Better Alone Than Being a Scapegoat

It's better to be alone and to know that we are alone than to be with someone and nevertheless to be alone.

I Haven't Had Sex for Over 10 Years  

Comments from the sharing on Facebook of the article above

H: God bless all the Pamela Stephenson Connolly of this world. She is right. So, women who think no marriage, no children, career, career, think twice. Beyond 30-35 without a man, who throw the garbage out, water the garden, replace the light bulbs, open the letters from the Tax Department and deal with them and 1 daughter and 1 son almost ready to go to college, should be a difficult life. M, is this a backward conception of a woman life from a backward African male?I tell this all the time to young females in the family and they always say yes, of course, uncle. I know they will not do it ...

Sylvie: Sad to say, but I'm very close to the 10 years mark, but I don't care, I will not settle unless I connect with someone at all levels, in mind, body, and soul, if I ever meet a man that I connect with at all levels, then it will be really special! Until then I just take care of myself.

H: Sylvie! I was just provoking M. Of course, the choice is free.

G: It's the moment. A moment when men are in crisis because there is no longer space in this world for being a ''''man'''' and women are in crisis because their genetic idea of a ''''man''''isn't what they want at all, and most of all because we are becoming incapable of socializing, with all the implications of the word, so we resort to facebook

M: H, now and I am fresh and clean to respond. I totally agree with Pamela Stephenson. The saddest women and men today are those who have reached a good level of awareness, this includes a sense of self-respect for the themselves and others. They also have a sense of responsibility. They are intelligent not necessarily highly educated. They too realise the loss of identity in roles diffused among both sexes and I couldn't agree more with George (thank you George you coined it right!). At 60+ I still hope to meet someone I can fully relate to and protect each other. Life is give and take, I look back at my life and sadly note it has been mostly give and give but would love to experience the warmth of security from a good partner with all their imperfections, I have mine too.... just some basic intentions that connect. It is difficult, many people are so screwed up. But I know where this person might be certainly not in Italy! 

Sylvie: Very well said, M. I see the chances of meeting a man that has explored their own history and taken responsibility for their own childhood repression very slim. Most people are chasing illusions to distract them from having to face and feel their own childhood repression. And unconsciously and compulsively are looking for a scapegoat to transfer their disowned repressed emotions to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own childhood repression. I will never allow anyone to make me their scapegoat. The sociopaths at my last job tried very hard to make me pay for the crimes against them when little children. And for their own adult crimes against their own children. I lost my job, but they didn't make me their scapegoat.

M: Well framed S! I have experienced this both at work and private life. But I am grateful I had the strength and ability to defend myself despite a few 'broken bones'. Start by taking distance and their illusions already crumble. 

Sylvie: I’m sorry M:, you too experienced being the scapegoat of others. When we are born into the role of scapegoat is very hard to break free from. It has taken me most of my life to break free from the scapegoat role I was born into. Glad you too broke free! Congratulations! And enjoy your freedom AND never let anyone steal it from you.

To read more about my experiences with the mob of sociopaths or narcissists at my last job read my blog Experienced Knowledge   

The Scapegoat’s Truth: Fame, Repression, and the Price of Denial

1. A Glimpse Behind the Mask: Mary Lou Retton’s Arrest

Yesterday, I saw a somber video of Olympic gymnast Mary Lou Retton being arrested for drunk driving. She was wearing an oxygen mask, unable to breathe on her own. As the police handcuffed her, she kept repeating: "Please don’t, I’m an Olympic gold medalist."

I remember her from the '80s. She was on top of the world. Now, she’s a ghost of that image—struggling to breathe, clinging to a past title that couldn’t save her from her own pain. It’s yet another example that fame and money don’t save you. Only freedom does.

Throughout my life, I never aspired to be rich or famous. I just wanted to own my home and to be free. Freedom has always been my only goal.

2. The Addicted Society: Why Repression Always Backfires

In my book A Dance to Freedom, I wrote:

“Repressing our fears and our anger always results in a backlash. We never know when it’s going to come, or how it will manifest itself, but it’ll definitely show up to fuck with us.”

Overachievers like Mary Lou Retton often try to prove their worth through medals, accolades, and public admiration. But those shiny symbols are often rooted in pain—in the desperate attempt to win the love and approval their parents could never give them.

“Athletes who take performance-enhancing drugs, workaholics who burn the midnight oil... actresses who sleep with people just to get the part—are all examples of how the perversion of idealization can get people into trouble.” (A Dance to Freedom)

As Alice Miller wrote, this is the life of "millions of people, brilliant, unconscious, running for the gold... and never feeling their sadness or rage about their parents who couldn’t love them as they were."

