If there isn’t chaos, narcissists will create it

https://youtube.com/shorts/tzDf5spzOv4?si=Zp2VWsq1zw-ctpwo

https://youtube.com/shorts/UvaF9ZbJ14Y?si=8o08NFiCB1L6-mL1

Narcissists may thrive on chaos because it allows them to gain control and keep people focused on them. Chaos is energy without direction, which narcissists can use to create confusion. When people become confused, narcissists can blame them for the chaos.

Narcissists may also create chaos to:

• Relive turbulent pasts: Narcissists may create chaos to relive turbulent times with early caregivers.
• Find gratification: Narcissists may find gratification and satisfaction in chaos.
• Have attention: Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and validation, and conflict allows them to be the center of attention.

Narcissists may also create chaos by:

• Forcing people to think
• Forcing people to reflect
• Forcing people to doubt and question
• Introducing the unpredictable, incomprehensible, senseless, and cruel into people's lives -

Narcissists are often immature, insecure, and abusive people who are terrified of exposure. They may also have a sense of entitlement that voids the opportunity to fit in. 

Narcissists will actually manufacture the chaos and confusion if there isn’t any.

Narcissists regularly:

1. Instigate crazymaking arguments

2. Ruin holidays & special occasions

3. Provoke jealousy & use triangulation

4. Give you the Silent Treatment

5. Steal your time & energy

https://centerforhopewny.org/narcissists-crave-chaos/

https://youtube.com/shorts/sx56lVqHDSI?si=rSUwXJK8KCOMr7IR

https://youtube.com/shorts/Rq_mdu0yCIQ?si=TUmboHsw30Q-cRWS

Vindictive Narcissists: 10 Signs & How to Handle One

Vindictive Narcissists: 10 Signs & How to Handle One

"1. They’re Easily Offended

Research suggests that narcissistic rage and vindictiveness are commonly exhibited when a narcissist takes offense to something that someone did or said.^2,4 Because narcissists often think only of themselves, they tend to take things personally and get offended in situations most people wouldn’t be bothered by. The more sensitive a narcissist is to criticism, the more likely it is they’ll become mean, vengeful, and vindictive.³

2. They Hold Grudges & Harbor Resentment

Vindictive narcissists are known to have a hard time letting go of anger and resentment, and may hold grudges against people for things that happened long ago. It’s almost as if they’re mentally ‘keeping score’ of every slight, critical remark, or joke made at their expense.^3,8,9 They may blow up in the moment and still harbor resentment. Other times, they appear aloof or unbothered while inwardly plotting their revenge.³

3. They Are Usually Angry or Upset With Someone

It’s not unusual for a vindictive narcissist to be angry or upset with someone. They may even share their frustrations with others and rehash the reasons why they are irate. If you’re dealing with a vindictive narcissist, there’s a good chance that they are always mad at someone, as vindictive behavior is mainly driven by anger.¹ Partners of vindictive narcissists often feel like they can’t do anything right, are constantly being criticized, and that their partner is continually upset with them.^2,5

4. They Blame Everything on Someone Else

A refusal to accept accountability is a telltale sign of narcissism, but may be more prevalent in narcissists with a vindictive streak.^2,3,7 Projecting blame onto someone else (even if they’re innocent) serves many purposes for a vindictive narcissist. One is that it allows them to dodge personal responsibility for anything they may have done wrong, further protecting their egos. Painting someone else as the ‘bad guy’ provides an excuse to target and retaliate against the person.⁴

5. They Don’t Know How to Work Through Conflict

Poor emotion regulation and impulse control are at the core of NPD, making it difficult for them to remain calm enough to ‘fight fair.’ Immature defenses, fits of rage, and vindictive acts are most obvious during conflicts and disagreements.^2,3,4 Because vindictive narcissists are easily upset and unable to express themselves peacefully, they tend to either explode, storm off, or shut down during conflict. This also means that most of their disputes are unresolved, which may partly explain why they hold grudges and plot ways to get revenge.⁴

