This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Couldn't agree more with the statement in this youtube short vedio in the link below.
We have to face and feel our painful truths head-on.
Many people would rather kill and be killed than face their own painful truths.
We understand a lot about human motivation once we realize one thing: ninety-nine percent of humanity spends ninety-nine percent of their time trying to avoid facing and feeling painful truths.
With my book I show people how to get through the pain and be free to live our authentic lives and develop two healthy legs to stand on our own two feet.
Just like I wrote in my book on pages 129, 163, and 164:
“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness. A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy, so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective.
…Just remember this: If particular people or circumstances trigger excruciatingly intense feelings inside you, just keep telling yourself that these are the repressed feelings of the child you once were. Feelings don’t kill anyone no matter how intense they are. Only actions kill. So if you ride your intense feelings into shore, direct them at the real culpritswho hurt you when you were a defenseless child and avoid taking any actions you may regret later, you’ll be free and no one will get hurt. As an autonomous adult, you do have some control over the people you let into your inner circle, and you may have to make some relationship adjustments as you do your emotional work. I took a lot of extra time to be with myself in solitude because most of the people in my life just didn’t understand what I was going through. When you’re trying to resolve your repression, being around unconscious people who are doing everything they can to avoid their own truths puts you at risk of relapsing into playing your old roles.”
"...there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desparate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by immitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don't enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum." Alice Miller
"Dictators and the dynamics of cruelty
Every dictator torments his people in the same way he was tormented as a child. The humiliations inflicted on these dictators in adult life had nothing like the same influence on their actions as the emotional experiences they went through in their early years.
Those years are “formative” in the truest sense: in this period the brain records or “encodes” emotions without (usually) being able to recall them at will.
As almost every dictator denies his sufferings (his former total helplessness in the face of brutality) there is no way that he can truly come to terms with them.
Instead, he will have a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom he can avenge himself for the fears and anxieties of childhoodwithout having to re-experience those fears."
"Only unflinching realization of one’s own past reality, of what really happened can break through the chain of abuse. If I know and can feel what my parents did to me when I was totally defenseless, I no longer need victims to befog my awareness. I no longer need to reenact what happened to me with the help of innocent people because now I KNOW what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge.
..Am I saying that forgiveness for crimes done to a child is not only ineffective but actively harmful? Yes, that is precisely what I am saying. The body does not understand moral precepts. It fights against the denial of genuine emotions and for the admission of the truth to our conscious minds. This is something the child cannot afford to do, it has to deceive itself and turn a blind eye to the parents’ crimes in order to survive. Adults no longer need to do this, but if they do, the price they pay is high. Either they ruin their own health or they make others pay the price – their children, their patients, the people who work for them, etc." -- Alice Miller
"Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life, you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis.
I try to reach the child in the readers, allow them to feel. I see my style as ranking keys. Everybody can take one so that they can go open their own door to find something. Or they can say no, I don't want to go through this door; I will return the key. I try to evoke feelings, images. In this way, I offer keys to your own experience. You can then go look at your children and learn from them, not from me. Because only from your own experience can you really learn.
In my first studies, I was very abstract; I wanted to understand the most abstract ideas -- of Kant, Hegel, or Marx. My dissertation in philosophy was very abstract. Now I see that each philosopher had to build a big, big building in order not to feel his pain. Even Freud.
If a child has been molested and the therapist doesn't deny this fact, many things can open up in the patient. The therapist must not preach forgiveness, or the patient will repress the pain. He won't change, and the repressed rage will look for a scapegoat."
I resonate with what you wrote about
the new generations... I think, that they are way back to their truth is even
more blocked by all the technical/ digital "extensions" that they
used almost from the beginning... of course, this is not the root of destruction...
but it "helps" them, to be even more detached from themselves?
I understand that these are deep
processes you are into, it is sad...
Not much to say...
I do not know, if I ever will learn
to distinguish and then stay consequent, with whom I connect and where I should
stay away...
I cannot sleep... so I write
I added a photo, as an update...
Have a good day
J
Hi J,
Thank you for sending a picture of
yourself! Love putting a face to your understanding words. Looks very cold
there!
