaces, he repressed all explicit memory of it. But implicit (body) memories of his childhood suffering remained, and they incited him to take vengeance on a whole nation. 

Like his own mother, the women in this dictatorship were not allowed to have abortions. Like his own parents, most couples in Romania were forced to have more children than they wanted or were able to take for. 

As a result, Romanian orphanages were full to bursting with youngsters displaying severe behavioral disorders and disabilities caused by extreme neglect. 

Who needed all those children? No one. Only the dictator himself, whose unconscious memories spurred him to commit atrocities and whose mental barriers prevented him from recognizing them as atrocities. "
Taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free” by Alice Miller

"I designate as pessimistic the thought that we are far more dependent than our pride would like to admit on individual human beings (and not only on institutions!), for a single person can gain control over the masses if he learns to use to his own advantage the system under which they were raised. People who have been "pedagogically" manipulated as children are not aware as adults of all that can be done to them. Like the individual authoritarian father, leader figures, in whom the masses see their own father, actually embody the avenging child who needs the masses for his own purposes (of revenge). And this second form of dependence--the dependence of the "great leader" on his childhood, on the unpredictable nature of the unintegrated, enormous potential for hatred within him--is decidedly a very great danger." Taken from the book "For Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence" by Alice Miller (page 243)

A great danger indeed

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened, can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.

...Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do; it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller


The above excerpt from the article Deception Kills Love by Alice Miller

"It is not true that evil, destructiveness,
and perversion inevitably form part of
human existence, no matter how often this
is maintained. But it is true that we are
daily producing more evil and, with it, an
ocean of suffering for millions that is
absolutely avoidable. When one day the
ignorance arising from childhood
repression is eliminated and humanity
has awakened, an end can be put to the
production of evil.”
— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

"Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)." Alice Miller 
And lies are the fuel that creates wars. 

The great malady of our society, implicated in all our troubles and affecting us individually and socially, is the idealization of our parents and childhood and the denial of childhood suffering. When we idealize our parents and childhood and deny childhood suffering, it does not go away. It appears symptomatically in obsessions, addictions, violence, greed, deceit, and loss of meaning. Our temptation is to isolate these symptoms or try to eradicate them one by one, but the root problem is the idealization of our parents and childhood and the denial of childhood suffering.


Sunday, February 27, 2022

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists


"Accept that the narcissist is what he/she is. Narcissists are totally incapable of love and deep connection. Nothing you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome. You were not loved for YOU as a person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility, not for your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to provide. You were their human helium tank that maintained their inflated view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a very painful realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists is another great article by DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY  

In this article Dr. Melanie Cabrera articulates beautifully exactly what, very recently, two covert narcissists did, one in my family and the other in the workplace, they invaded my privacy and one even broke into private messages accounts of close relatives and made public private conversations. When thier moves didn't go their way, they just quit and left. 

"As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image. 

Covert, or vulnerable, narcissists differ from their overt (grandiose) counterparts in several ways.  One of the main ways is that, contrary to pop psychology belief, overt narcissists do not have an underlying belief of themselves as inadequate or less than.  They truly believe the world should fall at their feet.  Covert narcissists, on the other hand, have a fragile ego in which shame and envy drive the narcissistic abuse bus.  They absolutely NEED to objectify others and destroy intersubjectivity in their relationships as a way to “prove” to themselves they are not the inadequate beings they feel they are.  In short, they view their inner self as shameful but lack the intrinsic motivation to change.  When combined with deficits in emotional recognition (empathy), deficits in affect regulation, and a biased conceptualization of self and others, you get a covert narcissist.  

In this article, we’ll take a look at five examples of narcissistic abuse used by covert narcissists and what they really mean.  As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image.

