Be a Filter NOT a Sponge

Someone posted this quote in Portuguese on Facebook: 

"You don't need to absorb the negativity of the people around you. You don't need to participate in other people's confusion. People are the way they are, and the choices are theirs. learn to be a filter. Not a sponge." 

Charlatans with their clever half-truths to allure people to their cults are so annoying!

Below is the comment I left in the charlatan's post. Of course, no one acknowledged my comment! Because connected truths no one wants to see, so pretty much everyone ignores it! 

I used to be a sponge, all children are sponges, but after a long self-therapy with the books and website of Alice Miller I have become a filter. To become a filter we need to encounter an enlightened witness and have the courage to face and consciously feel all the repressed painful emotions within the context of our own childhood when triggered by present events, otherwise, we will endlessly remain a sponge lost in projections and transferences unconsciously and compulsively reenacting the painful dramas or traumas of our childhood with people standing in symbolizing our parents or childhood caregivers.

https://www.alice-miller.com/en/the-essential-role-of-an-enlightened-witness-in-society-2/

If I was still a sponge and had absorbed all the evil energy transferred into me by the sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years -- I would not be here today -- but thanks to now being a filter -- I was able to consciously feel their evil energy and filter it out, and all went back to them, and my boss was the one to self-destruct.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/09/big-cover-up-by-sociopaths-at-my-ex-job.html

The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown

We have a lot of young people that their psyches have been killed in infancy and in childhood and this is why so many young people become mass murderers.

"..if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both."

But nobody wants to look at the root causes of violence.

"Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller

The above excerpt from the article PEDAGOGY FILLS THE NEEDS OF PARENTS - NOT OF CHILDREN

From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice 

The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown

The misled brain and the banned emotions

The Facts:

1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.

2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned.

3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression, etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency, etc.)

Questions and Answers:

Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?

A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.

Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?

A: We can – at least to some degree – liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can’t retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.

Conclusion:

Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.

www.alice-miller.com
© 2015 Alice Miller

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/the-roots-of-violence-are-not-unknown/

Real Answers and Keys That's the Key for True Liberation

It took me more than 40 years and traveling around the world to find real answers and the keys to liberate myself. 

I took back to everyone in a tray these real answers and keys -- so they too could liberate themselves -- these real answers and keys are more valuable than all the money in this world put together! 

Now, it's up to them to find the courage, to stop fighting in their emotional prisons, and use the keys to open the doors of their emotional prisons, leave everything behind, and those not YET ready or too far gone and incapable of leaving. 

Now, it is time to stop crossing this bridge and enjoy my freedom for the rest of my life.

Some people, if they had everything taken away from them and had to start life again at 46 years old, as I did, would rather kill and be killed than walk away, start over, and be free!

Most people are full of illusions, and money by itself is the biggest illusion of them all...

Most people are too invested in lies and illusions. It's too painful to face the facts that they have deceived themselves their entire lives.

Most people are lost playing the roles assigned to them in childhood.

Lies and illusions cost a lot of money and souls.

Most people stay stuck forever in projections and transferences. 

About Transference

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

At the beginning of our lives, we were, as very small children, totally dependent on our parents. And we believed, we HAD TO believe, that we were loved by them. Even when we were abused we couldn’t realize this. Then, after 4 years, we grew up and couldn’t avoid suffering from being rejected, hated and treated cruelly. But as dependent children, we still could not afford to FEEL this suffering, we were too small to deal with these feelings, thus we had to repress our rage, indignation, and our deep disappointment into our bodies. When we become adults, these repressed feelings stemming from the cruel treatment of our parents may come to the surface, but they are still connected with the small child’s fear of being punished for every sign of rebellion.

Should we as adults be treated in the same way as our parents treated us as children, many of us – especially if we have been through therapy – can become aware of the cruelty endured before. But the knowledge of the whole amount of cruelty can still rest repressed because the terror happened when we had not yet a name for it. For this reason, we need what we call “the transference”, hating, for instance, another person instead of our mother or father.

The transference is unavoidable if we were once abused children. It can also be highly confusing. But it can be liberating as well if we are ready to see it as a consequence of our early life. If we have summoned the courage to look our outraged, hateful YOUNG parents in the eyes, and to feel the fear of the small child we once were, then the misleading, confusing and defensive role of the transference disappears. We can then strive to feel the fear of the small baby, scared to death by the two big human beings holding our body and soul in their hands and doing or saying to us whatever they wanted, totally careless about our future, about what consequences their abuse might have on our lives. They acted like robots, directed by their own childhoods, unable of any kind of reflection whatsoever.