Yes, the new generation with intellectual knowledge only and tech-savvy is much more dangerous because they can manipulate the masses and cause a lot more damage… with the aid of technology, they are
going to self-destruct much faster. Humanity doesn’t have much time left and don’t
matter how much money anyone collects is not going to save them.
Don’t take the blame for what is going
on in your family because we don’t have power in others’ lives. Each person is
on their own path for better or worse. We are born with a pre-written destiny
or fate and we can’t change anyone’s fate or destiny no matter what we do.
I
changed my fate or destiny but only I could have done that! We are only
responsible for ourselves.
XA wrote the last words below to me
but because I said I would not write anymore to her I didn’t reply to her. But
you can tell she is back paddling a little bit and probably realized she made a big mistake and let herself be used by XB and now is trying to be the bigger girl
by denying that she doesn't hate me but no denials can change the facts because only a person
with hatred could write to me what she wrote. If she was not emotionally blind she would not let herself become a puppet or a flying monkey of XB and be used in this way. As long our childhood repression goes unresolved no matter how much intellectual knowledge we have in psychology we remain emotionally blind and vulnerable to manipulation by a malignant person.
I leave people alone but if they come after me and attack me -- I have the light -- so all I have to do is shine the light on them.
I don’t know what XB has shown her
but whatever it was, she did it maliciously, to poison her against me and to manipulate
her to join her hatred and attack me through her. Just because I said no to her, how dear of me to say no to Dr. XB so now she is on a smear campaign against me and trying to recruit as many people as possible to join her hatred to hate me too.
"Saying "no" can trigger a narcissist's rage. Narcissists are hypersensitive to anything that might undermine their grandiose self-image. They thrive on constant admiration and attention, so rejection can trigger feelings of inadequacy and provoke a rageful response."
She is too emotionally blind to see that all the hatred she sends to me will go back to her and she is the one to end up self-destructing just like the sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years did.
is when the narcissist gets other people to abuse you. That way the narcissist gets to abuse you but indirectly through the flying monkeys who might reject you or make you feel not good enough.
Maybe they'll shame you or put you in a bad situation, maybe they'll extract information from you or maybe they'll even tell you that you're crazy. Abuse by proxy allows the narcissist to look clean, appearing to not be involved, when really they've orchestrated it all."
All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make appear their real victims as the abusers, but when their targets are able to see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what really is taking place; the targets of the malignant narcissists cease of becoming a victim.
XB accomplished exactly what she wanted from XA But it did me a
favor because after 20 years if XA hadn’t been able to face and feel by now her emotions
in the context of her own childhood, is not going to happen, and is better we don’t
talk anymore and let everyone be to meet theirown future and destiny.
Her son can change his
destiny but has to find the courage to face and feel his personal truths and
now that he is an adult he is responsible for his actions and choices and not his mother.
There is a saying here in the United
States that people who live in glass houses shouldn’t go around throwing stones at others. XB thinks she is perfect, smarter, superior, and on top of her game, but these are only illusions that can burst at any time
When I was young her mother hated me because she couldn't control me and now her daughter too hates me because can't control me either or have me under her thumb.
I should have been more careful with her because the red flags were all there and I was very conscious that the moment I said no to her or challenged her this would happen.
She hates XC for manipulating money from her mother but she is no better, she uses her sex appeal to flirt with the judges to manipulate them to assign more insolvency cases to her, so she can make more money and get richer so REALLY she is not better than a prostitute. She deleted all the messages that she sent to me incriminating herself because she was afraid that I'd be like her and I would show the pictures to other people so she covered her tracks by deleting all of our conversations but she and the judges know the truth...
The truth is XA and XB that are each
other’s mirrors, they are both lost in a house of mirrors. They both never said
nice things about each other and now get together both projecting themselves into me and seeing their own projections in me.
I don't need to talk to XA to know what is going on with my sisters. I talk to them anytime I want and I see everyone very clearly so I know where is everyone's state of mind...
