This blog is about learning to understand our feelings and consciously face, feel, and experience them in the context of our childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
Email me at sylvieimelda@yahoo.com with any questions.
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query birds of a feather flock together. Sort by dateShow all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query birds of a feather flock together. Sort by dateShow all posts
I'm with her! I will never drive a Tesla! I will not enable evil, and I don't care who they are, family or not, and how much money they have.
I love this country! When I became an American citizen, I swore an oath of Allegiance to support and defend the U.S. Constitution against all foreign and domestic enemies.
I see Elon Musk, Donald Trump and all his cronies as a threat to the United States Constitution and will raise my voice every opportunity I have against this threat.
When becoming a U.S. citizen, individuals swear an Oath of Allegiance, not the Bible, pledging to support and defend the U.S. Constitution and laws against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. This oath, part of the naturalization ceremony, is a formal promise to be loyal to the United States and to uphold its laws.
Here's a more detailed explanation:
Oath of Allegiance:
This oath, taken at the naturalization ceremony, is the final step in becoming a U.S. citizen.
Content of the Oath:
The oath includes promises to renounce allegiance to other countries, support and defend the U.S. Constitution and laws, bear true faith and allegiance, and potentially bear arms or perform noncombatant service when required.
Swear to God:
The oath concludes with the phrase "so help me God," signifying the solemn nature of the promise.
Not a Bible Oath:
While the oath may be administered with a Bible, it's not the Bible itself that is sworn upon. The oath is a declaration of loyalty and commitment to the U.S.
Importance of the Oath:
The Oath of Allegiance is a crucial step in becoming a citizen, symbolizing a new citizen's dedication to their new homeland and its values.
a political leader who seeks support by appealing to the desires and prejudices of ordinary people rather than by using rational arguments.
"a gifted demagogue with particular skill in manipulating the press"
Similar:
rabble-rouser
political agitator
agitator
soapbox orator
firebrand
troublemaker
incendiary
tub-thumper
verb
US
rhetoricallyexploit (an issue) for political purposes in a way calculated to appeal to the desires and prejudices of ordinary people.
"he seems more interested in demagoguing the issue in media interviews than in dialogue."
This is Donald Trump to a T
Alice Miller explains beautifully in her book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-rearing and the Roots of Violence, pages 42 and 43: "Just as in the symbiosis of the "diaper stage," there is no separation here of subject and object. If the child learns to view corporal punishment as "a necessary measure" against "wrongdoers," then as an adult he will attempt to protect himself from punishment by being obedient and will not hesitate to cooperate with the penal system. In a totalitarian state, which is a mirror of his upbringing, this citizen can also carry out any form of torture or persecution without having a guilty conscience. His "will" is completely identical to that of the government.
Now that we have seen how easy it is for intellectuals in a dictatorship to be corrupted, it would be a vestige of aristocratic snobbery to think that only "the uneducated masses" are susceptible to propaganda. Both Hitler and Stalin had a surprisingly large number of enthusiastic followers among intellectuals. Our capacity to resist has nothing to do with our intelligence but the degree of access to our true selves. Indeed, intelligence is capable of innumerable rationalizations when it comes to the matter of adaptation. Educators have always known this and have exploited it for their own purposes, as the following proverb suggests: "The clever person gives in, the stupid one balks."
For example, we read in a work on child raising by Grünwald (1899): "I have never yet found willfulness in an intellectually advanced or exceptionally gifted child" (quoted in Rutschky). Such a child can, in later life, exhibit extraordinary acuity in criticizing the ideologies of his opponents--and in puberty, even the views of his own parents-- because, in these cases, his intellectual powers can function without impairment.
Only within a group--such as one consisting of adherents of an ideology or a theoretical school--that represents the early family situation will this person, on occasion, still display a naïve submissiveness and uncritical attitude that completely believes his brilliance in other situations. Here, tragically, his early dependence upon tyrannical parents is preserved, a dependence that--in keeping with the program of "poisonous pedagogy"--goes undetected. This explains why Martin Heidegger, for example, who had no trouble breaking with traditional philosophy and leaving behind the teachers of his adolescence, was not able to see the contradictions in Hitler's ideology that should have been obvious to someone of his intelligence. He responded to this ideology with an infantile fascination and devotion that brooked no criticism.”
Elon Musk is a genius, but his brilliance in technology and innovation doesn’t automatically translate into expertise in public policy. When it comes to Social Security, he’s outside his lane. Calling it a Ponzi scheme may make for a great soundbite, but it’s a fundamental mischaracterization.
Social Security is not a Ponzi scheme. Not even close.
