Narcissist v. Sociopath
A Narcissist sees others as a means to validate his existence. The less validating you are, the less use you are to a Narcissist.
When conflict arises, we can let it go and move on. Narcissists must get revenge.
We trust in the good of all people. Narcissists believe everyone is just like them.
We strive to help people feel good about themselves and find relief when a conflict has been resolved. Narcissists like to fight.
We take responsibility when we've made a mistake. Narcissists blame everyone else. We enjoy being compassionate. Narcissists enjoy being manipulative
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PEOPLE NEVER REALLY GROW. THEY NEVER LEARN THEIR LESSON. THEY NEVER RECOGNIZE THEIR MISTAKES. THEY NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FAULTS. THEY NEVER ADMIT THEY WERE IN THE WRONG. YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE AN APOLOGY FROM THEM, AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEIR BEHAVIOR CHANGE.
The truth is, narcissistic parents don't have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances.
You caught the narcissist's eye because you are a capable, caring, loving person, everything they are not. They set out to prove that your personality was as fake as theirs. They tried to shatter your self-confidence, take away your security, and make you beg them for more emotional abuse. In their twisted minds, this emotional wreck before them is the real, pitiful you, and you deserve to be outted. Love is foreign to them, and so is the pain of a broken heart. ~
Y. Clerebout
THEY ARE PREDATORS
They seek out compassionate, trusting, good-hearted human beings and then mimic those qualities. Like parasites, they are at their strongest when they have a healthy host. And then slowly, they use their victims' love to destroy them from the inside out. But unlike parasites, they don't do this for survival. They do it for fun/entertainment to temporarily alleviate the twisted state of living in contempt, envy, and boredom.
We need to fully grasp what we are dealing with when we encounter a narcissist. This thing masquerading as a normal person is in no way human, as we understand the word. It is a predator and a destroyer of all good and decent things. If we can comprehend this, it will have no power over our thoughts and emotions. If one of these is in your life, do everything in your power to extract it. Your sanity and your life may depend on it. ~Y. Clerebout
The moment you put a stop to people taking advantage of and disrespecting you is when they define you as difficult, selfish, or crazy. Manipulators hate boundaries.
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST: Don't argue with them. Don't engage with them. Don't defend yourself. Be indifferent. Be grounded. Be emotionless. --Sarah Kamoto
Dark Truth: Emotion for a narcissist equates to fuel. They want to hear you getting irritated. They want to get you annoyed. They want your voice to rise and see the tears of frustration welling in your eyes. When they see this, it makes them feel so powerful.
The narcissist believes they are the authority that determines reality. To them, your facts are meaningless and your logic is offensive.
If narcissists can't get positive attention, they will take negative attention. If they can't have your admiration, they will accept your rage. But they must provoke some response from you. That is their goal - to elicit a response, any response. It solidifies in their minds their power over you, that they are calling the shots, that you are weak, gullible, easily manipulated, vulnerable, or whatever they have labeled you in their mind, which means you are "less" than them.
Narcissistic Individuals Buy Into Their own Masks. Covert narcissists, for example, think they are really good people. They buy into their "humble demeanor." There is a delusional aspect to narcissism; there has to be for them to believe they are perfect or superior. They rationalize all the bad things they do. They find a way to blame you, or make it your fault, or believe you deserve it. That is how they could live with themselves. Covert narcissists can't imagine being looked at as anything other than wonderful people. -Maria Consiglio
Many people do get to a point where the mere thought of the Narcissist brings up feelings of loathing, disgust, or indifference. While I am not advocating hate, I would say that indifference is what you should strive for, especially if you have to continue engaging with them at some level. ~Savannah Grey
The narcissist will try to terrorize you if they have any power or control over you and have deemed you the enemy. They will go to just about any length to make you live in fear and on high alert, never knowing when the next attack is coming. They not only get sadistic pleasure from this, but they also feel very powerful. Do whatever you need to do to take their power or control away from you. If you need to move, change jobs, or relocate to a new city, it is in your best interest to do so. Remember that you are dealing with a person who lacks a moral compass and empathy.
WHEN SOMEONE HAS BEEN THE VICTIM OF A SMEAR CAMPAIGN AT THE HANDS OF A NARCISSIST, SOCIOPATH, OR PSYCHOPATH, THE SURVIVOR NEVER KNOWS WHO WILL BE THE NEXT PERSON TO TURN AGAINST THEM AND BECOME A PUPPET TO THE TOXIC PERSON. FIGURING OUT WHO TO TRUST IS VITAL FOR RECOVERY AND FINDING EMOTIONAL STABILITY
The enemy wouldn't be attacking you if something very valuable wasn't inside of you. Thieves don't break into empty houses. YOU got a purpose!