“Thanks for the answer Imelda: didn’t
join anyone, you're wrong, I'm not even receiving money from anyone, but I saw my
messages that you sent to her. I'm glad it doesn't affect you that I lost trust
in you. As for my life, I know very well the mistakes I made, I know why and I also
know that everything that may happen to XE is my responsibility. As for my
personal life, XX helps me share expenses and becomes easier for both of us. As
for the hate you say I feel projecting onto you, it's a lie, because I don't
feel hate towards you. In reality, I think that when you talk to me, since you
don't talk to XB now, it would only be to try to find out some things, that I
might eventually know about your sisters. Continue living your freedom. … By
saying that XB never said anything nice about me, you are being a mirror of
your niece when she showed me what you wrote to her about me. After all, it
really is time to say goodbye.”
Hi Sylvie.
This all is heavy stuff. Puh... what I learned about my own narcissistic behavior is, that I am just starting to be alert if someone more conscious really confronts me and then I start to Step a little backward. But if I am not capable of taking responsibility then it doesn't change anything. This is what we see here...
You know here in Germany we have the same Movement as 1933... and it is run by People who are "fighting" for democracy and blaming anyone who has critical thoughts about the Government/ WHO/ the EU Parlament to be a Nazi. Journalists, Doctors, and lawyers are imprisoned, if they dare to publicly question f.i the money we sent to the war in Ukraine or about contra-productive laws to save the Climate or wokeism. We can see things differently but it is no way to incriminate anyone with a different opinion. We have the laws to prevent us from acting like this, but the judges just follow the Government. It is very scary and sad.
I hope you understand what I mean. No offense to a certain attitude towards specific issues. It is a way of blaming others for their own blind spots if there is a conflict... as you have to Witness it.
We have the same saying with the Glasshouse here in Germany.
And it fits for me. I am a Prisoner as well...
This is unfreedom and this is nazi... if One is not true to oneself because of fear... And it is not about "fighting" a political Party which I don't like, and for what you don't need the slightest bit of courage to show your Protest because anyone has the same opinion anyway...
Sorry, now I went far with my thoughts. But the underlying Mechanisms are all the same, right?
We had a really cold winter period this year. Not very long but a little bit like I remember it from Childhood. Now it is starting to be warmer and more sunny... But I cannot cling to it. I am concerned, I am stuck and I am not hopeful, watching myself repeating the sick structures...
Puh. I Stop here for now.
Take care
J
Hi J.
Yes, I understand what you mean. And I agree the underlying mechanisms are all the same in the games people play.
Authoritarian movements as of 1933 are going on everywhere not just in Germany. The woke mob with intellectual knowledge only and tech-savvy are very dangerous everywhere.
With the aid of technology, humanity will not survive another movement like in 1933. It will be the end of humanity.
I like to see Putin defeated though. He is a very cruel man...
I haven’t been writing for so long... I am still in this confusion, AM is talking about. I didn’t` t manage to improve my personal situation or the situation For "my" cat.
My autistic brother is taking care of her. He Loves her deeply... The second cat is still around...but not in a new home. I cannot go there very often these days. I feel like a huge betrayer... by being intrusive to the family after a long period of absence then not taking the chance to connect, then leaving it all Behind.
Now I feel that I cannot live with the guilt of my turn Arounds, my false proposals and not facing the consequences and stay Away... or say ok I am there. Always lingering in between. Same with Job. I have written the same for years...
But I wrote because of your letter on your website. It is so deep, so candid, so unquestionable... it is a masterpiece- although it is all Very sad anyway...
Must have been an energy-consuming process to get through this clarity in which the letter is written-- Anyway most of us humans do not good for life... this is a pity. And Nature will solve the problem, as we will probably do so much damage on Earth, that our planet will react and do a cleansing process anyway...
Sylvie. I wish you the very best Take care, J
Dear J,
Thank you for writing and saying my
letter published on my blog is a masterpiece! There is more I like to add but I
haven’t had the disposition to write much lately.
Yes, it’s all very sad but it is
what it is. Most people are living in a state of confusion lashing out at
scapegoats just because somehow you reminded them of their childhood caregivers
and they can’t see that we are not the cause of their feelings of hatred.
You have been in my thoughts lately
and was nice to hear from you.
