Why Living Alone Beats Any Relationship

Living alone is a prerequisite to growing into a mature conscious adult. 

I know someone very close to me who was born with the resources to live alone. I waited over 20 years to see if she would develop the courage to be alone but she is too afraid to live alone and grabs very tightly to the people around her like a drowning person. 

I don't think she will ever find the courage to live alone to face the fears of being alone and consciously feel her emotions within the context of her own childhood and resolve her childhood repression to become liberated and a conscious mature woman. Just like those before her and around her, she will live and die in an emotional prison. 

I had to work hard and travel around the world to find the resources to live alone and become an independent, autonomous free person with two healthy legs to stand on my own two feet. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/02/correspondence-with-alice-miller.html?m=1

She was born with the resources but never developed the courage to face her fears of living alone. Waste of resources or money. She accuses people around her of wasting money, but she is also wasting resources or money. She is not using the resources or money to grow as a person and is becoming like the people she despises so much.   

She has the illusion that money alone will save her, but what people need most is courage to face their fears and consciously feel their emotions within the context of their own childhoods. 

Many people are unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats to use as poison containers to transfer their unresolved repressed emotions to temporarily and superficially alleviate their repression and feel better. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/05/scapegoating.html?m=1

This is why some politicians get elected because they provide their supporters the scapegoats they desperately need. They are a bunch of cowards and sadistic people who enjoy sitting at home watching people being persecuted by the people they elected. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/04/salazars-dictatorship.html?m=1

I'm free and i will never allow another person to come between my solitude, freedom and peace. I have been saying for a very long time that I'm happily single. Now i crave time alone. No matter how much time I spend alone i always want more.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/02/happy-valentines-day.html?m=1

It's better to wake up alone and to know that you are alone than to wake up next to someone and nevertheless to be alone. 

Just like i wrote to a guy that has been in a cult for many years. 

"I love being out on the limb! I have a better view from there!

I respect you more than you can ever imagine and I do care about how you feel. But it's your true feelings that you have been so disconnected from for so long, that it would take years for you to get in touch with and discern what feelings and thoughts belong to whom because they have been immersed with others for so many years.

I am glad this charade is over and I don’t have to pretend not to see what I really see -- THE EMPEROR IS NAKED! I have learned that people are what they say they are not because most people live in denial of who they really are. You all say that People Unlimited Inc is not a religion. But if I dissect it, that’s EXACTLY what it, is, with its brand new pretty, seductive, and attractive beliefs, plus, the brand new very alluring label. You see most religions believe in a god that no one can prove. People that believe in god say they feel it and some even proclaim god talks to them. People Unlimited Inc. believes in physical immortality and they say it's a feeling in the body too. Nobody has ever lived forever, and no one can prove it's possible either. So it's just a belief, just like believing in god, very much like most religions. Based on beliefs, like most religions, CB quotes the bible also to provide evidence that what you are saying is true.

I don’t have beliefs anymore. There are things I know and there are things I don’t know. When we know instead of believing we will find the courage to be true to ourselves. Beliefs are passed down to us so they should be received with doubt. To know comes from within.

Every person I've encountered on this planet so far suffers from some type of denial and People Unlimited Inc. suffers from the ultimate denial -- Denial of Death! Today I have more vitality than ever before and I am more immortal and alive than anyone at People Unlimited Inc. Will I feel this way forever? I don’t know and I am not worried about it. I am just going to enjoy this feeling for as long as I can hang on to it.

You are the one who joined a cult. If someone is deluded here, it has to be you. I understand that you were very young, in a war zone at the time. I cannot imagine what that was like, being in a war zone and hearing bombs. I hope I never know what that is like. You were a very vulnerable young guy trying to figure out your path in life when these very charismatic people, with their very seductive beliefs and alluring label, captivated you and now it must be very painful to have to face and feel that you have wasted 20 years of your life with this illusion. It's starting to take an effect on your body and could bring you a premature death. How ironic that death is what you are all trying to avoid. Nothing can affect our mental and physical health more than believing in lies and illusions.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/02/people-unlimited-inc-my-experiences.html?m=1

Yep!

What is addiction really?

Very true! Addiction is a symptom. 