6. They Have a ‘Get Even’ Mentality

Vindictive narcissists have a ‘get even’ mentality and keep score of when someone has upset or offended them, often with a long list of names attached. Being unable to regulate emotions, take responsibility, resolve conflicts, or find empathy and forgiveness for others means getting even is the only way to let go and move on.^3,4

7. They Weaponize Information

When people make the mistake of sharing their secrets, insecurities, and sensitive ‘intel’ with a vindictive narcissist, they usually end up regretting it. After collecting this information through charm, manipulation tactics, or other dishonest means, a vindictive narcissist commonly weaponizes this information. They may use it to blackmail, control, or threaten someone; or they may use it in a smear campaign designed to ruin someone’s career, life, or reputation.^2,3,5

8. They Belittle Others to Feel Bigger

Vindictiveness is sometimes believed to be an indication of severe narcissism, especially because it’s closely tied to antisocial and abusive behavior.^4,5,6 One may this may be exhibited in daily interactions is belittlement. A vindictive narcissist will often put people down, give back-handed compliments, make cruel remarks, or say and do things to make others feel small (especially when they’re feeling small themselves).^2,4

9. They Have a Mean & Sadistic Side

The more severe a person’s NPD is, the more likely it is that they’ll behave in ways that are cruel, dishonest, and even abusive. These antisocial tendencies can show up as a lack of empathy, callousness, or cruelty.⁶ The most psychopathic narcissists may even enjoy causing pain and suffering. These sadistic tendencies can be a sign that someone has both antisocial and narcissistic personality disorder (called malignant narcissism). This is also known as ‘Schadenfreude,’ a German term referring to the pleasure of hurting others.

10. They Use, Abuse & Then Discard People

Extreme narcissists are unable to form close, healthy, and lasting relationships with other people.^2,3,5 They usually view relationships in a transactional way, strategically trying to charm and con their way into the inner circles of people who have things they want. This could be fortune, fame, power, status, or valuable skills or personality traits that can be exploited. Once they’ve acquired their target or found a new and ‘better’ alternative, vindictive narcissists quickly end the relationship and move on to their next victim (aka narcissistic discard).

Causes of Vindictive Narcissism

Narcissistic personality disorder is believed to be caused by a combination of genetic, environmental, and social factors. Certain research suggests that some people with narcissistic and antisocial personalities have abnormalities in parts of the brain linked to empathy, emotional intelligence, and impulse control. Others may be at higher risk for NPD based on their personality type and temperament.⁸

While these predispositions and genetic factors may play a role in NPD, studies suggest that childhood trauma is one of the main contributing factors to the disorder. Extreme parenting styles and attachment trauma in childhood are highly common in narcissists. For example, both excessive praise and extreme physical or emotional neglect in childhood make someone much more likely to develop NPD as an adult.⁸

Triggers for Vindictiveness in Narcissists

Both overt and covert narcissists can be vindictive, but research suggests they may have slightly different triggers and motivations for seeking revenge. According to one study, ‘narcissistic rage’ (the projection of anger onto others) in covert or vulnerable narcissists is often triggered by abandonment issues and insecure attachment styles. In overt/grandiose narcissists, triggers are commonly centered around competition, achievement, and failures that threaten one’s ‘God complex.’²

In both subtypes, the triggers for vindictive, angry, and defensive behaviors usually involve an ‘ego wound’ that results in feelings of shame, humiliation, or insecurity.^2,3 Many psychologists believe that vindictiveness is a defense mechanism used to boost one’s self-esteem and regulate emotions when feeling insecure or threatened. It’s often tied to other immature defenses used by people with NPD like projection, denial, idealization of themselves, and devaluation of others.⁴

Examples of triggers for narcissistic rage and vindictiveness include:^2,3,4,8

• Being challenged, debated, or disagreed with
• Being told “no,” rejected, or denied special treatment
• Feeling envious, insecure, or threatened by someone viewed as ‘competition’
• Being told what to do by an authority figure or someone in a position of power
• Hearing critical or corrective feedback about themselves or their performance
• Feeling embarrassed or humiliated, especially in front of others
• Having someone hold them accountable for their actions or mistakes"

Read more in the link below:

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/vindictive-narcissist/

Narcissists are Quick to Dismiss the Feelings of Guilt and Shame

"The truth is that narcissists have fragile egos and a lot of repressed shame. But acknowledging shame requires giving up power and becoming vulnerable. Since they lack these abilities, narcissists find it incredibly difficult to face shame.