I’m glad to hear your cat is being
taken care of by your autistic brother who loves him so much. I’m also happy to
hear the other cat is still around.
You feel guilt for your long periods
of absence. I wish I had stayed absent completely and not let anyone too close
to me, especially the new generation, all the time I spent with one of my
nieces and a niece-in-law was all wasted time. I wish I could get that wasted time
back.
Evil is born anew with every new generation. Can you imagine if I had not left Portugal and had not liberated
myself? As a small child, I was everyone’s scapegoat and now if I was still
there I would have been the scapegoat of the new generation that is more
dangerous because they have intellectual knowledge that they use to go around
making a bunch of noise without resolving their own childhood repression first
– this new generation would eat me alive if they could!
For the last twenty years, that’s
what I have been witnessing a niece and a niece-in-law do, she has been going
around yelling at everyone, especially doctors but takes the medications they
give her and now I became her target also.
This is what many call, the woke
mob, all they do is going around with intellectual knowledged only that they have not experienced themselves finding fault with everyone pointing fingers and
making a bunch of noise – they are very dangerous people.
I’m going to be 65 years old soon and
now I just want to be left alone to live the rest of my life in peace and
quiet.
Alice’s Words in the link below describe what I witness parents and educators do, everywhere I go, to children with behavior problems. Children with behavior problems, they don’t need more punishment, but understanding and someone on their side.
A child that is misunderstood and not protected can turn into a very bad adult.
One reason I have very little hope for humanity is because of most people's idealization of one’s own parents and childhood as a major obstacle for parents and educators.
Thank you for
writing and finding the courage to drop your charming mask to show me your
unresolved repressed hatred NOW directed at me, trying to make me your
scapegoat.
I’m used to
people trying to make me their scapegoat since I was a small child.
I’m very aware
when people are not able to consciously feel their feelings in the context of
their own childhoods that will be a matter of time for them to try to make me
their scapegoat.
It took you and XB over 20 years! As a child, I didn’t
understand these psychological mechanisms, but as an autonomous free adult I do
and I don’t take in and feel responsible for other people’s unresolved hatred,
no matter what they say to me and how hard they try to transfer it into me.
“But when you
talk about me to other people you use words like "you're all fucked
up"”
Your words
above show me that you have joined your repressed unresolved hatred with XB’s
unresolved repressed hatred and NOW you both are together directing all your
hatred towards me and the words above are really what this person used to say
too.
How do you
think I know that while your son was still a small child you rather go to P’s
night clubs chasing men to have sex with to run away from yourself than be
still to feel your pain and be present with your small child?
This is a pain
NOW for your adult child to feel if he wants to be free and stop the chains of
compulsion repetition that his mother is not capable of authentic love and all
the love he got from his mother was the illusion of love. ...
The truth is
only fucked up people will chase after men and leaves their small baby with a
stranger and leans on a man she has no feelings for, has a child with him, and after
leaving him uses the welfare system to survive because of her unresolved
childhood repression can’t hold on to a job for very long. Most people in our world are fucked up and that's why humanity is doomed.
“Also, send
messages that I wrote to other people, making me lose trust in you. When I
think about you I also feel feelings of sadness.”
Show me proof
and evidence that I shared your messages.
Maybe I’m a
little guilty of sometimes sharing too much when talking but I only do it as
examples in hopes of inspiring people to stop their own compulsions and be
still to consciously feel their own pain and stop running from themselves and making
others their scapegoats. I don’t do it with malicious intent. And for that I'm sorry! But you can be assured without a doubt that if XB shows you anything I might have shared with her, she is
being malicious trying to manipulate you to act the part she wants you to act
in her twisted dramas.
Why do you think
she got mad at me?! Because I didn’t let her use me to join her hatred to satisfy her thirst for revenge and make XC her scapegoat. It’s easy to beat and step on someone when they are already down!
When XC had
money everyone was around her trying to mooch of her and she helped pay for
the car of XD that you crashed! It might have been some of my money too,
because back then I was sending money to XC all the time and now I'm sure if you are leaning on XB is because she has money but it doesn't matter how much money she collects it will not save her, just like money didn't save her mother and her father. Money alone is a big illusion and saves no one. Actually, having too much money can create a lot of new problems.
