This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel, and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
The workplace is one of the most dangerous places to be in. And these behaviors will never stop as long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved.
"When you ask something important in email, they come to talk to you in person or do it over the phone. They can deny saying things if it’s not on the books." —u/Avocado_Tomato
"Either you don't feel safe or comfortable enough or if you do, your questions are dismissed or you are belittled in response (at any level)." —u/verifiedalmosthuma
"Being afraid to make a mistake because if you do, you'll be berated far beyond what's appropriate, even if the mistake is minor and easy to fix. They also won't tell you why what you did was wrong; they'd rather scream at you." —u/yeetgodmcnechass
"[They're] dependent on who gets along with whom, who sucks up to whom, and who is in the 'inner clique' with the higher-ups, not who's actually good at their job, diligent, innovative with solutions, trying to better the company, etc." —u/amazingstillitseems
"Not only do Narcs/sociopaths try to provoke and bait you into having a bad reaction that fits the narrative of their smear campaign, but they will rehearse and stage setups with the flying monkeys during public events. As if they are preparing for a scene in a movie. It's that premeditated." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY
Yes, I know it's that premeditated. It's pure evil.
Emotional Abuse in the Workplace "Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The over overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that do exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored.
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing orabusive proceduresare more stereotypical than in the private arena. (P’s jealousy was triggered by my book, and she got mad at me for sending an e-mail about the packages' incidents to all the Rs in my e-mail list, and in retaliation, she and the board, manipulated by her, created the Packages' abusive procedure to punish me, to put me in my place to show me who is the bigger girl. But then I came up with a system that is efficient and works, and I proved their system was flawed and created only to punish me and set me up for failure. If you have time, you might like reading my January 2015 blog entry, They are Allergic to my Aliveness.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive. (This is what they were hoping I would do)
WHAT IS ABUSE? By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychological integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of a said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
…Business, as well asthe media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees . Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Emotional abuse and harassment start harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply, and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and subjected to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period.
Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover. WHO IS TARGETED Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
…The victim is stigmatized once the process of harassment gets going. They say she’s impossible to work with, has a terrible disposition, or even that she’s crazy. (This is what M B has been trying to do all along. Telling me I don’t know what I am talking about and calling me paranoid. Last Saturday, when I stopped by. I also told him you are trying to make me look crazy, but I am not crazy, and then he says: I never said you are crazy, and then I said: you call me paranoid all the time, and then he screams at me: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD PARANOID MEANS?) They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or what she is now in another context. Pushed to the limit, she often becomes what the employer wants her to become. (Because I can see clearly what they are doing, they have not been able to push me to the limit and have not lost it. I have been keeping my cool, as I said in my blog post Rise Above the Sociopaths' Bullshit: Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and nonsense is what they want and is what gives them power.
ISOLATION Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances.It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you. (This is exactly what is going on, and they tell me I can’t talk to anyone because all abusers want their victims isolated. In our last meeting, S's HR tried to tell me that a Resident and other gate attendants complained that I threatened them, which is a complete lie because I never threaten anyone. The next day, I was afraid to talk to anyone because I was not sure who I could trust anymore! This is exactly what they want me to think: that everyone is out to get me, and that’s why MB keeps calling me paranoid!!!) https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/emotional-abuse-in-workplace.html
True learning comes only from real experience and an open mind that has not been hijacked by a malignant or corrupted system.
As long as people remain repressed, they have no free will; the dead hand of their own repression will drive them endlessly into the state of compulsive repetition.
"Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything. Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that does exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored.
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing orabusive proceduresare more stereotypical than in the private arena.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive.
WHAT IS ABUSE? By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
… Businesses, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees . Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Emotional abuse and harassment starts harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and submitted to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period. Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover. WHO IS TARGETED Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
…The victim is stigmatized once the process of harassment gets going. They say she’s impossible to work with, has a terrible disposition, or even that she’s crazy. They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or what she is now in another context. Pushed to the limit, she often becomes what the employer wants her to become
ISOLATION Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances.It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you.
Excerpt from the book
Stalking the Soul by Marie-France Hirigoyen Chapter about Emotional Abuse in the Work Place
Read about the harassment and emotional abuse I went through at my job of nine and a half years in the links below.
Been there done that. I wrote my memoir sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries.
Now, the only place narcissists can get close to me is in the workplace, but I'm now 64 years old, and I will be leaving the workplace soon for good.
Once the narcissist knows that you know their true nature, you will get a target on your back. Because of my book, eventually, the narcissists in the workplace find out, and since I published my book, I have become the target of three psychological warfare in the workplace and I had to change jobs 3 times!
At my job of nine and a half years right after I published my book I became the target of a mob of narcissistics that with their very well-orchestrated psychological warfare were hoping I would lose my mind. They wanted me dead, in jail or a mental hospital.
But when was one of them to lose his mind and commit a crime all became silent.
All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims to be the abusers,but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim.
If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was -- to discredit me and my book --and make a name for themselves by standing on my head.
And all probably say that you need God in your life, my ex-boss was a Mormon, a man of God, but he was the one to lose his mind, but now is a big cover-up. I could see their games and traps so clearly.
