Monday, February 16, 2015

You are not Alone

Since writing this blog, exactly a year later, my ex-boss, who the property manager recruited to do her dirty work, killed himself in a standoff with the local police after robbing a bank on March 11, 2016, that by coincidence was my birthday! So, the property manager does have blood on her hands after all, because I know without a doubt, if she had not started this psychological warfare against me, he would still be alive – he was her collateral damage – when people start wars someone always gets hurt or killed!!! I was her target to destroy, but when was one of her helpers to lose his mind and self-destruct, everyone involved became silent, and now is a big cover-up that involves the FBI, the US Marshals, and the media. It's a shame he was not strong enough to stand up to do the right thing and let himself become a puppet of the property manager -- he paid a high price for it. Puppets never have a good end. If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was -- to discredit me and my book -- and make a name for themselves by standing on my head. And all probably say that you need God in your life, my ex-boss was a Mormon, a man of God, but he was the one to lose his mind, but now is a big cover-up. I could see their dirty games and traps so clearly.
Read more in the link below:  

Dear S,

Thank you for your kindness and comforting words.

It’s very comforting to hear from people that fully understand what happened and is capable of really seeing and feeling.

Sadly the workplace can become a place where people unconsciously and compulsively tell their true tragic stories of their own childhoods by reenacting it with innocent people and making them their scapegoat, turning the workplace into dangerous and a toxic environment.

I too went through most of my life feeling unwanted and rejected, and if I have not healed my childhood wounds of being unwanted and rejected as a child, I have no doubt this present rejection and betrayal would have thrown me over the edge.

Thank you for sharing your personal experiences in the workplace. I know I am not alone, but it's nice to be reminded by others that I am not alone.

All the best to you and stay safe.

Sylvie

2-22-2018
It's hard to believe it has been three years since I was the target of a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years. 

At the time I did not publish the e-mails exchanged with S, because she requested me not to publish hers and my last answers in my blog.  But it has been three years and I removed her personal information and experiences, so I hope it's okay to publish now because I find the answers enlightening and hopefully help others see and understand themselves and others more clearly. 

 From:S <S@>
Date: Fri, Feb 13, 2015 at 2:19 AM
Subject: thanks for your book
To: "sylvie@sylvieshene.com" <sylvie@sylvieshene.com>

Dear Sylvie,

I am very sorry to read on your blog that you have been terminated. This is a very painful experience even if you understand - as you do - what is really going on. I wish you all possible support from your friends and from your inner knowledge. It is such an incredible journey you made and you were able to describe in your book. So encouraging. I read your book for weeks time and again - but just now I feel it is even too much for me and I lost the contact. Sometimes - no, always - I don't know how I survived because there weren't any helping witnesses in my childhood. The bad and cruel experience you describe with your ex I made several times. 

Sylvie, sometimes I think you could be the right person to become a professional counselor or therapist or as you would name it. You have the knowledge, you have real and honest exchange and communication in your life. But however I wish you a safe place from which you can continue to do good and lovely things.

Thanks for your book and for speaking out and all the very best to you - S

 From: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@sylvieshene.com>
Date: Sun, Feb 15, 2015 at 12:26 PM
Subject: Re: thanks for your book
To: S <S@>

 Dear S,
Thank you for writing and for reading my book. I am glad to hear my book is being a helping witness to you.

 Understanding that people rather murder others souls and destroy others, so they can keep their own repression and illusions intact to protect them from having to face and feel their own painful truths -- helps me to get through it -- but it still hurts and is a very big reminder of the pain I suffered as a small defenseless child at the hands of abusive teachers and older sisters and brothers. 
The way they are treating me, they are showing me unconsciously and compulsively how they were treated as small children and how they have treated their own children.
I am starting a new job soon and now that I am getting away from this toxic situation -- hopefully this will be water under the bridge soon and I can keep doing my work and continue to be a helping witness to others.
Wishing you the very best to you too,
Sylvie
From: S <S@>
Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 1:48 PM
Subject: AW: thanks for your book
To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@sylvieshenecom>

 Dear Sylvie,
thank you so much for your e-mails! I am sure there are some people who even if they do not write understand your situation. You are not completely alone! The various work environments offer a broad field for all those people who reenact their childhood. In the twenty years of my working life, I have been in more or less precarious jobs. 