If you trust
me or not it doesn’t affect me. I trust myself and I don’t need other people to
trust me! What matters is that we trust ourselves to handle what life throws at
us and not become dependent on anyone or anything to cope with life. Just like
my older sisters, you are trusting the wrong person, but it's your problem, not
mine, my older sisters never trusted me either! Because they never trusted themselves
and they put all their trust in XC and look how that worked out for all of them?!
The question you should ask yourself is whether you can trust yourself. You and XB don't trust yourselves to be alone for even one minute. You two deserve each other.
“And by the
way, I don't know if I've already shared it with you, but the cats you killed
when you didn't have money to feed them and the absurd words you said come to
mind countless times: they died happy because they knew me and my love.”
Wow, your
words above show me that is really you who can’t be trusted and you are twisting
my words. I said that I rather die and euthanize my cats than ask XF and XB for
money. And yes, I do think it’s better
to humanely euthanize an animal than to live in crowded homes and in cages
suffering in horrible conditions. That’s no quality of life for the animals
and the humans. It’s better to live one day with authentic love than 100 years
with fake love or suffering scared on the streets and in horrible conditions.
“And also take
care of your childhood repression because when you feel all the repression the
feeling you will have for XF and XE would be compassion..."
Yes, I have
taken responsibility for my own childhood repression and I feel sad for everyone
else, family or not, who is still stuck in the emotional prison of their own
childhoods, but I’m only responsible for myself, and is not healthy for me to
take in and let myself be used as poison container, it didn’t help them when
they made me their scapegoat or poison continuer when I was a small child --- and it will
not help them now either --- because hatred cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating. We
only can save ourselves!
“And not from
that petty enjoyment that you feel for what has happened and continues to
happen.”
The words
above are just yours and XB's projections, because nothing makes XB happier than seeing others suffer, she only wants good things for herself and no one else.
I hope the
little crumbs you might get from her to buy you to use you to exploit your
unresolved repressed hatred to join her hatred towards me and other scapegoats
to temporally and superficially feel better are worth it to you.
“you should
read the dunning-Kruger effect and you will see yourself in this complex
because as you started from a very young age hearing that you were a zero on
the left, that you were worthless, compounded by not being able to learn to
read, this left very deep feelings ingrained in you of inferiority and now that
you have learned things about psychology, you feel in a position of judge of
the total and absolute truth.”
I’m glad that
reading the theory above brought you comfort and gave you the information to
diagnose me. Yes, your words reminded me of the pain I went through, but is
just a reminder because I have already been through it, if I hadn’t the
sociopaths at my job of nine and half yearswould have succeeded in destroying meafter I published my book with their mind
games and very well-orchestrated psychological warfare, but instead was one
them to self-destruct. And by coming
after me, they exposed themselves and they showed their true colors, just like
you are doing right now.
All of my life
people have tried to use me as a scapegoat or poison container like you are
trying to do NOW and the sociopaths at my job did also, you and XB joined
forces to do the same, so you and XB are not much different. Now, if I can
ever picture a person who if they were at my job of nine and a half years, they too, would have played a role in the campaign to destroy me I don’t
want to be associated with these types of cowardly people in any way, shape or
form. Thank you for giving me evidence
that you and XB are these types of of people.
Yes, many doctors are writing great theories and making great analyses.
Many
professionals out there, do great analyses and understand well the reasons for
mental illness, depression, addictions, and chronic illness, that are linked to
childhood loss and trauma, and I quote a few other professionals in my book to
prove that are out there, other professionals saying what Alice Miller says,
but how they go about to heal those traumas, they use the same old tools like
yoga, meditation, 12 steps, and controlled drugs, that all it does is
manipulate people's feelings, and repress their authentic feelings all over
again, and as long people go on repressing their authentic feelings, they will
be driven by them into the state of repetition compulsion of reenacting their
disastrous childhood dramas sooner or later in one form or another with anyone
they get involved with. It’s the repression of our authentic feelings that
causes us long-term harm and not the trauma itself.
