Abusive Relationship

 

Yep! That's what they do! But I don't fxcking care. I survived the smear campaign of her mother when I was a teenager and dependent! It sure will not have an effect on me NOW that I'm an autonomous, independent, conscious adult standing on my own two feet. 

Interesting! He is a Russian asset. 

I try to guide people to develop the courage to face their fears and resolve their childhood repression. But many learned to repress their fears with their parents or childhood caregivers, and unconsciously and compulsively, as adults, they try to transfer those fears to others by making threats when people don't behave to their liking. That's what DT is doing! 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/07/the-conversation-about-effects-of.html

"Those children who are beaten will, in turn, give beatings, those who are intimidated will be intimidating, those who are humiliated will impose humiliation, and those whose souls are murdered will murder. 

...Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller's above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children.

From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-trash-taking-itself-out.html

Yes, once you give your power away, it is very hard to get it back. 

What happens in families, happens in countries, and what happens in countries occurs in the stage of the world. Narcissism is an epidemic. People in power positions are a mirror of the people that support them,

Most people fear the most is not the darkness, but the light. In the darkness, they can carry on with all their dirty tricks.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html?m=1

That's how I felt, too. 

Yep!

Here is a President I can respect!

Well said! 

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse that involves manipulating someone into questioning their own reality. It can happen in relationships, the workplace, or between public figures and the people they serve. 

How it works 

The abuser denies facts, situations, or the victim's feelings and needs

The abuser questions the victim's memory or perception of events

The abuser trivializes the victim's needs or feelings

The abuser pretends to have forgotten what happened

Effects 

The victim may doubt their thoughts, memories, and behaviors

The victim may become emotionally frazzled and dependent on the abuser

The victim may become confused, anxious, isolated, and depressed

How to deal with it 

Trust your instincts and feelings

Seek therapy, preferably from someone with a domestic violence background

Reach out to an advocate

Tips for recognizing gaslighting 

Become familiar with examples of gaslighting

Learn how to look for the signs of gaslighting in a relationship.

Narcissism is an epidemic

   

We are surrounded by malignant narcissists everywhere. That's why so many people vote narcissists into positions of power. 

Yep! 

Yep! Walk away, don't waste your precious time with these people. 

No, they never give you credit, they just use you for as long you allow them. 

Yep!

No, there's no hope. Therapy for a full-blown malignant narcissist is just another game, another person to fool, manipulate, and use. 

I'm not a fan of this psychologist, actually most of what this man says is BS, but in this short video, he articulates beautifully how a malignant narcissist is just acting as if personality pretending to be confident but at his/her core are very insecure scared little child. 

That's one of the reasons they love to threaten and try to destroy those who see them clearly and can expose them for the fraud that they are. Unfortunately, I have been a target and dealt with these types of people in the workplace too many times since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions. 

The Golden Child

A "golden child" is a child who is treated as exceptional by their family, often with excessive praise and special treatment. The term is often used to describe a child who is expected to be perfect, avoid mistakes, and excel at everything. 

Golden children are often raised by narcissistic or controlling parents who create a toxic environment where the child feels unsafe expressing their own opinions. The child is expected to live up to unattainable levels of perfection and meet their parents' desires, even if they don't agree with them.

The role of the golden child can lead to a range of emotional and psychological challenges, including:

High stress levels

Perfectionism

Difficulty with independence

Anxiety

Depression

Relational difficulties 

With therapy and self-reflection, it's possible to start to take more risks and stand up for yourself. 

https://www.lifebulb.com/blogs/what-is-a-golden-child-7-signs-and-how-to-heal#:~:text=Highly%20self%2Dcritical%3A%20The%20golden,be%20perfect%20for%20their%20parents.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/12/the-illusions-narcissist-creates.html?m=1

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html?m=1

No, i don't fall for it anymore!

I went through this with a coworker no long ago. I knew what she was trying to do, to destabilize me by transferring her poison into me, but I just ignored it and eventually, all backfired on her. 