3. The Gifted Child and the Scapegoat: A Family Mirror for Humanity

Karen Hao recently spoke again about Sam Altman, the head of OpenAI, and how his sister Ann—the family scapegoat—is now homeless and struggling with mental health issues. I know this dynamic too well. In my own family, the “gifted” children received all the resources while I got the crumbs. If I hadn’t walked away, I could be in Ann’s place.

“The scapegoat carries the unspoken truth of the entire family system. They’re punished not because they lie, but because they won’t lie.”

That’s why I’ve been attacked so viciously. My presence exposes the truth.

At the community where I worked for nine and a half years before publishing my book, everyone loved me—until they realized my smile wasn’t fake like theirs. I had written a book exposing the lies and illusions of society, and suddenly I wasn’t "one of them."

They called me into HR meetings to provoke a reaction. My boss, who later died by suicide, tried to rattle me with lies. One HR woman asked me, "Where were you educated?" I said, "I’m self-educated." They tried every trick in the book to get me to self-destruct. But I stayed grounded. One resident asked how I was doing, and I smiled and replied, "I’m still standing."

Eventually, they fired me over the phone. I was at Discount Tires, getting new tires for my car. They left a voicemail saying not to return or I’d be escorted off the property. I knew it was their final trap—to bait me into a reaction they could criminalize. I never went back. I walked away with my dignity intact. I stayed free.

4. The Therapists, the Gurus, and the Cult of Comfort

In a letter to one of my readers, I warned him:

We have to become an enlightened witness to the child we once were, still inside us, and give her/him the love and attention that we deserved but never got if we want to be free.

Most people avoid this path. They surround themselves with therapists, gurus, or communities who bring a comforting meal to their prison cell—right when they had a chance to escape. As Alice Miller wrote:

“The prisoner may comfort himself with his food and shelter and thus miss his chance and stay in prison.”

5. The Global Stage: From Family Drama to Fascist Tech Power

Trump's new "Big Beautiful Bill" gives billions in contracts to OpenAI and Elon Musk—and grants them total freedom to operate without oversight. It’s the gifted child rewarded again, while humanity, the scapegoat, is set up to suffer.

We are ruled by repressed children playing with dangerous toys.

As Alice Miller wrote:

“Addiction is an attempt by a person in despair, who is not allowed to be in despair, to get rid of his or her memory, to forget his or her plight.”

6. The Only Way Out: The Dance to Freedom

I read recently that over 70% of Americans are on prescription drugs. Most people live in a fog of distraction and repression. As I wrote in A Dance to Freedom:

“We’re constantly told to let go of the past and live in the present moment. This is the exact opposite of what we need to do.”

To truly be present, we must confront the past. We must feel what we were never allowed to feel.

“The truth is always positive, no matter how much it hurts, because, without an awareness of our truth, we can’t truly heal.”

Healing doesn’t come from therapists or programs. It comes from self-confrontation. From walking alone through the fire. From finally saying: I see what was done to me. I feel the pain. And I will not betray myself anymore.

“When a mind is truly free, it can never be captured again.”

And that is why, no matter how much money or power they have, they will never win.

---

Blog post by Sylvie Shene – inspired by the wisdom of Alice Miller, and the courage to feel.

True Love Endures the Truth

Dear L,

Thank you for writing. It makes me teary eye to read your honest moving letter. Seeing people that have become completely real like you are very rare, and until now I only knew of Alice Miller. Before I forget, can I publish your very moving letters on my blog? Of course, I will publish them anonymously.

I am glad my written words helped you get in touch with your feelings and feel them. And that you were inspired afterward to write your blog “Giving children the truth”

Yes, true love endures the truth. It makes me so sad that so few mothers can gather the courage to become real, and tell their children the whole truth, but instead they work very hard to block the truth from themselves, and their children by trying to control and manipulate every situation of their children’s lives, and everyone else around them to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own fears. Without the truth, true healing and true love will never have a chance to develop and grow. I am sorry you lost all of your loved ones in order to become real with yourself and others. Me too I lost everyone I loved in my search for the truth. I still talk to most of my family members, if they want to talk to me and want my truth, but we are worlds apart and I don’t mean just physically, I mean emotionally. You are right you are giving them the chance to heal and develop real love by giving them the whole truth, that’s what I hope to do for my family too.  I am happy for you that in spite of being alone in the last years, you finally feel real love in your heart. Me too I am alone, but I never felt so much love and joy in my heart like I do now. I congratulate you for only wanting to live in the basis of truth and true love, even if that means being alone and never again compromise and leave your true self for lies and illusions no matter how seductive they might appear. We are alone but close to our authentic selves and free! And is the best feeling in the world ever!

At one time I too wanted to belong to a family, and I too was very lonely when I was a little girl and a teenager and suffered immensely for being ostracized in my family. You are right they cannot love because they are alienated from their authentic selves, and you could not be more right that being authentic and having inner freedom is not lonely, because once we have found our authentic selves we are never alone again, because we have the most important person in the world, ourselves! We belong first to ourselves and no one else!