Some people wonder if narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths don't know they are toxic and are hurting people. I assure you, they know. How can they continue in their behaviors? They believe all their actions are valid, so guilt is never an issue for them. They convince themselves that the pain caused is necessary. Example? What we think is what we feel. A toxic person thinks they are the victim, so they feel like a victim. They believe they are superior, so they feel superior. They think they are entitled, so they feel entitled. Toxic people know what they do. They just think and feel they are correct and are justified to harm others ~ Shannon Thomas
Truly evil people don't just hurt others; they also inflict harm on themselves. They take pride in the pain they cause and then try to blame their victims
What is Stonewalling?
• Dismissing your concerns or refusing to discuss an issue
• Dismissing your ideas and perspectives as invalid, stupid, unreasonable, or boring
• Avoiding discussing or problem-solving issues
• Busying themselves while you're trying to talk to them
• Avoiding eye contact, staring past you, or at their phone, watch, or TV
• Acts as if you're unimportant and have nothing of value to say
• Ignoring you when you speak
• Eye rolling
A number one way narcissists control you is they teaching you to doubt yourself. They gaslight you, and literally trick you into thinking what you saw you didn't see, what you heard never happened, what you're experiencing is an illusion, and not real. They do this so much that after a while, you really start to doubt yourself. That is why your whole relationship feels like a perpetual state of confusion. That is precisely where they want you to be. They can't control a person who is strong in their conviction, so they keep you doubting yourself. It is a horrible and cruel way to not only prevent a person, but to keep a person perpetually off balance and in a weakened state of mind.
They say, "Misery loves Company." Well, I say, "Narcissists love to bring happy people down." What BETTER type of power trip to a narcissist's ego than to take a naturally happy person and, by their own "amazing abilities," turn them into a shell of their former selves while walking off "wearing their skin"? You know that they WANT to see you lying on the sidewalk, crying out in pain because you're "nothing" without them; just as they told you (or insinuated many times).
Narcissists will not stop their behavior if you treat them with acceptance or kindness, nor will they stop if you threaten or stand up to them as well - they will only abuse you more in both cases. There is no limit to their method of managing people down because they are shrewd and use every opportunity to deny your reality through manipulation - that is why they are called abusers! They create constant chaos to divert your reality into believing that you are worthless so that they can gain control over you to achieve their agenda. THIS is what crazy making is!
Narcissistic abuse feels cruel, cold, calculated, and highly twisted to the victim. The most significant concern of this personality disorder is that victims of narcissistic abuse could be twice as likely to suffer from stress-related medical problems, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, heart attacks, and strokes (amongst others). Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not something to be taken lightly and can sometimes result in what I refer to as psychological murder.
To call someone a manipulator implies that they are a liar. The definition of the word 'manipulate' when it applies to interpersonal relationships always includes the concept of deviousness. The manipulator, therefore, is a living, breathing lie. Once you've figured out that someone you know is a chronic manipulator, then you must also admit that they are a chronic liar if you are to deal appropriately with them. Proceed according to that knowledge.
Narcissists are not what they pretend to be. They are what they hide.
Narcissistic mothers steal their kids' childhoods, identities, and future healthy relationships. They will keep on taking and sucking the life out of their children for as long as they live, if their children allow it. It is challenging and painful to acknowledge that your mother never loved you without blaming yourself - she raised you to blame yourself for everything. However, it is necessary to place the blame where it rightfully belongs to ensure that this insidious disorder isn't perpetuated generation after generation.
The more you learn about the narcissistic sociopath, the more they will HATE you. This hatred is how they express their fear of exposure. Keep educating yourself and keep exposing!
Let's get something straight! If you hurt people and lie to cover up your abuse, If talking about your actions is strictly forbidden, If you lie pathologically about your abhorrent actions, If you pretend to be the sufferer at the expense of the wellbeing, sanity and credibility of those you're abusing, If you shift the blame for what you do onto others, If you share information meant to educate others about what you do, pretending that you're a victim, You're actually a Hypocrite, a troll, AND A COWARDLY MALIGNANT NARCISSIST!
The narcissist holds himself calm, easy-going, and well-composed, while driving you to the brink of sheer madness. Those who observe this from the outside do see you as the psychotic one, and the narcissist as the unfortunate, level-headed victim. This reversed illusion was all part of the narcissist's grand plan the whole time. YOU WERE PLAYED FROM DAY ONE!
A MASTER MANIPULATOR MAKES A LIE BELIEVABLE BY MIXING A SMALL FRACTION OF THE TRUTH WITH A LARGE FRACTION OF LIES
The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to inconsistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well.