“To many people it seems easier to take medication, to smoke, drink alcoholic, preach, educate or treat others, and prepare wars than expose themselves to their own painful truth.” From the book banished knowledge by Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=take+medication&m=1

Addiction greed, and obsessions, are all the same thing. Greed, obsessions or addiction means that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it. Addicts live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it. They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others even their own children. No wonder so many young people are so angry; for when we feel used and exploited we get angry. 

What is addiction really?

“Recovery From Self-Betrayal: What is addiction really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.

The drug business would not flourish if there were not so many people who, in refusing to acknowledge their wounds, are in a permanent state of self-betrayal.

Thus, people work to get rid of symptoms instead of searching out the cause.

There are plenty of means to combat symptoms of distress: medications, sermons, numerous "treatments," "miracles," threats, cults, pedagogical indoctrination and even blackmail.

They can all work for a while, but only because they reinforce the repression and reinforce the fear of resolving it.

However, many people who become abstinent this way are driven into another addiction because the real reasons for becoming addicted must be kept hidden.

A lot of money and fame comes from this business of repression because it satisfies the longing of so many grown-up children: to be loved as a good child (I am blind as you want me to be. I am ready to forget all your cruelty, even at the cost of my life. Can you love me now?).

In the long term, we have to pay a high price for this repression. The repressed story continues to try, again and again, to be heard at long last. Thus your plight will look for other symptoms, another language, until it is taken seriously enough. An addiction is an attempt by a person in despair, who is not allowed to be in despair, to get rid of his or her memory, to forget his or her plight.

Of course, this "solution" is no longer needed if the goal is exactly the opposite, if you want to remember, if you want to feel your plight and to understand its reasons, if you slowly become aware of why you were so afraid of acknowledging the reasons.

This can happen once you decide to stop running away, to stop betraying yourself, to allow the truth to enter your consciousness.

You decide to do so because you finally understand that everything else is useless and because you no longer want to watch your life go by before having even begun to live. You decide to stop betraying yourself because you understand that only you can give yourself the love and care you never received and that you can't do that as long as you deny the truth.” Breaking Down The Wall Of Silence: The Liberating Experience Of Facing Painful Truth by Alice Miller, page 126

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Addiction+&m=1

The 48 Laws of Power

 

I checked the book out after watching this short vedio. 

As a reviewer wrote on Amazon this book is garbage. Of course, books like this become best sellers because society is full of soulless and corrupt people looking only for money and power over others. 

I know the 48 laws of power if I wanted to play them. I would be a lot richer NOW and I would never have become a target of these evil people if I had continued to go along with the malignant people in the community where I worked for nine and a half years and never had written my book exposing the lies and manipulations of malignant people. 

I wonder if the author of this book warns his readers that this power is temporary and eventually it will fail and when it does all will come crashing down like a pack of cards. Eternal real power comes from resolving childhood repression and having a soul.

"Those children who are beaten will, in turn, give beatings, those who are intimidated will be intimidating, those who are humiliated will impose humiliation, and those whose souls are murdered will murder.

...Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=stalking+

"The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail." Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self) Page 36

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/02/quotes-from-book-drama-of-gifted-child.html

Many measure success by how far a person advances in their careers and how much money they make. They forget that success and money alone can be the best tools to master the art of repression, transference, manipulation, and projection.
"If a person is especially gifted, they can use that gift to reinforce the refusal of the truth and keep it away from themselves and others. ...The reason why I believe resilience theory is dangerous is that it is liable to reduce rather than increase the number of Enlightened Witnesses. If innate resilience were enough to resolve the severe consequences of traumatization, the empathy of Enlightened Witnesses would be unnecessary. Indifference to child abuse is already widespread enough, there is certainly no need to reinforce it.." Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/05/what-does-it-take-to-overcome-lifes.html

A person who survives childhood with a soul will never be able to use this dark psychology techniques to advance themselves by exploiting and destroying other beings. These types of people are soulless or incapable of authentic feelings. 

*Alice Miller on "Poisonous Pedagogy"

Poisonous pedagogy is a phrase I use to refer to the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child’s will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.

— Alice Miller, The Truth Will Set You Free

There is a good deal else that would not exist without “poisonous pedagogy.” It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty cliches to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through these cliches with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed.

— Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/07/poisonous-pedagogy.html

"The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene is a repugnant manifestation of human manipulation, deceit, and moral bankruptcy. From start to finish, this book offers a guidebook to manipulate and exploit others, promoting a toxic worldview that undermines genuine human connection and empathy. It is a distressing embodiment of the worst aspects of human nature.

Greene's work purports to be a historical analysis of power dynamics, but it reads more like a glorification of the most heinous acts in human history. Each chapter contains a "law" designed to help the reader achieve power, but in reality, they merely encourage ruthless ambition and the trampling of others. This book revels in the misery of others, showing no regard for ethics or the consequences of one's actions.

While Greene attempts to provide historical examples to justify his laws, the cherry-picking and manipulation of historical events only serve to distort the truth. He conveniently omits the countless instances where empathy, collaboration, and integrity have resulted in positive outcomes, instead choosing to focus on instances of treachery and manipulation. This selective interpretation of history reinforces a cynical and nihilistic perspective on human relationships.

Furthermore, "The 48 Laws of Power" lacks any meaningful moral compass. It advocates for the undermining of trust, the exploitation of vulnerabilities, and the pursuit of power at any cost. The book promotes a world where kindness and compassion are seen as weaknesses and encourages individuals to view their fellow human beings as mere pawns in a never-ending power struggle. It disregards the inherent value of human dignity and fosters an environment of paranoia and mistrust.

In addition to its reprehensible content, the writing style of this book is pretentious and overly verbose. Greene's prose is dense and convoluted, making it an arduous and laborious read. The constant barrage of historical anecdotes and obscure references only serves to obfuscate the lack of substance behind his arguments. The book seems to revel in its own perceived intellectual superiority, but in reality, it offers nothing more than a shallow and misguided perspective on power dynamics.

"The 48 Laws of Power" is a dangerous book that should be approached with extreme caution. Its toxic and manipulative principles undermine the very fabric of human relationships, corroding trust, and encouraging a relentless pursuit of power without regard for the well-being of others. It is an affront to morality, compassion, and genuine human connection. I strongly discourage anyone from wasting their time on this morally bankrupt and repugnant piece of literature."

https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/0140280197/ref=cm_cr_unknown?filterByStar=one_star&pageNumber=1

Sometimes Reality can be a hard pill to swallow. But the truth is that Reality isn't the enemy. It can end up teaching us, guiding us and even saving us. Radical acceptance is a part of that reality where we accept the Narcissist for who or what they are and take the necessary steps to protect ourselves.

When it comes to Narcissists they prefer to choose their delusions over Reality because Reality offends them. Reality is hostile and threatens to destroy their Fantasy world. And they are not prepared to let go of the false stories they tell themselves. Reality = Truth and Narcissists Hate the Truth.

THE NARCISSIST'S RESISTANCE TO REALITY ISN'T ABOUT YOU- IT'S ABOUT THEIR FEAR OF WHAT THE TRUTH WILL REVEAL. 

Covert Narcissists Say one thing and do another. They're big talkers that most of the time Never follow through. Big Red Flag

SOMETIMES IT'S IMPORTANT TO BE ALONE. IT GIVES YOU ROOM TO HEAL, GROW, AND REASSESS YOUR LIFE AND RELATIONSHIPS.

Once a person weaponizes my vulnerabilities against me I walk away and never let them into my life again. 

Resolve your childhood repression and you will no longer be attracted to them. "Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans [or malignant narcissists] of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were."

-- Sylvie Imelda Shene quote from my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions page 172

Resolving childhood repression and becoming a seeing and a feeling person is like a double-edged sword, it protects you, but also makes you a target.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=double-edged+sword&m=1

I don't allow anyone in my life family or not that compromises my true self. I will always be true to myself no matter what. 

She has a point! No one ever bought me a house or gave me a down payment for a house. 

Narcissists and their love of chaos and drama

 

There will never be peace around narcissists. Walk away and let them be to meet their own future and destiny.

"If there isn’t chaos, narcissists will create it

Narcissists will actually manufacture the chaos and confusion if there isn’t any.