"The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal. His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off. 

All abusers, sexual or emotional, try to drag others into their orbit and distort the rules. Their destructive capability depends on the propaganda they disseminate among victims’ families, friends, and associates, showing to what extent the victims are “evil” and that it is, therefore, normal to blame them. 

Sometimes they succeed and seduce allies by ridiculing and scorning moral values. Not leading others into a circle of violence means failure for abusers and, therefore, becomes the only way to stop the spread of the abusive process." [Yes, I keep getting my soul stalked by pure evil.] 

 Emotional abuse defined: "These are evil psychological assaults. This aggression arises from an unconscious psychological process of destruction consisting of either hidden or overt hostility on the part of one and sometimes several abusers toward a designated person; a real target in every sense of the word. 

It is effectively possible to destabilize or even destroy someone with seemingly harmless words and hints, inferences, and unspoken suggestions; usually, those close to the situation will not intervene. 

A narcissistic abuser grows in stature at the expense of the other; she also avoids any inner or spiritual conflict by shifting the responsibility for what is wrong onto the other person. If the other is responsible for the problem, wrong-doing, guilt and suffering don't exist. This defines emotional abuse."

"The very definition of emotional abuse is challenged by some who prefer to use the catch-all term of psychopathy."

""Whether the subject is serial killing or emotional abusiveness, the matter remains one of predatory behavior: an act consisting in the appropriation of another person's life."

"The goal of abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence. 

In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him."  page 71

-Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen "Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity"

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=stalking+the+soul

That's exactly what they do. 

That's why malignant narcissist get elected to the highest office of the land. 

Yes, they say they hate drama, but drama follows them everywhere they go. Yes, they love to recruit others to do their dirty work.

Never Argue or Confront a Malignant Narcissist

 

I agree. The 12-step program doesn't help. I went to Al-Anon and CoDA for many years, and only it gave me was false hope. I think you may like reading my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions where I share my life experiences and psychological discoveries. It took me over 40 years, but finally, I'm free.  Since I published my first book it has been a constant dance with malignant narcissists trying to regress me into the emotional prison of my childhood. 

The workplace is the only place these malignant narcissists can get close to me. 

Being a seeing and a feeling person is like a double-edged sword, it protects you but also makes you a target of these malignant narcissists that are among us everywhere, especially in the workplace. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/03/hard-evidence-of-my-ex-boss-being.html

I know that's exactly what they do. But NOW Thank goodness I have two healthy legs to stand alone on my own two feet. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/02/correspondence-with-alice-miller.html?m=1

Yes, they are only nice to you if it benefits them!

No, you can't have a healthy relationship with a narcissist. They want you to think they have a healthy relationship and that they are happy by posting pictures pretending to be happy on social media.  But I know the true state of affairs behind the pretty pictures. What the public can see and what goes on behind the scenes are two completely different stories. 

Very true! Nothing you could have said or done diferently would have changed the outcome with a malignant narcissist. Relationships with a narcissist never end well. It is what it is. 

  

That's a waste of time to try to talk to them. Don't react or argue with them and just walk away and let them meet their future and destiny. 

Never argue, confront, or react to a malignant narcissist. Anything you do or say, they will twist anything you say and use it against you. Just walk away and never allow them to enter into your life again. 

Rise above the malignant narcissists' bullshit, because reacting to their BS, that's what they want and that's what gives them power.

"In professional environments, they want you to blow up so that coworkers and superiors see you as unstable. In romantic settings, they want you to lash out so that they can use your “hysterical” reactions to show potential partners and exes how crazy you’ve become. Until we understand this, we’ll continue to fall into their trap." 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=what+a+sociopath+want

Yep! That's why I will never allow another malignant narcissist into my life again, family or not. 

It's better to be alone and to know that you are alone than to wake up next to someone and nevertheless to be alone. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/12/better-alone-than-being-scapegoat.html

Narcissism is an epidemic. Be very careful who you give love and time to. 