Most people are taught to believe that the ability to hold down a “real job” — meaning a traditional, rigid, 8-hour schedule, five days a week — is a mark of maturity and success. But I’ve lived long enough and walked through enough fire to say the truth out loud:
The real workplace is often a breeding ground for repression, projection, transference, and emotional violence.
In today’s workplaces, the only people who truly thrive are either emotionally free — rare — or those who’ve mastered the art of repression, projection, denial, and transference so well that they've grown into full-blown sociopaths. These are the people who usually rise. Not because they’re the most capable, but because they’ve buried their feelings so deep, they no longer hear the screams of their own wounded child. And because they don’t hear theirs, they can easily step on others without guilt.
I could never have survived in a traditional workplace for very long if I hadn’t already excavated my childhood pain while I was still dancing — a profession that, ironically, allowed me more emotional and physical freedom than any "respectable" job ever would. I was a lot safer working as a dancer in a topless bar than I was in my so-called "real" job of nine and a half years. While I was a dancer, I was never emotionally harassed by a mob of sociopaths like I was in that so-called “real” job!
When I danced, I could come and go as I pleased. If I wasn’t feeling emotionally well, I took the night off. I listened to my body, honored my truth, and I was rewarded for being real. For many years, I was the most popular dancer. I was treated like a star — not because I faked perfection, but because I radiated something raw and alive.
In contrast, in the real job I held for nine and a half years, truth was the enemy. The moment I published my book A Dance to Freedom, exposing childhood repression and the masks adults wear to survive, I became a threat. The mob of sociopaths I worked with couldn’t stand my emotional freedom — it reminded them of their own imprisonment. And so they did what the emotionally blind always do: they attacked what they are not ready to face and feel. They would rather destroy me than open their eyes to see and feel.
But here’s the blessing: I couldn’t adapt. I couldn’t numb myself back into emotional slavery just to survive another day in a guard booth. And that is exactly what saved my soul.
Not surviving in that workplace was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to stand fully in my truth, to write, to share, and to create a life that honors the child I once was — the one who was shamed for being different, sensitive, and outspoken.
Now I live in a small, peaceful home with my cats, and I write with a free heart. I’m not rich by society’s standards, but I’m richer than most — because I own myself. I don’t report to sociopaths. I don’t trade truth for a paycheck. And I’ve learned that what the world calls “success” often comes at the cost of your soul.
If you have a hard time surviving in the workplace, maybe it’s because you’re still a feeling person — still capable of authentic feelings. And that is not a weakness. It’s your humanity.
Since writing this blog, exactly a year later, my ex-boss, who the property manager recruited to do her dirty work, killed himself in a standoff with the local police after robbing a bank on March 11, 2016, which by coincidence was my birthday! So, the property manager does have blood on her hands after all, because I know without a doubt if she had not started this psychological warfare against me, he would still be alive – he was her collateral damage – when people start wars someone always gets hurt or killed!!! I was her target to destroy, but when one of her helpers lost his mind and self-destructed, everyone involved became silent, and now there is a big cover-up that involves the FBI, the US Marshals, and the media.It's a shame he was not strong enough to stand up to do the right thing and let himself become a puppet of the property manager -- he paid a high price for it. Puppets never have a good end. If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was -- to discredit me and my book -- and make a name for themselves by standing on my head. And all probably say that you need God in your life, my ex-boss was a Mormon, a man of God, but he was the one to lose his mind, but now is a big cover-up. I could see their dirty games and traps so clearly. Read more in the link below:
I can’t sleep much and I am running on adrenaline, so I apologize for my poor English, I have difficulty with the written language, but it gets worse if I am nervous. From reading in the book Stalking the Soul by Marie-France Hirigoyen in the chapter about Emotional Abuse in the workplace. Everything she says is exactly what’s happening to me right now. Below is a little excerpt from the book where the author articulates exactly what I am going through right now at work.
Emotional Abuse in the Workplace "Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that does exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored. In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing orabusive proceduresare more stereotypical than in the private arena. (P’s jealousy was triggered by my book and got mad at me for sending an e-mail about the p's incidents to all the Rs in my e-mail list in retaliation, she and the board manipulated by her created P's abusive procedure to punish me for putting me in my place to show me who is the bigger girl. But then I came up with a system that is efficient and works and I proved to them their system was flawed and was created only to punish me and to set me up for failure. If you have time you might like reading my blog entry of January, 25, They are Allergic to My Aliveness.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive. (This is what they were hoping I would do)
WHAT IS ABUSE? By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
… Businesses, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees . Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Emotional abuse and harassment start harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and submitted to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period.
Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover. WHO IS TARGETED Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
…The victim is stigmatized once the process of harassment gets going. They say she’s impossible to work with, has a terrible disposition, or even that she’s crazy. (This is what M B has been trying to do all along. Telling me I don’t know what I am talking about and calling me paranoid. Last Saturday when I stopped by. I also told him you are trying to make me look crazy, but I am not crazy and then he says: I never said you are crazy and then I said: you call me paranoid all the time and then he screamed at me: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE WORD PARANOID MEANS?) They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or what she is now in another context. Pushed to the limit, she often becomes what the employer wants her to become. (Because I can see clearly what they are doing, they have not been able to push me to the limit and have not lost it. I have been keeping my cool like I said in my blog post Rise Above the Sociopaths' Bullshit: Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and is what gives them power.