Narcissists regularly:

1. Instigate crazymaking arguments

2. Ruin holidays & special occasions

3. Provoke jealousy & use triangulation

4. Give you the Silent Treatment

5. Steal your time & energy

My father did all of these things to me. Now I coach people who are experiencing these same things. The gift people with narcissistic personality disorder give us is their consistency. This helps us learn who they are, their red flags, and how to avoid them going forward."

https://centerforhopewny.org/narcissists-crave-chaos/#:~:text=Narcissists%20create%20chaos%20to%20regain%20control&text=They%20will%20do%20anything%20to,who%20are%20terrified%20of%20exposure.

Yes, they do. They are always the victim. 

Yep! Just walk away and let them be

Yep! That's how I came to see clearly everyone in my life by walking away, consciously feeling my feelings in the right context without anyone interfering or distracting me. Once we are no longer blinded by the repressed emotions of the child we once were, we see everyone clearly that crosses our path and malignant people can no longer use our emotions to manipulate us to fall into their traps. 

I know! But eventually, they will turn on each other. Just walk away, and change jobs, city, or country if necessary. Get as far away as you can from these NOW evil people.

1. Know your enemy: Sociopaths manipulate, lie, and scheme against you. They think nothing of spending 10 hours a day on the phone, or in person, telling anyone and everyone lie after lie about you. Your reputation may be in tatters by the time they are done. According to therapist Martha Stout in The Sociopath Next Door, sociopaths have no remorse. They do not feel sorrow when they destroy your life.
2. Don't play the game: Once a sociopath targets you, the situation turns into a game for him or her. Your attempts to "fix" the situation with rational conversation is seen as a weakness by the sociopath. She will feel she is winning and will amp up her efforts, even twisting your words and using them against you.
3. Escape the insanity: I can't stress enough that you simply cannot win with a sociopath. A sociopath will never stop attacking your reputation in the most ruthless manner possible. The ONLY way to win is to get away from the sociopath. I know this from personal experience. I had to cut off every avenue of possible contact to escape the craziness created by a person who came into my life by chance.
4. Take a witness: If you are in a situation where you must deal with a sociopath, such as someone in your family, or a co-worker, refuse to speak with the person unless you have a third party present. This way, you have a witness and your words and actions cannot be twisted and misconstrued. 
5. Don't let it get to you: A sociopath will tear down your innermost confidence in yourself bit by bit until you wonder if all the conflict is your fault. Take a step back and really reflect on the situation. Take responsibility for your own faults (we all have them), and lay the blame where it belongs for the rest. Do not let the sociopath fool you a second time with his or her charm. 

Do not believe the person has changed. Most therapists agree that sociopaths cannot be treated effectively. Instead, take steps to protect yourself and your family. Consider drastic solutions like moving, changing jobs, and making new friends. Remember that it is all a game to the sociopath. She or he does not care if you're hurt. The only goal they have is winning. The only way you can beat a sociopath is to get away from a sociopath. Accept the harsh realitySociopaths do not change perhaps you've come to the conclusion that you are dealing with a sociopath.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/08/real-life-villains-and-spotting.html?m=1 

I'm Truly Gone

At my age I don't give people second chances. 

 

To Grow as a Person you Need to Live Alone at Least for a Few Years

Living alone for a period of time can significantly contribute to personal growth, as it allows for self-discovery, development of independence, and a deeper understanding of your own needs and desires, which can be crucial for maturing as a person; therefore, there is merit to the idea that living alone for a few years can be beneficial for personal growth.

Key reasons why living alone can promote personal growth:

Self-reliance:

Managing your own space and responsibilities like bills, cooking, and maintenance fosters a sense of self-sufficiency and autonomy.

Self-awareness:

With no one else around to influence your behavior, you can better identify your true interests, values, and emotional patterns.

Personal boundaries:

Learning to respect your own space and time can lead to better relationship boundaries with others. 

Exploration of hobbies and passions:

Living alone provides the freedom to pursue activities and interests without needing to coordinate with others. 

Emotional resilience:

Navigating challenges and loneliness while living alone can build emotional strength and coping mechanisms. 