A Ponzi scheme is a form of financial fraud that lures investors with the promise of high returns. Instead of earning those returns through legitimate investments, the scheme pays earlier investors using money from newer ones. Eventually, the model collapses when there aren’t enough new participants to keep it going, leaving most people with significant losses.
This is what happened to those who trusted Bernie Madoff, operator of one of the worst Ponzi schemes in history. Ponzi schemes are illegal, deceptive, and doomed from the start.
Social Security, in contrast, is a government-run, pay-as-you-go tax program. It’s fully transparent; you know exactly where your money is going. The payroll taxes you and your employer pay are used to provide income to today’s retirees, people with disabilities, and surviving family members of deceased workers. This isn’t a con, it’s a social contract.
So why the confusion? Part of the issue is that Social Security does, on the surface, resemble the flow of a Ponzi scheme: money coming in from the young to support the old. But similarity in structure doesn’t make it fraudulent. The program does not promise high returns; it promises a modest, inflation-adjusted benefit to support people as they age.
Birds of a feather flock together is an English proverb. The meaning is that beings (typically humans) of similar type, interest, personality, character, or other distinctive attributes tend to mutually associate.
The idiom is sometimes spoken or written as an anapodoton, where only the first part ("Birds of a feather") is given and the second part ("...flock together") is implied, as, for example, "The whole lot of them are thick as thieves; well, birds of a feather, you know" (this requires the reader or listener to be familiar with the idiom).
That's why some people stay together because they have the same characteristics. As I say criminals work well together!
Many times narcissistic people put others in a position where limiting your contact and turning down the dial on the relationship isn't sufficient. They really don't like boundaries and limits and they can cause chaos and destruction even with limited contact. This is why going no contact is often the only way to protect your peace!
Narcissists are master manipulators.
They play the poor abused victim after they've emotionally devastated someone, and the real victim decides to stand up to them. If there's one thing a narcissist can't stand, it's anyone who stands up and defends themselves.
How dare you ever disagree with them, not comply, or threaten their sense of power and superiority! Calling out their rude, cruel, abusive, and disrespectful behaviors will cause them to unleash a load of hatred, rage, and aggressive bullying behaviors, and they will seek ways to threaten and punish you.
Unhealed trauma makes you hold onto people you shouldn't, and tolerate so much shit you don't deserve because you don't want to feel alone. Healing makes you realize some people don't deserve access to your life - no matter how much you love them.
PARENT - The narcissistic parent has no conscience and no feelings for others, especially their own children. The only thing that matters is their own selfish ego: coercing, manipulating, causing chaos, and damaging lives everywhere they go.
Don't make the mistake of being so understanding and nice that you overlook the fact that you're being disrespected.
Very true. Eventually, you will become their enemy, too. I sure did!
Yes, it's all my fault. I'm okay with being the villain in the narcissist's fabricated story of me
“But how are we to stand up for children in our society and improve their situation if we laugh at and tolerate cruelty, arrogance, and dangerous stupidity? …Humor saved Frank McCourt’s life and enabled him to write his book. His readers are grateful to him for it. Many of them have shared the same fate and they want nothing more dearly than to be able to laugh it off. Laughter is good for you, so they say, and it certainly helps you survive. But laughter can also entice you to be blind. You may be able to laugh at the fact that someone has forbidden you to eat of the Tree of Knowledge, but that laughter will not really wake you up from your sleep. You must learn to understand the difference between good and evil if you want to understand yourself and change anything in the world as it is. Laughter is good for you, but only when there is reason to laugh. Laughing away one’s own suffering is a form of fending off pain, a response that can prevent us from seeing and tapping the sources of understanding around us. “Alice Miller, taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free” pages, 101.102,103
That's very true. I'm the youngest child of ten, and I know I experienced a completely different mother than my older brothers and sisters. I had the best version of my mother. That's why I turned out to be so different from all my older brothers and sisters. My life became difficult when I started school because of my dyslexia and when my older sisters cast themselves as my mother's figures at the age of nine. I also learned from my older brothers' and sisters' mistakes. I didn't want to fall in the same traps as they did and have the same fate as them! I wanted to be free, that was always my number one priority.
Yes, get away as far as you can.
Yes, it is emotional abuse.
"Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything."
They are the eternal victims... As I wrote in my book on page 131 "Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help
people understand why they behave like helpless victims as
adults and also to help them take responsibility for their
actions. But she was disillusioned when she realized that
practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they
failed to deal with their own repression."
Also on page 82, I wrote: "Alice Miller was frustrated by the fact that the path from
being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator is
totally ignored worldwide. She concluded that it’s because
“almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very
early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even
good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes
against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson
was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the
emotional blindness governing our world.”48"
To narcissits image and what others think of them ist's very important. Yes, feeling superior to others is imperative.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” -Lao Tzu
Yes, I know the answer. That's why I'm gone. I will not allow anyone to make me their scapegoat, family or not family.