  1. Having your social media, emails, phone calls and texts combed through regularly. 

This invasion of privacy serves two distinct aspects of the narcissist’s psyche.  First, this narcissistic abuse relates to testing your boundaries when done early on in the relationship.  To him or her, you have no true privacy as you are something to be “owned” and used to maintain his or her sense of self.  For the covert narcissist, however, this boundary violation morphs into a need to ensure continued hold over you.  He or she needs to make sure you are not speaking ill or otherwise catching on to the game being played. If he or she does not find anything, this maintains the sense of self as adequate and desirable. However, any indication that you are not all about him or her (in a positive light) will lead to an argument, including talking to members of the opposite sex.  Although it may appear that he or she is just starting a fight for the sake of starting a fight, in actuality, the fight is way to preserve the sense of self – his or her perspective is that you should not be talking or gaining attention from

  1. Being unable to leave or enter a room, being locked out

This tactic is typically used just before discard and it is purely an attempt to regain a sense of stable self for the narcissist.  If this form of narcissistic abuse is being used, it is because you have begun to question him or her, have caught on to other incidences of abuse, or are otherwise indicating you are fed up with their behavior.  You perhaps set a boundary.  My narcissistic ex used to lock me out of the bedroom or lock my dog in one room while I was locked in another when I would confront him on his crappy behaviors (usually involving invading my privacy).  They do this in hopes that you will become erratic, yell, beg, plead, etc so that they can use it against you during their smear campaign and ensuing “woe is me” attempts at victimhood."

Read all five examples of Narcissistic Abuse used by Covert Narcissists and what they really mean in the link below:

https://drmelaniecabrera.com/5-forms-of-narcissistic-abuse-used-by-covert-narcissists/


Saturday, February 26, 2022

The Root Cause of Most Tragedies


 
Being all these things that's what will make us happy! I'm happy!

RL: I disagree. You do not owe anyone, or the world anything. You must first learn to honour your feelings and build interpersonal strength first. Those who do the work to heal themselves pave the way to finding true inner happiness. Once this happiness is found you will find that you have more joy and desire to help others as well. Someone who is mentally healthy and happy is far more equipped to help others more meaningfully and with greater impact. As a sufferer of C-PTSD from childhood trauma, I used to put my own needs aside to help others all the time. However through the therapy process as I learn to love myself I increasingly become happier. This happiness inspires me to be even more useful, compassionate, etc then if I were to just strive to do these things to be "valued" by the other.

Facing Childhood Traumas: RL, so after healing, you become all these things and happy at the same time. I too have suffered PTSD because of childhood traumas and a few years ago I was the target of psychological warfare in the workplace after I published my book -- It was the most traumatic experience I went through in my adult life -- if I had not truly had resolved my childhood repression I would not have survived. 
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/11/psychological-warfare.html

Unresolved childhood traumas combined together with present traumatic experiences is a recipe for a tragedy.

This is the root cause of most of the tragedies we witness in our world. Doing our emotional work and healing ourselves is the most important work we can do on this planet, and if we do this, it's a lot! It will help make the world a better place! 


Sunday, February 20, 2022

The Guit Trip

Guilt-tripping is a form of #EmotionalAbuse and another favorite tactic of #narcissists. #PsychologicalManipulation #NarcissisticAbuse
 
Psychological Manipulation

THE GUILT TRIP

A guilt trip involves induced feelings of
guilt or responsibility, mostly unjustified, which are stirred up by the manipulator. Guilt-tripping behaviors are commonly experienced in close relationships, like romantic, friendly, professional, and familial relationships.

Someone Trying To Guilt-Trip You May:

Bring to your attention their own hard work and efforts, making you feel like you've failed to meet their standards.

• Use sarcasm and passive-aggressive behavior to react to situations. • Ignore your attempts to discuss the problem

• Give you the silent treatment.

• Deny they are annoyed, although their behavior says otherwise • Show no eagerness to improve the situation themselves.

. Communicate their irritation with you through their body language, like a sign, cross arms, and slam objects [and the eye-rolling] DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

Numbers of Readers from Each Country


latest numbers of readers from each country. A few of them are here, not to learn, but to spy, to see if they can find anything they can use against me! Sad to live in a world where so many people want to hurt those trying to wake up society from its deep repression.
 