Why Narcissists Resist the Truth

“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist” - James Baldwin

Yes, that's very true. They want revenge at any cost, and they never give up trying to get revenge. Be careful because they have a hard time letting go and moving on. 

Yes, they are liars by omission. I know someone who tells you that she doesn't lie, but she is just as much of a liar as the people she accuses of lying.

Yes, they plan it from the very beginning. Refrain from wasting your time and love with these vampires. Walk away. 

Yes, they recruit others to do their dirty work. Walk away from them all. 

Yes, once a person has grown into a full-blown malignant narcissist unconditional love just enables them. Only children need unconditional love. Loving unconditionally a narcissist is to be endlessly used and exploited by them.

"Relationships with narcissists only last for as long as you're willing to put yourself last."

Only children need and must have unconditional love and protection no matter what, it’s their birthright and the parents’ obligation to love and protect them. But adults can never be loved unconditionally. You would not love a rapist or dictator. The love between adults needs to be earned. 

“As adults, we don’t need unconditional love, not even from our therapist. This is a childhood need, that can never be fulfilled later in life, and we are playing with illusions if we have never mourned this lost opportunity. But there are other things we can get from a good therapist: reliability, honesty, respect, trust, empathy, understanding, and an ability to clarify their emotions so that they need not bother us with them. If a therapist promises unconditional love, we must protect ourselves from him, from his hypocrisy and lack of awareness” Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self) Page 45

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=only+children+need+unconditional+love

I must be doing something right because since I published my book the devil is constantly after me. 

Have you ever realized that:

Sometimes, people make you out to be the villain just to avoid feeling guilty about how they treated you and the choices they made. By shifting the blame, they protect themselves from facing their own truth. But their need to justify their harmful behavior doesn't change the fact that their actions are a reflection of them, not you.

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain. JAMES BALDWIN

Some people are like unpaid therapy.

They come, they shine, make us smile

and never ask for anything in return.

Those are important people.

Sometimes, holding on to someone hurts more, so it's better to let them go and allow your wounds to heal.

The Golden Child

A "golden child" is a child who is treated as exceptional by their family, often with excessive praise and special treatment. The term is often used to describe a child who is expected to be perfect, avoid mistakes, and excel at everything. 

Golden children are often raised by narcissistic or controlling parents who create a toxic environment where the child feels unsafe expressing their own opinions. The child is expected to live up to unattainable levels of perfection and meet their parents' desires, even if they don't agree with them.

The role of the golden child can lead to a range of emotional and psychological challenges, including:

High stress levels

Perfectionism

Difficulty with independence

Anxiety

Depression

Relational difficulties 

With therapy and self-reflection, it's possible to start to take more risks and stand up for yourself. 

https://www.lifebulb.com/blogs/what-is-a-golden-child-7-signs-and-how-to-heal#:~:text=Highly%20self%2Dcritical%3A%20The%20golden,be%20perfect%20for%20their%20parents.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/12/the-illusions-narcissist-creates.html?m=1

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html?m=1

No, i don't fall for it anymore!

I went through this with a coworker no long ago. I knew what she was trying to do, to destabilize me by transferring her poison into me, but I just ignored it and eventually, all backfired on her. 

"The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal. His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off. 

All abusers, sexual or emotional, try to drag others into their orbit and distort the rules. Their destructive capability depends on the propaganda they disseminate among victims’ families, friends, and associates, showing to what extent the victims are “evil” and that it is, therefore, normal to blame them. 

Sometimes they succeed and seduce allies by ridiculing and scorning moral values. Not leading others into a circle of violence means failure for abusers and, therefore, becomes the only way to stop the spread of the abusive process." [Yes, I keep getting my soul stalked by pure evil.] 

 Emotional abuse defined: "These are evil psychological assaults. This aggression arises from an unconscious psychological process of destruction consisting of either hidden or overt hostility on the part of one and sometimes several abusers toward a designated person; a real target in every sense of the word. 

It is effectively possible to destabilize or even destroy someone with seemingly harmless words and hints, inferences, and unspoken suggestions; usually, those close to the situation will not intervene. 

A narcissistic abuser grows in stature at the expense of the other; she also avoids any inner or spiritual conflict by shifting the responsibility for what is wrong onto the other person. If the other is responsible for the problem, wrong-doing, guilt and suffering don't exist. This defines emotional abuse."