Yes, talk is cheap! As they say, actions speak louder than words.
I'm not a victim no matter how much people try to hurt me and the hardships they make me go through.
As I wrote in my book page 174 " I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get
sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce
Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books
helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so
others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully
inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve
their own freedom.
I constantly witness many people going public with their
sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into
feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions
and perversions.They don’t want the truth.They only wish
to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the
wounded children they once were, just like their parents or
parent-substitutes exploited them when they were
defenseless little children. They keep themselves and others
endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play
either the role of the victim or the perpetrator.
Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional
doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom.
Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift
you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more
healed, or free, you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And
because people will sense that you’re not needy, the more
people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but
autonomy is very attractive!"
Yep! Walk away from them all.
Where there's no authentic love there must be laws and rules.
"...But those who have spontaneous feelings can only be themselves. They have no other choice if they want to remain true to themselves. Rejection, ostracism, loss of love, and name-calling will not fail to affect them; they will suffer as a result and will dread them, but once they have found their authentic self they will not want to lose it. And when they sense that something is being demanded of them to which their whole being says no, they cannot do it. They simply cannot.
This is the case with people who had the good fortune of being sure of their parent’s love even if they had to disappoint certain parental expectations. Or with people who, although they did not have this good fortune to begin with, learned later---for example, in analysis---to risk the loss of love in order to regain their lost self. They will not be willing to relinquish it again for any price in the world.
The artificial nature of moral laws and rules of behavior is most clearly discernible in a situation in which lies and deception are powerless, i,e., in the mother-child relationship. A sense of duty may not be fruitful soil for love but it undoubtedly is for mutual guilt feelings, and the child will forever be bound to the mother by crippling feelings of guilt and gratitude. The Swiss author Robert Walser once said: “There are mothers who choose a favorite from among their children, and it may be that they will stone this child with their kisses and threaten... its very existence.” If he had known, had known on an emotional level, that he was describing his own fate, his life might not have ended in a mental institution.
It is unlikely that strictly intellectual attempts to seek explanations and gain understanding during adulthood can be sufficient to undo early childhood conditioning. Someone who has learned at his or her peril to obey unwritten laws and renounce feelings at a tender age will obey the written laws all the more readily, lacking any inner resistance. But since no one can live entirely without feelings, such a person will join groups that sanction or even encourage the forbidden feelings, which he or she will finally be allowed to live out within a collective framework.
Every ideology offers its adherents the opportunity to discharge their pent-up effect collectively while retaining the idealized primary object, which is transferred to new leader figures or to the group in order to make up for the lack of a satisfying symbiosis with the mother. Idealization of a narcissistically cathected group guarantees collective grandiosity. Since every ideology provides a scapegoat outside the confines of its own splendid group, the weak and scorned child who is part of the total self but has been split off and never acknowledge can now be openly scorned and assailed in this scapegoat. The reference in Himmler’s speech to the “bacillus” of weakness which is to be exterminated and cauterized demonstrates very clearly the role assigned to the Jews by someone suffering from grandiosity who attempts to split off the unwelcome elements of his own psyche.
In the same way that analytic familiarity with the mechanisms of splitting off and projection can help us to understand the phenomenon of the Holocaust, a knowledge of the history of the Third Reich helps us to see the consequences of “poisonous pedagogy” more clearly. Against the backdrop of the rejection of childishness instilled by our training, it becomes easier to understand why men and women had little difficulty leading a million children, whom they regarded as the bearers of the feared portions of their own psyche, into the gas chambers. One can even imagine that by shouting at them, beating them, or photographing them, they were finally able to release the hatred going back to early childhood. From the start, it had been the aim of their upbringing to stifle childish, playful, and life-affirming side. The cruelty inflicted on them, the psychic murder of the child they once were, had to be passed on in the same way: each time they sent another Jewish child to the gas ovens, they were in essence murdering the child within themselves."
From the book: “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” By Alice Miller
Yep! I have learned to walk away the moment someone decides to play this dirty game with me. I'm free and I'm staying free
The truth will set you free but first will make you miserable.
Yes, they are. I love it when they give up on me because they think I will not be worth much, not a good supply, and i will not be a large payoff down the road, so they move on to someone else they think is worth more, a better supply and a better chance of a large payoff down the road.
Yes, their accusations and criticisms are confessions...
This is what happened to my sister MI. As a child, it helped her get positive attention from the adults and get what she wanted from them, but as an adult, it messed up her life and she can't find the way to her authentic self. It's very sad. Childhood is a lot shorter than adulthood. She ended up getting the wrong end of the stick. They are the classic case Alice Miller describes beautifully in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child.