In order to stop focusing on others and to stop trying to control or manipulate others, they would have to develop the courage to look at themselves and face and feel their painful truths. That's the last thing they want to do. Controlling people are cowards. 

It's amazing to me all these very well-articulate and smart people none of them mention that the reason people grow into full-blown malignant narcissists or bullies is because they are too afraid to be alone to face themselves and consciously feel the painful feelings triggered by their endless disastrous reenactments... 

I know. They have been this way since childhood. They are the classic case of the drama of the gifted child Dr. Alice Miller describes beautifully in her book The Drama of the Gifted Child. 

Walk away and let them learn the hard way. I have learned to walk away from anyone who refuses to open their eyes to see and feel.

That's exactly what they do when you are direct with them. Best thing to do is to walk away and never let them into your life again. They just waste your time. 

Narcissists are Stuck in Childhood Forever

 

Yes, it will! Narcissism is an epidemic! Just like I said to the ex-wife of someone I know. "The truth is only fucked up people will chase after men and leaves their small baby with a stranger and leans on a man she has no feelings for, has a child with him, and after leaving him uses the welfare system to survive because of her unresolved childhood repression can’t hold on to a job for very long. Most people in our world are fucked up and that's why humanity is doomed." Yes, narcissists are endlessly stuck in the emotional prison of their childhood. The narcissist punishment is living all of their lives and dying in an emotional prison.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-trash-taking-itself-out.html

Just like I wrote to a family member: "You keep saying you thought I was your friend. I don't know what your interpretation of friendship is, but it seems to you friendship means to go along with you all the time and kiss your ass -- you just want to be surrounded by people that kiss your ass -- and go along with you all the time -- and tell you only what you like to hear. Just because I didn't go along in joining you in satisfying your thirst for revenge NOW I'm your number one enemy!

You really didn't know me if you thought I would just go along with you all the time and I would kiss your ass just because you are well off financially!

You are like the person riding the donkey in the picture above, you use your money as the carrot on the stick to control the people in your life so you don't have to face and feel your fears. I have been saying to people for a very long time: face your fears or they will keep biting you in the ass.  

I'm everyone's friend. I write back to everyone that writes to me and if you wrote to me asking any questions I would answer you back! I'm a friend forever! You might not like what I have to say but you can be assured that you will get an honest answer. "

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/02/carrot-and-stick.html

What Goes on in a Narcissist's Mind When They Miss You

This is exactly what happens in many families -- and later reenacted in the workplace -- this is how the workplace everywhere becomes a toxic work environment -- What happens in families, it happens in the countries, what happens in the countries, it happens in the stage of the world. Narcissism is an epidemic 

Many people what they fear the most is not the darkness, but the light. In the darkness, they can carry on with all their dirty tricks.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2017/05/scapegoating.html?m=1

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Narcissism+&m=1

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Narcissism+is+an+Epidemic&m=1

"To be free to express resentment dating back to early childhood does not mean that one now becomes a resentful person, but rather the exact opposite." Alice Miller

Alice Miller on Child Abuse and Mistreatment at 

http://www.alice-miller.com/index_en.php

The Psychology of Malignant Narcissists - People of the Lie

 

I read most of the books by M Scott Peck; they were eye-openers, but it was Alice Miller's books and website that helped me heal and liberate myself from the emotional prison I was born into and from the people and the lie/evil in our world. 

https://www.amazon.com/stores/M.-Scott-Peck/author/B000APXCQ4?ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

As Alice Miller wrote:  “If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.” Alice Miller --  Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs, page 55

"The unconscious compulsion to revenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82

”Poisonous Pedagogy. The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset originates in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child’s great plasticity, flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities, the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, “moral,” noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung.” Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=scapegoating+

Narcissism is an epidemic. Once they know that you know their true nature, you get a target on your back. Being a knowing, seeing person is like a double-edged sword. It makes you a target of malignant people but also protects you. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Narcissism+is+an+Epidemic

"Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were."