"The very definition of emotional abuse is challenged by some who prefer to use the catch-all term of psychopathy."

""Whether the subject is serial killing or emotional abusiveness, the matter remains one of predatory behavior: an act consisting in the appropriation of another person's life."

"The goal of abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence. 

In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him."  page 71

-Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen "Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity"

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=stalking+the+soul

That's exactly what they do. 

That's why malignant narcissist get elected to the highest office of the land. 

Yes, they say they hate drama, but drama follows them everywhere they go. Yes, they love to recruit others to do their dirty work.

Never Argue or Confront a Malignant Narcissist

 

I agree. The 12-step program doesn't help. I went to Al-Anon and CoDA for many years, and only it gave me was false hope. I think you may like reading my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions where I share my life experiences and psychological discoveries. It took me over 40 years, but finally, I'm free.  Since I published my first book it has been a constant dance with malignant narcissists trying to regress me into the emotional prison of my childhood. 

The workplace is the only place these malignant narcissists can get close to me. 

Being a seeing and a feeling person is like a double-edged sword, it protects you but also makes you a target of these malignant narcissists that are among us everywhere, especially in the workplace. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/03/hard-evidence-of-my-ex-boss-being.html

I know that's exactly what they do. But NOW Thank goodness I have two healthy legs to stand alone on my own two feet. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/02/correspondence-with-alice-miller.html?m=1

Yes, they are only nice to you if it benefits them!

No, you can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. They want you to think they have a healthy relationship and that they are happy by posting pictures pretending to be happy on social media.  But I know the true state of affairs behind the pretty pictures. What the public can see and what goes on behind the scenes are two completely different stories. 

Very true! Nothing you could have said or done diferently would have changed the outcome with a malignant narcissist. Relationships with a narcissist never end well. It is what it is. 

  

That's a waste of time to try to talk to them. Don't react or argue with them and just walk away and let them meet their future and destiny. 

Never argue, confront, or react to a malignant narcissist. Anything you do or say, they will twist anything you say and use it against you. Just walk away and never allow them to enter into your life again. 

Rise above the malignant narcissists' bullshit, because reacting to their BS, that's what they want and that's what gives them power.

"In professional environments, they want you to blow up so that coworkers and superiors see you as unstable. In romantic settings, they want you to lash out so that they can use your “hysterical” reactions to show potential partners and exes how crazy you’ve become. Until we understand this, we’ll continue to fall into their trap." 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=what+a+sociopath+want

Yep! That's why I will never allow another malignant narcissist into my life again, family or not. 

It's better to be alone and to know that you are alone than to wake up next to someone and nevertheless to be alone. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/12/better-alone-than-being-scapegoat.html

Narcissism is an epidemic. Be very careful who you give love and time to. 

In order to stop focusing on others and to stop trying to control or manipulate others, they would have to develop the courage to look at themselves and face and feel their painful truths. That's the last thing they want to do. Controlling people are cowards. 

It's amazing to me all these very well-articulate and smart people none of them mention that the reason people grow into full-blown malignant narcissists or bullies is because they are too afraid to be alone to face themselves and consciously feel the painful feelings triggered by their endless disastrous reenactments... 

I know. They have been this way since childhood. They are the classic case of the drama of the gifted child Dr. Alice Miller describes beautifully in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child. 

Walk away and let them learn the hard way. I have learned to walk away from anyone who refuses to open their eyes to see and feel.

That's exactly what they do when you are direct with them. Best thing to do is to walk away and never let them into your life again. They just waste your time. 

Rejection is a Big Trigger for a Malignant Narcissist

This movie gives a great example of a malignant narcissist not being able to let go and move on.

And becomes extremely obsessed with getting revenge by going to any lengths to achieve it.

Be very careful who you let in in your life.

Resolve your own childhood repression so you are not emotionally blind by the repressed emotions of the child you once were so you can see clearly these very dangerous repressed people from a mile away and not become their victim. 

Or vote for one into the highest office of the land like the United States just did.

The conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society needs to start happening in the stage of the world, sooner rather than later, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide. 