How Does a Narcissist Cope with Feelings of Guilt and Shame?

Narcissists frequently struggle to acknowledge guilt or shame due to their exaggerated sense of self-importance and lack of empathy. So, when confronted with situations that may trigger these unpleasant feelings, narcissists may use various defense mechanisms such as projection, rationalization, or blame-shifting.

Narcissists are Quick to Dismiss These Feelings However They Can

We may feel guilty or ashamed when we are aware of our misbehavior or inappropriate actions. While some narcissists may occasionally feel a pang of remorse or shame, this emotion is frequently transitory and shallow.

Or, more commonly, narcissists avoid individuals or circumstances that make them feel guilty or ashamed rather than dealing with those feelings directly."

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/do-narcissists-feel-guilt-shame-kamini-wood-xjbzc#:~:text=While%20some%20narcissists%20may%20occasionally,dealing%20with%20those%20feelings%20directly.

Abusers are like: how dare you ruin my reputation by telling people the things I did and said

NARCISSISTS ONLY TELL HALF TRUTHS. Those half-truths are the ones that make them look good.

Narcissists make you look crazy. They will purposely get you to react by prodding and probing and doing things to upset you or set you off. They will treat you with such a lack of respect that you have a hard time holding back, and then you explode. Screaming and acting crazy and saying awful things back to them. Appearing like you are the one out of control. Don't fall for it. Don't react, respond. Either walk away or calmly respond. They want you to react in an out-of-control manner, so they can point the finger at you and say, He/she is crazy. -Maria Consiglio

A gentle reminder: You don't have to be the "bigger person." You don't have to accept insincere apologies. You don't have to tolerate relationships that drain you. You don't have to spend your whole life showing up for people who have no interest in showing up for you. --Michell C. Clark

A narcissist wants to convince you that your reactions to their actions are the problem when, without their actions, there would be no reactions. E.S.

Narcissists use rivalry and jealousy to create a theatre of conflict, ensuring their victims stay apart and their ego remains inflated. E.S.

Yep!

Why Narcissists Get Married

 

https://youtube.com/shorts/X8-4UNu7RMk?si=JDcCgeFvZFVZ97JF

https://youtube.com/shorts/Yh6QlYuNjUE?si=hlxHuzJdQNGbkcTo

Narcissists may get married for a variety of reasons, including:

• Validation and approval

  Narcissists may seek validation and approval from their spouses to boost their self-esteem.
• Supply

  A spouse provides a constant source of narcissistic supply, and narcissists cannot function without it.
• Image boosting

  Marriage can help narcissists boost their image.
• Money

  Narcissists may get married to get money from their partner or their partner's family.
• Social status

  Narcissists may get married to attain higher social status, such as marrying into a certain family or ethnic group.
• Ownership

  Narcissists may view marriage as ownership of a source of narcissistic supply, which their spouse is required to give them 24/7.
• Contract

  Narcissists may view marriage as a contract that proves they will never be alone or abandoned.
• Attention

  Weddings come with lots of attention, which may be appealing to narcissists. 

Narcissists may also marry people who are: Weak-minded, Submissive, People-pleasers, and Targets already vulnerable people. 

Some say that narcissists and people-pleasers may have a dynamic where one person maintains and asserts their power, while the other person does whatever they can to ensure that power stays in place. 

The narcissist fears abandonment, if you agree to marry them, the narcissist feels more secure and more in control. They need an assistant. The narcissist loves being taken care of. Having a spouse to a narcissist often means having a live-in house cleaner, chef, secretary, accountant, and errand-runner.