For me, it was a very strong childhood reminder to know that there are people who will not hesitate to take from me the material basis of my life. But it is also the experience of not being wanted, not being estimated or appreciated as the person you are. It is really very hard. It depends on the actual structures - and if those in power are willing to protect the colleagues, as you described it. 

Hey, and I wish you all the best for your new job, people who are happy and proud to have you with them! And who are real and honest enough to not allow abusive situations to come up and spread.

It is also more than twenty years now that I read Alice Miller's books. Yes, she saved my life, too. But definitely, I have still a heavy part of the way before me. Freedom soon? It sounds good.

Thank you for listening and all the best again, S

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene.com>
Date: Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 5:48 PM
Subject: Re: thanks for your book
To: S <S@>

 Dear S,
Thank you for your kindness and comforting words.
It’s very comforting to hear from people that fully understand what happened and is capable of really seeing and feeling.
Sadly the workplace can become a place where people unconsciously and compulsively tell their true tragic stories of their own childhoods by reenacting it with innocent people and making them their scapegoat, turning the workplace into dangerous and a toxic environment.
I too went through most of my life feeling unwanted and rejected, and if I had not had healed my childhood wounds of being unwanted and rejected as a child, I have no doubt this present rejection and betrayal would have thrown me over the edge.
I know I am not alone, but it's nice to be reminded by others that I am not alone.
All the best to you and stay safe.
Sylvie   

From: S <.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 1, 2015 at 3:46 AM
Subject: thanks for your book
To: "sylvie@sylvieshene.com"

 Dear Sylvie,

 I am happy to hear that things are going well with your new job. Congratulations on keeping the confidence to yourself!!

Hey Sylvie, may I share one thing with you? It is really hard. My feelings tell me... the last time when I was between three and four years old. 

The thing is that she was able to hide her hatred towards me perfectly behind a wall of pseudo-love and care. And culture, of course, in her case. Some weeks or months ago I started again to write down my story (encouraged by your book, too) and I wrote that these incredible double messages I got from her since early childhood distracted me from myself so strongly. 

I tried to tell this to some people but no one was able to take it really seriously. I broke up contact with my mother I think nine years ago but this is not enough to feel what really happened. 

Only then I will be able to explain this to my two adult daughters - and I cannot imagine this now. Real life seems far away sometimes.

Thank you for listening and just for being there. It means such a lot to me that you answered my e-mails.

All the best to you! S

 From: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@sylvieshene.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 11:39 AM
Subject: Re: thanks for your book
To:  S <S@>