A warning sign of an abusive personality: A 'friend' or family member who sides with an abuser and criticizes, abandons, or ostracizes the abuser's target, and/or participates in smearing the reputation of the target. Con artists and abusers often stay snugly in their social circles while their targets are abandoned or further targeted by the same group. Abusers side with abusers.
Narcissuses and their flying monkeys: I find it funny that people who conspire together to deceive others still consider each other trustworthy. How's that work? flying monkeys
"How Narcissists View Loyalty
Narcissists have a warped view of loyalty. They think you should be loyal to them, no matter what! Even if they are wrong, even if they are hurting people, NO MATTER WHAT! Blind loyalty lacks integrity. People who are blindly loyal to a person, when they know that person is causing harm, lack integrity. A person with a conscience has a tough time remaining faithful to someone they know has a character deficit. Narcissists surround themselves with flying monkeys. (People who are blindly loyal to the narcissist.) And are willing to support the narcissist, no matter what. Narcissists despise people who refuse to support their destructive behaviors. A narcissist's idea of loyalty is that if you are not with them, you are against them." Maria Consiglio
"Want to meet someone who has seen evil in human form and actually became stronger through the experience? Want to talk to someone who has wisdom beyond their years? Want to see what inner resiliency looks like in a person? Spend some time with a survivor of narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic abuse. They are some of the most sparkly gems I have ever known" ~Shannon Thomas
Time passes, and you begin to see people for who they truly are, not for who they pretend to be.
Narcissists will destroy your life and erode your self-esteem and do it with such stealth as to make you feel as if YOU are the one that's letting them down.
Stop trying every which way to let a Narcissist know how you feel. The truth is, they don't care how you feel. They are not interested in your feelings or how something affected you. They are only interested in getting their own feelings validated and getting their own needs met. Stop thinking they don't understand; they understand. They are just not interested. Your needs are not even a thought in their mind. A Narcissist's mind is not wired the same way. Their initial reaction is always me first, then me again and again. -Maria Consiglio
If someone mistreats you, just remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people don't go around destroying other human beings.
"Don't fight hate with hate" is an example of subtle GASLIGHTING. Where our legitimate hurt and anger at the injustices we suffer is being equated to the bigotry and abuse of our oppressors. Being angry doesn't mean you are being hateful; it means you love yourself enough to get upset at your own mistreatment.
Better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. RUSSIAN PROVERB
There are those walking among us who, for whatever reason, do not possess such human characteristics as compassion, empathy, or remorse. In my experience, narcissistic manipulators have no problem using, abusing, conning, lying, and slandering even close family members. Actually, they seem to reserve their worst behaviors for those closest to them. ~Gail Meyers
The perverse abuser is intent on the destruction of another. He or she manipulates, distorts, and controls another human being without feeling guilt or regret. The abuser is a narcissist who envies the life energy of the victim and feels compelled to drain the victim of all that is good and joyful. Like a vampire, the abuser feeds on the lifeblood of the victim, ultimately destroying the victim before moving on.
Narcissists often struggle to work well with others and tend to have difficulties in long-term relationships. In fact, they usually suffer from a range of interpersonal problems, and after a period of time, are seen by others as less agreeable, less well-adjusted, less warm, and more hostile and arrogant.
Narcissist (n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil asshole with no soul.
If you overload an electrical system with too much energy and too much stimulation, the circuit breaker activates and shuts everything down. The human nervous system is also an electrical system, and when it is overloaded with excessive stimulation and danger, as in trauma, it also shuts down to its basics. People describe it as feeling numb, in shock, or as if they are dead inside. The juice turns off. Intellectually, you lose from 50 to 90 percent of brain capacity, which is why you should never make a decision when you're in the trauma zone." Emotionally, you don't feel anything. Spiritually, you're disconnected, you have a spiritual crisis, or it doesn't mean anything to you at all. Physically, all your systems shut down, and you run on basics. What is so intriguing is that physical symptoms that were previously prominent often disappear during this time. Back pain, migraines, arthritis, and even acne usually clear up. Then, when recovery from trauma is complete, the physical symptoms return. When the system starts to recover and can handle a bit more stimulation and energy, the human system is destined to try to recover. To seek equilibrium, feelings begin to return
"A lie doesn't become truth, wrong doesn't become right & evil doesn't become good, just because it's accepted by a majority."
The proverbial double bind is a form of control that operates without overt coercion. In other words, it employs a manipulation tactic without appearing manipulative. It is being put in a damned if we do, damned if we don't situation, and damned if you say anything about it.