Very true. No, you are not lying.
My tolerance for BS and disrespect is zero. The moment someone thinks it's okay to disrespect me and feel free to show me their true colors, I will walk away, and this will be the last time this person will have access to me. Bye, bye 👋
I'm getting too old! I don't give people second chances anymore.
Learning to care for ourselves is the key. No one in the external world can make up for the love we needed as children but never got. Only self-love can heal this childhood wound.
You know the old cliché love heals, well it is true, but the love must come from within, doesn’t matter how much love we get from the external world, if we don’t love ourselves, the love we get from the external world will have no effect on us. The only love that matters is the love we have for ourselves.
Work on growing your own love for yourself and find the courage and strength to face your fears of being alone and learn to stand on your own two feet.
No, it's not going to happen. Just walk away and let them be to meet their own future and destinies.
Yes, it's a bad idea!
No. it's not. Narcissists want to be on top of everyone. I want people on my side. I don’t want to be on top of anyone but I also don't want to be underneath anyone. I would rather be alone. Free at last.
Yep!
Yes, it's a bad combination.
This man says a lot of disconnected half truths truths or half-baked concepts but he is deceiving a lot of people at the same time. Weak people are dangerously repressed unconsciously, compulsively, and cowardly looking for scapegoats to temporally and superficially alleviate their own unresolved childhood repression.
This psychologist is a perfect example of the these words Alice Miller wrote and I quoted in my book on page 129 "I really
want to reinforce the idea that so-called therapists and gurus
only substitute one dangerous illusion for another. As Alice
Miller writes, “What can happen when a doctor doesn’t stop
at self-deception in his flight from pain, but deceives his
patients, even founding dogmatic institutions in which
further ‘helpers’ are recruited to a faith advertised as scientific
‘truth,’ can be catastrophic.”64
Yep!
Yep! Whatever you give to a Narcissist, that be attention, time, money, or whatever, it has to be given freely, and don't have any expectations of getting any of it back... narcissists are bottomless pits, no matter how much you put into it -- all is lost.
Definitely, this describes Elon Musk. And someone who was once close to me. She, like Elon Musk, has the illusion that she is self-made. But her first house was given to her. No one ever gave me a house or a down payment on a home. It has taken me a lifetime, but I got here by myself. The little support and crumbs I received along the way from some people were given unconsciously, mostly to create a good image and look good in the public eye with their random acts of kindness. Still, the moment many people realized I was truly free from the emotional prison, they all tried to pull me back. They mobilized all the forces at their command to stop me in my tracks. All they care about is image, money, and power over others. Some people are okay with helping you as long as you stay below them; they don't want you on their side. They want to use you to step on your head to get to the top. Without funding from the United States government, Elon Musk would not be the richest man. Now he is destroying the institutions that helped him so others cannot have the same opportunities he once did, because he wants to stay on top and ensure no one else becomes bigger than him.
Yes, Elon Musk's companies, particularly Tesla and SpaceX, have received significant government funding. A Washington Post analysis found that Musk's companies have collected at least $38 billion in government contracts, loans, subsidies, and tax credits over the past two decades. This funding has been crucial for their growth and survival, particularly during challenging periods.
Elaboration:
Significant Funding:
The Washington Post analysis revealed that Musk's companies have benefited from at least $38 billion in government funding.
Various Forms of Funding:
This funding includes government contracts, loans, subsidies, and tax credits.
Examples of Government Support:
SpaceX: SpaceX has received substantial government funding, including NASA contracts and funding for projects like Starlink.
Tesla: Tesla has received government loans and tax credits to support the development and production of electric vehicles.
Impact of Funding:
This government funding has played a crucial role in Tesla and SpaceX's growth and development, particularly in their early stages.
It doesn't matter how big a genius and talented you are; if you don't get funded, you won't get very far.
Proof that Elon Musk and this administration are pure evil. You can't be more greedy than this!
Addiction, greed, and obsessions are all the same thing. Greed, obsessions, or addiction mean that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it. People with an addiction live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it. They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others, even their own children. No wonder so many young people are so angry; for when we feel used and exploited, we get angry. Only people with an addiction will elect and support a person with an addiction to be our leader. This means there are a lot of addictive or greedy people in our society!!!
They want revenge at any cost, even if it hurts them, too.
"The unconscious compulsion to avenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, page 82
Yes, very true. That's why I'm hated since I published my book A Dance to Freedom. Because my book is a mirror. As a reader of my book wrote: "As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who hold up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas."
Ted Koppel is correct 👌 Fox News has hijacked and poisoned the minds of many vulnerable Americans.
What Narcissists Feel In Private
When you find no solution to a problem. It's probably not a problem to be solved. But rather a painful truth to be accepted.