Yes, it’s good to separate from the masses who blindly repeat with their children in one form or another their own suffering. Someone the other day posted on facebook the quote below. I get so tired of cult leaders posting disconnected half-truths that sound good to attract followers.

 "Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo

The only way to do that is for people to face and resolve their own repression, otherwise, the unresolved repressed emotions of the parents will be transferred into their children overtly through abuse or covertly under the mask of the illusion of love. As long parents' childhood repression goes unresolved the compulsion to repeat will go on endless in one form or another.

Yes, it’s very sad that the mother on that article posted on facebook blamed herself to spare her parents for the deficits she suffered as a child when her mother could not love her and therefore her motherly instincts were killed and she repeated this traumatic experience with her own children. Yes, it’s very sad that they don’t want to see the truth and remain closed to this very important part of their emotional life and like you say closed leads to insensitivity towards children and the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken. It’s very sad to witness this that pretty much is everywhere I go.

Yes, you are right my motherly instincts were saved somehow and because I was so aware of children's needs and I knew in my heart I didn’t have what children need most: true love, freedom to grow, and stability, I didn't have than any of these things myself, I needed to get them first for myself, before I could ever have a child and there was no way I would have a child in captivity for others to use and exploit. I saved a child by not bringing it into this world just to suffer and I saved myself from severe suffering, and people resent me for not falling in their traps, they want me to suffer and have the same fate as them. I cried reading your words because for the first time someone really speaking honestly and not preaching to me for not falling into society’s traps.

You ask me how I deal with the attacks from the people, that because of stigma surrounding abortion feel free to use the hook of the abortion to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container to transfer the repressed hate of the child they once were at their parents into me for being born, because unconsciously want others to suffer like them and have the same fate as them. It’s never easy to deal with people’s attacks, even if I understand of how transference and projections work. It always reminds me of the suffering of the little girl I once was, when I used to live with my family, that all used me as their scapegoat or poisonous container to temporally alleviate their own fears and anger. I am getting better every day at moving through people’s projected feelings into me and give them back their projected feelings, but I question myself every day if my book sales, and if the whole world starts to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container, will I be able to handle it? I hope so because what I mostly want to do with my book is to bring Alice Miller’s books to the masses and reach people like me that want the truth and feel all alone like I once use to and expose the liars and psychopaths of the world.

Yes, I have no doubt Alice Miller’s life was shortened, because so many psychopaths exploited her to make a name for themselves and use her as a scapegoat or poisonous container. And what sadness me the most right now, is that psychopaths like BR, DM and others like them that are exploiting her son’s anger at her to make a name for themselves and use Alice Miller as their scapegoat or poisonous container, just like a psychiatric doctor exploited my anger at my family when I was 17 to sexually abused me to feed his sexual deviance.

Also gives me a sense of wonder in me and a feeling of harmony to know there is one more person out there who has become authentic, honest, sincere and sensitive. And thank you for being here too. To me too Alice was a life savior, her courage was astonishing and out of this world. Me too I would have loved to thank her in person, but I am happy that at least had the honor to thank her before she left by e-mail and we exchanged many e-mails that I will treasure forever.

Thank you to you too for your kind, honest, sincere and sensitive words.

Best wishes to you too,

Sylvie

Better Alone than in Bad Company

Dear J,

I started responding to your e-mail weeks ago! Let’s see if I can finish it today! :-)

I appreciate all you are trying to do to get my book out there. I feel it that eventually, my book will get all the attention it deserves, but it might be after I’m dead.

It would be nice to see it happening while I’m still alive and be recognized for my hard work, but I also feel that I’m cursed by my childhood experiences of being ignored, not seen or heard.

Would be nice to get the world’s attention to deliver Alice Miller’s enlightening information to the masses, but I personally don’t need the world’s attention! The world has a lot more to gain by paying attention to my story than I have to gain from the world.

No matter what, even if anyone never sees how amazing my story is! It doesn’t change the fact that my story is amazing and I’m so proud of my journey! I have arrived and NOW I have two healthy legs to stand on and not afraid to stand alone! 

I love the simple life I have created for myself.  The less I interact with people the happier I am! 

On my days off from work if I go a day without seeing and talking with people – I’m so happy and peaceful -- I have come to a place that unless people have the courage to be honest and open to exploring their own feelings within the context of their own childhood without making me their scapegoat or poison container -- I just want them to stay away from me and leave me alone – I don’t have time anymore for phony superficial people and cowards.

Pretty much almost everyone I have met so far -- sooner or later thinks it’s okay to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container and I’m tired of people showing me unconsciously and compulsively how they were treated as defenseless little children by treating me the same way -- because in their delusional world they think I’m a nobody and therefore a safe scapegoat or poisonous container for them.