However difficult and painful it may be, to heal and move forward, we must eliminate toxic people from our lives! COMPLETELY!
We need to understand that a malignant narcissist really does not care in the least about your feelings, your aspirations, or your goals in life. Their only concern is for themselves; their goal is to dominate you and crush your spirit!
Physical abuse can kill you; there is no doubt. Emotional abuse, too, can be fatal. It erodes your self-image and destroys your soul to the point that your life appears worthless to you. It is a slow, methodical means of murder.
Some Facts on Emotional Manipulators
1. They can't be trusted. No matter what you say, they'll turn the situation around so they seem like they're a victim and have been unfairly judged.
2. They leave you feeling crazy, or mixed up and confused. They'll twist your words and motives so you feel misunderstood - and they rationalize their actions so you seem unreasonable.
3. They're great at making you feel guilty or "bad". Nothing you can do or say is ever right to them. No matter what you try, you know it will always be wrong.
4. They are passive-aggressive. They'll smile to your face and they'll stab you in the back... and they'll gladly talk about you ... and pass along mean gossip.
5. They can manipulate the emotional climate in a group. So, if they're feeling happy and life is going well, they're the life of the party, and everyone must smile. But when their life is tough, then they'll moan, groan, and complain... and they'll make sure everybody feels miserable as well.
6. They are self-absorbed and a law unto themselves. Life is always by their rules - and everything revolves around them. They're not accountable, and they will always prioritize their own interests.
Never, ever feel sorry for anyone who deliberately harms you. Being trained to feel sorry for a bunch of pathologicals who abused me was one of the most dangerous aspects of narcissistic abuse. It set me up not only to accept bad behavior in people but also to sympathize with and make excuses for them.
Healthy individuals do not want to be pitied - ever. Validated and understood? - Yes. But pitied? Hell no! Yet the devious narcissists wish for us to feel sorry for them all the time. Why? So we will assign a lower set of standards to them. They refuse to live by sane rules of common human decency because they are morally insane, and their depravity clashes with standard human principles of right and wrong. Narcissists demand that we debase our value system to fit their agendas, and that we give them free rein to slither around in this world without ever being held accountable. And guess what? We do it. We gratuitously enable their pathology. How insane is that?
Unless you have felt the extreme, intense, and excruciating pain of mental and physical abuse, please do not sit in judgment over me. Don't tell me to simply move on and get over it when I am being attacked by a sadistic and malicious individual after escaping the abuse. Please understand that even after you leave, they will continue to attack and use every means possible to destroy you. From the outside looking in, you will never understand, but from the inside looking out, I owe you no explanation. I will continue to speak out against abusers and manipulators of the truth. Ultimately, that is what sets me free.
Everybody isn't your friend. Just because they hang around you and laugh with you doesn't mean they are your friend. People pretend well. At the end of the day, real situations expose fake people, so pay attention.
Detox your life in 4 easy steps
Eliminate anyone who:
1 Lies to you.
2 Disrespects you.
3 Uses you.
4 Puts you down.
I didn't use to be so fearful of people. I had the impression that every person I met would be a friend. Now, I worry that every person will be an enemy in sheep's clothing. This protection seems to be a new requirement after narcissist abuse; how can we imagine not building this boundary when to not do so would be to our peril? Every person we get to know is a potential predator. Once we've been traumatized by a narcissist, our innocence is forever stolen.
"Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Psychopaths are notorious for picking targets that initially somehow boost their ego. It could be the target's appearance, age, intellect, career success, family/friends, and so on. Once the target is hooked, the toxic person then sets out to tear down the exact qualities that attracted them to the survivor in the first place. It is entertainment for a toxic person to destroy an originally healthy and happy person" --Shannon Thomas
Society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers people.
The narcissist's life is a huge lie that is wrapped up with a giant bow to look like it is a fantastic gift to all womankind! They have to process a great deal to keep their dysfunction at bay and protect themselves from exposure, always having to look over their shoulder, because in time, life WILL finally catch up with them and expose them to the truth of what they REALLY are. If they can get away once more, they will try; they are very adept at escaping exposure and accountability with more lies. But age will also slow them down, as well as KARMA, and there will be nobody there for them to abuse for supply, and that will destroy them. Let them meet their own future AND destiny.
