The best way to survive these types of people when they cross our paths is to resolve the repressed emotions of the child we once were. Once we are no longer blinded by repressed emotions we will be able to see and recognize the manipulation techniques of manipulators.
"The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care without anyone involved actually realizing it. At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cult-like therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. We assume that in the former instance, we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned, and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals.
In my view, however, this allegedly conscious exploitation can also be traced back to unconscious motives. Terrible as the consequences were, I do not believe, for example, that the two initiators of “feeling therapy,” discussed earlier, actually set out to establish a totalitarian regime. It was the power they gained over their adherents that made them into gurus. And this is what I have in mind when I refer to the unconscious aspects of manipulation. In the end, they themselves become the victims of a process with an inexorable logic of its own, a process they were unaware of because they had never given it any thought.
Thus they sparked off a conflagration they were unable to control, much less extinguish. First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance, with the child-rearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood." Alice Miller
As I wrote in my book A Dance to Freedom on pages,148, 172, 173, and 174 "I put all my focus on Alice Miller and the idea that it was
of the utmost importance to speak the naked truth without
manipulative morality or “poisonous pedagogy.” Alice Miller
used this term to “refer to the kind of parenting and
education aimed at breaking a child’s will and making that
child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert
coercion, manipulation and emotional blackmail.”72
...Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the
charlatans [or manilipulators] of the world who exploit those who are still
emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of
the children they once were.
...I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am
totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously, and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced
my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the
context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.
These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If
I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what
annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know
myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting,
regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have
lived my own, true life.”81
It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find
yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot
of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be
prepared. As Alice Miller writes in Free from Lies, going
against the parents “is a source of major alarm for others …
They will sometimes mobilize all the forces at their
command to discredit the former victim and thus keep their
own repression intact.”82
But thanks to Alice Miller, I’m content to be who I am
regardless of what other people think. This passage, from
Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, sums it up so well: “To live
with one’s own truth is to be at home with oneself. That is
the opposite of isolation. We only need confirmation when
we are alienated from ourselves and in flight from the truth.
All the friends and devoted admirers in the world cannot
make up for the loss.”83
When I die I will not be sad because I have truly lived
and will die in freedom, no longer scared and no longer a
captive of the emotional prison into which I was born.
What fulfills me now is my mission to bring this valuable
information to other people, so they too can have a chance to
liberate themselves. I also enjoy sharing my life with others
who have the courage to open their eyes and who are able to
really see and feel.
I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get
sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce
Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books
helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so
others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully
inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve
their own freedom.
I constantly witness many people going public with their
sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into
feeling sorry for them and feeding their adult compulsions
and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish
to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the
wounded children they once were, just like their parents or
parent-substitutes exploited them when they were
defenseless little children. They keep themselves and others
endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play
either the role of the victim or the perpetrator."
No matter how much you beg a narcissist to stop, they will push you past your limits until you snap. Then, when you do, they'll stand back, act shocked, play the victim, and claim you're crazy.
Narcissists usually have secret lives and will go to extreme measures to keep that secret life hidden from other people. If and when anyone starts to catch on to their blatant lies and hypocrisy, the narcissist and all of their enablers and flying monkeys will start a vicious attack and smear campaign against the person who is getting too close to the truth. Their hope is that they will scare and intimidate this person into retreating, while at the same time destroying their reputation so severely no one would ever believe them. ....Jill Wise
People who have not experienced Narcissistic Abuse have no idea what strength it takes to survive.
These people will be dismissive and label you as untruthful, neurotic, and unstable.
Narcissistic Abuse is so extreme and cruel that it seems to be fabricated to those who have not experienced it. Jill Wise
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