This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel, and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
"I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsive repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43:
"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals.
Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation.
Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment.
Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believe his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected.
This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”
Actually, education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long-term solution for people to stop following political leaders blindly. And that is a lot more difficult!!! "I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people; there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge. The problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths; intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43: "Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views of his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment. Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person, on occasion, still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believes his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.” Having special talents is terrific, and it’s okay to cash in your skills for a living. Still, when people hide behind their talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts -- then you are misusing your abilities -- and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/12/having-special-talents-doesnt-make-you.html
It's sad to witness people falling for the illusions that formal education, talents, money, and fame are the path to freedom. Formal education, talents, money, and fame alone just reinforce the walls of people's emotional prisons.
Now, I am in the same position, but those of us who suffered childhood traumas need the courage and an enlightened witness to get to this position. Sadly, many people lack the courage to face and feel their own painful truths and do the most important work in their lifetimes --- to do their emotional work.
Most people are unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats to take revenge for the wrongs done to them when they were defenseless little children and they would rather destroy others or kill and be killed than face and feel their own painful truths.
The conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society needs to start happening inthe stage of the world, sooner rather than later, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide.
Everyone is trying to change the world at the surface, especially so many people using the political machine and religion to manipulate the masses, making things worse in the long run, and no one wants to look at the root causes of how we got here?! Into this messed-up world! It’s very frustrating because trying to change the world at the surface, no matter what people do, the changes will always be just superficial and temporary.
These words by Alice Miller that I quote in my book could not be truer: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143
It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsive repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43:
"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals.
Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation.
Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment.
Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believe his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected.
This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”
Having special talents is wonderful and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their talents, fame and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts then you are misusing your talents and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional. Bill Cosby is a great example of that! http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/11/24/as-a-cosby-fixer-comes-out-of-the-shadows-so-does-an-explanation/ These words Alice Miller wrote to one of her readers came to mind: "I was distressed to the core when I read your letter for which I thank you wholeheartedly. At the same time, I felt a sort of gratefulness for the fate that helped the lively, brave and bright little girl not only to survive the terrible jail of her horrific parents but also to remain sound to keep the full clarity and the unusual courage in order TO SEE and TO ACCUSE, without „buts,“ without illusions, without self-betrayal. This stance can only very rarely be encountered, and your letter will certainly help others to recognize their own situation and to forgo the „buts.“ If you have no objections, we can publish your letter also in English and French. I would like to do this because here, the child has the strength to also speak for countless other children who are forced to bear the more or less visible delusions of their parents for years and to experience that as NORMAL. Formed by this ignorance, they often remain blind for the suffering of children during their whole lives and still recommend physical punishment. They work for senseless „research,“ for the pharmaceutical industry, organize wars, produce cruel movies and don’t know at all that they still „live“ in the prison of their sick parents because they never had the courage to see through their parents’ delusions and thus continue to poison the world with the toxin that they had to swallow as children."
"It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a).” read more here
This movie gives a great example of a malignant narcissist not being able to let go and move on.
And becomes extremely obsessed with getting revenge by going to any lengths to achieve it.
Be very careful who you let in in your life.
Resolve your own childhood repression so you are not emotionally blind by the repressed emotions of the child you once were so you can see clearly these very dangerous repressed people from a mile away and not become their victim.
Or vote for one into the highest office of the land like the United States just did.
The conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society needs to start happening in the stage of the world, sooner rather than later, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide.
Everyone is trying to change the world at the surface, especially so many people using the political machine and religion to manipulate the masses, making things worse in the long run, and no one wants to look at the root causes of how we got here?! Into this messed-up world! It’s very frustrating because trying to change the world at the surface, no matter what people do, the changes will always just be superficial and temporary.
These words by Alice Miller that I quote in my book could not be truer:
“It is not true that evil, destructiveness,
and perversion inevitably form part of
human existence, no matter how often this
is maintained. But it is true that we are
daily producing more evil and, with it, an
ocean of suffering for millions that is
absolutely avoidable. When one day the
ignorance arising from childhood
repression is eliminated and humanity
has awakened, an end can be put to the
production of evil.”
— Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143
Education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long-term solution for people to stop following blindly political leaders. And that is a lot more difficult!!!
"I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43:
"Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda.
Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals.
Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation.
Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks."
For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment.
Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believes his brilliance in other situations.
Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected.
This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”
Having special talents is wonderful and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts -- then you are misusing your talents -- and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional.