Just like Alice Miller wrote to one of her readers: "Thank you very much for sending us this important quote. We don’t know if it was actually said by Jesus or invented by Mathiew. Both is possible. In any case, to me, it is a pure invitation to hypocrisy and lie, it flies in the face of the laws of life. If as adult you try to love a person who hates and hurt you-you are betraying your body that will suffer because of this. 

Christianity adopted this demand that contradicts with the human nature but it was not invented by it. Since humanity exists children probably were used as poisonous containers. They had to bear whatever adults wanted from them, and, as nobody was allowed to rebel, the new generations repeated what has been done to them. And probably almost all religions helped to cover up this crime and this ignorance concerning the human nature.. They do it still." Read more HERE

Thanks for sharing Sergei Polunin"s video. It’s amazingly beautiful! I think you shared it with me before! :-)

And thank you for being there! I really enjoy reading your e-mails and at least knowing one person in this world that doesn’t try to make me her scapegoat or poisonous container

Hung in there and take good care,

Sylvie

Daniel Mackler and Barbara Rogers came up in a very interesting conversation

P:Hi Sylvie, I don't know if you already know this, but it's the translation of an interview that Martin Miller gave to the German magazine Der Spiegel

Sylvie: Yes I read it... the issues between him and his mother are understandable, because his mother had not made her discoveries until he was an adult, so he was affected by his own childhood like the rest of us, but that does not take away from the discoveries Alice made later on and the great books she left for us to help us resolve our own repression. If you have read all of her books, you will see that she shares her pain of not being able to be there for her son when he was little, and she apologizes to him. Hopefully, one day he can resolve his own repression and be free, if he has not already.

I think he did a good job on the preface to his mother’s French edition book “L’essentiel d’Alice Miller,” but I still felt a little bit of residue left of unresolved feelings between him and his mother. Still, his unresolved feelings are between him and his mother and have nothing to do with us, but between them, our issues are with our own parents. 

Alice has never hurt us in any way. Still, Daniel Mackler and others like him are hurting the public by creating a smoke screen to hide the truth and facts from themselves and others, like Sigmund Freud, did with their crazy theories to protect parents and hide behind, so they did not have to face and feel their own painful truths. 

Daniel Mackler and others like him work very hard to suppress Alice Miller's books from reaching more people because they are afraid of being exposed by her books. 

It makes me sad to see people exploiting Alice and her son and doing personal attacks towards Alice, making her their scapegoat for the wrongs done to them by their own parents. 

Our issues are with our parents, not with Alice. Alice was a human being like the rest of us and made mistakes in her personal life, like we all have, but she was an honest and sincere woman who focused on facts. Have you read the Preface to the Revised Edition of 1997 of the Book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence”

P: No, I hadn't read that. Thanks a lot for sharing it.

Sylvie: From this preface, Daniel Mackler takes Alice Miller's words out of context and twists them to attack her in his critique of her work; he is a total psychopath. His limitations are so much bigger than Alice Miller’s, and I don’t think in his lifetime he will ever come close to the depths of Alice Miller. 

Alice Miller's behavior was not abusive towards her daughter. But I think Daniel was being extremely abusive to Alice Miller with his character assassination of her. Her daughter was not just a gift to Alice Miller for being the catalyst of her awakening, but a gift to all of us as well, because without her daughter, she probably would never have written her books in the way she did. I would still be living in isolation or dead. I don’t think I could have lived with my feelings and perceptions all alone much longer without her books, and for that, I am very grateful that her daughter was born. 

Alice Miller has been the most heroic pioneer person in our world, who stood for truth and facts, exposing the lies and hypocrisy of society; of course, she was human and made mistakes like the rest of us, but she was always honest, authentic, genuine and when she noticed a mistake of hers she was honest and sincere and she only deserves our compassion, understanding, gratitude and not our judgments, projections, and transferences; this guy is a perfectionist that lives in denial of his imperfections and limitations; projecting himself into Alice Miller and if someone is abusive is him. Enjoying a child’s affection and innocence is not abusive at all, unless we take advantage of those qualities for our own cruel and selfish reasons, and Alice Miller was far from being cruel and selfish in any way.

P: I completely share your views on Alice, she was not perfect of course, like the rest of us, and never pretended to be, simply because she was human and that is what makes her so credible and authentic to me, unlike those critics who are looking for flaws to prove her wrong and attack her...above all of them DM with his stupid perfectionism ....luckily he himself has been faithful to his own theory and does not have any children...I would feel really sorry for them!!!! I just listened to the 2nd part of his video criticizing Alice... easily summed up: BS...Alice always pointed out that she did not want to be considered an idol or a guru... if people do that, it's their problem, not hers...

Sylvie: Exactly! I could not have said it better myself. For that, Barbara Rogers, if she is "lost in a fog of admiration," is not Alice's fault that she lost herself admiring Alice Miller. Still, the reality is, she did not lose herself because she has never found herself. Once we truly see ourselves, we can never lose ourselves again. The little girl she once was was still lost in the fog of admiration with her own mother, now transferred into a substitute figure, Alice Miller. 

