Narcissists don't discard you for someone better. They discard you for someone who can't see through their lies. E.S.
Narcissists have the illusion that if they get rid of the person that can see through them, then, their problems will be solved but actually will keep getting much worse as they get older. Narcissists punishment is to live and die in an emotional prison.
They will do anything to look like the perfect person...
...and destroy anyone who threatens to expose their deceit.
The Narcissist leaves no fingerprints just a ghostly image of their abuse
A professional criminal never does!
Narcissists never want to talk about what they did. However, they'll happily exaggerate how you reacted.
This hit me like a brick:
My therapist told me: "Manipulation is when. they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour but never discuss their disrespect."
The narc's addiction
Nothing is more terrifying for the narcissist than glimpsing the truth of who they really are. It is at the core of their pathology. People are tools to the narcissist that serve a distinct purpose. Specifically, to feed their beliefs about the fantasy land they have created where they rein as superior, omnipotent and perfect beings. This need is such that they are effectively addicted to securing evidence that supports these beliefs, hence the term 'supply'. Their addiction is the dependence on external reinforcement that their false self-beliefs are based in fact, in order to keep the knowledge of their true selves at bay.
The people that have enabled the narcissist are just as toxic as them.
The abuse doesn't end with you just leaving the narcissist. Often it marks the beginning of a whole new hell of abuse. Please hang in there.
YOU DO NOT NEED VALIDATION AND AN APOLOGY FROM A NARCISSIST.
The devaluing you went through is closure. The lies are the closure. The lack of respect is closure. How they treated you is enough and the closure you need.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/06/to-corrupt-is-ultimate-goal.html?m=1
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing or abusive procedures are more stereotypical than in the private arena.
By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
. Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
WHO IS TARGETED
Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances. It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you.
THE TOXIC MONSTER YOU SAW IN THE END IS WHO THEY TRULY ARE. NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF AGAIN WHEN THEY PLAY NICE.
Narcissists cheat on their partners because they believe cheating is a justified solution to their unhappiness, which they blame their partners for.
Narcissists are super critical and accusatory of others, just to remind themselves they are superior, but they fume with anger and despise it when someone is critical of them in return, or points out any truth about them.
THE NARCISSIST CALLS YOU CRAZY, INSECURE, JEALOUS AND SENSITIVE. TO KEEP YOU FROM THE REALITY OF.
I LIED TO YOU, I CHEATED ON YOU, I DISRESPECTED YOU, I DISCARD YOU, I TWISTED EVERY ARGUMENT, I MADE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF, I ISOLATED YOU, I STOLE FROM YOU.
Narcissists claim their exes are crazy, as it's easier than admitting they cheated on them repeatedly, lied to them daily, gaslit them constantly, bankrupted them financially, took away all their friends and family, controlled them coercively, hurt them emotionally, and then leave them once they'd drained them completely.
A NARCISSIST IS A CON ARTIST, THEY SELL YOU A DREAM AND DELIVER A LIVING NIGHTMARE.
Emotional Abuse in the Workplace
"Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that does exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored."Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing or abusive procedures are more stereotypical than in the private arena.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive.
WHAT IS ABUSE?By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
… Businesses, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees. Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Emotional abuse and harassment start harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and submitted to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period.
Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover.WHO IS TARGETED
Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
…The victim is stigmatized once the process of harassment gets going. They say she’s impossible to work with, has a terrible disposition, or even that she’s crazy. They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or what she is now in another context. Pushed to the limit, she often becomes what the employer wants her to become.
ISOLATIONOnce the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances. It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you.
...The goal of the abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence.
In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him.
Stalking the Soul by Marie-France Hirigoyen from the chapter about Emotional Abuse in the workplace.
“Authoritarian personalities are ones that “kiss above and kick below”, in other words, they are loyal to their leaders, but will attack those of lower rank. They also protect their “in-group” and attack the “out-group”. Social Dominance Orientation (SDO) personalities, on the other hand, tend to be those who lead the authoritarians, they are more interested in being on top.”
"What can you do?
Unfortunately, this is a type of personality disorder, and there is little you can do when working for or with this type of person. If you are working for this person long term, you need to leave the organization or company as soon as possible. Their negativity will be extremely stressful and ultimately do damage to your career. [And your health! No job is worth health destruction)
Do not think you can talk to the person and ask them to consider changing. They do not allow anyone to challenge them, and they despise admitting mistakes. In fact, if you are questioning their decisions or behavior, they have already put a plan in motion to whisper about your own competency or value to the company or organization."
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