Narcissists feel empty on the inside

It doesn't matter because it is what it is. But I added to my blog I'm NOT a Therapist that the people going around saying I was playing therapist.  I never chased anyone, they were the ones chasing me and following me around that I could not have a minute to myself. I couldn't wait to come back to the United States so I could have time for myself again. 

One was always dropping her 3-year-old son with me because she couldn't handle taking care of her own child. 

Now I realize they were not following me around because they wanted to learn from me and grow as human beings but were just using me. And to collect data they could use one day as tools of manipulation and control to give them an advantage in the games people play.  

I told them many times that I was allowing them to use me to distract themselves from themselves but one day I would not let them use me anymore. That day has arrived and now they are mad at me and doing everything to discredit me so they can pretend to be superior walking around wearing my skin to fool people but time always reveals who is real and who is fake pretending to be someone they are not.

I saved her 4-year-old son's psyche enough for now as an adult to make threats against me to suppress the truth, facts, and evidence from himself and others. His mother who abandoned him physically and emotionally when he was a defenseless little child is protected from his unresolved repressed hatred and is directing his hatred towards me instead. It's sad but it is what it is. 

https://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/

They say, "Misery loves Company" Well I say, "Narcissists love to bring happy people down." What BETTER type of power trip to a narcissist's ego than to take a naturally happy person and by their own "amazing abilities" turn them into a shell of their former selves while walking off "wearing their skin"? You know that they WANT to see you laying on the sidewalk, crying out in pain because you're "nothing" without them; just as they told you (or insinuated many times). ~ANA (After Narcissistic Abuse)

Narcissists use guilt to control you, especially when you finally take care of yourself or assert your needs. They make you feel guilty for putting yourself first, expecting their respect, or valuing yourself and even blame you for abandoning them. They have abandoned you emotionally, mentally, and physically for most of the relationship. They have treated you poorly throughout, and then, somehow find a way to blame you. Don't fall for it. This is just another gaslighting technique.

Narcissists feel empty on the inside and try to fill that emptiness with stuff. Psychologists say that narcissists like nice things for appearance's sake, but the need is deeper than that. People who have a robust sense of self should be less likely to be materialistic or hoarding.

Narcissists can feel empty by themselves: 

Lack of self-awareness

Narcissists may not have a sense of self or self-awareness and may feel like they need constant mirroring from others. 

Childhood exploitation

Narcissists may have been treated as an objects in childhood, which can lead to a disconnect from emotional authenticity. 

Self-hatred

Research suggests that narcissists may not love themselves, but rather may be driven by self-hatred. 

Here are some other things to know about narcissists: 

Grandiose sense of self

Narcissists may believe they are unique or special, and may only want to associate with other high-status people. 

Defenses

Narcissists may use defenses like repression, denial, distortion, rationalization, and lies to discharge painful feelings. 

Narcissistic collapse

When a narcissist's image is threatened, they may become enraged and lash out impulsively. This is a way for them to re-establish control. 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-philosopher-is-in/202401/narcissism-and-materialism-a-match-made-in-hell

Exactly! 

 

Narcissists know what they are doing

Yes, they know what they are doing, mainly if they have acquired intellectual knowledge in psychology. They become authentic monsters. Unfortunately, I have helped create a few of these monsters by sharing freely with some malignant narcissists close to me my psychological discoveries. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/11/narcissists-are-evolving.html

While narcissists may be aware of their actions, due to a lack of self-awareness and empathy, they often don't fully understand the negative impact their behavior has on others, meaning they may not fully grasp the harmful nature of their actions, even if they are consciously engaging in them; essentially, they "know what they are doing" but may not recognize the moral implications of their behavior. 

Key points to consider:

Lack of self-awareness:

Narcissists often lack the necessary introspection to fully recognize their own behavior as problematic or harmful to others. 

Distorted perception:

Their inflated sense of self-importance can lead to a skewed perception of their actions, justifying their behavior as appropriate or even necessary. 

Manipulation and strategy:

While they may be aware of their manipulative tactics, they often rationalize them as necessary to achieve their goals. 

I'm not mad, I'm done;

I'm not mad; I'm done. That's what people don't understand; I'm not mad at anyone; I'm just done. Done dealing with situations that rob me of my peace.