It’s her problem if she is still a lost little girl and loses herself in admiration over others, she is another malignant narcissist that has memorized good knowledge hijacked from Alice, but has not experienced it at a personal level and now is trying to cast herself in the role of parent figure over others and misuses this good knowledge to manipulate and use others to distract herself, so she does not have to face and feel the repressed excruciating emotions of the child she once was; reenacting her childhood drama all over again with the people she is trying to help, but now she playing the role of her mother and the people she is trying to help, playing the role of the child she and they once were and they all remain lost in a maze with no way out, staying prisoners of childhood for eternity.

Me too, I would feel sorry for DM’s children if he had any. Still, maybe if he had his own children to use as his scapegoat or poisonous container, he would not need to make Alice and others his scapegoat or poisonous container, like Hitler, if he had his own children to use as his scapegoat, maybe he would not have to take it out on the Jews and other minority groups making them his scapegoat for the wrongs done to him by his own father.

P: Yes...that's true.

Comments I made in the book discussion of Daniel Mackler

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Even though I agree with everything said in this excerpt. I just started reading the book and find his choice of words to be highly confusing, even abusive, and I can’t recommend this book. Alice Miller is the only person I encounter on this planet with whom I agree 100%. The words below written by Alice Miller to me, when I asked her to comment on letters I received from one of her readers, came to mind: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves, they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one`s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage.” Alice Miller wrote this message Sylvie Imelda Shene: Alice Miller’s criticism is not the only thing I am concerned about, there is more, like for example his views on abortion and sex, his choice of words can be very confusing and guilt-inducing to his readers that still are emotionally blind and take his words for face value and not see he might be unconsciously telling his true story of what happened to him and how he was treated as a child by using harsh words. When it comes to abortion, no one says it better than Alice Miller: “Not everyone is capable of thinking in real, concrete terms. Many seek refuge in religious beliefs. In their weakness, they place their trust in 'relics,” awaiting salvation at the hands of one stronger than themselves. Anyone who claims to be a strong and knowledgeable authority for such people, and to be acting on their behalf, has the duty to be conscious of the appropriate facts. If they aren’t, if they ignore or neglect that duty, claiming instead that their palpable lack of information and their abstract conceptions of “life” are sanctioned by God and practiced in the name of humanity, they are acting against life by misusing the weakness and trust of the faithful and dangerously confusing them. The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily become a liability for the community at large. … It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologists for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life. Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children. But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer: the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society.”

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Sabina, I agree with most of what you are saying about sex and when a person becomes fully conscious, they naturally become abstinent from sex, but not by choice, but because it’s nearly impossible to find another conscious partner at the same level. Telling unconscious people not to have sex is not realistic and does not work, and the author of this book seems to have a problem even with masturbation! Why should a person not enjoy his/her body? Was he not allowed to enjoy his own body as a little boy? The purpose of life is to have fun in balance without hurting ourselves or others, to be enjoyed, and shared. For us to become free to enjoy life in the present moment, we must face our history and feel our repressed feelings, at our own pace. We must face the pain in our lives. The only way out is through it. Nothing in the external world, no religion, no job, no geographical travel or move, no relationship, and no amount of money can save us from the pain of our past. Until we walk through our pain, we will keep reenacting, repeating, and recreating our past in the present moment. Dr. Alice Miller, in her book, The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self, says: “The past always catches up with us, in our relationships with other people and especially with our children.” The only way to release the pain is to face it, articulate it, and feel it as it arises. If we can feel it, we can heal it. I know sometimes the pain can be overwhelming, and we need to take a break from it by going to work, taking care of ourselves, and some distractions of safe fun, but we must take time to face, be, and articulate our pain and feel it as it arises until it is gone. Because pretty much every person on the planet has been abused and traumatized to a degree by parental and societal ignorance, pain comes into everyone’s life. The suffering comes because we run, avoid, repress, and deny our pain. If we don’t acknowledge and take responsibility for our wounds, but instead we deny and repress them, the wounds inflicted on us, we will inflict those same wounds on others and the next generation. I wonder if the author was extremely sexually abused as a child and now wants to repress his sexuality and of his readers – what we repress will find expression in a very dysfunctional way and will harm us and others even more. All religions have been trying to repress people’s sexuality. The author sounds preachy like the very extreme religious people that use strong, harsh language that is guilt-inducing, and we have seen that religion’s guilt-inducing has gotten us. I wonder if one of his parents was a preacher -- Children that are preached to, learn to preach -- Maybe his parents were highly critical of him and used strong, harsh language and made him feel guilty, and now unconsciously he is extremely critical and passing this guilt to his readers.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I also stand by my words that this book is confusing, and if something is confusing is also abusive to me. Saying that this book is the continuation of Alice Miller’s work is a big lie, even if people are not aware and can’t see the hidden lie. Alice Miller’s work is so much ahead of this book. DM’s book is so tinted with morality and so manipulative that it brings back old memories in my mind when I was living with my religious fanatic and manipulative older sisters, who tried so hard to push down my throat their beliefs and morality. The letter written to Alice Miller, linked below, articulates what I believe Daniel Mackler's book aims to do for its readers.