This is how you are supposed to deal with people who come to you to tell you what others are saying about you. I don't care what others say or think of me; it's none of my business what people say behind my back.
Yes, they are! Incapable of looking in the mirror and engaging in self-reflection. They distract themselves by projecting and transferring their unresolved childhood repression onto other people who also have unresolved repression, and these already vulnerable people, with the projections and transference from the narcissists, it triggers their own unresolved repression. With their own unresolved repressed emotions and the narcissists' projections and transference, it's too much emotion or energy. Like a circuit breaker, it goes bananas and causes a blackout with too much energy. They act out, appearing crazier in the eyes of society, and then the narcissists point the finger at them to distract themselves from their own painful truths. This vicious circle is hard to break. The best way is to walk away from the narcissist and focus on your own life and healing. Your reactions- that's what the narcissists want, and that's what gives them power. Do not give the narcissists what they want! Walk away and stay away!
The malignant people at my job of nine and a half years were hoping I would react to their lies, mind games, and smear campaigns, but I don't play their game. By refusing to play and walking away, that's how we stay free. What people say or think about us doesn't matter. Once we have truly resolved our childhood repression, all we care about is being free and staying free.
True learning comes only from real experience and an open mind not hijacked by a malignant or corrupted system.
As long as people remain repressed, they have no free will; the dead hand of their own repression will drive them endlessly into a state of compulsive repetition.
Rise above their bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit- that's what they want, and that's what gives them power. I no longer give my power away like that. Marty is the only one in my life I gave my power away to like that. I only wanted his love, but instead, after being in a relationship with him for 10 years, I got a master's degree in psychology.
My book is a strong mirror, and they don’t like their own reflections, so they want to try to bring me down. How dear of me, an ex-topless dancer and now a gate attendant, to put such a strong mirror in front of them. And like my family, they use the same tactics... but they want to put me in my place and show me who is in charge, to manage their own fears and keep their own image, repression, and little illusions intact.
Just as Alice Miller says: “Conditioning and manipulation of others are always weapons and instruments in the hands of those in power, even if these weapons are disguised with the terms education and therapeutic treatment.” For Your Own Good, P. 278
And of course, just like my teachers and older sisters, they want to destroy my spirit so I will be like them. They are allergic to my aliveness.
Just like Donald wrote in the discussion about my book: “The passage below from the Alice Miller interview, How To Combat Denial, came to my mind right away when I read of your sisters blaming your mother for your being so difficult and rebellious:
Borut Petrovic Jesenovec: I notice that a lot of people become allergic when they see a truly childlike child, unburdened by guilt and abuse. They can’t stand it. They repeat that every child must be socialized as soon as possible, in other words, taken away from parents and put into kindergarten so that they become "available" to anyone. They preach the benefits of socialization as if it were a most sacred, noble cause. I find this social pressure enormous. But in this context, socialization equals adaptation to cruelty. Why is a child who is alive, genuine, and pure, in their eyes, unbearable, even sinful, and must, by all means, be mutilated so they would become similar to them?
Alice Miller: Because the child’s creativity and liveliness trigger in the parents the repressed pain of being suffocated. They are afraid of feeling the pain, so they do whatever they can to avoid the triggers. By insisting on obedience, they kill the lively child; they victimize them as they themselves were victimized before. For that reason, they absolutely need information. This is why we talked and worked on this interview. Most parents don’t want to hurt their children; they do it automatically, just by repeating what they themselves learned as children. We can help them stop this destructive behavior by explaining to them why it is actually destructive. So that they can wake up and make a choice.
"If Trump can consolidate authoritarian rule as quickly as some other historical dictators did, the complete (albeit hopefully temporary) end of Americaaan democracy could happen very rapidly, possibly even in the next few weeks or months. The window for action is closing fast.
But there’s still hope, because we’re still We The People. As long as our protest movement continues to grow and demand a stop to the damage Trump and Musk are doing to our democracyic republic, we may be able to slow or even stop this anti-American cabal and reclaim our republic.
Our protesting in the streets and reaching out to legislators may encourage resistance within the media and courts, and might even inspire a handful of Republicans to stand against this wannabe dictator.
When democratic institutions fail, the last line of defense has always been citizens willing to take to the streets. Ukraine provides the most powerful recent example of how a determined populace can rescue democracy from Russian-inspired authoritarianism."
Click on the link below to read the whole article:
"The titles mean nothing to me anymore. If you're toxic and refuse to take accountability for your bad behavior, I'm not sticking around to wait for that change. No more empty promises. Show me or I'm gone." ME TOO!