10 THINGS THAT DRIVE A NARCISSIST CRAZY!
• Not getting enough narcissistic supply
• People not believing they are an authority
• Your happiness
• Being ignored
• Having boundaries and limits imposed on them
• Being questioned
• Your successes
• When you refuse to be taken in by their charm/love bombing
• When you let go, rebuild your life and begin to THRIVE
An emotionally needy narcissist is typically selfish, emotionally unintelligent, and manipulative. These individuals have no idea who they are, who they want to be, or who they should be. Their identity is wavering, shallow, and unstable. One moment they are charitable and kind, and the next moment they can become cold and unmoved by others' suffering. They walk around taking bits and pieces of everyone else's character for themselves. They might even begin to talk, walk, or act like someone they are admiring for the moment. But beware, because this person might get bored with this "role model" and instantly switch to another one. ~Tamara Hill
I HAVE LEARNED THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T EVER HAVE TO LAY A HAND ON YOU TO DESTROY YOU. REPEATED CRUEL WORDS AND ACTIONS ARE ENOUGH TO SHATTER A PERSON'S SENSE OF SELF AND EVEN AFFECT THEIR FUTURE. IT IS COVERT MURDER WITH CLEAN HANDS.
The attitude of the narcissist towards lying is very childish and straightforward: If the narcissist lies and gets away with it, (s) he interprets this as being clever and superior to others. In this sense, while common sense clearly sees lying as a social ill, the narcissist views lying as an excellent tool to obtain what he wants and as a means to demonstrate how stupid others are. A person now, who wishes to engage in honest communication and shows openness, will be viewed by the narcissist as an utter fool who deserves to be exploited. Willingness to communicate and to show transparency will be seen by the narcissist as weakness and stupidity
One of their favorite tricks is bullying by proxy. Instead of attacking directly, they recruit a team of flying monkeys. These little primates take turns doing and saying obnoxious things in an effort to make a target come undone. Because so many hands are involved in care, a target can never lodge a complaint against any individual. If she tried, it would sound ridiculous, since she'd be pointing her finger at so many people. Anybody who heard this would, naturally, assume she was the one with the personality disorder, instead of taking a good look at the real culprit.
"Psychopaths are bullies who do not like it when people stand up to them. They feel perfectly entitled to push boundaries, criticize, abuse, and lie. But God forbid someone calls them out on this behavior; suddenly, you become enemy #1. To divert the blame, they'll immediately twist it around on you, so suddenly you're on the defensive, and the focus is shifted away from them. Their hypocrisy will be so unbelievable that you won't even know where to begin. They'll accuse you of doing things they're actually doing, all in an attempt to drag you into a chaotic distraction. Psychopaths are bullies, and bullies are too cowardly to fight fair battles."
To get love, the narcissist will be loving. He or she will work to do whatever it takes to get that love. But it is work, not heart; an investment, not a feeling. Narcissistic love is draining and abusive, and the recipients of that love are usually victims rather than companions. ~Dave Orrison
Accept that the narcissist is what he/she is. They are totally incapable of love and deep connection. Nothing you did or didn't do would have changed the outcome. You were not loved for who you are as a person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility, not for your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to provide. You were their human helium tank, maintaining their inflated view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a harrowing realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free.
To the narcissist, people are either the means to an end (tools or toys) or obstacles in the way. People are to be used. If they are not helpful, they are not important. Those who appear to be friends, family, or even lovers are still being used. When they become less valuable, they can be discarded. If they are difficult to discard, they are seen as obstacles.
It doesn't take much to control a child's emotions - just the wag of a finger, one or two sharp words, or even just a stare, but...
...the aftereffects can last into adulthood - a lack of natural exuberance, an inability to show emotions, and a lack of empathy for others.
Narcissistic abuse feels cruel, cold, calculated, and highly twisted to the victim. The most significant concern of this personality disorder is that victims of narcissistic abuse could be twice as likely to suffer from stress-related medical problems, including depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, heart attacks, and strokes (amongst others). Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not something to be taken lightly and can sometimes result in what I refer to as psychological murder.
Narcissists come up with one-line defense mechanisms rather than offering any logical explanation for their behavior (e.g. "it's all in your head", "you're paranoid", "that didn't happen", "I think you need to see a doctor", "I don't know what you're talking about", "I never said that"). Statements like these are an instant sign of guilt and make it clear that they're not willing to even discuss it; they are not willing to take the risk of making a mistake.
Persons under NPD are blind to empathy. Sure, they are masters at faking it, but they just cannot feel it. They know how to make themselves appear as though they're connecting, complete with heartfelt speeches and tearful funeral orations. But they are in the game for themselves alone. When you understand that about people who have the disorder, you begin to understand just how vulnerable you are when such a person is close. And you begin to understand how important it is for you to get away from them.
Many psych wards are filled with young people who's Narcissistic parents 'loved them' right into the ground, and then handed them over to "health care professionals" who happily agreed to label the young person "defective", and blame them for ALL the problems, both in their own lives and in the family, and then proceed to give them drugs and electric shock therapy to continue and strengthen the control over them, instead of helping them heal the effects of living in an abusive or neglectful family and/or community, and empowering them.