Everyone is trying to change the world at the surface, especially so many people using the political machine and religion to manipulate the masses, making things worse in the long run, and no one wants to look at the root causes of how we got here?! Into this messed-up world! It’s very frustrating because trying to change the world at the surface, no matter what people do, the changes will always just be superficial and temporary.

These words by Alice Miller that I quote in my book could not be truer:

“It is not true that evil, destructiveness,

and perversion inevitably form part of

human existence, no matter how often this

is maintained. But it is true that we are

daily producing more evil and, with it, an

ocean of suffering for millions that is

absolutely avoidable. When one day the

ignorance arising from childhood

repression is eliminated and humanity

has awakened, an end can be put to the

production of evil.”

— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long-term solution for people to stop following blindly political leaders. And that is a lot more difficult!!! 

"I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus

As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies. 

Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43: 

"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.

Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. 

Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. 

Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. 

Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." 

For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment. 

Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believes his brilliance in other situations. 

Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. 

This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”

Having special talents is wonderful and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts -- then you are misusing your talents -- and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/12/having-special-talents-doesnt-make-you.html 

It's sad to witness all the time people falling for the illusions that formal education, talents, money, and fame is the path to freedom. Formal education, talents, money, and fame alone just reinforces the walls of people's emotional prisons.

“If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.” Alice Miller
Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs page 55

Alice Miller's answer below to one of her readers comes to mind:

AM: Your question is very important, but it contains the naïve assumption that we can manipulate our feelings without letting others pay the price for it. In reality, we cannot do so. You are saying here what everyone says, what we all have learned from our parents, in school, in church and even in most of the therapies: “One has to turn the page.” It is, without doubt, nice what is being suggested to us: to tell the hatred that it should go away and never ever return. We want to turn the page and live in peace.

Everyone wants this, and it would be nice if it worked. But unfortunately, it does not work. Not at all. 

Why? Because rage, like all other emotions, cannot be controlled and cannot be manipulated; It dictates us something; it forces us to experience it and to understand its causes. 

It can return every time when someone has hurt us, and we cannot prevent that. 

Because our body cannot “turn the page” and it demands from us that we listen to it. 

What we can do, though, is suppress our rage, with all its consequences: Illnesses, addiction, crimes.

When we do not want to feel our justified rage, because we already have forgiven our parents even the worst abuses, we will soon find out to our surprise that we passed on the same pains, which we endured from our parents, to our children or to others. 

If we are truthful, we will not claim that we acted “for their own good” (like that beatings are “a good means of education”). Unfortunately, this is what most parents say; this is why our society is so hypocritical.

On the page “articles” you can find my text about hatred, which should be able to help you understand better what I am trying to explain here. Also, the book “The Body Never Lies” can help you to understand more.
https://www.alice-miller.com/en/our-body-cannot-turn-the-page/

No, our body cannot turn the page until we consciously feel and understand all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood. And yes, until we do this others will have to pay the price for it, especially our children if we have children.

Covert or malignant narcissists can be particularly sensitive to rejection, as it threatens their fragile self-esteem and challenges their self-image. Here are some key points about what can upset them and how they may respond:

What Upsets Them

Rejection: Being ignored, criticized, or rejected can trigger intense feelings of shame and anger.

Lack of Admiration: They crave validation and admiration; not receiving it can lead to feelings of worthlessness.

Exposure: Being called out for their manipulative or harmful behavior can provoke a strong defensive reaction.

Loss of Control: Situations where they feel they are losing control or influence over others can be particularly distressing.

Responses to Rejection

Rage: They may respond with anger or rage, lashing out verbally or even physically, as a way to regain a sense of power.

Victimhood: They might adopt a victim mentality, portraying themselves as wronged or misunderstood, which can manipulate others' sympathy.

Withdrawal: Some may retreat and sulk, using passive-aggressive behavior to punish the person who rejected them.

Smear Campaigns: They may attempt to discredit the person who rejected them, spreading rumors or gossip to damage their reputation.

Flattery or Manipulation: In some cases, they might attempt to charm or manipulate the person back into their good graces, using tactics like flattery or guilt.