ISOLATION Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances.It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you. (This is exactly what is going on and they tell me I can’t talk to anyone because all abusers want their victims isolated. In our last meeting S's HR tried to tell me that a Resident and other gate attendant had complained about me making threats against them, which is a complete lie because I never threaten anyone, the next day I was afraid to talk to anyone because I was not sure who I can trust anymore! This is exactly what they want to make me think that everyone is out to get me and that’s why MB keeps calling me paranoid!!!)
I started following this guy on YouTube. I love his videos because they help me improve my English pronunciation. This is the city you live in! Right?!
You probably have figured out that I was forced out of my job because once again, I was targeted by another sociopath or asshole. But now, thank goodness, I don't have to work unless I want to.
I was hoping to last a few more years in the workplace so my pension would be a little bigger, but it's not possible now that eventually these sociopaths or assholes in the workplace can find out I'm a seeing and feeling person...
Since I published my book, I have been dealing with sociopaths or assholes in the workplace one after another, and usually, I'm able to deal with them if they don't have power over me, but when it's the boss, it's a different story.
My most recent boss for almost 4 years used to work for the former company I worked for 9 and a half years before I published my book, and he worked with my ex-boss, the bank robber... they are all corrupt. Still, the present boss is even more dangerous than the bank robber. Amazingly, I survived 4 years working under this guy; he, too, used to be an ex-police officer. They are well-trained in psychological warfare to get rid of anyone they feel threatened by.
I started writing this email the day before yesterday. And was too tired to finish it. In between, I experienced a very bad situation, which is a stark contrast to the easy start of this email, so you are warned... but I didn't want to rewrite the whole beginning. This is how I started the day before yesterday:
Gosh, this is absolutely amazing to watch on YouTube.
You won't imagine how near to my home and workspace this guy has brought you ;)
And the city center is not that small, so there would have been a lot more places he could have visited. But he chose what we call the "old town," which is the part of the city where I live.
I know all the places so well and pass them almost daily.
Starting with the bridge, where folks put on the little padlocks.
Then, most amazingly, he walked into the little bakery store at the end of our street. Then the place, where he eats his "kässpätzle", is a butchery with great quality and really good regional products. They offer a lunch buffet with typical Bavarian dishes each day. This is about 300 meters from the house I live in. I like both places.
Then, again, a photo from the little river passing through the "old town", which looks like 1000 soft cascades. And the "puppet on strings theater" is all around the quarter I live in.
And the showdown is the last picture, which is almost a still: if you look at the right side of the picture, there is a small sign, which says "new hair". And the building next behind would be the shop where I still work. It was just a thing of some meters, and he didn't film it.
So crazy, isn't it?
Well, I am sorry that I didn't realize that you were attacked so badly at your workplace once more. I admit that I thought you did publish older postings from earlier bad times at your former job. I am so sorry to hear that. I will write more about this another time.
But now to the thing I had to experience yesterday. It is connected to the Augsburger Rathaus, which is quite near to the shop where I work.
Yesterday at noon, a young man managed to climb to the top of the Rathaus. He stayed there for about an hour. Police and rescue personnel were on the spot, etc. I went to work, not knowing what was happening nearby. And I saw this guy standing and moving around the Rathaus statue. Which is at least 50 meters high. Specialists try to reach him by talking to him. They made preparations to save him. But he couldn't be reached without "threatening" him. One couldn't believe how he got there anyway.
Sylvie. You know. He finally jumped. There was quite a crowd watching this. My colleague did see it too. The spot couldn't be evacuated or protected from sight in any way. A passenger told us that he shouted something about Jesus and Mary before he jumped. he must have been in a severe psychosis or something similar. The police closed the street for about 15 hours. And we had to close the shop. Then they opened up everything. It was Saturday. There was the Christmas market. Loads of people were on the street and came to Augsburg to shop, etc.
And one more worst thing is that I heard there are videos on the internet that show the whole scenery, including its end. How cruel is that? This is almost worse than the terrible thing itself.
The human race is so far from freedom, consciousness, and nature that we have turned into monsters.
Well, Sylvie. I stop for now. Here it is in the middle of the night. I try to get some more sleep.
Good night to you
J
Dear J,
I am so sorry you were so close to this tragedy - the demise of that poor young soul -- that never found liberation from the corrupted system created by monsters in the human race.
I agree humanity everywhere is full of monsters.
We have to be constantly on the lookout for these monsters everywhere, especially authentic, real, seeing, and feeling people. These monsters don’t want authentic, real, seeing, and feeling people around… we will be rejected, harassed, prosecuted, and ostracizedby the monsters in the human race in power positions, acting as if personality, pretending to be good people, but are wolves in sheep's clothing.
We are all responsible for these tragedies happening around the world. Nothing happens in a vacuum.
Just like I wrote in my book on pages 34, 35, 36, and 37: “Researchers are constantly learning more about the impact of trauma on
children, while gaining a better understanding of how children sense the world
around them.
More and more caregivers are advocating for more gentle infant deliveries,
as well as the elimination of circumcisions and other mutilation rituals that
are performed without any thought to the consequences their pain and trauma may
cause.