People with narcissistic disorder are actually using mind control and brainwashing techniques to control those around them into giving them what they want. They will use lies, bits of disconnected truths, physical force, sex, emotional manipulation, mental torture, sexual abuse, and combinations of these things to keep their victims in line. This goes way beyond wanting the occasional compliment. It really is pathological! The better ones can go undetected for years, for example, abusing the family at home, but seeming to be very friendly and helpful outside. Alternatively, they can wreak havoc in the workplace, climbing the corporate ladder rapidly while destroying the careers and reputations of their competitors.
The ego is not inherently evil. Nature has instilled us with this aspect of our personality because it is highly adaptive. It houses the healthy narcissism responsible for our self-love and instinct for self-preservation. If we allow it to turn against us, though, it becomes our own worst enemy, the Enemy Within. You can't let a parasite like a narcissist constantly bleed you without that happening. This is a narcissist's way of dumping his or her own ego problems on YOU. The narcissist is transferring his or her own shame and self-hatred to you, like a bad-blood transfusion.
Narcissists do evil for the same reason an alcoholic takes a drink, because it makes them feel good. It keeps the pain repressed. Indeed, does an alcoholic like whiskey? No! He has a love-hate relationship with it. He knows it's killing him. But it has a hold on him. He's addicted to the high. Narcissists are addicted to the high they get from harming others. Yes, they DO act out of malice, because they will try to hurt you. That's no accident: they hurt you on purpose and as much as they can. But only because hurting you makes them feel good.
Hurting and destroying others' lives is their pain-killing drug. It's an addiction that keeps their own childhood repression intact.
"Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has a long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation." From the book: “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” By Alice Miller. To read more in the link below: http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/01/unlived-anger.html
When we've finally escaped the prison of the narcissistic relationship, we not only have the emotions we've long put a lid on, but with each new discovery about how ruthless and inhumane the narcissist really is, we process emotions that we weren't prepared for: shock, disbelief, denial, hurt, abandonment, injustice, fear, band the most intense anger I believe a human being can feel. If you've ever experienced being betrayed, soul raped, identity thieved, robbed, and then lied about and blamed by a person you called a close friend, this is the closest I can get to describing what narcissistic abuse feels like to those who haven't experienced it.
"THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR CHILDHOOD IS STORED UP IN OUR BODY, AND ALTHOUGH WE CAN REPRESS IT, WE CAN NEVER ALTER IT. OUR INTELLECT CAN BE DECEIVED, OUR FEELINGS MANIPULATED, OUR CONCEPTIONS CONFUSED, AND OUR BODY TRICKED WITH MEDICATION. BUT SOMEDAY OUR BODY WILL PRESENT ITS BILL, FOR IT IS AS INCORRUPTIBLE AS A CHILD, WHO, STILL WHOLE IN SPIRIT, WILL ACCEPT NO COMPROMISES OR EXCUSES, AND IT WILL NOT STOP TORMENTING US UNTIL WE STOP EVADING THE TRUTH!" - ALICE MILLER
Emotional access to the truth is the indispensable precondition of healing. Alice Miller
If we do not work on all three levels —body, feeling, and mind—the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body continues to repeat the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood. -- Alice Miller
Narcissists want power, but real power comes from resolving childhood repression. This quote by Alice Miller could not be more accurate. "The grandiose person is never really free; first because he is excessively dependent on admiration from others, and second, because his self-respect is dependent on qualities, functions, and achievements that can suddenly fail." Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self) Page 36
The smear campaign accomplishes three things: 1) it depicts you as the abuser or unstable person and deflects your accusations of abuse, 2) it provokes you, thus proving your instability to others when trying to argue his or her depiction of you, and 3) serves as a hoovering technique in which the narcissist seeks to pull you back into the trauma of the relationship as you struggle to reconcile the rumors about you with who you actually are by speaking out against the accusations. The only way to not get pulled into this tactic is by going full No Contact with both the narcissist and his or her harem.
During the discard phase, the narcissist reveals the true self - the ugly, abusive, and abrasive monster rears its head, and you get a glimpse of the evil that was lurking within all along. You bear witness to his or her cold, callous indifference as you are discarded. You might think this is only a momentary lapse into evil, but actually, it is as close you will ever get to seeing the narcissist's true self. The manipulative, conniving charm that existed in the beginning is no more - instead, it is replaced by the genuine contempt that the narcissist felt for you all along. See, narcissists don't truly feel empathy or love for others, SO during the discard phase, they feel absolutely nothing for you except the excitement of having exhausted another source of supply.