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2371&grp=1108

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am very aware that I cannot open the eyes of people who don’t want to see and feel, and if people choose to believe in lies, it is their problem. Just like Alice Miller confirmed in her answer to my letter in the link below:  

From Alice Miller am@.com> Subject: Re: Saying the truth or being loyal To: s@.com Date: Sunday, November 9, 2008, 1:21 AM  

AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the website under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations on your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone see who DOESN'T WANT to see." Alice Miller wrote this message

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=2337&grp=1108

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I am not going to comment here anymore, because I am very aware I cannot make people see and feel what they are not ready to see and feel, and if they would rather believe in lies, there is nothing I can do but walk away. When someone is trying to confuse you consciously or unconsciously, it is abuse, even if people can’t see it as such.  

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I have to clarify the phrase that seems to have created confusion “'If something is confusing to me it is abusive to me' I should have said if someone is telling me a lie consciously or unconsciously it’s abusive to me, because lies are always confusing and abusive, of course, there are a lot of things in this world that I don’t understand and are not abusive, but lies are always abusive no matter who says them and how nice they sound.

S’s Letter

S, I think it's important that I mention what I witnessed happening at the DM's book discussion http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/note.php?note_id=471710483293 

You were agreeing with me, but the moment Daniel Mackler showed up and shared his opinion, which of course has the right to do so, you moved right to his side and apologized to him for disagreeing with him, and your misunderstanding and my question was -- why does she have the need to do that? Maybe she still carries the fear of her parents and now someone symbolizing her parents, in this case, Daniel Mackler, and like when she was a little girl would not dare to rebel against her parents for fear of punishment and repressed her true feelings in order to please her parents and be the "good girl" her parents desired, now, in her adult life this internalized fear of her parents is still keeping her from staying true to herself. You know this happened to me also on a discussion board a year or so ago at amazon.com on the topic of spanking was harmful to children. Most people there were pro-spanking, and I felt the need to comment and expose their ignorance, and of course, these very unconscious people started to personally attack me right away, they called me the B word, radical, and all kinds of things, you name it! One poster that identified himself as being a Psychiatric doctor took my side at first, and of course temporally I felt better that I was not alone anymore against those very mean unconscious people, but the moment the pro-spanking people started to direct their anger at him accusing him of being radical and lunatic because only a lunatic would be at Sylvie's side! The next day, he took the pro-spanking side, agreeing with them that my comment was too radical. Below is the comment I used to re-post over and over again, which they thought was too radical and could not stand, triggering them the most. I now understand and see very well these psychological mechanisms, and it did not affect me much that this doctor, one day, was on my side and the next day, like a scared little boy, took the abuser's side. A professional doctor should have dealt with his own fear and learned how to handle transference. I thought of the little child going to his office with his parents, and one day he takes the child's side. Still, in the moment the parent starts transferring their anger onto him, he leaves the child alone. He takes the parents' side, causing much damage to a child, who, one day, feels like somebody is on his side, but a day later, finds himself again abandoned in an emotional desert island all alone. Children have no way of understanding that the reason this person abandoned them was also because of his internalized fears of his own parents. This is why people who go out offering help to others without experiencing, understanding, and walking through their own fears first will unconsciously and compulsively pass their psychological virus into others under the disguise of help, and this is very damaging to people who are still wounded, especially to children.

Amazon.com post: These people are so "SMART" that they don't see that the more they mention my name and project themselves into me, the more they make themselves look bad. Keep making yourselves look bad, ignorant, and very dark people.

People who idealize their childhood and parents will keep having limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears. DEFENSELESS LITTLE CHILDREN MAKE PERFECT SCAPEGOATS FOR THEM, COWARDS. Pro-spanking people suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, otherwise, why would they fight so hard for the parents' right to spank their innocent children, when children misbehave is never the child's fault, but the parents' fault, and if someone needs a spanking, it would be the parents. Children are like sponges or antennas that absorb all of what their parents repressed. What parents repress, children express. So, if you don't like what you see in your children, look within yourself and take responsibility for all that is repressed in you. Your children will change without you having to do much. And what is so sad for me is that most of these pro-spanking, hypocrites, cowards hide behind "God" to do their evil work. Read the article "How Evil is Born anew with every new generation" in the link below:

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=47&grp=11

It's so sad that in the 21st century, people are still debating if it's ok to spank a child. In the 21st century, everyone should know the dangers of spanking children, and every person in power should be doing everything to make sure every child is protected from harm. Would we be debating today if slavery of black people or any other race is ok? Fortunately, it is common knowledge that slavery of another race is cruel and ignorant. Why can human beings see that doing it to children is even more cruel, ignorant, and very dangerous? Most people's objective is not freedom for themselves and others. Most people's objective is to one day have their own slaves. The easiest way to have your own slaves is to give birth to them because our society does nothing to protect children in the first years of life, the most critical years of a person's life." Poisonous Pedagogy The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child's great plasticity, flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities the parents hate in themselves, can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, "moral," noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung." Alice Miller "THE CHILD AS POISON CONTAINER The main psychological mechanism that operates in all child abuse involves using children as what I have termed poison containers--receptacles into which adults project disowned parts of their psyches, so they can control these feelings in another body without danger to themselves. In good parenting, the child uses the caretaker as a poison container, much as it earlier used the mother's placenta as a poison container for cleansing its polluted blood. A good mother reacts with calming actions to the cries of a baby and helps it "detoxify² its dangerous emotions. But when an immature mother's baby cries, she cannot stand the screaming and strikes out at the child. As one battering mother put it, "I have never felt loved all my life. When the baby was born, I thought he would love me. When he cried, it meant he didn't love me. So I hit him.² Rather than the child being able to use the parent to detoxify its fears and anger, the parent instead injects his or her bad feelings into the child and uses it to cleanse his or herself of depression and anger."

http://www.psychohistory.com/htm/05_history.html  

---Then they accused me of violating Alice Miller's copyright, and I assure them that she did not mind me distributing her literature freely. One morning, I woke up thinking I bet they wrote to Alice Miller to complain about me violating her copyright, and I went to her website to the readers' mail page. Sure enough, I found the following letter when I saw the letter with the title "Respecting the copyright" and I knew right away it was about me and I clicked on it with excitement to read Alice Miller's answer.

"Respecting the copyright, Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dear Ms. Miller,

On a "no-spank" thread on Amazon, one of your readers has copied and pasted pages upon pages of your work. One of the copies was of a webpage you allow people to copy and re-post in its entirety, but most of the content seems to end with an "all rights reserved" copyright. In some cases, the person is even copy/pasting the works of your fellow authors and attributing your website, which might not exactly rub them the right way.

http://www.amazon.com/tag/health/forum/ref=cm_cd_et_md_pl?_encoding=UTF8&cdForum=Fx1EO24KZG65FCB&cdMsgNo=6427&cdPage=258&cdSort=oldest&cdThread=Tx2RVZKR3QEDU6P&cdMsgID=Mx28QB17UEUHKGE#Mx28QB17UEUHKGE

We've been concerned about her zeal for copy/paste of copyrighted works for some time, but responsibility dictates that, since the poster has failed to see the legal and moral issues, we should at the very least alert you of this.

AM: Thank you for your letter and the link. I opened it and found a discussion led very respectfully by Sylvie Shene, who seems to understand much about the dangers of spanking that produce, besides other things, ignorant parents in the future. Of course, the Internet allows everybody to show themselves, their emotional insights as well as their emotional blindness (like "I was very much beaten, but I turned out very well"). But I didn't find an example of anybody using my name for a text that I have NOT written. Did I miss anything? If you did find this kind of abuse, of disrespecting my copyright, please let me know."

This letter is no longer available on Alice Miller's website. I believe the coward who wrote it asked her to remove it because I had copied and pasted it into the amazon.com thread with the following comment and a link to it: To the person that wrote to Dr. Alice Miller, did her answer put your concerns to rest? It's so funny to witness the extent to which the pro-spanking people go to stop me from sharing the enlightened information here. They tried to break me, but that did not work, because you can not break what's not breakable anymore! Would not it be easier to put me on your ignore list? What are you afraid of? Afraid your children might come here? Become enlightened and be able to see through your lies and illusions. This just shows how conniving some pro-spanking people are. The next morning, I clicked on the link from the Amazon.com thread to see if it was working, and the letter was no longer available on her website. This person did not like Alice Miller's response, and he/she asked her to remove it because when people clicked on the link, they could see for themselves their desperation. Later, they accused me of fabricating this letter myself! All my life, I have stood alone against the liars and cowards in this world, and it felt so good to have Alice Miller stand on my side. I never had anyone before stand on my side like that. I have no words to express how happy I felt to know I was not alone anymore.

Alice Miller has been the only person who has truly been on my side.

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=458883030451

Halloween

 When you set a new standard on how you expect to be treated, you'll be surprised at those who disappear from your life. It's a hard pill to swallow, when you realise how many people benefited from your lack of self-love and boundaries. It's also a great way to filter your circle.