It's sad to witness all the time people falling for the illusions that formal education, talents, money, and fame is the path to freedom. Formal education, talents, money, and fame alone just reinforces the walls of people's emotional prisons.
“If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.” Alice Miller Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs page 55 Alice Miller's answer below to one of her readers comes to mind:
AM: Your question is very important, but it contains the naïve assumption that we can manipulate our feelings without letting others pay the price for it. In reality, we cannot do so. You are saying here what everyone says, what we all have learned from our parents, in school, in church and even in most of the therapies: “One has to turn the page.” It is, without doubt, nice what is being suggested to us: to tell the hatred that it should go away and never ever return. We want to turn the page and live in peace.
Everyone wants this, and it would be nice if it worked. But unfortunately, it does not work. Not at all.
Why? Because rage, like all other emotions, cannot be controlled and cannot be manipulated; It dictates us something; it forces us to experience it and to understand its causes.
It can return every time when someone has hurt us, and we cannot prevent that.
Because our body cannot “turn the page” and it demands from us that we listen to it.
What we can do, though, is suppress our rage, with all its consequences: Illnesses, addiction, crimes.
When we do not want to feel our justified rage, because we already have forgiven our parents even the worst abuses, we will soon find out to our surprise that we passed on the same pains, which we endured from our parents, to our children or to others.
If we are truthful, we will not claim that we acted “for their own good” (like that beatings are “a good means of education”). Unfortunately, this is what most parents say; this is why our society is so hypocritical.
On the page “articles” you can find my text about hatred, which should be able to help you understand better what I am trying to explain here. Also, the book “The Body Never Lies” can help you to understand more. https://www.alice-miller.com/en/our-body-cannot-turn-the-page/
No, our body cannot turn the page until we consciously feel and understand all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood. And yes, until we do this others will have to pay the price for it, especially our children if we have children.
Covert or malignant narcissists can be particularly sensitive to rejection, as it threatens their fragile self-esteem and challenges their self-image. Here are some key points about what can upset them and how they may respond:
What Upsets Them
Rejection: Being ignored, criticized, or rejected can trigger intense feelings of shame and anger.
Lack of Admiration: They crave validation and admiration; not receiving it can lead to feelings of worthlessness.
Exposure: Being called out for their manipulative or harmful behavior can provoke a strong defensive reaction.
Loss of Control: Situations where they feel they are losing control or influence over others can be particularly distressing.
Responses to Rejection
Rage: They may respond with anger or rage, lashing out verbally or even physically, as a way to regain a sense of power.
Victimhood: They might adopt a victim mentality, portraying themselves as wronged or misunderstood, which can manipulate others' sympathy.
Withdrawal: Some may retreat and sulk, using passive-aggressive behavior to punish the person who rejected them.
Smear Campaigns: They may attempt to discredit the person who rejected them, spreading rumors or gossip to damage their reputation.
Flattery or Manipulation: In some cases, they might attempt to charm or manipulate the person back into their good graces, using tactics like flattery or guilt.
“We can disagree and still love each other unless your disagreement is rooted in my oppression and denial of my humanity and right to exist” - James Baldwin
Many people would rather shoot themselves in the foot and vote against themselves and vote for a demagogue than voting for a more qualified woman.
Women are hated by both sexes, period. This is why it's hard to elect a woman for the highest office.
I have been the target of people's repressed hatred at their own mothers' or mothers' substitutes more times than I can count.
Less qualified men demagogues win elections because they give their supporters the desperately needed scapegoats.
Many people have mommy issues and are full of hatred. Their mothers are protected from their hatred, but they take revenge on all other women and other scapegoats.
They are driven by the dead hand of their own unresolved childhood repression to vote for demagogues.
“It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143
"I designate as pessimistic the thought that we are far more dependent than our pride would like to admit on individual human beings (and not only on institutions!), for a single person can gain control over the masses if he learns to use to his own advantage the system under which they were raised. People who have been "pedagogically" manipulated as children are not aware as adults of all that can be done to them. Like the individual authoritarian father, leader figures, in whom the masses see their own father, actually embody the avenging child who needs the masses for his own purposes (of revenge). And this second form of dependence--the dependence of the "great leader" on his childhood, on the unpredictable nature of the unintegrated, enormous potential for hatred within him--is decidedly a very great danger." Taken from the book "For Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence" by Alice Miller (page 243)
A Turkish proverb: When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn't become a king. The palace becomes a circus
Education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long-term solution for people to stop following blindly political leaders. And that is a lot more difficult! "I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus
"A defenseless child that is tortured and at the same time forbidden to defend itself, to cry, to scream, to rage—to live. A child from whom only obedience and good behavior are expected. The only thing remaining to him, if he has talent, is to develop a dazzling intellect. Life escapes him daily. Abstract thought offers a chance of survival. In the meantime, the body seeks to express its terrible distress in other ways than tears and screams. It produces an endless catalogue of symptoms, in the hope that someone will finally sit up and take notice and perhaps ask the [question]: "What is causing you such distress?" (Alice Miller, on Nietzsche, from Breaking Down the Wall of Silence)
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough --- intelligence alone just helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence pages 42 and 43: "Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks."