Narcissistics go Nuclear on you when their Unresolved repressed Shame is triggered

When their unresolved repressed shame gets triggered, they go nuclear on you! I know from experience! Here are the words I wrote to the last narcissistic in my life that triggered her shame and an explosion of rage that went nuclear on me 

“I already know that! It's better to let go... one thing I have learned is that it's not worth it fighting over money! At the end of our journey where we go, we can't take our money with us anyway! What we leave behind someone else will get to use our money for good or bad, and we will not have a saying by then!!! The reality is, as long your mother is alive, she's entitled to give her money to whoever she wants, and we don't have to like it! Unless she is declared mentally insane, she can do with her money whatever she wants...”

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/10/using-our-triggers-constructively.html?m=1

No more! I will never again allow a narcissist to enter my life and use me like an object, family or not.

As they say:  “The apple doesn't fall far from the tree” is an idiom that means a child usually has characteristics or qualities similar to those of their parents. 

I know of a very close case to me that despite all the knowledge in psychology she became a full-blown malignant narcissist just like her parents and uses her intellectual knowledge in psychology to give her an advantage in the games narcissists play. 

Just like many Americans were hopeful we would elect the most qualified candidate that happened to be a woman over a male demagogue. But sadly, many Americans prefer to shoot themselves in the foot and vote against themselves than vote for a woman no matter how much more qualified she is. 

I too was hopeful and waited about 20 years to see the last narcissistic close to me would find the courage to choose to do her emotional work to be different from her parents, especially her mother but in the end conscious or unconscious she chose to be just like her mother and with her knowledge in psychology and with the aid of technology she is a lot more dangerous than her mother ever was.

Now, she is surprised I don't want anything to do with her. 

The Psychology of Malignant Narcissists - People of the Lie

"The unconscious compulsion to revenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/05/the-psychology-of-malignant-narcissists.html

The narcissist gives off a false image of strength and confidence but they are a coward who can only be strong if they have others behind them. This is why they manipulate others to back them. Narcissists can't operate alone. 

The degree to which a person can grow is directly proportional to the amount of truth they can accept about themselves without running away. 

Dark Truth: Emotion for a narcissist equates to fuel. They want to hear you getting irritated. They want to get you annoyed. They want your voice to rise and see the tears of frustration welling your eyes. When they see this, it makes them feel so powerful.

People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can develop obsessive thoughts and behaviors:

Obsessive thoughts: People with NPD may have an excessive need for approval and validation from others, which can lead to obsessive thoughts

Obsessive behaviors: People with NPD may develop compulsive behaviors.

Obsessive narcissist: A combination of NPD and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCD), this personality type can include traits like hyperfocus, ritualistic order, and single-minded determination.

People with NPD may also have other traits, including:

• An exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Fantasies of unlimited success, power, or beauty
• A belief that they are unique and special
• A need for excessive admiration
• A sense of entitlement
• Exploitative behavior
• Lack of empathy
• Envy of others
• Arrogant or haughty behaviors

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-in-the-age-narcissism/202202/narcissistic-obsession-attention

"Obsession with money or other external goals—such as a higher job title at work or a better car or a bigger house—is not always a good thing. Studies have shown that preoccupation with external goals can be detrimental to physical and mental health (Werner et al, 2019). It is perfectly normal to want to upgrade your phone or work towards a promotion, but there must also be an inner desire for personal growth and improvement."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-in-the-age-narcissism/202103/can-t-buy-me-love-narcissists-and-financial-abuse

Addiction greed, and obsessions, are all the same thing.  Greed, obsessions, or addiction means that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it.  Addicts live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it.  They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others even their own children.  No wonder so many young people are so angry; for when we feel used and exploited we get angry

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/04/addiction-and-greed-is-same-thing.html?m=1

Obsessions are Flights from Repressed Fears

Walk away  

They love to recruit others to do their 

 work. 

Yes, it is. 

Yep! They can't stand being alone for one second.

When someone tells me they are bored it's a big red flag that this person is dangerously repressed. Being bored means that they can't find anything to their liking to distract themselves from the turmoil inside them and a target they can use as a scapegoat for projection and transference to temporarily alleviate their childhood repression. Run from people who complain about being bored.

This is why they constantly create drama to keep boredom at bay and distract themselves from themselves.