The narcissist sets up their environment in such a way that they are at the centre of their Kingdom. Everything that happens there revolves around them, and they control everything within it. According to them, without their presence, the Kingdom and everyone in it would soon disintegrate and disappear forever. Everyone and everything depends on their presence as Captain; they are the brains that "keep the boat afloat." In fact, according to them, without them, there would be no boat. Their grandiosity makes them a powerful dictator of their little Kingdom, and all the power is theirs alone. Anything that happens there starts and ends with them; their word is law.
Most normal people have a narcissistic tendency as well as an altruistic one. However, the narcissist is the one end of the scale and the altruist the other. While the altruist gets a kick out of helping others, the narcissist gets a kick out of hurting others. The altruist wants to raise others to their level and enjoy the familiarity they see in the person they have helped and share their happiness with. On the other hand, the narcissist wants to drag people down to their level and enjoy the familiarity they see with themself in the person they have hurt and the shared misery.
Narcissists typically do not acknowledge their negative feelings. They project those feelings onto others. So strong is their ability to project, particularly to those closest to them, that they can pass on those emotions to their victims. In other words, are you not usually an angry person? Could it be that your anger actually is a projection from the angry narcissist in your life? Is your loneliness, shame, or fear your own, or does it belong to the abuser? Many have said that they were strong, secure, and confident before they met the narcissist. Perhaps, ok, what you feel now is not really yours. -David Orrison
Narcissists do know right from wrong. If they didn't, they wouldn't hide their unfair actions like they frequently do. If you ask narcissists whether it's fair play to cut someone off in traffic or take credit for someone else's work, they'll easily be able to tell you it's not right. And if they do either of those things, they will attempt to hide the fact that they've done it. This is because they do know it's wrong, and they don't want to lose the admiration and respect of others who will think less of them for having done so.
No one is coming to rescue you from yourself: your inner demons, your lack of confidence, your dissatisfaction with yourself, and your life. Only self-love and good decisions will rescue you. -- Jenni Young
The narcissists have no compunctions about being late, making you wait for them, canceling appointments at the last minute, or not showing up when and where they are expected to be. As the most important person on the planet, they are entitled to do what they want when they want. If their desires are inconvenient for you or anyone else, oh well. The world revolves around them, after all.
The Love Bombing Stage: Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds, of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don't find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking, and they just can't believe how perfect you are for them.
5 REASONS WHY NARCISSISTS ARE SO DANGEROUS
• Narcissists are dangerous because they destroy and corrupt the Victim's self-identity, self-concept, and self-worth. The Victim no longer identifies themselves and takes years to rebuild their personality. Going through narcissistic abuse is the total annihilation of everything a person has ever known.
• The gaslighting, projection, cognitive dissonance, future-faking, love-bombing, false-promises, eroded boundaries, inability to empathize, and mind-fuckery are all enough to drive one crazy.
• Narcissists are true parasites. The only reason they stay with you is that they need supplies and need to feed on you. They see you as an object.
• Lack of meaningful remorse or guilt to the point of complete indifference. They leave a trail of destruction wherever they go.
• They take pleasure in their Victim's pain. It gives them a sense of being in power and control.
Emotional Incest Control: Narcissistic parents will often use their children to fulfill needs that are not being met in other relationships in their lives. In fact, children are usually expected to deal with adult issues and are put in the middle of disputes that pit one parent against another. This kind of control says, "You are my true love, my only passion, the most important person in my life, and together we can stand against the world."
If you're lucky enough to get away and leave a narcissist, you will probably find they act as though you've caused them severe injury. In their delusional heads, they will be thinking, How dare you leave me, when I'm not done controlling, using, or abusing you. And because their ego will be damaged by the loss of their supply, be prepared to be slandered by lies and stories about you. They will share these fabricated stories and lies with anyone who will listen, so they can be sure that they look like the victim. Don't let them get to you, hold your head up high, and remember it doesn't matter what other people believe, because you were there, living the nightmare, so you know the truth.
MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS DON'T CHOOSE LOSERS. THEY CHOOSE YOU BECAUSE THEY WANT THE QUALITIES THAT YOU HAVE, THE ONES THEY ARE LACKING, THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE
"Not leaving sooner is not an indication or a measure of a victim's strength or intelligence. It has more to do with the severity of trauma they have experienced.” Shahida Arabi -
I don't just listen to your words; I also consider your actions. I observe your use of words, tone, body movements, eyes, and subtle facial expressions. I interpret your silences - I can hear everything you don't say in words.