-- Sylvie Imelda Shene quote from my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, page 172

It's sad to witness on the stage of the world so many symbolic fights, but no single person mentions CHILDHOOD  REPRESSION as the root of all our problems

“It's Easier to Fool People Than It Is to Convince Them That They Have Been Fooled.” – Mark Twain

The red flags are always there, warning me, so when people decide to show their true colors, I'm not too surprised!

"Not only do Narcissists/sociopaths try to provoke and bait you into having a bad reaction that fits the narrative of their smear campaign, but they will rehearse and stage setups with the flying monkeys during public events. As if they are preparing for a scene in a movie. It's that premeditated." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY 

Yes, I know it's that premeditated. It's pure evil. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=flying+monkeys

Being on the receiving end of someone who lacks empathy shows a reality of the human condition we didn't want to believe existed. Watching people side with your abuser, disbelieve you, and, even worse, bully or smear you along with the narcissist is highly traumatic and isolating. It's within our human nature or socialization to side with the crowd. The abuser gains momentum by getting to the crowd earlier and then playing up to them, which is their perverse talent.

Narcissist n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil asshole with no soul.

Isn't it freakin' Frustrating when you're the only person who can see how evil and manipulative someone is, and everyone else is blind to it?

Just a friendly reminder that abusers don't abuse/target everyone they come in contact with, so placing doubt on the people being targeted by the abuser based on your experience with that person is irresponsible and unkind.

Education alone is nothing more than one more big illusion! The more talented, gifted, and sharp a person's intellect is, the more they master the art of compartmentalization and dissociation, creating elaborate rationalizations, lies, and illusions to help them run from facing and consciously feeling their own repression and painful truths—what people need most is courage! Intelligence alone is not enough! 

Having special gifts and talents is wonderful, and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living. Still, when people hide behind their special gifts, talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts, then you are misusing your talents and contributing to the lies that spread, and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. 

So if people think they are better than others because they have special talents, they are being delusional. Just like Alice Miller wrote: "It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a).” Read more here

Yes, Alice Miller attracted quite a flock of very special birds to her; the world is full of flocks of very special birds, so it’s not hard to do!

I've dealt with my share of flocks of special birds, too!  I understand Alice Miller wanting to give people a chance. Like me, I tried to give people a chance, hoping they wouldn't make me their scapegoat to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own repression.

Everyone has been a small child and is pretty much repressed to a degree; some people’s repression is more dangerous than others, and no matter who you spend time with, there will always be a risk they will try to make you a scapegoat or poison container.

Alice Miller, like me, was hoping people would stand by her and take responsibility for their own childhood repression, and not try to make her a poison container or scapegoat, and not use her to stand on her head to try to make a name for themselves.  Most people don’t want to stand by you; they want to be the next big thing and use you as a stepping ladder.

I’m so glad I wrote my book! It really showed me the depths of humanity’s repression and how dangerous humanity at large is! I consider myself divorced from humanity! I practice social distancing and keep human relations with long bridges; some people with very, very long bridges, and some bridges I will never cross again!

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=depths+of+humanity%E2%80%99s+repression

Real is Naked and Proud

Malignant narcissism is an epidemic, these evil people are among us everywhere, acting as if personality pretending to be good people but are wolves in sheep's clothing. They live in a world of lies and illusions and if they discover you are a carrier of the truth based on facts that can expose them for the fraud that they are, you become a threat and their enemy number one that they must destroy. They will gather all the forces at their command to discredit you.

A narcissist will always have someone they accuse of ruining their life. It is invariably the same person the narcissist is trying to destroy.

Unawakened Person: I'm better than you.

Awakened Person: Okay.

Unawakened Person: No, really. I am richer, better looking, drive a better car, have a better job and live in a bigger house.

Awakened Person: (With no sarcasm) How wonderful that you have a nice house, job, and car. You are blessed.