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the
chains of compulsion repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone
articulates very nice ideas...
The problem is
not a lack of knowledge and educated people, there are plenty of educated people
with intellectual knowledge, the problem is an emotional blockage with the
so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their
rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to
face and feel their own emotional pain.
It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths, intelligence
alone is not enough; but it rather helps create seductive, rationalizations,
theories, illusions, and lies.
The words
below Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “I have
learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who
SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but
they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed
FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats.
They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and
even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously
other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous
container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to
defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your
feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because
they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the
cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s
parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use
others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”
“Think about a really good guy to have sex
with, Imelda, that life is made up of many things and not just your morbid
interest in watching the circus burn down, in your family in Portugal, while
you're far away because that's easy.”
I will do my
best not to think about you anymore. Yes, it makes it easy to detach from the
war at home with a continent and an ocean between us. Sometimes when people ask me why I left Portugal I tell them jokingly that I’m a refugee from Portugal and they look perplexed because Portugal is not involved in any wars, but I'm indeed a refugee from the war at home.
Dr. Julio Machado Vaz prescribed also sex in
my youth and it was not helpful at all. You have been using sex as an escape – how does
that work for you?!
I am very
proud of the little girl I once was, in spite of her wounds and having a severe learning disability like dyslexia she was courageous enough to face the world
all by herself and fight for her freedom and autonomy and is not dependent on
others or drugs prescribed or not. I didn't believe what was said about me and I believed in myself, otherwise, I would never have developed the courage to leave home.
XB showed you
all the messages she wrote to me about you. She never said anything nice about
you and you never said anything nice about XB either. But show me screenshots. So it's XB and you who can't be trusted. I'm
just guilty of freely sharing with other people information that was useful to
me and now my work is done and what others do with this information it’s their responsibility.
It's time to say goodbye. This is the last message I write to you.
When somebody
hands you the scissors to cut them off, it's like the trash taking itself out.
I thank XB for
removing herself and XA from my life. It’s so freeing!
Since I
published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions many have been trying to pull me back into their emotional prisons. If
they can't be free, they don't want me to be free either! But once a mind is
truly free cannot ever be captured again! What I have NOW cannot be bought with
money and cannot be stolen! And this is why I’m hated so much!
With my book
and all my writings, I give people a map, and the keys, to liberate themselves,
if they ever find the courage to leave the emotional prison of their childhood,
as the quote below says this journey is theirs to take.
"You
can't heal the people you love. You can't make choices for them. You can't
rescue them.
You can
promise that they won't journey alone. You can loan them your map. But this trip
is theirs." Laura Jean Truman
I changed my fate or destiny but only I could have done that! We are only responsible for ourselves.
XA wrote the last words below to me but because I said I would not write anymore to her I didn’t reply to her. But you can tell she is back paddling a little bit and probably realized she made a big mistake and let herself be used by XB and now is trying to be the bigger girl by denying that she doesn't hate me but no denials can change the facts because only a person with hatred could write to me what she wrote. If she was not emotionally blind she would not let herself become a puppet or a flying monkey of XB and be used in this way. As long our childhood repression goes unresolved no matter how much intellectual knowledge we have in psychology we remain emotionally blind and vulnerable to manipulation by a malignant person.
I leave people alone but if they come after me and attack me -- I have the light -- so all I have to do is shine the light on them.
I don’t know what XB has shown her but whatever it was, she did it maliciously, to poison her against me and to manipulate her to join her hatred and attack me through her. Just because I said no to her, how dear of me to say no to Dr. XB so now she is on a smear campaign against me and trying to recruit as many people as possible to join her hatred to hate me too.
“Thanks for the answer Imelda: didn’t join anyone, you're wrong, I'm not even receiving money from anyone, but I saw my messages that you sent to her. I'm glad it doesn't affect you that I lost trust in you. As for my life, I know very well the mistakes I made, I know why and I also know that everything that may happen to XE is my responsibility. As for my personal life, XX helps me share expenses and becomes easier for both of us. As for the hate you say I feel projecting onto you, it's a lie, because I don't feel hate towards you. In reality, I think that when you talk to me, since you don't talk to XB now, it would only be to try to find out some things, that I might eventually know about your sisters. Continue living your freedom. … By saying that XB never said anything nice about me, you are being a mirror of your niece when she showed me what you wrote to her about me. After all, it really is time to say goodbye.”
