The Body Never Lies

If you don't want to get sick just keep your distance or walk away from people that lack emotional intelligence.

The words below by Alice Miller are so true. The body never lies, It sticks to the facts.

“Inability to face up to the suffering undergone in childhood can be observed both in the form of religious obedience and in cynicism, irony, and other forms of self-alienation frequently masquerading as philosophy or literature.  But ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, nicotine, or medicine, it usually has the last word, because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind, particularly if the mind has been trained to function as an alienated self. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality.” From the book “The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Hurtful Parenting” by Alice Miller

Another truthful quote by Alice Miller comes to mind: “Children who have been beaten, humiliated, and abused, and who find no witness to come to their aid often develop a grave syndrome in later life: they have no knowledge of their true feelings, fear them like the plague, and are therefore incapable of recognizing vital connections.” — Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/05/swords-and-knives-review-of-alice.html

Unfortunately having children is how many people unconsciously deal with childhood traumas. That's how many people get to live long lives by making the vulnerable feel what they themselves can't feel. These words by Alice Miller come to mind: " Individuals who believe that they feel what they ought to feel and constantly do their best not to feel what they forbid themselves to feel will ultimately fall ill---unless, that is, they leave it to their children to pick up the check by projections onto them the emotions they cannot admit to themselves." 

Most People’s Love is Nothing But a Farce, a Sham, and a Façade

Just like Alice Miller wrote in the introduction of her book The Body Never Lies “ As long as the children allow themselves to be used in this way, it is entirely possible to live to be one hundred without any awareness of one’s personal truth and without any illness ensuing from this protracted form of self-deception. A mother who is forced to realize that the deprivations imposed on her in her youth make it impossible for her to love a child of her own, however hard she may try, can certainly expect to be accused of immorality if she has the courage to put that truth into words. But I believe that it is precisely this explicit acceptance of her true feelings, independent of the claims of morality, that will enable her to give both herself and her children the honest and sincere kind of support they need most, and at the same time will allow her to free herself from the shackles of self-deception.” 

Maybe one of the secrets to living a long life is to be disconnected from one’s own truth and feelings, but it’s done at the expense of others and the next generations. When I was a kid I used to say to myself: the pain stops with me and I was willing to die than passing it into an innocent being. I much prefer resolving my own childhood repression to have a chance of living a long life than living a long life at the expense of others. 

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These words by Alice Miller also come to mind: 

Deception Kills Love

"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.

Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." Alice Miller

Me too, I have wasted so much time of my life with narcissistics. I don't have one more minute of my life to waste with these hopeless people. I don't question it anymore. When I see a pattern of lying or gaslighting, I lose interest and no longer engage with them. We can't save others. We can only save ourselves. 

Both narcissists and empaths suffered childhood trauma. The empaths use their pain and anger to help them grow more compassion for themselves and others, not wanting others to suffer like they once did, while the narcissists allow their pain and anger to drive them to take revenge on scapegoats. Vowing to put themselves first. 

Empaths were strong enough not to let the trauma destroy their soul. While narcissists lack the courage to face and consciously feel their pain and anger within the context of their own childhood, they are weak and a bunch of cowards. 

A narcissist demands that you give up everything, especially your soul, in order to be their nothing.

 "Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life, you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis.

I try to reach the child in the readers, allow them to feel. I see my style as ranking keys. Everybody can take one so that they can go open their own door to find something. Or they can say no, I don't want to go through this door; I will return the key. I try to evoke feelings, and images. In this way, I offer keys to your own experience. You can then go look at your children and learn from them, not from me. Because only from your own experience can you really learn.

In my first studies, I was very abstract; I wanted to understand the most abstract ideas -- of Kant, Hegel, or Marx. My dissertation in philosophy was very abstract. Now I see that each philosopher had to build a big, big building in order not to feel his pain. Even Freud.

If a child has been molested and the therapist doesn't deny this fact, many things can open up in the patient. The therapist must not preach forgiveness, or the patient will repress the pain. He won't change, and the repressed rage will look for a scapegoat." 

Please read the full interview HERE.

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