I'm done dealing with people who don't love me as I love them. Don't try as hard as I try, and don't put in the effort that I put in.

I'm just done. That's it.

Yes, they are corrupted to the core. Some lie by staying silent or by omission by not sharing information that could be helpful to others. They are liars by omission. I know someone who tells you that she doesn't lie, but she is just as much of a liar as the people she accuses of lying. 

They don't feel safe and secure by themselves. And they don't trust themselves. The people we need to trust the most are ourselves, not others. 

Yep!

Yep! That's why you have to leave and do your emotional work so these malignant people who all want your destruction can never again enter into your life. 

Yes, narcissists are like toddlers in adult bodies, endlessly stuck in the emotional prison of their childhood with people standing in, symbolizing their parents or childhood caregivers. 

 

Yep, once we learn to swim in the deep end of our childhood traumas -- can never again narcissists be able to manipulate us -- and gain power over us. Humanity is like a big ocean; some parts of the human ocean are hazardous. Most people think freedom is to swim upwards by standing in other people's heads. But true freedom is to swim horizontally and around dangerous waters or malignant/evil people towards the beach of the human ocean. Suppose you swim upwards by standing in the heads of others. In that case, if people below wake up and decide to let go, those on the top standing in the heads of others will freefall to the bottom of the human ocean. I'm safe at the beach of the human sea, watching most humans fight to step on the heads of others to get to the top!  It's very sad to witness. You will be amazed how little money you need when you are happy and free and on the beach of the human ocean. I still need to go into the big human ocean to fish for resources, and sometimes, I do encounter rough waters or malignant/evil people, but now I am a master at swimming around it and not being swallowed by these black holes or evil energy. Soon, I will retire and no longer need to go out into the big human ocean. Right now, I'm in the safe waters of the human ocean, which are very pleasant and calm, so I might keep fishing and postpone my retirement a little longer. 

Yep

Yep!

"Children of Narcissistic parents who don't become extreme narcissists themselves but become highly sensitive, honest, and intuitive are some of the strongest people to walk this earth. Their entire life is often devoted to healing wounds they never asked for.

Narcissists think they can do whatever they want and don't have to follow rules. They think they are Above the Law and Above God. You, on the other hand, are expected to follow the rules. Double standards. This is their way to suppress you and maintain complete control. 

Covert Female Narcissists seek out partners whom they perceive as superior to themselves in various aspects, such as physical appearance, financial status, and other traits. Although this may enhance their public image and reputation, it reinforces their inner insecurities and fear of abandonment. As a result, they tend to undermine your self-confidence and self-worth to prevent you from realizing your true value and seeking a better partner. 

Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Psychopaths set people up for failure. They enjoy trying to prove a victim wrong and embarrassing them.

Example? A psychologically abusive person will intentionally give incorrect information, stand back to watch the victim take the bait (lie), and then mock, shame, criticize, and abuse the victim for doing the "wrong" thing. This is done to bring further validity to the smear campaign they have going and to make the toxic person look like they are the one being harmed. Toxic people will go to elaborate lengths to set up a victim -Shannon Thomas (yes, they do!) 

Narcissists don't marry for love, connection, or partnership-they marry for control. To them, a spouse isn't a companion but a carefully chosen target: a slave to serve their endless demands, a scapegoat for their inner hatred. Marriage becomes their stage, where they can degrade, manipulate, and siphon your energy to fuel their fragile sense of superiority. It's not about building a life together but building a throne where they reign, and you are there to serve and obey. -Jill Wise ( (That's what happens in many families around the world! As the family is, so is the rest of the world! As we constantly witness malignant narcissists being elected into the highest office)  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/06/what-goes-on-in-narcissists-mind-when.html

What Narcissists Do When They Get Caught

1. Rage and have a tantrum.

2. Tell a sob story and use it as an excuse

3. Deny, even with proof in front of them.

4. Lie, gaslight, confuse, or manipulate.

5. Deflect and bring up your own wrongdoings, making it about you.

6. Create a smear campaign, twisting the facts before you can tell the truth.

7. Turn everything around and blame you, getting angry at you or being upset with them.

8. Punish you for calling them out (silent treatment, etc.).

No matter how pleasant a toxic person may behave for a short period of time, they will almost always return to their baseline abusive behaviors. ANDY WARHOL 