Some poignant comments below from my Facebook status of Friday, June 18
Sylvie Imelda SheneFriday I looked into renewing my nursing license because it’s time for me to get out of the security business!!! I have met the best and the worse in this business and saw what the face of true “PURE” evil feels and looks like!!! It would never have crossed my mind to work in this type of business, but after I moved back to Portugal in the fall of 2003 for a year and a half to be with my mother before she passed in 2004. And when I came back to Arizona in the spring of 2005, I went to live in a gated community house sitting for a lady friend, because I had just gotten back from Europe, I didn’t have a car yet! I wanted to get a job close by, so I walked to the gatehouse and asked if they had any openings and they said yes and that’s I got started in this business! It was perfect! But it has been almost 11 years and it’s time to get out of this business! Because my nursing license has expired for over two years, I have to take again the Arizona State Board of the nursing exam, so starting Monday I will start studying for my exam!
In healthcare, most people’s bodies are felling them and feeling at their worse, so they truly appreciate a kind and sympathetic heart. It’s hard work, but at least I’m truly appreciated and respected! Wish me luck!!! Donald Warner ParkerSending you my Best Wishes for your reembarking on your nursing career and may you sail through those upcoming exams. Whoever has you as their nurse will be most fortunate to have someone with such "a kind and sympathetic heart," that I am sure will be " truly appreciated and respected!", as you richly deserve. Sylvie Imelda SheneThank you, Donald! Being a nurse is very hard work and I burn out very quickly, but I wish I never had let my License expire because I need to have a backup just in case. Have anyone notice that the shooter in Orlando worked in the security business?! The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains! Just like my ex-boss that was a bank robber!!! I have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around. The world is in a real serious trouble Donald Warner ParkerYour welcome, Sylvie! I am sure that being a nurse is very hard and demanding work and being such a sensitive person to peoples suffering burning out quickly is most understandable. You may wish you had never let your License expire as you need to have backup just in case, however, fortunately, life took you down other roads that your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions describes in great detail, and all that has unfolded since that you have written about, material for yet another book perhaps. Apparently "The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains!", as your examples of the shooter in Orlando and your ex-boss that was a bank robber graphically illustrates. Naturally with your life experience you "have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around." As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who hold up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas. It must be a big relief to be leaving that part of your life behind and moving into a new phase. Congratulations! Sylvie Imelda SheneThank you for your very thoughtful comment,Donald. You are one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it! Yes, since I publish A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions I have to gather a lot of material for another book! And I hope Ed and I to start working on it very soon. I read Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie” Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies! The words below by Alice Miller come to mind --- and this is why the world is so fxxxked up, because most people believe the lies, first told by their parents in childhood, and then in adulthood by those in power positions standing in symbolizing their parents. Lies fuels the violence we witness everywhere and is destroying society. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" Telling Children the Truth
Donald Warner ParkerYour most welcome Sylvie for my comment that I was touched to hear that you found very thoughtful. I was also touched and it means a lot to me that you think I am "one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it!" I am still slowly reading and re-reading your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions as different parts of it sink in more each time and I have found it most helpful and supportive to confront some of what has been going on in my life and how it links up with my childhood and stay present to the feelings that surface. It's so true what you wrote in your book, "As you allow the events in your life to unfold, all that's really required of you is that you observe the feelings that arise naturally to the surface. You don't have to force it -- they will come up on their own! Just be sure to brace yourself because you'll likely have to look back and face some painful truths and memories -- many of which may shock you" page 160. I have very much appreciated your emphasis on not forcing from my first reading of it and recognized that it was of great importance not to do so, a trap I am sure that I and many others have fallen into, which of course is a reenactment of how our parents and caregivers could not allow us to just be as we were and putting pressure on us to perform. I have no doubt from what you have been sharing about that you have gathered a lot of material for another book, that I will look forward to reading. I wholeheartedly agree with you when you write, "Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!", which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" as Alice Miller called it, who unwittingly trigger the rage, hatred, and violence of formally abused, neglected and mistreated children who did not have the freedom to be themselves and had to falsely accommodate and conform in order to survive to such an extent that they are totally aggressor identified and are compelled to do so. Thank you for enclosing the Preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller that is not available on her website, that I will make sure to share sections of on various Facebook pages with the link to your website Sylvie Imelda Shene FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.
"I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free. Only in this way can we free ourselves from the fears and anxieties we knew as children, blamed and punished for sins we did not know we had committed, the fateful fear of the sin of disobedience, that crippling anxiety that has wrecked so many people’s lives and keeps them in thrall to their own childhood.