There is a saying here in the United States thatpeople living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones at others. XB thinks she is perfect, smarter, superior, and on top of her game, but these are only illusions that can burst at any time
When I was young her mother hated me because she couldn't control me and now her daughter too hates me because she can't control me either or have me under her thumb.
I should have been more careful with her because the red flags were all there, and I was very conscious that this would happen the moment I said no to her or challenged her.
"Saying "no" can trigger a narcissist's rage. Narcissists are hypersensitive to anything that might undermine their grandiose self-image. They thrive on constant admiration and attention, so rejection can trigger feelings of inadequacy and provoke a rageful response."
Evil is born anew with every new generation. Can you imagine if I had not left Portugal and had not liberated myself? As a small child, I was everyone’s scapegoat and now if I was still there I would have been the scapegoat of the new generation that is more dangerous because they have intellectual knowledge that they use to go around making a bunch of noise without resolving their own childhood repression first – this new generation would eat me alive if they could!
For the last twenty years, that’s what I have been witnessing a niece and a niece-in-law do, she has been going around yelling at everyone, especially doctors but takes the medications they give her and now I have become her target also.
This is what many call, the woke mob, all they do is go around with intellectual knowledge only that they have not experienced themselves finding fault with everyone pointing fingers and making a bunch of noise – they are very dangerous people.
I’m going to be 65 years old soon and now I just want to be left alone to live the rest of my life in peace and quiet.
Exactly. The last threatening email below I received from a young man that I tried to protect when he was just 4 years old while I was in Portugal in 2005, he will never again have a chance to try to poison me with the poison his parents transferred into him when he was a defenseless little child. I don't take in other people's poison no matter who they are, family or not.
These words Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”
I am writing to formally request the immediate removal of a blog post that contains defamatory and harmful statements about myself and my family. The post in question, located at https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-trash-taking-itself-out.html, contains false information that severely damages our personal reputations and invades our privacy.
Specifically, the defamatory content includes:
* Mentions to myself,
XX (referred as "the child" in the post)
* Mentions to my mother, XA (referred as X in the post)
* Mentions to my XX (referred as "XX" in the post)
These statements are factually incorrect and constitute defamation:
* Under Arizona Defamation Law (Libel, Private Figure)
* Under Portuguese law (Articles 180–183)
They are not only untrue but have caused significant emotional distress to myself and my family.
In accordance with above mentioned defamation and privacy laws, I kindly request that you remove this post immediately to prevent further harm. If the defamatory content is not taken down within 7 days, I will have no choice but to explore legal remedies to protect my family's reputation and privacy.
Please confirm receipt of this message and the actions that will be taken to address this issue. I look forward to your prompt response and cooperation.
Sincerely,
XX
I responded but it will be the very last time that this young man will ever hear from me and have access to me. Isn't that interesting how these narcissists all just care about is image and reputation?
I used initials, not their names to protect their anonymity and now I just use X. Try to sue me and see how far you get in court?!
It's impressive that he searched for a law in Portugal and a law in Arizona to threaten me with and wrote the email like a lawyer.
If I don't use real names I can write what the f I want. In the last twenty years never reached out to me and now he reached out to me to threaten me.
He could have written to share his feelings and asked to remove the part that is too painful for him to deal with, at the moment, and I would have been happy to do so.
The very last time I saw him, he had just turned 5 years old when I said goodbye to him because I was returning to the US, he kicked me in my leg so hard, I understood he was mad that I was leaving, the person that took care of him and defended him for the whole year. I had my life to live I couldn't stay in Portugal to take care of him. I didn't bring him into the world, his mother did, and was her responsibility to protect and take care of him. I tried from here to guide his mother but she never developed the courage to face her fears of resolving her childhood repression and now he learned with her to repress his fears and unconsciously try to transfer those fears into others by making treats when people don't behave to his liking...