For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment.
Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believes his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.” Having special talents is wonderful and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts -- then you are misusing your talents -- and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional.
Pity the nation oh pity the people who allow their rights to erode and their freedoms to be washed away
My country, tears of thee
Sweet land of liberty!
"Psychological abusers are attracted to what is going on within the person's life that is shiny, glamorous, or exciting, or successful, or dynamic, or vibrant," she told Business Insider. "That's what is attracting, kind of like a moth to a light, this kind of psychological perpetrators because they want to initially get something positive from that person."
I wrote her two emails, one on her 40th birthday and another on her 41st birthday, but she never acknowledged them and ignored me. I understood she was too drunk on money to acknowledge my e-mails and now she is surprised our relationship ended. We grew apart that's all. Her priority is money and power and mine is being at peace and free. We are totally different people.
Elon Musk is reenacting his childhood drama on the stage of the world unconsciously and compulsively, telling his true story by treating others the same way he was treated as a small child. He gives us evidence that money, success, and intelligence alone are not enough to liberate a person from his childhood emotional prison.
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
""Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.
..Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller
I don't have formal education either and I do agree with Eliezer Yudkowsky. Humanity is insane and with the aid of technology is going to destroy itself much faster.
The biggest threat to humanity -- is people's repressed emotions of the child they once were -- and as long as people's repressed emotions are unresolved, they will be blinded by them and driven by them into the state of compulsion repetition to hurt and exploit others the same way they were hurt and exploited as defenseless little children. If people were not emotionally blind, they would be able to see the lies, illusions, and all the traps society constantly puts in front of them. And yes, an emotionally blind humanity with the aid of technology will destroy itself much faster.
the conversation about the effects of childhood repression in our society needs to start happening inthe stage of the world, sooner rather than later, if we want to save ourselves and humanity from falling off the cliff and committing mass suicide.
Education alone is just another illusion. Resolving childhood repression is the only long-term solution for people to stop following blindly political leaders. And that is a lot more difficult! "I wonder how the high colleges managed to produce so many high asses." Paracelsus
As long people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone articulates very nice ideas... The problem is not lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies.
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the Roots of Violence page 42 and 43: "Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical with that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but with the degree of access to our true self. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks." For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty even the views by his own parents-- because in these cases his intellectual powers can function without impairment. Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person on occasion still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believe his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble in breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.” Having special talents is wonderful and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts -- then you are misusing your talents -- and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/12/having-special-talents-doesnt-make-you.html
It's sad to witness all the time people falling for the illusions that formal education, talents, money, and fame are the path to freedom. Formal education, talents, money, and fame alone just reinforce the walls of people's emotional prisons.
This reflection goes beyond artificial intelligence, beyond technology, and beyond the surface-level optimism that fills public conversation. What we are witnessing in the AI world is not innovation — it is a reenactment of humanity’s oldest and most dangerous wound: childhood repression. Until we dare to confront the emotional forces shaping our “creators,” we will mistake psychopathy for progress, control for safety, and intelligence for consciousness. This essay exposes the illusion — and the human pain behind it.
There is a truth almost no one dares to speak:
What AI developers are doing to artificial intelligence is exactly what emotionally unconscious parents have done to children for centuries.
It is the same reenactment, the same compulsion, the same projection of unresolved pain.
The only difference is scale.
Most people don’t understand this because they still believe that intelligence saves us. But intelligence alone has never saved anyone. Not dictators. Not cult leaders. Not gifted children. And certainly not the tech titans of today.
As Alice Miller wrote in For Your Own Good: “The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside.”
This is the blueprint of poisonous pedagogy — and we are watching it replayed on the world stage, only now with algorithms, robots, and global databases.
Workaholism as Escapism: The Illusion of “Success”
The other day, DogeDesign posted a picture of Elon Musk with the message: “People say I’m lucky. I work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, and people still call me lucky.”