If we don’t want to become like them we must strive to SEE them as exactly as possible. We can use in this way the transference as a means for discovering the feelings of the small child that we once were and to deepen our understanding for him or her. At this moment the transference becomes our guide that will enable the small child in us to BELIEVE what their body KNEW it’s whole life but his mind could never believe: that so much evil and hatred can be directed towards a small, innocent child only because the parents have endured the same and have never questioned this. https://www.alice-miller.com/en/about-transference/

Translation of the words "I don't agree with you." I am a person that sticks to the facts and evidence, so when someone says to me, "I don't agree with you" it means that the person can’t handle facing the facts and evidence at the moment. Life is too short to waste hitting my head against walls! If necessary, I have learned to walk away from anyone that lacks the courage to open their eyes to see and feel. Free at last!

I'm Proud of Myself

I’m proud that I gave you the best gift a parent could ever give, not life but the gift of never to have been.

I keep you safe from harm; safe from disease, epidemics, poverty, crime, starvation, rape, and murder.

I’m proud of many things. I’m proud that I made the best decision of my life, never to have created you in the first place.

I’m proud that I never played Frankenstein with your welfare and sentience; keeping you safe from the horrific inevitability of a tragic death.

I’m proud that you will never experience jumping from a burning building because we humans have created the silly thing called theism and now we think we’re special and have special rights to kill others in its name.

I am so glad we will never meet because only good comes from not feeling pain and only bad is created when you are created.

I’m proud of myself for thinking of your well-being before mindlessly creating you without the thought of thousands of ways that you could have died. Some might say I am depriving you of pleasure by not creating you but those people have yet to die a horrific death and aren’t currently living in a holocaust.

They have skewed perceptions of the realities of pain and suffering. When they are able to come from their death and say it was worth it, then I’ll consider the balance.

Sure life has its ups and downs but at what cost? Almost everything that was good came from a deprivation; good food meant I was hungry, backrubs meant I had back pain, a warm bed meant I was cold, to begin with, and more importantly, the relief of suffering only came from the existence of pain.

So, this is my greatest accomplishment for you child; to never have created you and put you through all that. All for the satisfaction, for me to have something to play with and something to look at and just go, “Hey, I remember when I was a kid and I did that; I remember when I broke my elbow and my leg, that was fun”.

Unknown author

People are Driven by the Repressed Emotions

People are driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were to sooner or later, in one form or another, to unconsciously and compulsively reenact their painful childhood dramas, and this is why they are not able to live the teaching of any religion and end up being a bunch of hypocrites... if children are born into love and experience love as little children, they will grow up into compassionate loving adults. Love cannot be taught and this is why all religions are fraud. Anyone preaching and teaching love are nothing but con artists and charlatans cashing in on people's emotional blindness.

Those of us that had the courage to face and feel the painful truth that we were born into families incapable of loving us, and learned to love ourselves instead by walking away from everyone that believes and telling us lies --poison us with lies -- to confuse us -- then we can become authentic loving adults incapable of hurting ourselves and any other living being.

"Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts and never lies. ...If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” - Alice Miller

“Several mechanisms can be recognized in the defense against early feelings of abandonment. In addition to simple denial, we usually find the exhausting struggle to fulfill the old, repressed, and by now often perverted needs with the help of symbols (cults, sexual perversions, groups of all kinds, alcohol, or drugs). Intellectualization is very commonly encountered as well, since it is a defense mechanism of great power.” Alice Miller (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The search for the True Self) Page 11

Wild Times

 Dear Sylvie,

Well, I am still hanging in there... distracted by daily obligations, i
load onto my shoulders.

I am wondering how you are doing in this world, were the consequences of
the unseen truth hits our lives in so massive ways.

Any system, medical or social, or political is only as good, helpful
and human, as the people running this system. and we know, how emotional
rotten most of us are.

Corona didn't bother my life much, as I had to go to work as usual, and
stress there is the same as ever.

And as sad as it sounds, it is the same with my personal life. I struggle
with the same issues all the time.

How did corona impact your life, income, job, etc? are you ok so far?

and then the explosive political situation in the USA?