 Dear S,
Thank you for writing and for your understanding. Sorry, it took me so long to answer you back, but starting a new job is always a little stressful.
Things are going well in my new job, but I am hurting financially at the moment because I am going from making $16 an hour to $10 an hour. I would have been fine if I had not taken out a loan to pay editors, proofreaders and the publishing costs of my book. 
I spent more than $40.000 of my own money to deliver my book/baby to the world and I don’t know if I ever get it back, but like I said in my book: is my gift to the world. And I am not worried if I get the money back or not. I have two more years to pay the loan off of $460 payment a month and once it’s paid off, I will be fine, because I can live on little money, I don’t have a need for a lot of money.  I have a very simple life.
Trust your feelings. If you feel your mother... most likely she did. Most of us are here, because of the stigma on abortion in our society, to this day I wish abortion had been available to my mother, because no woman should be forced to motherhood and have more children than she can take care of and protect, no child should go through life, like I did most of my life, feeling unwanted, a burden and rejected by everyone. It took me most of my life to heal this wound and now I want to do all I can to prevent children to be born to suffer like I did.  
To this day my feelings have never been wrong once! Sooner or later, I always get proof of my feelings being right and getting mad at myself for doubting my feelings.
Reading your words in your last e-mail, one of my sisters came to mind, because it took me a lifetime to see through her mask of the cloth of love she wears, like your mother, she hidden her hate behind this illusion of love, it kept me in the state of confusion most of my life and under this illusion of love she covertly transferred her hate into me. 
Just like I wrote in my book:  Alice Miller explains that most of us aren’t capable of genuine feelings and that most relationships are held together by fear and guilt. “We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth, the truth about our parents and caregivers as well as about ourselves,” she writes. “We can only try to behave as if we were loving, but this hypocritical behavior is the opposite of love. It is confusing and deceptive, and it produces much helpless rage in the deceived person. This rage must be repressed in the presence of the pretended ‘love,’ especially if one is dependent, as a child is, on the person who is masquerading in this illusion of love.”25 Elza’s illusion of kindness definitely helped to further repress the rage I was feeling inside. My feelings of fear and anger would bubble up when she began to mistreat me again, but then she’d feel guilty and act nice for a while. What a rollercoaster ride! I wanted so desperately to believe in her love, but knowing that it could end at any time kept me in constant state of fear.” Page 50 and 51
I should have included also in my book that my sister's illusion of love kept me in the state of confusion most of my life, and under this illusion of love she transferred her repressed hate into me and forced me to feel her hate that she could not feel. Parents or parents substitutes always make children feel what they cannot feel.  
I am glad my book is encouraging you to explore your history and write about it. It will be liberating! Congratulations on your courage! Yes, the double messages of love and hate we get as children are the most confusing and damaging because is hard to see through and liberation is never possible until we see clear through the pretty veils people wear that hide the real truth and give the illusion of love and kindness. 
This double messages are the most confusion and damaging in a person’s life because it can keep us stuck for life in the emotional prison of our childhood, we need the whole naked truth to liberate ourselves from the emotional prisons of our parents or childhood caregivers.
Most people will never understand, because most people are still little children still dependent on the parents or on people standing in symbolizing their parents' illusion of love for survival and too afraid to be rejected, ostracized and left alone, if they see through the pretty lies, facades, and illusions of their parents or the people standing in symbolizing their parents.
Wishing you courage and strength in your journey to finding the truth in your life and freedom from all the lies and illusion shoved down to you when you were a defenseless little child.
All the best to you too,
Sylvie

 From: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 12:31 PM
Subject:
To: E com>
Hi E,

 I hope you are having a good weekend. My Friday is on Sundays now, because now I am off on Mondays and Tuesdays!
I thought I would share with you the words I wrote to S.
Do you see clear the illusion of love some residents at Sxxxxxxxr try to give me for the last 9 and half years and like my family, they too rejected me, and they reenacted their childhood dramas and reminded me of mine!!! I always saw through their illusion of love and pretenses and I was not too shocked, but I really thought, they would keep pretending and go on acting as if personality. 
But my book triggered their repressed fears, jealousy, and anger too much and they had the illusion that by getting rid of me, they would make their fears, jealousy and anger go away, and like my family making me their scapegoat, they are too emotionally blind to see that by getting rid of me, it actually is going to trigger their repressed emotions even more and making the fears of exposure a reality. What we fear most always come to a reality sooner or later! Face your fears or they will keep biting you in the ass until we face them. 
Thanks,
Sylvie

From: E <e.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 1:11 PM
Subject: Re: 
To: Sylvie Imelda Shene <s.com>
I saw my sister today and she said that Joanne, who publishes the newsletter that published our review, actually sat down to read the book, loved it, and wants to have lunch with you. 

If you have my sister’s email or phone you can set it up with her directly. Also, we have to meet for coffee soon. 