"It is not true that evil, destructiveness,
and perversion inevitably form part of
human existence, no matter how often this
is maintained. But it is true that we are
daily producing more evil and, with it, an
ocean of suffering for millions that is
absolutely avoidable. When one day the
ignorance arising from childhood
repression is eliminated and humanity
has awakened, an end can be put to the
production of evil.”
— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Today's 2-21-22 at 1:01 PM total number of readers so far. So curious to know how many of them are spies?! 

It's so sad that so many people in our society have passed the point of no return and go around acting as if personality, pretending to be good people, but are wolves in sheep's clothing trying to destroy all those that are seeing people... 

They rather kill and be killed than face their own painful truths. 

We live in a very dangerous world and those in power positions can be the most dangerous because they abuse their power to hurt anyone that they fear might expose them for the fraud that they are... 

"The abuser tries to make the victim act against him so he can denounce her as “evil.” And cast himself as the victim and make his target appear to be the abuser.












Friday, February 18, 2022

52 Ways to Identify a Covert Narcissist

KEY POINTS

  • The covert narcissist fails to develop emotional empathy, self-awareness, or a stable sense of identity and self-esteem in childhood.
  • Covert narcissists avoid the spotlight and prefer passive-aggressive means of controlling others due to their fear being exposed and humiliated.
  • Tactics of a covert narcissist might include belittling, triangulation, and avoiding direct responsibility.


The flamboyance of overt narcissists can make them pretty easy to identify, but what about the covert narcissist in your life?

Recognizing covert personality traits requires looking beyond obvious appearances, past common assumptions and expectations. For this reason, covert narcissism is more difficult to spot, and it can take years to recognize it in someone you think you know well. But the good news is that once you become aware of the patterns and signs of covert narcissism, you aren’t likely to miss them again.

Covert Narcissism Checklist

The more covert form of pathological narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is not expressed the same way in every individual, but there are typical patterns that are very common. If you see many or most of these attitudes and behaviors in a person you know, you’re probably dealing with someone who suffers—and makes others suffer—with covert narcissism.

  1. Is passive-aggressive
  2. Criticizes and judges from the sidelines
  3. Is condescending and superior
  4. Is threatened by honesty and directness
  5. Swings between idealizing and devaluing him-/herself and others
  6. Denies and dismisses others’ feelings
  7. Cultivates a public image sharply different from his/her private behavior
  8. Identifies as a victim
  9. Is cynical and sarcastic
  10. Makes unreasonable demands
  11. Turns your problems into his/her dramas
  12. Belittles and blames
  13. Exploits and/or attacks others’ vulnerability
  14. Is reactive to questioning or criticism
  15. Plays on sympathies
  16. Fakes or exaggerates illness/injury for attention. 
Read more in the link below:


"Many people have fallen victim to the manipulative behaviors of a covert narcissist without realizing what has happened until they are already in emotional pain. Overt narcissists are so much easier to see coming as they are what you might expect - loud, obnoxious, and arrogant. 

It is not unusual for people to find themselves in long-term relationships with covert narcissists only to be hurt by a sense of a lack of partnership or reciprocity in the relationship." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

The last covert narcissist I dealt with even looks like the guy in the picture above! And the 52 ways to identify a covert narcissist are all true. 



7 Years Anniversary

Tomorrow is my 7 years anniversary with the new company and 6 years with the present community. 

Forever grateful to D.C. for hiring me in 2015 and for his support for the first 4 years, I was sad to see him leaving the company 3 years ago. 

I'm also, forever grateful to the community, where I have been working for the past 6 years, and T.V., my co-worker, for standing by me, even when, sometimes, I know I can be a little annoying! 😼

Without this community and T. V.'s support, I would not have survived in the workplace until retirement age. 

If I retire now and move to Spain I can live there like a queen. 👸

Yes, if I ever move back to Europe, I will not move back to my country of birth!

Portugal never gave me anything good and I will not spend my dollars there that I work very hard for.