Walk away when :

• They think you're arguing every time you express yourself 

• They dismiss, minimize, or invalidate you

• They are committed to misunderstanding you

• They shame you when speaking your heart & mind

• They gaslight, stonewall, or manipulate you

• They are indifferent to your presence in their life

• They are unwilling to show empathy when you are vulnerable

• There is a lack of equal energetic reciprocity

• They withhold, withdraw and withstand love

Behind the Narcissist’s Mask

I have. It's frustrating when most of the time you are the only one to see how some people are pure evil hiding behind a mask.  

EVIL WILL VERY RARELY EXPOSE ITSELF TO PUBLIC LIGHT. IT MUST HIDE. AND IT ALMOST ALWAYS HIDES UNDER THE PRETEXT OF SOMETHING VIRTUOUS.

"But chances are you won’t ever remove the narcissist mask, because he defends it at all costs with a full arsenal of preemptive controlling and abusive tactics. Whether as a young person overvalued with excessive praise and indulgence or undervalued with neglect and/or abuse (or an impossible combination of those parenting styles), the narcissist is in essence an emotionally stunted child with an adult savvy for ruthless manipulating. The narcissist mask is what he wears to assert a face of superiority and entitlement, protecting himself from intolerable feelings of invalidation, otherwise known as “narcissistic injury.”

The Narcissist Bully

Narcissists are classic bullies. They ambush, attack without cause, and prey on the most vulnerable within their grasp, usually those who love and depend on them, namely their spouse and children, who as a result carry lasting emotional and physiological trauma.

Narcissists often also abuse employees, susceptible friends, and “underlings” such as waiters and clerks. Exploiting their power over others in any way possible feeds their endless need to feel superior, and their lack of empathy gives them free range to abuse without the troubling hindrance of a conscience.

The Narcissist Coward

Many of us come out of invalidating (sometimes severely) home environments, but we do not become compassionless sadists. Narcissists are cowards who are fundamentally terrified of themselves and anyone who might see through their mask. Their driving motivation in life is to shield themselves from threatening emotions that trigger their deep-seated sense of inferiority, or narcissist injury.

Often narcissists strike and run, initiating surprise attacks and retreating before being confronted with the consequences of their rage. Narcissists also may behave passive-aggressively, cloaking their rage in self-pitying performances meant to induce guilt and blame.

Whatever hurtful tactics they use, narcissists virtually never take responsibility for their behavior. Instead, they are masterful at denying and projecting their abuse onto others, most often those they have abused, further exacerbating the harm they do.

The Narcissist Liar

The narcissist mask is a lie designed to protect her from truths she cannot bear. Again, this feels like a pity plea moment, and indeed pity for the narcissist is understandable. But pity for the narcissist is dangerous territory that often leads those already victimized into a position for further abuse.

Narcissists are liars who continuously attempt to control others’ perceptions of them and, when they can’t, resort to nasty, often violent reprisal. The narcissist may cast himself as a highly principled person, but in reality he is only concerned with his own needs and is too weak to face life’s truths, especially those that threaten his defenses. He may talk a good game, but when it comes to the truth, he stonewalls, blames and shames others, and always deflects accountability.

The narcissist may, for example, rage at her son for getting an A- grade instead of an A, because she feels threatened by her son’s academic success, she is angry about a fight she had with her spouse, or she is projecting a self-centered expectation of perfection.

The Narcissist Fraud

Narcissists are by nature frauds who lie, exaggerate, and brag about themselves and denigrate others to bolster their image. They hate themselves but hate others even more, and everything they do is in service of asserting a superior face no matter what reality exists inside themselves or within their family.

A dictionary definition of fraud is

a person or thing intended to deceive others, typically by unjustifiably claiming or being credited with accomplishments or qualities.