Given the right help, we as adults can free ourselves from that terrible spell. We can procure vital information and realize that we are no longer forced to search for some profound logic in everything our educators and religious instruction teachers passed to us as the gospel truth – and which was nothing other than the product of their own anxieties. You will be amazed at the relief you will feel when you step out of that stifling role. Then, at last, you will claim your right to face reality head-on, to reject illogical justifications, and to remain true to your own history." -- Alice Miller
above excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free Prologue: Thou Shalt Not Know Alice Miller Index nospank. Sylvie Imelda SheneDear Donald, I was so glad to read that my book is being helpful to you and a support in your life. It makes it all worth it, even after being attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years, if it helps one person all my hard work and sacrifices are all worth it. The saddest thing for me is that, in order to keep myself safe, I have to be careful who I share my knowledge with. I’m sure I’m having the same experiences Alice Miller had when she made these psychological discoveries and try to share them with the world, and she, like me, she was persecuted and ostracized. A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling. NOW, I’m sure she went through the same persecution I went through in my last job of nine and half years for trying to share and educate the public about the dangers of childhood repression. I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul. Even Alice Miller's adult son, in order to keep his illusion of psychoanalysis intact that protects him from having to feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was, he is trying to discredit the pioneering work his mother made later in life. Now, I have no doubt her experiences with her adult son that burst her illusion with psychoanalysis and were the catalyst for her psychological discoveries and her books. The fact that so many people believe in lies is a barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood suffering. These words you wrote could not be truer: “which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" No, without the truth we cannot heal and be set free. Thank you for sharing the excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free. Most people don’t want awake people around them, period! Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy. Most rich people live in much fear hiding behind their money and religion and that’s why they hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them. Donald Warner ParkerDear Sylvie, Again your book has been very helpful and a great support in my life and I am sure also for other people as well. Of course, you need to be careful as to who you share your knowledge with (and naturally are saddened about it) and no doubt Alice Miller had similar experiences of being persecuted and ostracized. Alice Miller warned her readers a number of times in her books and Readers' Mail of how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. It hits a main cable that few people are willing or have the capacity to recognize and face up to, and so of course instead directing their hatred at the people who hurt them early in their lives (in the container of their self-therapy or with an enlightened witness, which are all too rare as you know), who are really responsible for it, they need scapegoats to project it onto as you so well know and wrote in your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, "People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood," page 83. I completely agree with what you wrote above, "A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling." I know from my own life experience just how true that is. From what you have described about what you have gone through from your last job of nine and a half years "for trying to share and educate the public of the dangers of childhood repression," I'm sure it's true what you wrote, " I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul." It sounds really horrible from all you have described, and I am sorry you have had to go through it. From what little I have read in regards to Martin Miller from a few abridged interviews, what stood out for me was how his mothers work saved his sanity and his life from what he went through at his father's and her hands, which I found to be a validation of her work. The truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on it's own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it. Again I completely agree with you when you write, "Most people don’t want awake people around them, period!" It's simply just too threatening to their repression and denial of their childhood trauma and makes them too uncomfortable whether they are conscious of it or not, and not to be underestimated as to how far they could go to maintain their illusions. Like you wrote, "Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy." They want to smash the mirror rather than look at the truth that is being reflected back to them in it, again as you so well know the extent of and found out the hard way going through a living hell of being persecuted and ostracized.
"Readers frequently tell me of the hostility they encounter when they declare their allegiance to the cause of protecting children. Their attitude challenges a system that for most people represents a familiar, reassuring frame of reference. New information can be a source of uncertainty, and in the face of uncertainty the temptation is to resort to threatening behavior-similar to the intimidation parents use to bring their children up to be "good" and always do as they are told. This confronts enlightened witnesses with the same kind of painful rejection that children experience at the hands of their parents.