Alice Miller believed that so many people are late to the party when it
comes to avoiding the brutality of things like circumcision and spanking
because they’ve been traumatized themselves.
“The reason why parents mistreat
their children has less to do with character and temperament than with the fact
that they were mistreated themselves and were not permitted to defend
themselves,” she writes.The vicious circle of trauma goes back countless generations.
Such
systemic trauma can lead to the creation of monsters. If we all start out life
as innocent little babies, why do some of us turn out to be
psychotic killers?Why are so many of us so self-destructive and insecure? Why
do millions of people accept abusive relationships? Is it in the genes, or, as
Alice Miller believed, the result of parental punishment and other traumas?
Dr. Bruce
Perry, who directs the Child Trauma Academy in Houston, Texas, agrees with
Alice Miller that violence begins in the brain as a result of traumatic
experiences.
“It’s not the finger that pulls the trigger; it’s the brain. It’s
not the penis that rapes; it’s the brain,” he says.
The organ that controls our
behavior begins developing in the womb, and gets the bulk of its programming
from our earliest relationships.
Robin Karr-Morse and David Lawrence Junior,
who write about the importance of brain development in childhood, confirm Alice
Miller’s theories about the brain’s use-dependence, which we already touched on
earlier.
“Experiences of all kinds literally stimulate electrical connections
among brain cells as well as build gray matter in the brain,” they write.
“The
stimulation a baby experiences before birth and in the first years of life
shapes the type of brain the child develops.
Those years are simply for
developing capacities. An inadequate or traumatic caregiving relationship is
deeply damaging, especially during those early years when the brain is forming
chemically and structurally.
That part of the brain that allows the baby to
feel connected with another person can be lost or greatly impaired.
Absent adequate
nurturing by an emotionally competent caregiver, the baby faces an
unpredictable tide of unregulated emotions.
… If a baby’s experiences are
pathological and steeped in chronic fear early in development, the very
capacities that mitigate against violent behavior (including empathy, the
capacity for self-regulation of strong emotions, and the emotional modulation
essential for complex problem-solving) can be lost.
As these children grow into
adolescence and adulthood, impulsive and aggressive behaviors are so often the
outcome.
Moreover, genetic proclivities toward mental illness also are
exacerbated. Communities inevitably absorb the consequences. We ignore the root
of the problem at our peril.”
More and more medical professionals are
confirming the theories put forward by Alice Miller from the late 1970s until her
death in 2010.
Dr. Gabor Maté, for example, confirms Alice Miller’s contention
that addiction, autism, and other conditions aren’t caused by genetics, but by
trauma in childhood or even pre-birth in some cases.
“The hardcore drug addicts
that I treat …are, without exception, people who have had extraordinarily
difficult lives. And the commonality is childhood abuse,” Dr. Maté says.
“In
other words, these people all enter life under extremely adverse circumstances.
Not only did they not get what they needed for healthy development, but they
actually got negative circumstances of neglect.
I don’t have a single female
patient in the Downtown Eastside who wasn’t sexually abused, for example, as
were many of the men, or abused, neglected, and abandoned serially, over and
over again.
And that’s what sets up the brain biology of addiction. In other
words, the addiction is related … in terms of emotional pain relief and
neurobiological development, to early adversity.”
Perhaps the largest single
examination of childhood trauma comes in the form of the famous Adverse
Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, conducted by the Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention.
The study incorporates responses from more than 17,000
participants. The initial phase of the landmark study was performed by Kaiser Permanente
from 1995 to 1997 and demonstrated how specific childhood traumas can predict
problems in adulthood. The baseline participants, who ranged in age from 19 to
over 60 years old, are still being studied to determine their medical status.
Revealing
the “staggering proof of the health, social and economic risks that result from
childhood trauma,” the study shows a significant link between a person’s ACE
score and their chances of being saddled with addictions and medical problems.
Adults with an ACE score of 4, for example, were 460 percent more likely to have
depression and 1,220 percent more likely to attempt suicide than adults with an
ACE score of zero.
The study concluded that a strong relationship exists “between
the breadth of exposure to abuse or household dysfunction during childhood and
multiple risk factors for several of the leading causes of death in adults.”
It’s really crazy that I came across this guy’s video and show me around your town. It sounds so nice and interesting! I loved seeing the city you live in.
Maybe when I move to Spain, I will go to Augsburg, Germany, and see it in Person and visit you too. I would love that!
I have to go now, so I will write more at another time.
Narcissists don't discard you for someone better. They discard you for someone who can't see through their lies. E.S.
Narcissists have the illusion that if they get rid of the person that can see through them, then, their problems will be solved but actually will keep getting much worse as they get older. Narcissists punishment is to live and die in an emotional prison.
They will do anything to look like the perfect person...
...and destroy anyone who threatens to expose their deceit.
The Narcissist leaves no fingerprints just a ghostly image of their abuse
Narcissists never want to talk about what they did. However, they'll happily exaggerate how you reacted.
This hit me like a brick:
My therapist told me: "Manipulation is when. they blame you for your reaction to their toxic behaviour but never discuss their disrespect."