Hopefully, you are doing as well as possible. I am glad to be sure, that
you are really able to take care of yourself. although it is sad, to
have to live under so worrying conditions...

I know, that I am one of your readers, who "understood" AM
intellectually, unable to really incorporate the truth (so far)

today on Sunday I am in a mood of having some quiet time, still sitting
in my bed, although it is afternoon ;)

I came across the documentary about the guy  and the film "into the wild"

I don't know, if you know this story about Chris Mac Candless, who did a
big trip throughout America after high school, heading for Alaska,
finally reached the wilderness and in the end, cruelly starving there. I
saw this film at the cinema years ago.

I have this urge to be alone in nature very much, too, and I wished so
much to spend time for my own in a lonesome hut in Sweden or any quiet
natural place, at least for some month. but I never made this "dream"
coming true. I didn't know anything about this guy before and the film
traumatized me in a way when I came across his desperate life-ending. I
felt so lost about this...

so, as I wrote above, on youtube the documentary popped up, and in the
comments there was this link to the sister of this guy, who - at least
tries to look at the truth. that her brother had his reasons to run away
from home and bring himself in  life-threatening situations... their
father head beat them up very hard and the children live in constant
fear and there was no protection by their mother, everything under the
coat of a Christian family.

well, finally, I guess the sister is still somehow believing in god, and
is maybe glorifying her brother to a certain amount? (i am not the one
to judge her, just wondering) but anyway I found it amazing, that she
dared to raise up the fact, that there was very much cruelty and lies
about the family, the children were told...

wondering if you want to take a glimpse, in fact, this fits your life...

http://www.carinemccandless.com/video/

I am wondering. how many nature seekers try to run away from a
destructive emotional condition in childhood...

well, Sylvie, this is my mail for today. not so uplifting. but at least
connecting...

I send you best wishes from a very rainy day in Bavaria.

We hadn't had a real summer yet. some sunny days with an ice-cold wind, but
anyway too less rain. drought longs for some years now, compared to the
long-term amount of rainfall/ snow over the last decades. well, of course,
no comparison with the conditions you have in Arizona. but for our
temperate zone, it is unnormal.  so rain is good for nature. but we
humans aren't, causing too much mess all around. there might be a next
ice age to clear this place...

take care as well as you can.

greetings from

J

Hi J,

Thank you for writing. 

I agree with everything you wrote! You are so right any system is as good as the people running them. Everyone has been a small child and we all have been repressed as a child to a degree and this is why we can't trust the system or anyone! We are alone in this world like it or not!

Thank you so much for the pictures I really enjoyed seeing them, especially the kittie! 

Sorry, I haven't written in a long time, but I just don't feel like writing much these days. 

Yes, the world around me seems to be going crazier and crazier, but thank goodness in my little corner I'm doing well. 

Corona didn't bother my life so far, knock on wood! I too worked as usual! My finances are finally in the green almost all recovered from the blowback of the sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years. 

Hopefully, in a few years, I will be ready financially to produce my next book Reenactment.

I hope you are safe and taking good care of yourself.

Greetings from the desert in Arizona,

Sylvie

Afghanistan

America went to Afghanistan selling the illusion of freedom but after 20 years when maintaining the illusion of freedom got too costly --- America decided to cut the losses – and abandoned Afghanistan.

America went to Afghanistan to remove the ruthless regime of the Taliban and now the Taliban has grown into a bigger monster and will be a more ruthless regime.

So what Americans accomplished in 20 years was to replace the Taliban regime with a more ruthless Taliban regime and now the whole world will be less safe and worse off.

I’m very sad for all the innocent beings living there that will have to pay the high price for American’s illusion of freedom.

When we mistake an illusion for the real thing when it bursts can destroy us. 

If had mistaken the illusion of love given to me at my job of nine and half years for real love I would not have survived when their illusion of love ended overnight after I published my book A Dance to Freedom sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries. 

The whole country of Afghanistan is going through a similar experience I went through at my job of nine and a half years! 

The people in Afghanistan that didn’t buy into the illusion of freedom might survive, but those that bought into the illusion of freedom sold by the Americans might not survive now.

Just like I wrote in my book on page 123 “I believe that most illusions are dangerous and will destroy us eventually. We can have fun with some illusions for a while if we recognize them for what they are, but we get deeply hurt when we mistake an illusion for the real thing.”