Narcissists are classic frauds—at love, parenting, friendship, and any other important relationship in life. Because they lack the ability to recognize and empathize with others’ experiences and emotions, narcissists are incapable of authentic intimacy, kindness, or selfless giving.

Julie L. Hall’s articles on narcissism regularly appear on her blog The Narcissist Family Files and in The Huffington Post and PsychCentral.com. She is the author of the forthcoming memoir about life, and a few near deaths, in a narcissistic family (read excerpts).

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/behind-the-narcissist-mask-the-bully-coward-liar_b_58cb25d5e4b0e0d348b341d4

"WHO IS TARGETED

Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …"

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2019/02/sociopaths-love-challenge.html?m=1

Narcissists use superficial praise and personality mirroring to get jobs, partners, friends, and influence. The problem with shallow flattery is that it's not authentic, so their fairy-tale beginnings always come crashing down. With Cluster-B personality types, it's common to think that you've found the perfect employee, the most amazing partner, the nicest friend, the greatest politician... But with time, everything starts to come crumbling down. They're dishonest, disloyal, and their actions never seem to match up with those promising words they gave in the beginning. This is because that person never actually existed, they were just acting as a chameleon, saying exactly what they thought you wanted to hear.

When Keanu Reeves Said:

"If you have been brutally broken but still have the courage to be gentle to other living beings, then you're a badass with the heart of an angel"

Blame Shifting

Manipulation is when they blame you for your reaction to their disrespect.

In dysfunctional, toxic and narcissistic groups, friendly empaths are outcasted and scapegoated while predators and bullies are popular and glorified.

Narcissists only surround themselves with people who enable their behavior, ignore their behavior or encourage their behavior. Anyone who tries to hold them accountable will be accused and blamed of the exact things the narcissist is guilty of. And the people who know the truth, will remain silent.

A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects. They will be offended by the truth. But what is done in the dark will come to light. Time has a way of showing people's true colors." KARLA GRIMES

When someone treats you like crap, just remember it's because there's something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other people's lives.

When a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others see you.

"The misinformation will feel unfair, but stay above it, trusting that other people will eventually see the truth, just like you did." Jill Blakeway

Narcissists cannot ever admit to any wrongdoing. Why would they? In their eyes, they don't ever do anything wrong. They think they don't make mistakes. What they do is blame others. It's called Blame Shifting.

"When the narcissist begins to think that someone will blame them for an action, they go into self-preservation mode and will deflect all blame from themselves and onto someone else. This is where the blame-shifting happens." 

"Narcissists THRIVE on manipulating our emotions to THEIR advantage! We MUST learn this and NEVER take anything they say seriously. They are purposely doing this to provoke us and to get a reaction that creates chaos, drama, and NEGATIVE emotions. Making people feel small, diminished, and on edge makes them feel superior, powerful, and in control of us!" From Greg Zaffuto's book From Charm to Harm and Everything Else in Between with a Narcissist

Pay very close attention to what your narcissist barks at you about Specifically what s/he accuses you of It's the closest thing to a confession you'll get.

"Narcissists will have everyone believing that because you speak up and talk about how they treated you with others, or because you cut contact with them, that you are out for revenge, or holding a grudge. In reality, all you are doing is using boundaries and holding them accountable"

"Holding a narcissist accountable for anything is thoroughly impossible. That's a fact. They will explode, reject, stonewall, deny, blame-shift and lie with absolutely no conscience or remorse. This is not "conflict avoidance." It is a pathological aversion to ACCOUNTABILITY."

"Agreeing to things just to keep the peace is actually a trauma response. When you do this, you're disrespecting your boundaries. No more making yourself uncomfortable for others to feel comfortable. You have control now. You run your life. Take up space and use your voice."

WHY NARCISSISTS WILL NEVER BE HAPPY No matter what type of relationships narcissists seek, they are never happy. They go about their lives seeking something that is not achievable because the ego has created the biggest fog especially for them.

If narcissists should be in a long term relationship, it is only to act as camouflage. Sort of leading a normal life but the lies, the cheating, the fakeness, the selfishness and the hate will always be there.