NARCISSISTS PURPOSELY CAUSE CONFUSION BY CREATING TWO POLAR EXPERIENCES OR REALITIES. THEY LOVE BOMB YOU BY BEING CHARMING, COMPLIMENTARY, AND LOVING. AND THEN THEY DEVALUE YOU BY PURPOSELY MAKING YOU FEEL INADEQUATE AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH. THIS CAUSES VICTIMS TO SUFFER FROM COGNITIVE DISSONANCE, WHICH IS EXTREME MENTAL DISCOMFORT AND CONFUSION CAUSED BY THE TWO POLAR EXPERIENCES, AND MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR VICTIMS TO DISTINGUISH WHICH EXPERIENCE IS INDICATIVE OF THE REALITY OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
The worst feeling when you are moving through the healing process is the self-doubt that the abuser instills in you. You start believing that you were the toxic and abusive one. It takes great strength to pull yourself out of that.
The high narcissists get from hurting an innocent child is a hell of a lot more intense than the one they would get from targeting a world-weary adult. This is why narcissists stalk their own children; that and easy access. Malignant narcissist parents also stalk their children's souls to be human extensions to live vicariously through them. Either way, the malignant narcissist parent gains in the transaction of the child's soul. They drain the child (kill life in the child), and leave them hollow (without a self) so that they can fill the child with themselves: be it as a dumping ground for their own toxic waste, or a vessel to live their narcissistic fantasy through. -house-of-mirrors
Narcissists do not enter or stay in relationships for love. They become involved in relationships to ensure their needs are met, to obtain Narcissistic Supply
Contrary to popular myth, abusers do not suffer from anger management problems. They manage their anger just fine whenever -- there are witnesses. - SC. Elgin
One of the most challenging things about being abused by a Malignant Narcissist is coming to terms with the fact that the person never really loved you or even cared about you at all. Even though this is difficult, it is something you must face courageously, as thinking that they have real feelings will only lead you into a trap. It is only when you face the truth that you can get out of the trap, no matter how hard the truth is to accept. When you're in love with a Malignant Narcissist, you are not in love with a real person; you're in love with the illusion that the Narcissist created for you. The Narcissist puts on a front and acts like everything you want and need them to be until- SURPRISE!!! The Narcissist gets you where he or she wants you, then changes into a completely different person... cold. Dismissive, hateful, mean, deceitful, and unloving. It is pretty shocking. It knocks you off balance. This is precisely what the Narcissist wants. Jenna Ryan (Self Love U)
IDENTIFYING TOXIC PEOPLE. They are controlling. They have to have everything their way. And the only agenda they care about is their own. They don't take "no" for an answer, unless they are manipulating you, or it will ultimately suit their purpose. They are never wrong!- Even in the face of evidence to the contrary, they will never admit to being wrong. And don't expect an apology from them. Their enormous ego would never even entertain that possibility. They are draining. You feel depleted every time you are in their presence. Extremely selfish people are like vampires; they suck the life force right out of you. They are deceptive-They sometimes come in the guise of being helpful and caring. They may even be beneficial. But don't be fooled, it always comes at a cost. Or they get some narcissistic pleasure from it. They love having their egos stroked and being told so. Meanwhile, if you do one thing they don't like, they will bury you in an instant, without even a second thought. They are liars. They are the most deceptive people you will ever meet. Everything they do, everything they are, is set up to deceive and fulfill their purpose. They are delusional. They really believe their own lies. They even think they are great people. They possess an innate ability to deceive themselves and others. --Maria Consiglio
I should want more, but I don't. I want less. Less stuff. Less rushing. Less stress. Less noise. Less unnecessary baggage.
The older I get, the less I feel the need to be included, understood, or accepted.
I SUFFER FROM THAT DISORDER WHERE I SPEAK THE TRUTH AND IT PISSES PEOPLE OFF
I DON'T SHARE MY THOUGHTS BECAUSE I THINK IT WILL CHANGE THE MINDS OF PEOPLE WHO THINK DIFFERENTLY. I SHARE MY THOUGHTS TO SHOW THE PEOPLE WHO ALREADY THINK LIKE ME THAT THEY'RE NOT ALONE.
"ALTHOUGH I AM A TYPICAL LONER IN MY DAILY LIFE, MY AWARENESS OF BELONGING TO THE INVISIBLE COMMUNITY OF THOSE WHO STRIVE FOR TRUTH, BEAUTY, AND JUSTICE HAS PREVENTED ME FROM FEELINGS OF ISOLATION." ALBERT EINSTEIN
Handle every situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.
I got called 'pretty' today! Well, actually, the complete statement was 'you're pretty annoying,' But I only focus on positive things
Many people are lost playing the roles assigned to them in childhood.
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