Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Gaslighting

This blog has been updated 2/25/2017

The property manager, the members of the board and the security company that employed me, they were very good at gaslighting. I didn't have a name for it, but I knew exactly what they were doing.

8 Signs You're in a Relationship With a Gaslighter

The 7 Stages of Gaslighting in Relationships

"Gaslighting is a form of persistent manipulation and brainwashing that causes the victim to doubt her or himself, and to ultimately lose their own sense of perception, identity, and self-worth. Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies or exaggeration of the truth. The term is derived from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she’s insane by causing her to question herself and her reality.
In its milder forms, gaslighting creates a subtle but inequitable power dynamic in a relationship, with the gaslightee subjected to the gaslighter’s unreasonable, rather than fact-based, scrutiny, judgment, or micro-aggression. At its worst, pathological gaslighting constitutes a severe form of mind-control and psychological abuse. Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, with verbal, emotional, and/or physical hostility from one partner to the other; at the workplace, when a supervisor regularly and unfairly berates employees; or across an entire nation, as when commercial advertising or public figures make pronouncements that are clearly contrary to the public good." Read more here 
#DonaldTrump is doing to America exactly what the sociopaths/assholes at the community where I used to work for nine and half years tried to do to me after I published my book. My understanding of the human mind was too threaten for them that they started gaslightingme in hope with their lies and mind games would get me to doubt my reality and drive me to self-destruct. Donald Trump is stalking the soul of America the same way the sociopaths/assholes at my job did, but sadly most people in America are too emotionally blind to see through it and they might destroy America as we know it and many lives in the process.  

I could not agree more with George Clooney! "“We have a demagogue in the White House. We need the fourth estate, which is journalists, to hold his feet to the fire.
They didn’t do a very good job during the campaign. And they haven’t done a particularly good job yet. But those things will change.
The idea that Donald Trump is a man of the people is the biggest political scam perpetrated in American history since Republican voters were somehow convinced that George W. Bush was somehow a “political outsider.”
Donald Trump is a representation of the very worst of the American wealthy elites who view their compatriots as nothing more than a means to the end. Bannon, a former Goldman executive, is similarly connected to the ruling elites that have outright purchased the Republican Party and plot to squeeze every last cent from the American middle class. Clooney’s comments are spot on and are sure to make President Trump glower in anger." Read more here 
3. Gaslighting does not always involve anger or intimidation
The book The Gaslight Effect refers to a type of gaslighting called glamour gaslighting. This is where the gaslighter showers you with special attention, but never actually gives you what you need. They put you on a pedestal, but then they are not there, in fact they may get angry at you, when you need a shoulder to cry on. It becomes difficult, after a while, to identify why it is that you feel so alone and hollow. In another type of gaslighting, the gaslighter is always transformed into the victim. Whenever you bring up a problem, you find yourself apologizing by the end of the conversation. For me, these were the worst exchanges. 

10. Gaslighting may be amplified in families, poly relationships, and other groups
It is hard to stand firm when one person is trying to replace your experience, but when they have a chorus of supporters, it is nearly impossible. There is a reason why cult abuse can lead to a complete breakdown of someone’s personality. Group manipulation and abuse is devastatingly effective. I cannot easily explain the level of shame and fear that a group you are deeply invested in can produce with a coordinated attack. We need to be very careful of this in poly groups so we do not exploit this power or unwittingly enable abuse.
I know there is a lot of shame tied up in ending a relationship, and no one wants to be the bad guy. But we all owe it to each other to not participate in relationships where anyone’s self esteem is being degraded. It doesn’t matter whose fault it is, and it doesn’t matter whether or not it is fair. There are bigger things at stake here. Let’s not punish each other for doing the things we need to do to be healthy.” 

That's exactly what they did!!!! Read more here.

Also this article Eight Mental Abuse Tactics to watch out for  articulates beautifully what I went through:

"
Psychopaths are social chameleons who can fit perfectly into any situation. They are experts at morphing their identities to get what they want and mirroring others for money, sex, and — most commonly — attention. Because of their ability to idealize others, psychopaths are often perceived as charming, innocent, and fun to unsuspecting onlookers and casual acquaintances. But there is another side to them.


When they’re feeling threatened or bored, a psychopath’s true colors start to come out. They draw you into arguments that are unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. 

The argument usually stems from something hurtful or inappropriate they’ve done, but you’ll quickly find that you’re the one defending yourself. Eight Mental Abuse Tactics to watch out for If you feel manipulated into doing or saying something, out of character, endure regular insults and rejection, and feel exploited by near and dear ones, you might be a victim of emotional abuse. 

Abuse is not just physical. There are many other forms of abuse, such as sexual, financial, emotional, mental, and verbal. While some of the other forms of abuse are obvious, mental abuse can be difficult to spot.
It could start simply with a casual comment about anything: the design of a furniture, opinion about a movie, or the car needing maintenance. The remark is taken out of context by the abuser to mean that they are disapproved by the victim in some way. The victim tries to explain that it wasn’t his/her intention, but they are off on a tirade, which ends in the victim feeling helpless, as if he/she is losing his/her mind.

An abuse can come dressed in any way. Here are few of the common abuse tactics, that are widely used. All you have to do is, Memorize these maneuvers, remain silent when they are being used, and end the conversation as soon as possible. This will keep you from being a victim of the mental abuse.
Rage – This is an intense, furious anger that comes out of nowhere, usually over nothing. It startles and shocks the victim into compliance or silence.

Gaslighting – Mental abusers lie about the past, making their victim doubt her memory, perception, and sanity. They claim and give evidence of her past wrong behavior further causing doubt. She might even begin to question what she said a minute ago.

The Stare – This is an intense stare with no feeling behind it.  It is designed to scare a victim into submission, and is frequently mixed with the silent treatment.

Silent Treatment – Some abusers punish by ignoring. Then they lets their victim “off the hook” by demanding an apology even though he/she isn’t to blame. This is to modify his/her behavior. They also have a history of cutting others out of their life permanently over small things.

Projection – They dump their issues onto their victim as if she were the one doing it. For instance, narcissistic mental abusers may accuse their spouse of lying when they have lied. Or they make her feel guilty when he is really guilty. This creates confusion.

Twisting – When abusers are confronted, they will twist it around to blame their victims for their actions. They will not accept responsibility for their behavior and insist that their victim apologize to them.

Manipulation – A favorite manipulation tactic is for the narcissist to make their victim fear the worst, such as abandonment, infidelity, or rejection. Then they refute it and ask her for something she normally would reply with “No.” This is a control tactic to get him/her to agree to do something he/she wouldn’t.

Victim Card – When all else fails, the narcissist resorts to playing the victim card. This is designed to gain sympathy and further control behavior."  read more here


Comments from the sharing of this post on Facebook

John Wilwerding Thanks Sylvie, I'm sorry for your treatment upon writing your truth. I'm familiar with the term, I recalled this phenomenon when I was involved in some helpful therapy revisiting a few troubling memories of youth.
Sylvie Imelda Shene All the little gifts the property manager brought me from her stupid trips while on vacation and at Christmas time, I threw them all in the garbage a long time ago.
Monica Chelagat Excellent article. Just finished reading. A name to describe a complicated and unhealthy relationship just like narcists do to their victims. This is even more subtle and draining as the abuser does not seek understanding but constant torment.

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