Here is my response to his threatening email:
Confirmed!
But only because I respect your wishes. Not because of your threats.
In the United States, we have free speech, especially if what is written is true which would be very easy to prove in a court of law.
The child in question is now an adult and old enough to face the painful truths in his life.
People like to attack others but then they don't like it when people defend themselves by speaking the truth.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't go around throwing stones so you should be mad at your mother and not at me.
Sadly, no one dares to face their painful truths.
Sincerely,
Sylvie Shene
Narcissists often use threats as a way to control and manipulate others:
To get their way -- Narcissists may threaten to make others do what they want. They may believe that if someone doesn't agree with them, it's a personal attack on their self-esteem.
To keep people at a distance -- Narcissists may use threats to keep people away when they feel overwhelmed or at risk of narcissistic injury.
To get an emotional reaction -- Narcissists may use threats to get an emotional reaction from others, which can make them feel powerful.
Some examples of threats that narcissists may make include:
"If you leave, I'll ruin your life"
"You'll regret it if you ever cross me"
"You'll be sorry if you do that"
"Just you wait till you want something from me"
"Don't think you can get away with that"
Narcissists may also use other tactics to manipulate others, such as flattery and compliments.
The primary coping mechanism the narcissist relies on is to discharge unhappy feelings onto a target.
If someone thinks it's about them I'm referring to in my blogs and threatens me with a lawsuit, don’t they see that if they decide to file a lawsuit against me, they will be revealing their true identity and exposing themselves to the general public?!
Lawsuits become a public record! If I remove a blog post is because I'm respecting a person's wishes and not because of threats with certain laws.
Filling a lawsuit is not in their best interest if they want to protect their anonymity and privacy, otherwise, the sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years would have done it already. If people don't like my writings don't come to my blog, that's that simple. Will people ever learn that by attacking me and coming after me, they end up exposing themselves, self snitching...
I saved her 4-year-old son's psyche enough for now as an adult to make threats against me to suppress the truth, facts, and evidence from himself and others. His mother who abandoned him physically and emotionally when he was a defenseless little child is protected from his unresolved repressed hatred and is directing his hatred towards me instead just because I dare to reveal the real state of affairs. It's sad but it is what it is.
When people try to silence you, it can often mean they feel threatened by your voice or perspective, which could be interpreted as a fear of your potential influence or the truth you might speak; therefore, there is some validity to the idea that silencing someone is sometimes motivated by fear.
If someone is voicing opinions that contradict a dominant narrative or power structure, those in power may try to silence them to maintain control.
Speaking out against wrongdoing or highlighting issues can make those in positions of power feel vulnerable and exposed, leading them to try to shut down the criticism.
New ideas or perspectives can be unsettling, and those resistant to change might attempt to silence dissenters to maintain the status quo.
People with less power might be silenced more easily, making it crucial to analyze the power imbalance in a situation.
Beyond direct censorship, silencing can also happen through subtle means like gaslighting, ignoring, or discrediting someone's opinions.
If you put 100 black ants and 100 red ants in a jar, nothing will happen. But if you shake the jar hard, the ants will start killing each other. The red ants will consider the black ants their enemies, and the black ants will consider the red ants their enemies. The real enemy is the one who shakes the jar. The same thing happens in human society. So before we attack each other, we should think about who is shaking the jar! [Now I always see very clearly who shakes the jar! So instead of getting mad at me try to find out who is going around shaking the jar and get mad at her instead!]
Narcissists are generally not adept at containing their strongest impulses or feelings. They feel free to throw tantrums, call names, or make a scene. Their larger-than-life feelings and reactions make them feel powerful and discharge uncomfortable feelings or thoughts. Once again, it puts others on the defensive.
Shaming
Narcissists carry enormous shame, though this shame is generally outside their awareness. As a result, they tend to discharge their unpleasant feelings on those around them.
They may question others’ legitimacy. They may chide others for a less-than-perfect performance or rub a failure in another’s face. They have a knack for knocking others down a peg. The result: They feel one-up. In addition, the recipients of their shaming may feel they have to defend or explain themselves, which often gives narcissists additional ammunition for more shaming.