Scientists can be very sadistic psychopaths too. Anyone that likes to understand why mad people do cowardly acts read the article Unlived Anger in the link below. It's quite a long article; here is the part where Dr. Alice Miller talks about a mad scientist.

“Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has a long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation.

An American professor, for example, has been conducting experiments for years with brain transplants. In an interview with the magazine Tele, he reports that he has already succeeded in replacing the brain of one monkey with that of another. He does not doubt that in the foreseeable future it will be possible to do the same thing with human beings. 

Readers have a choice here: they can be thrilled at so much scientific progress, or they can wonder how such absurdity can be possible and what purpose such pursuits can serve. But a piece of seemingly unimportant information may produce an "aha" reaction in them, for Professor White speaks of "religious feelings" connected with his endeavor. Questioned by the interviewer, he explains that he had a very strict Catholic upbringing and in the opinion of his ten children had been raised like a dinosaur. I don't know what is meant by this, but I can imagine that this image refers to antediluvian methods of child-rearing. What does that have to do with his scientific work? Perhaps this is the unconscious background for Professor White's experiments: by devoting all his energy and vitality to the goal one day being able to transplant brains in human beings, he is fulfilling his long-harbored infantile wish to be able to replace his parents' brains. Sadism is not an infectious disease that strikes a person all of a sudden. It has long prehistory in childhood and always originates in the desperate fantasies of a child who is searching for a way out of a hopeless situation."
From the book: “For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence” By Alice Miller
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/07/repressed-anger-is-very-dangerous.html?m=1

Most people are still living the lie and they will try to destroy anyone that tells the truth and tries to expose the real state of affairs or the facts and evidence. 

I have compassion for people that unconsciously and compulsively believe in lies and repeat those lies, but I have little compassion for people with sadistic tendencies that take pleasure in the suffering and misfortunate of others

"The narcissist will build you up in an effort to stroke their own egos by association, manipulate you and to get you indebted to them so that you prove yourself that you're worthy of their time once they start devaluing you. The narcissist will be putting in overtime trying to woo you. However, don't be mistaken: the wooing is NOT to make YOU feel good, it is about mirroring. They will prance, dance, flatter, cajole, impress, charm, and seduce you into liking them; because when you like them, they get to feel like they're looking in the mirror and seeing themselves smiling back."

Now that I'm no  longer blinded by the repressed emotions of the child I once was I see the lies and the games people play very clearly AND they cannot fool me anymore! I'm staying happy, joyous, and free.

"In families with several children, one may be chosen to reflect the narcissist's best qualities. They get the most attention, praise and support, but are also under the most pressure to perform. Another child may be a target for the parent's blame and shame, and scapegoated as a burden that can never do anything right compared to the chosen child. They may also be blamed as the reason that a narcissistic parent is forced to act in an abusive way. Both projections are two different sides of a narcissist's personality, but the chosen child and the scapegoat will have two very different childhoods, and this pits them against each other, even into adulthood." -Craig Malkin

Two sides of the narcissistic personality. In my family, I was the scapegoat!

If i moved back to Portugal today and moved close to the family, they would try to make me thier scapegoat all over  again. And as you witnessed recently people at my last job of nine and half years tried very hard to make me thier scapegoat. You have to be on the alert constantly because most people are unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats to use to temporally and superficially alleviate thier own childhood repression.

This is exactly what happened with some people at my last job of nine and half years. I was aware of what they were doing the whole time!!! They didn't fool me, they were only fooling themselves!!!

Never expect a sane response from an insane system

The reason the whole humanity is drowning is because of people's fears of facing childhood repression and they are hanging together like drowning people. They don't realize it that all are drowning together! If we want to save ourselves, we have to gather the courage to stand alone on our own two feet and face our fears of facing and resolving our own childhood repression.

RBG was getting too old and fragile and i felt it in my heart she would not survive another presidency and if Democrats didn't win we would be in this situation and in big trouble, she should have retired when Obama had a good chance to nominate a Supreme court judge that would protect our rights and now we will pay the price for her lack of self-awareness.

Childhood repression is the root problem. Capitalism or addiction to money is just a symptom...

Will I ever see the day when politicians learn that my body is not public property and is not up for debate? I am the captain of my body and only me make decisions affecting it.  

"We have been educated, for a long time, to fit within domination structures: to do what authority says. When you want people to be nice, dead people and do what authority says, the last thing you want them to be conscious of is the life within them. You cannot make a good slave out of somebody who is fully alive...."

I have given up on humanity. Most people will always refuse to look at the root causes of how we got here. There is a lot of money to be made in all types of therapeutic businesses and treating symptoms. But, as long we keep ignoring the root of the problem we only fix our problems temporarily and superficially.  

 Most people can't change because they can't bear to face the painful truths in their lives and feel the pain.

People around the world are driven by the dead hand of their own repression to destroy everything beautiful in this world.