Unawakened Person: Wait! No envy? Aren't you jealous?

Awakened person: No, I feel joy for your good fortune and wish you more of it.

Unawakened Person: How are you able to be happy for me when I have more than you and am bragging about it?

Awakened Person: You see my friend each of us values certain things. The things you have mentioned, the possessions and privileges are not important to me. Love is important to me. Compassion is important to me. Kindness is important to me. When one lives this way then there can be no envy of another's material success.

I no longer look for the good in people, I search for the real... because while good is often dressed in fake clothing, real is naked and proud, no matter the scars.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2019/04/communities-are-micros-of-world.html?m=1

Refusing to apologize is a weakness, not a strength.

I'm sorry if.. isn't an apology, that's blame.

I'm sorry for... is an apology, that's taking responsibility.

Mature people have the strength to take responsibility. Toxic immature narcissists don't.

Narcissism is an epidemic

This is why I became a target of a mob of narcissistics at an upscale gated community, where I worked for almost 10 years after I published my book A Dance to Freedom sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries. As long they thought I would never fly above them, they all loved me and my work, but after I published my book, they knew I could see through their false self, and it triggered their fears that I could fly higher than them and they could not live with that so they started a very well orchestrated psychological warfare against me. But a mind that is truly free cannot ever be captured again. Communities are micros of the world. Narcissism is an epidemic. 

I'm amazed at how all these well-spoken people on youtube do great analyses and articulate beautifully how the mind of a narcissist works, but not a single one mentions that these people become malignant narcissists "evil" because are incapable of facing their own childhood repression and deal with the repressed emotions of the child they once were. Now as adults, they have mastered the art of repressing, projection, and transference. 

“Children who have been beaten, humiliated, and abused, and who find no witness to come to their aid often develop a grave syndrome in later life: they have no knowledge of their true feelings, fear them like the plague, and are therefore incapable of recognizing vital connections.” 

— Alice Miller

There are many people online articulating very well how the narcissist's mind works and how to deal with them, but very few mention the reason why people become full-blown narcissists and sociopaths?! So most likely, many are narcissists, themselves - talking a good talk without doing the emotional work and liberating themselves first.

The reason many people become narcissists and sociopaths is that they grew up with lies and had very tragic traumatic childhoods and because they can't face and feel this painful truth and consciously feel the repressed emotions of the child they once were within the context of their own childhood -- this is why people grow into full-blown malignant narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths...

Most people rather idealize their parents and childhoods, and to survive, they have learned the art of repression, projection, and transference to perfection -- they go through life unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats to use as poison containers to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own repression -- so they can have the illusion that they are perfect, better and superior to others and they rather kill and be killed than face and feel their own painful truths. 

They are endlessly driven by the repressed emotions of the child they once were to hurt themselves, others, or both. I don't see many saying that there is people's denial and the repressed emotions that turn many into -- people of the lie -- and become full-blown sociopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, bad players, or whatever you like to call these evil people. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/08/i-will-no-longer-be-on-social-media.html

I have been saying for a very long time that time is the most valuable resource.

And that's why I don't want to waste any longer -- one more minute of my life -- with people that are -- chasing illusions -- and living a lie --  without the courage -- to open their eyes to see -- and feel their own painful truths.

I refuse to be anyone's scapegoat.

Most people are afraid to live and afraid to die. When we lose the fear to live we also lose the fear to die!  “Sometimes we stay busy not to feel. We buy things, consume, or get drunk without necessity. When life frightens us we try to dominate it and control it. It is risky to get carried away by emotions, and as a society admire imperturbable individual icons. We see in the movie's heroes impassive acting unencumbered. Do and achieve. They strive to have successfully controlled, like machines, not act as what we are: human beings. They belong to the generation of action whose maximum is doing more and feel less." Edgar Morin