"WHY DO NARCISSISTS GET MARRIED? The answer is... Narcissists get married because they need a slave, a supply, and a source of gratification. Marriage for a narcissist is just a social license to use their partner as a housemaid, sex partner and a cook. For them, marriage also means a way to insult, blame shift, project their Insecurities on their partner. It is never about love, care or affection; it is all about the user."

The only principle that governs their minds is the question "How do I look?"

Narcissists are trapped in the mind of a two year old, and they possess no cognitive ability to reason, to negotiate, to cooperate, to give and take, to love, to empathize. Rather their lives consist of ultimatums, demands, greed, egocentric thinking, bullying, temper tantrums, silent treatments and a plethora of 'I WANTS' and 'GIVE ME'S'. My way or the highway

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists

"Accept that the narcissist is what he/she is. Narcissists are totally incapable of love and deep connection. Nothing you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome. You were not loved for YOU as a person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility, not for your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to provide. You were their human helium tank that maintained their inflated view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a very painful realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY

5 Forms of Narcissistic Abuse Used by Covert Narcissists is another great article by DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY  

In this article Dr. Melanie Cabrera articulates beautifully exactly what, very recently, two covert narcissists did, one in my family and the other in the workplace, they invaded my privacy and one even broke into private messages accounts of close relatives and made public private conversations. When thier moves didn't go their way, they just quit and left. 

"As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image. 

Covert, or vulnerable, narcissists differ from their overt (grandiose) counterparts in several ways.  One of the main ways is that, contrary to pop psychology belief, overt narcissists do not have an underlying belief of themselves as inadequate or less than.  They truly believe the world should fall at their feet.  Covert narcissists, on the other hand, have a fragile ego in which shame and envy drive the narcissistic abuse bus.  They absolutely NEED to objectify others and destroy intersubjectivity in their relationships as a way to “prove” to themselves they are not the inadequate beings they feel they are.  In short, they view their inner self as shameful but lack the intrinsic motivation to change.  When combined with deficits in emotional recognition (empathy), deficits in affect regulation, and a biased conceptualization of self and others, you get a covert narcissist.  

In this article, we’ll take a look at five examples of narcissistic abuse used by covert narcissists and what they really mean.  As you’ll notice, their behaviors have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their attempts to regain or retain a stable self image.

1. Having your social media, emails, phone calls and texts combed through regularly. 

This invasion of privacy serves two distinct aspects of the narcissist’s psyche.  First, this narcissistic abuse relates to testing your boundaries when done early on in the relationship.  To him or her, you have no true privacy as you are something to be “owned” and used to maintain his or her sense of self.  For the covert narcissist, however, this boundary violation morphs into a need to ensure continued hold over you.  He or she needs to make sure you are not speaking ill or otherwise catching on to the game being played. If he or she does not find anything, this maintains the sense of self as adequate and desirable. However, any indication that you are not all about him or her (in a positive light) will lead to an argument, including talking to members of the opposite sex.  Although it may appear that he or she is just starting a fight for the sake of starting a fight, in actuality, the fight is way to preserve the sense of self – his or her perspective is that you should not be talking or gaining attention from

3. Being unable to leave or enter a room, being locked out

This tactic is typically used just before discard and it is purely an attempt to regain a sense of stable self for the narcissist.  If this form of narcissistic abuse is being used, it is because you have begun to question him or her, have caught on to other incidences of abuse, or are otherwise indicating you are fed up with their behavior.  You perhaps set a boundary.  My narcissistic ex used to lock me out of the bedroom or lock my dog in one room while I was locked in another when I would confront him on his crappy behaviors (usually involving invading my privacy).  They do this in hopes that you will become erratic, yell, beg, plead, etc so that they can use it against you during their smear campaign and ensuing “woe is me” attempts at victimhood."

Read all five examples of Narcissistic Abuse used by Covert Narcissists and what they really mean in the link below:

https://drmelaniecabrera.com/5-forms-of-narcissistic-abuse-used-by-covert-narcissists/