E

From: Sylvie Shene <.com>
Date: Sun, Mar 8, 2015 at 6:21 PM
Subject: Re: 
To: E <.com>

 When I read the words that Joanne read my book, my heart dropped, because I thought the next words I was going to read was that she wanted to recant her review from her newspaper. What a relieve when reading the words she loved my book and likes to meet me for lunch. I will be more than happy to meet her for lunch and I will find the money to pay for both our lunches. People that truly want to better themselves and society; they appreciate the fundamental truths I write in my book. Only phony people, liars, and sociopaths hate my book, because my book is a mirror and they don’t like their own reflections and feel exposed by my book. What phony people and Sociopaths fear the most is their false selves being exposed.
Yes, I still have side jobs at Sxxxxxxxr, but not enough to help me at the moment, a lot of my big clients that I used to have, like the resident that moved permanently to Hawaii that I use to take care of his cat all the time, his cat Tigger paid almost all of your fees for writing my book, another Resident that used to travel all the time too and I use to cat sit for her two cats all the time also sold her house and moved away. 
And a few other cats I use to sit for died of old age. I still have a few residents I cat sit for, but they don’t travel much. Right now I only have one house I take of that the owners are gone all year around, they only here a few weeks a year. Most people that I look after their houses in the summer are here now and I have a feeling that they will not call me to take care of their houses when they leave for the summer, because they are being pressured by the sociopaths in the present board and the property manager Pxx Pxxx to hire someone else to look after their houses -- their fears are being triggered that the sociopaths will target them also. I feel their fears, they just care about money.  But at the end no matter how much money they have cannot save them from their repressed fears. Old age and death is the perfect trigger for everyone and if we don’t resolve our repression before we age and death arrives, old age and death will intensify the repressed fears and no amount of money or medication like morphine, will save them from having to face and feel their repressed fears and will be no more scapegoats available to take out their repression on.
Pxx Pxxx, the property manager and a resident, the resident that found the 10 duplicated line on the manuscript, they started the plotting to get rid of me. They were hoping with their abusive package procedure to get me to make a mistake and get something to pin me down with.  When I thought I had won this battle by creating a procedure that made sense, the new guy that took the place of the guy that died of heart failure right after my book release party, was after my job position, he saw me vulnerable and started emotionally harassing me too. 
I think he might be a pet of someone big at Sxxxxxxxs because they took his side and they fired me the following week after I made the complaint about him being emotionally abusive towards me.  I was being attacked by sociopaths from every angle like I said to M: PP and another resident at the community where I worked started the plotting and MB, a new guy that was taking the place of guy that died of heart failure, he wanted my job and saw me vulnerable and joined in the plotting to steal my job. When I thought I had a battle won, another sociopath would take over and continue the emotional harassment the first sociopaths started. I was being attacked by sociopaths from every angle. They wanted to kill my soul to keep their own repressions intact and some just for their own personal gain.
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html

https://www.facebook.com/sylne/posts/10152853565923922?comment_id=10152854672923922&notif_t=share_comment

 T the lawyer that owns a house in Sxxxxxxxr has been silent too lately, he might be too busy or his fears have been triggered also, but I talked to another lawyer here by my house. She recommends writing a demand letter to my former employer. we will see. 

 Are you busy tomorrow and Tuesday? If you like we can meet for coffee anytime all day either day.

 Looking forward to seeing you so much to talk about,
Sylvie
P.S. Your sister just sent me an e-mail telling me too that Joanne read my book and loved it!!And likes for us to meet for lunch, your sister likes to include you too. Below are your sister's exact words. Right now Mondays and Tuesdays are the best days for me. I am going to try to answer your sister back right now.

Some Sxxxxxxr residents and the property manager were so emotionally blinded by their repression that didn't see that coming after me would expose themselves. 

They thought they could regress me to my childhood wounds and destroyed me emotionally to declare me emotionally unstable to have a reason to get rid of me to manage their uncomfortable feelings of feeling psychologically naked in my presence.

They must not be believed what I wrote in my book that I had healed my childhood wounds and I am sure now, if they could go back, they would not have me fired, because who is regressing to their childhood wounds, is them. 

Their betrayal for sure was a great reminder of the pain I went through as a child, but no one will ever be able to take me to that place again like Marty did. Free at last!!! 

Only evil people will try to consciously destroy a person emotionally like they did. 

They are pure evil.

Also, read my blog post Experienced Knowledge





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