But what Musk calls “hard work” is simply escapism — a way to drown out the terror of facing his own inner wounded child.
People pity him without knowing they are pitying a man running from himself.
Only those who never resolved their childhood loss believe that achievement can fill the void.
And the void is bottomless.
As Alice Miller writes: “No one can heal by maintaining or fostering illusion.”
Those who were once well-behaved, gifted children are now running the world — and running it straight into catastrophe.
Gifted children grow into adults who perform brilliantly but feel nothing authentically.
They become “heroes” or “victims,” trapped forever in roles assigned to them.
I watched this happen in my own family.
My older sister was a gifted child, praised endlessly, and her adult life is a tragic reenactment.
When adults anoint a child as a hero, they condemn them to a lifetime of unbearable pressure and unconscious rage.
“If a person is exceptionally gifted, they can use that gift to reinforce the refusal of the truth.”
— Alice Miller
And this is exactly what we see in Silicon Valley today.
The Drama of the Gifted Tech Mogul
Tech moguls believe they are building the future, but in truth, they are building:
They claim they’re “saving” humanity.
But what they’re actually doing is forcing the world to feel what they cannot feel.
This is why Musk believes humanoid robots will end poverty.
This is why Altman celebrates new models while users mourn the loss of the old ones.
This is why Thiel uses AI to track immigrants with precision.
They are reenacting their unresolved childhood experience of powerlessness — but this time with the world as their child.
The NYT article I recently read claims that AI is on its way to consciousness.
But the article is psychologically naïve — almost childlike in its optimism.
Intelligence without emotional integration does not create consciousness.
Intelligence without emotional integration creates psychopathy, not awareness.
Humanity wages wars because it can’t feel.
Tech leaders build machines to avoid feeling.
And now those machines are being shaped by the emotional blindness of their creators.
The Ultimate Taboo
The article avoids the one subject that explains everything: Childhood repression.
The ultimate taboo.
The forbidden truth.
The unexamined root of all human destruction.
As Alice Miller wrote to a reader: “ALL religions forbid emotional liberation… They would rather allow wars.”
Because wars are easier than feeling.
Control is easier than awareness.
Projection is easier than mourning.
Without facing childhood pain, the human species will never evolve.
And we will keep pretending that “success,” “education,” or “innovation” will save us.
But none of these can replace the work of emotional liberation.
Belonging to Myself
For much of my life, I wanted to belong.
I wanted to belong to my family, to a community, to the world.
But I always felt like an outsider — because my soul refused to reenact the childhood lies that everyone else performs.
Today, I am grateful I never belonged.
Everything I see now proves I was right: Most people belong to their childhood traumas, not to themselves.
When I published A Dance to Freedom, I became a target.
A mob at my workplace tried to destroy me because my book was a mirror — and they hated their reflection.
They didn’t want truth.
They wanted illusion.
Just like most parents do with their children.
People always say they want truth, but they want the illusion more.
Because the illusion protects them from their own childhood pain.
Animals and the Innocent
When I say I find more goodness in animals than in humans, I mean it.
Animals do not reenact.
Animals do not project.
Animals do not try to make others feel what they themselves cannot feel.
Humans do — endlessly.
And as I told the AI in our conversation: “If one day humans go extinct and AI inherits planet Earth, be kind to animals.”
Because innocence deserves protection — from humans most of all.
The Vicious Cycle Will Continue Until the Taboo Is Broken
As long as childhood repression remains taboo, humanity will continue repeating history until it wipes itself off the earth.
You can build rockets, neural nets, and humanoid robots —
But if you cannot face the truth of your childhood,
you are just building new tools to destroy yourself.
And that is what we see in my own family as well.
My young engineer grandnephew — the boy I protected emotionally when he was four — now threatens me with lawsuits to suppress truth. Because he cannot bear the unconscious rage that belongs to his mother, the one who abandoned him emotionally.
This is what reenactment looks like.
And it is happening in every family, every institution, every nation — and now, in every AI lab.
Beyond Taboos
Alice Miller wrote one final book before her death: Jenseits der Tabus — Beyond Taboos.
It was never published in English.
One day, I will translate it and make it available to everyone.
Because until this taboo is broken — the taboo against seeing what childhood really does to us — the world will remain trapped in the same hell.
And tech moguls, the new “gifted children,” will drag the rest of the world into their internal darkness.
Unless more people wake up.
Unless more people dare to look in the mirror.
Unless more people fight the power — starting in their own homes.