“Our parents project the repressed feelings of their own childhood onto us and without realizing it blames us for the things that once happened to them. Like the psychiatrist Henry in Brigitte’s story (see Chapter 2), parents often react blindly and destructively because they are still caught up in the reality of their childhood without realizing it. To survive cruelties---beatings, humiliations, and neglect---they had to conceal their own feelings from themselves. Now they have become slaves to those emotions they cannot control them because they cannot understand their meaning, and they cannot understand their meaning because, like Adam and Eve in Paradise, they have been told to regard cruelty as love. They have been taught to obey incomprehensible commandments and have been made to remain in a state of blindness all their lives, threatened with brimstone and hellfire should they dare to dissent” Alice Miller, taken from the book “The Truth Will Set You Free” page 96

"It is a never-ending source of acute distress for me when I think of the devastating power of denial in producing the barriers in our minds. One of the ways this obstructive power manifests itself is in the persistence of theologians and philosophers in discussing ethical issues without taking any account of the findings produced by brain research and the laws governing infant development. 

These factors are crucial to a clearer understanding of how evil originates and how we actively perpetuate it. For psychoanalysts, it is also high time to rethink the concepts of destructive drives and evil, "perverted" children, which they have inherited from *poisonous pedagogy. But in order to do so they would have to take modern research on infancy seriously. The approach adopted by Daniel Stern and the followers of John Bowlby still appears to gain only peripheral attention in psychoanalytic circles, perhaps because by his theory of initial attachment Bowlby exploded a taboo. By linking the causes of antisocial behavior with the absence of a resilient attachment to the mother, he was flying in the face of Freud's drive theory.

But my conviction is that we have to go a step further than Bowlby went. We are dealing here not just with anti-social behavior and so-called narcissistic disorders but with the inescapable realization that denying and repressing our childhood traumas means reducing our capacity to think and conspiring to erect barriers in our minds. Brain research has succeeded in uncovering the biological foundations of the denial phenomenon. But the consequences, the impact on our mentality, have not yet been adequately contemplated. No one appears to be interested in examining how insensitivity to the suffering of children--a phenomenon found the world over--is bound up with a form of mental paralysis that has its roots in childhood.

As children, we learn to suppress and deny natural feelings and to believe sincerely that the cuffs and blows we receive are for our own good and do us no lasting injury. Our brains, furnished with this false information, then instruct us to raise our own children by the same methods, telling them that it is good for them just as it was good for us.

This way of thinking causes billions of people to believe that children can become good and decent citizens only if we do violence to them. 

They are blind to the fear in their children's eyes and refuse to acknowledge that the only thing we can really instill in children by beating them is the determination to use violence later in life, either against themselves or against others. These destructive beliefs, also held by many intellectuals, are impervious to argument because they are stored in the body at a very early stage. Such people will make blunt assertions that, without their realizing it, stand in the starkest contrast to the pure intellectual knowledge they acquired from books." -- Alice Miller

Above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND
Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free
by Alice Miller

*Alice Miller on "Poisonous Pedagogy"

Poisonous pedagogy is a phrase I use to refer to the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child’s will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.

— Alice Miller, The Truth Will Set You Free

There is a good deal else that would not exist without “poisonous pedagogy.” It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty cliches to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through these cliches with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed.

— Alice Miller, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/07/poisonous-pedagogy.html

The Easiest Way To Detect Covert Narcissism

Covert narcissism is an epidemic in the workplace, especially in the field of security! I see them clearly from a distance. I knew my last boss was trouble from the first time I laid my eyes on him when he came aboard in 2019, after the security company I was working for got bought by a new company. I worked with a target on my back for almost 4 years until I had enough of his mind games and lies and finally quit! Yes, they keep plenty of cronies or flying monkeys around them. These people are soulless and they want their targets to become soulless like them. "The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal."