The narc's addiction
Nothing is more terrifying for the narcissist than glimpsing the truth of who they really are. It is at the core of their pathology. People are tools to the narcissist that serve a distinct purpose. Specifically, to feed their beliefs about the fantasy land they have created where they rein as superior, omnipotent and perfect beings. This need is such that they are effectively addicted to securing evidence that supports these beliefs, hence the term 'supply'. Their addiction is the dependence on external reinforcement that their false self-beliefs are based in fact, in order to keep the knowledge of their true selves at bay.
The people that have enabled the narcissist are just as toxic as them.
The abuse doesn't end with you just leaving the narcissist. Often it marks the beginning of a whole new hell of abuse. Please hang in there.
YOU DO NOT NEED VALIDATION AND AN APOLOGY FROM A NARCISSIST.
The devaluing you went through is closure. The lies are the closure. The lack of respect is closure. How they treated you is enough and the closure you need.
The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
THE TOXIC MONSTER YOU SAW IN THE END IS WHO THEY TRULY ARE. NEVER DOUBT YOURSELF AGAIN WHEN THEY PLAY NICE.
Narcissists cheat on their partners because they believe cheating is a justified solution to their unhappiness, which they blame their partners for.
Narcissists are super critical and accusatory of others, just to remind themselves they are superior, but they fume with anger and despise it when someone is critical of them in return, or points out any truth about them.
THE NARCISSIST CALLS YOU CRAZY, INSECURE, JEALOUS AND SENSITIVE. TO KEEP YOU FROM THE REALITY OF.
I LIED TO YOU, I CHEATED ON YOU, I DISRESPECTED YOU, I DISCARD YOU, I TWISTED EVERY ARGUMENT, I MADE YOU DOUBT YOURSELF, I ISOLATED YOU, I STOLE FROM YOU.
Narcissists claim their exes are crazy, as it's easier than admitting they cheated on them repeatedly, lied to them daily, gaslit them constantly, bankrupted them financially, took away all their friends and family, controlled them coercively, hurt them emotionally, and then leave them once they'd drained them completely.
A NARCISSIST IS A CON ARTIST, THEY SELL YOU A DREAM AND DELIVER A LIVING NIGHTMARE.
Emotional Abuse in the Workplace "Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything.
Violence and abuse originate in companies when envy of power and perversity collide. The overpoweringly destructive examples of emotional abuse in couples are less likely to be found but, unfortunately, the small abuse of daily living that does exist in businesses are largely trivialized or ignored.
In companies, universities, and institutions, harassing orabusive proceduresare more stereotypical than in the private arena.
They are no less destructive, although the victims are less exposed because they often leave (illness or resignation) in order to survive.
WHAT IS ABUSE? By emotional abuse in the workplace, we mean any abusive conduct---whether by words, looks, gestures, or in writing---that infringes upon the personality, the dignity, or the physical or psychical integrity of a person; also, behavior that endangers the employment of said person or degrades the climate of the workplace.
… Businesses, as well as the media, have tended to focus on sexual harassment, which is only one aspect of harassment in the larger sense. This psychological war in the workplace consists of two elements:
. Abuse of power: often quickly revealed and not accepted by the employees . Emotional manipulation: more insidious and more destructive from the beginning
Emotional abuse and harassment start harmless enough and spread insidiously. Initially, the people involved are reluctant to take offense and gloss over quarrels and bullying. Later, the attacks multiply and the victim is regularly besieged; he is made to feel inferior and submitted to hostile and degrading maneuvers over a long period.
Obviously, one does not drop dead on the spot as a result of these aggressions, but one does lose a part of oneself. One gets home every night worn out, humiliated, and damaged. It’s difficult to recover. WHO IS TARGETED Contrary to what their aggressors have others believe, victims are not, at the outset, particularly weak or mentally unhealthy individuals. Quite the opposite: harassment is often set in motion when a victim refuses to give in to a boss’s authoritarian procedures. She is targeted because of her capacity to resist authority, even under pressure. …
…The victim is stigmatized once the process of harassment gets going. They say she’s impossible to work with, has a terrible disposition, or even that she’s crazy. They attribute to her character the consequences of the conflict, forgetting what she was before or what she is now in another context. Pushed to the limit, she often becomes what the employer wants her to become.
ISOLATION Once the decision has been made to psychologically destroy an employee, in order to forestall any possible defense, the person must be isolated by breaking up potential alliances.It’s much more difficult to rebel if you’re alone, especially if you’ve been made to believe that everyone is against you.
...The goal of the abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence.
In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him.
Stalking the Soul by Marie-France Hirigoyen from the chapter about Emotional Abuse in the workplace.
“Authoritarian personalities are ones that “kiss above and kick below”, in other words, they are loyal to their leaders, but will attack those of lower rank. They also protect their “in-group” and attack the “out-group”. Social Dominance Orientation (SDO) personalities, on the other hand, tend to be those who lead the authoritarians, they are more interested in being on top.”
"What can you do?
Unfortunately, this is a type of personality disorder, and there is little you can do when working for or with this type of person. If you are working for this person long term, you need to leave the organization or company as soon as possible. Their negativity will be extremely stressful and ultimately do damage to your career. [And your health! No job is worth health destruction)
Do not think you can talk to the person and ask them to consider changing. They do not allow anyone to challenge them, and they despise admitting mistakes. In fact, if you are questioning their decisions or behavior, they have already put a plan in motion to whisper about your own competency or value to the company or organization."