In some cases, the reaction is so extreme that it amounts to moral condemnation, if not downright ostracism. It bears similarities to the hatred that led to the systematic persecution of the early Christians. Though the effects of this hatred are by no means comparable (the early Christians were brutally tortured and slain), there are significant parallels between the fury aroused in both cases by people openly supporting the protection of children that was preached and practiced by Jesus himself ("Suffer the little children to come unto me," Mark 10:14)." -- Alice Miller
above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free by Alice Miller www.nospank.net/miller18.htm The Truth Will Set You Free Alice Miller Index wwwnospank.net/milindex.htm Sylvie Imelda SheneDear Donald, thank you AGAIN for your very thoughtful comment. I started responding to your last comment but got distracted by other things and just today came back to finish it. Yes, I read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. These words she wrote in the letter title Homosexuals are not an Exception could not be truer: ““…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.” http://www.alice-miller.com/.../homosexuals-are-not-an.../
She also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as the more knowledgeable experts and better than others. Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”
"One important aspect of NPD that should be noted is that it does not prevent people from occupying, as well as aspiring to, positions of power, wealth, and prestige. Many people with NPD, as Kernberg's classification makes clear, are sufficiently talented to secure the credentials of success. In addition, narcissists' preoccupation with a well-packaged exterior means that they often develop an attractive and persuasive social manner. Many high-functioning narcissists are well liked by casual acquaintances and business associates who never get close enough to notice the emptiness or anger underneath the polished surface. Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others. In recent years a number of books and articles have been published within the religious, medical, and business communities regarding the problems caused by professionals with NPD. One psychiatrist noted in a lecture on substance abuse among physicians that NPD is one of the three most common psychiatric diagnoses among physicians in court-mandated substance abuse programs. A psychologist who serves as a consultant in the evaluation of seminary students and ordained clergy has remarked that the proportion of narcissists in the clergy has risen dramatically since the 1960s. Researchers in the field of business organization and management styles have compiled data on the human and economic costs of executives with undiagnosed NPD. Rebecca J. Frey, Ph.D., Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders" Read more: http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Narcissistic-personality-disorder.html#ixzz3WAoi7wbB Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him. I too have read Martin Miller’s words where he says his mother’s books saved him and I totally believe him that Alice Miller’s psychological discoveries saved him from losing his mind completely, but I also see how he is still stuck in the hate of the child he once was towards his mother and never truly liberated himself and never found his own autonomy. I have had people writing to me in total confusion caused by Martin Miller’s writings -- he is creating a lot of confusion out there -- in one hand he is talking a good talk and in the other hand he is still stuck in the emotions of the child he once was and this is causing a lot of confusion for people that still looking for a way out of their own emotional prisons. As long we remain in the state of dependence we will remain stuck in anger -- just like Alice Miller wrote in the article ‘What is Hatred?“: “…a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer. If we deny ourselves this feeling, we will suffer from physical symptoms.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/ His mother is dead, but it seems he never found his own way, autonomy and still is dependent on his mother. As long we remain in the state of dependency our anger will not resolve, but increases. Alice Miller wrote in one of her books that she learned a lot from the intense discussions with her adult son and I have no doubt about it, that she learned a lot and were the catalyst to her liberation and an inspiration for her books and many articles. You are completely right the “truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on its own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it.”
Also, these words I wrote to Alice Miller talking about BR and her answer came to mind: You know when I read her book and articles and the answers to your reader’s mail, which I enjoy reading, I could feel that she still was repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings but from her head. I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are not capable of feeling their repressed feelings and they unconsciously project those repressed feelings onto scapegoats. AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an endpoint of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.
Donald Warner ParkerDear Sylvie, Once again you are most welcome for my comment that I am touched that you found very thoughtful. Coming from you that is a real compliment. Thank you for elaborating on your response to my last comment. Of course knowing Alice Miller's body of work so well and having dedicated your life to spreading her message you have "read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment." You really found the perfect passage that really states the extent to which she warns people to be careful, and I wholeheartedly agree with you that her words could not be truer, "…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/
Most understandably you had no idea of the extremes that people at your work could turn against you, even though you were well aware of the risks until it actually happened, and then the full extent came through with devastating clarity. It is a most valuable and most painful lesson to really get " to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils." Hard earned wisdom not to be regretted and why would you gave that you have had the emotional openness to see it for what it is and learn from it as a result of all the work you have done on yourself with Alice Miller as your enlightened witness. You wrote that "The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake." A response from Alice Miller that you included in your book on page 191 once again says it all, "I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one's parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."
You wrote that you have had people writing to you "in total confusion caused by Martin Miller's writings." As I have not read what they have written to you I don't know what their confusion is about. For myself regardless of what I have read in a couple of abridged interviews with Martin Miller about how he suffered at the hands of his mother in her re-enactments with him and her husband, this does change for me the truth and validity of her body of work (and all it has meant and done for me), which once again stands on it's own, regardless of what was going on in her personal life that was not resolved from her childhood, at that time, and consequently re-enacted as described. I do not know how you have responded to these people however I am sure you been very clear and straightforward in whatever you have had to say. Thank you for what you added on, which I well remember from reading in your book. http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/ Randell PetersonAnd MUCH better pay, too! Sylvie Imelda SheneYes, it’s better pay! But it's a lot of hard work!!! Working in gated communities it’s kind of fun if the security business didn’t attract so many malignant narcissists!!! You get to meet some really cool people! But I’m so tired of working with malignant narcissists… Monica ChelagatVery similar to where I worked. A lot of interesting people from all over the world, but it is full of sociopaths! Boniface NibaALL WILL BE FINE ! Sylvie Imelda SheneYes, Boniface. In the end, we all be FINE! As long we don't react negatively to the sociopaths lies and mind games! Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and it's what gives them power. If you like to read more about my experience with a mob of sociopaths also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge