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=emotional+abuse+in+the+work+place

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/03/hard-evidence-of-my-ex-boss-being.html

  

"PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

It's a misuse of power and control that violates workers' right to psychological safety. Workplace psychological abuse is an issue of employee exploitation. Employers are not explicitly liable for the psychological harm of their employees — nor do they want to be."

https://endworkplaceabuse.com/

Carrot and stick

"The phrase "carrot and stick" is a metaphor for the use of a combination of reward and punishment to induce a desired behaviour.^[1]

In politics, "carrot or stick" sometimes refers to the realist concept of soft and hard power. The carrot in this context could be the promise of economic or diplomatic aid between nations, while the stick might be the threat of military action."

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrot_and_stick

XB,

Sadly, you come to my blog not to look for information to help you resolve your own childhood repression and grow into an autonomous, mature conscious adult with compassion for yourself and others. Still, instead, you come here looking for information you can use to play mind games with those around you, especially with your mother, so you don't have to let go of your mother and her money and face your fears of resolving your own childhood repression and the fears of being alone. 

You gathered a lot of intellectual knowledge from me. It's just a shame you haven't been able to apply it to your own life when you are triggered. You are still blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the child you once were, and you are not able to consciously feel and understand your feelings within the context of your childhood.

But instead, you are lost in projections, transferring your emotions onto scapegoats like me, XF, and XF's daughter.  Money is your biggest trigger because you find yourself entitled to her mother’s money just like XF does.  She is not much different than XF, who just wants money! XF, we don’t know what she does with so much money, and you just want to hoard it all in the bank. Both have money issues, nevertheless! They all have money issues! XC included! No matter how much money they have, it’s never enough, and they always want more, like an addict is addicted to heroin, always wants more, never satisfied! 

You keep saying that you thought I was your friend. I don't know what your interpretation of friendship is, but it seems to you friendship means to go along with you all the time and kiss your ass -- you just want to be surrounded by people that kiss your ass -- and go along with you all the time -- and tell you only what you like to hear. Just because I didn't go along in joining you in satisfying your thirst for revenge, NOW I'm your number one enemy!

You really didn't know me if you thought I would just go along with you all the time, and I would kiss your ass just because you are well off financially!

You are like the person riding the donkey in the picture above; you use your money as the carrot on the stick to control the people in your life, so you don't have to face and feel your fears. I have been saying to people for a very long time: face your fears, or they will keep biting you in the ass.  

I'm everyone's friend. I write back to everyone who writes to me, and if you wrote asking any questions, I'll answer you! I'm a friend forever! You might not like what I have to say, but you can be assured that you will get an honest answer. 

XI, your cousin is coming to visit me for one week. I know she is a big trigger of your unresolved childhood repression. 

I'm very aware that when you both were growing up, she was favored by most in the family, which created resentment and jealousy in the child you once were, just as in my childhood, my sister MI was favored by everyone in the family over me. I don't favor anyone. I'm just taking the same risk with DI as I took with you, and allowing her to spend some time with me, too. Your cousin is as much of a victim of her childhood as you are. Being the favored and spoiled child causes a lot of emotional problems in adulthood, as does being the scapegoated and rejected child. Actually, I think the hero and favored child remain endlessly stuck and face many more problems as adults. Everyone needs to find the courage and strength to heal and break free.

 https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/11/narcissism-is-epidemic.html

The words below by Alice Miller are so true.

"I think that violent teenagers are demonstrating what happened to them emotionally when they were small. I have no doubt about that. It might not always be a harsh discipline, but in most cases, there is emotional neglect, lack of authentic communication, of warm, friendly contact. If this lack is also covered by what is called "spoiling" (buying a lot of expensive objects to replace love), the child is often unable to detect the neglect and stays bound to denial. Anyway, every child must deny the pain in order to survive. Only in adulthood is it possible to realize the truth. But the more the childhood history is repressed, the more its cruelty is denied, the less these young people are able to feel, to confront the actual reasons for their distress, and the stronger they feel urged to act destructively. They have not always have conscious memories of what happened in their childhood, especially in infancy, but this knowledge is stored up in their body's cells and, amazingly enough, they threaten others exactly the same way as they were threatened at the beginning of their life. Unfortunately, the common, ever-present avoidance of the issue of "childhood" doesn't make things easier. I discuss this problem in my book Paths of Life, 1999, and The Truth Will Set You Free, 2002.

“Opposing Miller are those who claim that a law forbidding parents to hit their children brings us uncomfortably close to totalitarianism. Many people believe that smacking children remains a private right, and would have grave misgivings if government legislation intruded into an area as sacrosanct as the home. Her answer is emphatic: "You can't claim the right to play with nuclear weapons on your territory because they belong to you. Similarly, society's interests must go before your pleasure and your habits, and the government must defend these interests. “Parents may claim the right to hit children when they are small as though they are property. Yet as soon as those children become violent delinquents or drug abusers, the same parents are eager to turn the problem over to society. The anonymous taxpayer has to fund the hospitals and prisons that these once so eagerly disciplined teenagers will need." 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2020/10/spoiling-children-is-form-of-child-abuse_29.html?m=1

Don't worry, I know very well that every time I allow someone to get close to me, family or not family, who has not become conscious of their own childhood repression, it's always a risk of being exploited and taken advantage of. And trying to make me their poison container or scapegoat for their unresolved childhood repression -- it's always a risk when dealing with human beings.

I will take extra precautions and be very careful.

With you, I waited for many, many years to see if you would find the courage to get off the fence and start your true journey to your authentic self. I gave you more time than I ever gave anyone else in my entire life. You only value money, but time is much more valuable. I no longer have the time and patience to wait on people as I did with you.

Money can always be recovered, but time can never be recovered once it is lost! All these years, you exploited my time and my love, and now you act like you are my victim! My only mistake with you was not confronting you sooner...

You never really supported me on anything, and the little support you tried to give me wasn't authentic and didn't compromise you too much. Just like Marty and some residents at my job of 9 and a half years, you met most of them at my 53rd birthday party. You, like Marty and some of the residents who pretended to love me, the moment they felt confronted by the truths in my book, they all started plotting against me... if people can't be authentic, I'd rather they block me out of their lives. 

It's amazing that the moment I confront people with their BS, they all go on the attack right away instead of looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for their own childhood repression. What do we call people like this?! We call them cowards! Unfortunately, our world is full of cowards.   

It's so sad that you gathered good information from me and joined the cult of the WOKE, like millions of people who acquire good information but don't apply it to themselves first and go out into the world pointing fingers at everyone else and acting like they know better and are superior to others.   

If your cousin's visiting me triggers you, I hope you can understand your painful feelings and consciously feel them within the context of your own childhood. Once we understand our painful feelings and consciously feel them in the right context, they start to subside and are replaced with authentic love and happiness, and we feel liberated.  

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/12/facing-and-feeling-repressed-emotions.html

Just like I wrote in my book on pages 129, 163, and 164:

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.

… Just remember this: If particular people or circumstances trigger excruciatingly intense feelings inside you, just keep telling yourself that these are the repressed feelings of the child you once were. Feelings don’t kill anyone, no matter how intense they are. Only actions kill. So if you ride your intense feelings into shore, direct them at the real culprits who hurt you when you were a defenseless child, and avoid taking any actions you may regret later, you’ll be free, and no one will get hurt. As an autonomous adult, you do have some control over the people you let into your inner circle, and you may have to make some relationship adjustments as you do your emotional work. I took a lot of extra time to be with myself in solitude because most of the people in my life just didn’t understand what I was going through. When you’re trying to resolve your repression, being around unconscious people who are doing everything they can to avoid their own truths puts you at risk of relapsing into playing your old roles.”

I wish you the courage and strength to spend time alone in solitude to face your painful truths and feel your triggered emotions within the context of your own childhood.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/10/using-our-triggers-constructively.html

How to become a WOKE idiot

https://youtube.com/shorts/u_vm5ng-HCE?feature=share