Since writing this blog, exactly a year later, my ex-boss, who the property manager recruited to do her dirty work, killed himself in a standoff with the local police after robbing a bank on March 11, 2016, that by coincidence was my birthday! So, the property manager does have blood on her hands after all, because I know without a doubt, if she had not started this psychological warfare against me, he would still be alive – he was her collateral damage – when people start wars someone always gets hurt or killed!!! I was her target to destroy, but when was one of her helpers to lose his mind and self-destruct, everyone involved became silent, and now is a big cover-up that involves the FBI, the US Marshals, and the media.It's a shame he was not strong enough to stand up to do the right thing and let himself become a puppet of the property manager -- he paid a high price for it. Puppets never have a good end. If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was -- to discredit me and my book -- and make a name for themselves by standing on my head. And all probably say that you need God in your life, my ex-boss was a Mormon, a man of God, but he was the one to lose his mind, but now is a big cover-up. I could see their dirty games and traps so clearly. Read more in the link below:
It’s very comforting to hear from people that fully understand what happened and is capable of really seeing and feeling.
Sadly the workplace can become a place where people unconsciously and compulsively tell their true tragic stories of their own childhoods by reenacting it with innocent people and making them their scapegoat, turning the workplace into dangerous and a toxic environment.
I too went through most of my life feeling unwanted and rejected, and if I have not healed my childhood wounds of being unwanted and rejected as a child, I have no doubt this present rejection and betrayal would have thrown me over the edge.
Thank you for sharing your personal experiences in the workplace. I know I am not alone, but it's nice to be reminded by others that I am not alone.
All the best to you and stay safe.
Sylvie
2-22-2018
It's hard to believe it has been three years since I was the target of a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years.
At the time I did not publish the e-mails exchanged with S, because she requested me not to publish hers and my last answers in my blog. But it has been three years and I removed her personal information and experiences, so I hope it's okay to publish now because I find the answers enlightening and hopefully help others see and understand themselves and others more clearly.
From:S<S@> Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 2:19 AM Subject: thanks for your book To: "sylvie@sylvieshene.com" <sylvie@sylvieshene.com>
Dear Sylvie,
I am very sorry to read on your blog that you have been terminated. This is a very painful experience even if you understand - as you do - what is really going on. I wish you all possible support from your friends and from your inner knowledge. It is such an incredible journey you made and you were able to describe in your book. So encouraging. I read your book for weeks time and again - but just now I feel it is even too much for me and I lost the contact. Sometimes - no, always - I don't know how I survived because there weren't any helping witnesses in my childhood. The bad and cruel experience you describe with your ex I made several times.
Sylvie, sometimes I think you could be the right person to become a professional counselor or therapist or as you would name it. You have the knowledge, you have real and honest exchange and communication in your life. But however I wish you a safe place from which you can continue to do good and lovely things.
Thanks for your book and for speaking out and all the very best to you - S
From: Sylvie Shene<sylvie@sylvieshene.com>
Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2015 at 12:26 PM Subject: Re: thanks for your book To: S <S@> Dear S,
Thank you for writing and for reading my book. I am glad to hear my book is being a helping witness to you. Understanding that people rather murder others souls and destroy others, so they can keep their own repression and illusions intact to protect them from having to face and feel their own painful truths -- helps me to get through it -- but it still hurts and is a very big reminder of the pain I suffered as a small defenseless child at the hands of abusive teachers and older sisters and brothers.
The way they are treating me, they are showing me unconsciously and compulsively how they were treated as small children and how they have treated their own children.
I am starting a new job soon and now that I am getting away from this toxic situation -- hopefully this will be water under the bridge soon and I can keep doing my work and continue to be a helping witness to others. Wishing you the very best to you too,
Sylvie
From: S<S@> Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 1:48 PM Subject: AW: thanks for your book To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@sylvieshenecom> Dear Sylvie,
thank you so much for your e-mails! I am sure there are some people who even if they do not write understand your situation. You are not completely alone! The various work environments offer a broad field for all those people who reenact their childhood. In the twenty years of my working life, I have been in more or less precarious jobs.
For me, it was a very strong childhood reminder to know that there are people who will not hesitate to take from me the material basis of my life. But it is also the experience of not being wanted, not being estimated or appreciated as the person you are. It is really very hard. It depends on the actual structures - and if those in power are willing to protect the colleagues, as you described it.
Hey, and I wish you all the best for your new job, people who are happy and proud to have you with them! And who are real and honest enough to not allow abusive situations to come up and spread.
It is also more than twenty years now that I read Alice Miller's books. Yes, she saved my life, too. But definitely, I have still a heavy part of the way before me. Freedom soon? It sounds good.
Thank you for listening and all the best again, S
From: Sylvie Shene<sylvieshene.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 5:48 PM Subject: Re: thanks for your book To: S <S@> Dear S,
Thank you for your kindness and comforting words.
It’s very comforting to hear from people that fully understand what happened and is capable of really seeing and feeling.
Sadly the workplace can become a place where people unconsciously and compulsively tell their true tragic stories of their own childhoods by reenacting it with innocent people and making them their scapegoat, turning the workplace into dangerous and a toxic environment.
I too went through most of my life feeling unwanted and rejected, and if I had not had healed my childhood wounds of being unwanted and rejected as a child, I have no doubt this present rejection and betrayal would have thrown me over the edge.
I know I am not alone, but it's nice to be reminded by others that I am not alone.
All the best to you and stay safe.
Sylvie
From: S<.com> Date: Sun, Mar 1, 2015 at 3:46 AM Subject: thanks for your book To: "sylvie@sylvieshene.com" Dear Sylvie,
I am happy to hear that things are going well with your new job. Congratulations on keeping the confidence to yourself!!
Hey Sylvie, may I share one thing with you? It is really hard. My feelings tell me... the last time when I was between three and four years old.
The thing is that she was able to hide her hatred towards me perfectly behind a wall of pseudo-love and care. And culture, of course, in her case. Some weeks or months ago I started again to write down my story (encouraged by your book, too) and I wrote that these incredible double messages I got from her since early childhood distracted me from myself so strongly.
I tried to tell this to some people but no one was able to take it really seriously. I broke up contact with my mother I think nine years ago but this is not enough to feel what really happened.
Only then I will be able to explain this to my two adult daughters - and I cannot imagine this now. Real life seems far away sometimes.
Thank you for listening and just for being there. It means such a lot to me that you answered my e-mails.
All the best to you! S
From: Sylvie Shene<sylvie@sylvieshene.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 11:39 AM Subject: Re: thanks for your book To: S <S@> Dear S,
Thank you for writing and for your understanding. Sorry, it took me so long to answer you back, but starting a new job is always a little stressful.
Things are going well in my new job, but I am hurting financially at the moment because I am going from making $16 an hour to $10 an hour. I would have been fine if I had not taken out a loan to pay editors, proofreaders and the publishing costs of my book.
I spent more than $40.000 of my own money to deliver my book/baby to the world and I don’t know if I ever get it back, but like I said in my book: is my gift to the world. And I am not worried if I get the money back or not. I have two more years to pay the loan off of $460 payment a month and once it’s paid off, I will be fine, because I can live on little money, I don’t have a need for a lot of money. I have a very simple life.
Trust your feelings. If you feel your mother... most likely she did. Most of us are here, because of the stigma on abortion in our society, to this day I wish abortion had been available to my mother, because no woman should be forced to motherhood and have more children than she can take care of and protect, no child should go through life, like I did most of my life, feeling unwanted, a burden and rejected by everyone. It took me most of my life to heal this wound and now I want to do all I can to prevent children to be born to suffer like I did.
To this day my feelings have never been wrong once! Sooner or later, I always get proof of my feelings being right and getting mad at myself for doubting my feelings.
Reading your words in your last e-mail, one of my sisters came to mind, because it took me a lifetime to see through her mask of the cloth of love she wears, like your mother, she hidden her hate behind this illusion of love, it kept me in the state of confusion most of my life and under this illusion of love she covertly transferred her hate into me.
Just like I wrote in my book: Alice Miller explains that most of us aren’t capable of genuine feelings and that most relationships are held together by fear and guilt. “We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth, the truth about our parents and caregivers as well as about ourselves,” she writes. “We can only try to behave as if we were loving, but this hypocritical behavior is the opposite of love. It is confusing and deceptive, and it produces much helpless rage in the deceived person. This rage must be repressed in the presence of the pretended‘love,’ especially if one is dependent, as a child is, on the person who is masquerading in this illusion of love.”25 Elza’s illusion of kindness definitely helped to further repress the rage I was feeling inside. My feelings of fear and anger would bubble up when she began to mistreat me again, but then she’d feel guilty and act nice for a while. What a rollercoaster ride! I wanted so desperately to believe in her love, but knowing thatit could end at any time kept me in constant state of fear.” Page 50 and 51
I should have included also in my book that my sister's illusion of love kept me in the state of confusion most of my life, and under this illusion of love she transferred her repressed hate into me and forced me to feel her hate that she could not feel. Parents or parents substitutes always make children feel what they cannot feel.
I am glad my book is encouraging you to explore your history and write about it. It will be liberating! Congratulations on your courage! Yes, the double messages of love and hate we get as children are the most confusing and damaging because is hard to see through and liberation is never possible until we see clear through the pretty veils people wear that hide the real truth and give the illusion of love and kindness.
This double messages are the most confusion and damaging in a person’s life because it can keep us stuck for life in the emotional prison of our childhood, we need the whole naked truth to liberate ourselves from the emotional prisons of our parents or childhood caregivers.
Most people will never understand, because most people are still little children still dependent on the parents or on people standing in symbolizing their parents' illusion of love for survival and too afraid to be rejected, ostracizedand left alone, if they see through the pretty lies, facades, and illusions of their parents or the people standing in symbolizing their parents.
Wishing you courage and strength in your journey to finding the truth in your life and freedom from all the lies and illusion shoved down to you when you were a defenseless little child.
All the best to you too, Sylvie
From: Sylvie Shene<@.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 12:31 PM
Subject:
To: E com>
Hi E,
I hope you are having a good weekend. My Friday is on Sundays now, because now I am off on Mondays and Tuesdays!
I thought I would share with you the words I wrote to S.
Do you see clear the illusion of love some residents at Sxxxxxxxr try to give me for the last 9 and half years and like my family, they too rejected me, and they reenacted their childhood dramas and reminded me of mine!!! I always saw through their illusion of love and pretenses and I was not too shocked, but I really thought, they would keep pretending and go on acting as if personality.
But my book triggered their repressed fears, jealousy, and anger too much and they had the illusion that by getting rid of me, they would make their fears, jealousy and anger go away, and like my family making me their scapegoat, they are too emotionally blind to see that by getting rid of me, it actually is going to trigger their repressed emotions even more and making the fears of exposure a reality. What we fear most always come to a reality sooner or later! Face your fears or they will keep biting you in the ass until we face them.
Thanks, Sylvie
From: E<e.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 1:11 PM Subject: Re: To: Sylvie Imelda Shene <s.com>
I saw my sister today and she said that Joanne, who publishes the newsletter that published our review, actually sat down to read the book, loved it, and wants to have lunch with you.
If you have my sister’s email or phone you can set it up with her directly. Also, we have to meet for coffee soon.
E
From: Sylvie Shene<.com> Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 6:21 PM Subject: Re: To: E <.com> When I read the words that Joanne read my book, my heart dropped, because I thought the next words I was going to read was that she wanted to recant her review from her newspaper. What a relieve when reading the words she loved my book and likes to meet me for lunch. I will be more than happy to meet her for lunch and I will find the money to pay for both our lunches. People that truly want to better themselves and society; they appreciate the fundamental truths I write in my book. Only phony people, liars, and sociopaths hate my book, because my book is a mirror and they don’t like their own reflections and feel exposed by my book. What phony people and Sociopaths fear the most is their false selves being exposed.
Yes, I still have side jobs at Sxxxxxxxr, but not enough to help me at the moment, a lot of my big clients that I used to have, like the resident that moved permanently to Hawaii that I use to take care of his cat all the time, his cat Tigger paid almost all of your fees for writing my book, another Resident that used to travel all the time too and I use to cat sit for her two cats all the time also sold her house and moved away.
And a few other cats I use to sit for died of old age. I still have a few residents I cat sit for, but they don’t travel much. Right now I only have one house I take of that the owners are gone all year around, they only here a few weeks a year. Most people that I look after their houses in the summer are here now and I have a feeling that they will not call me to take care of their houses when they leave for the summer, because they are being pressured by the sociopaths in the present board and the property manager Pxx Pxxx to hire someone else to look after their houses -- their fears are being triggered that the sociopaths will target them also. I feel their fears, they just care about money. But at the end no matter how much money they have cannot save them from their repressed fears. Old age and death is the perfect trigger for everyone and if we don’t resolve our repression before we age and death arrives, old age and death will intensify the repressed fears and no amount of money or medication like morphine, will save them from having to face and feel their repressed fears and will be no more scapegoats available to take out their repression on.
Pxx Pxxx, the property manager and a resident, the resident that found the 10 duplicated line on the manuscript, they started the plotting to get rid of me. They were hoping with their abusive package procedure to get me to make a mistake and get something to pin me down with. When I thought I had won this battle by creating a procedure that made sense, the new guy that took the place of the guy that died of heart failure right after my book release party, was after my job position, he saw me vulnerable and started emotionally harassing me too.
I think he might be a pet of someone big at Sxxxxxxxs because they took his side and they fired me the following week after I made the complaint about him being emotionally abusive towards me. I was being attacked by sociopaths from every angle like I said to M: PP and another resident at the community where I worked started the plotting and MB, a new guy that was taking the place of guy that died of heart failure, he wanted my job and saw me vulnerable and joined in the plotting to steal my job. When I thought I had a battle won, another sociopath would take over and continue the emotional harassment the first sociopaths started. I was being attacked by sociopaths from every angle. They wanted to kill my soul to keep their own repressions intact and some just for their own personal gain.
https://www.facebook.com/sylne/posts/10152853565923922?comment_id=10152854672923922¬if_t=share_comment T the lawyer that owns a house in Sxxxxxxxr has been silent too lately, he might be too busy or his fears have been triggered also, but I talked to another lawyer here by my house. She recommends writing a demand letter to my formeremployer. we will see. Are you busy tomorrow and Tuesday? If you like we can meet for coffee anytime all day either day. Looking forward to seeing you so much to talk about,
Sylvie
P.S. Your sister just sent me an e-mail telling me too thatJoanne read my book and loved it!!And likes for us to meet for lunch, your sister likes to include you too. Below are your sister's exact words. Right now Mondays and Tuesdays are the best days for me. I am going to try to answer your sister back right now.
Some Sxxxxxxr residents and the property manager were so emotionally blinded by their repression that didn't see that coming after me would expose themselves.
They thought they could regress me to my childhood wounds and destroyed me emotionally to declare me emotionally unstable to have a reason to get rid of me to manage their uncomfortable feelings of feeling psychologically naked in my presence.
They must not be believed what I wrote in my book that I had healed my childhood wounds and I am sure now, if they could go back, they would not have me fired, because who is regressing to their childhood wounds, is them.
Their betrayal for sure was a great reminder of the pain I went through as a child, but no one will ever be able to take me to that place again like Marty did. Free at last!!!
Only evil people will try to consciously destroy a person emotionally like they did.
