Love between Adults Needs to be Earned

Hi M,

Thank you for writing and sharing your thoughts and feelings. Don’t worry about your English. Your English is 100 times better than mine. I have a lot of difficulty in expressing myself in writing. Writing is one of the hardest things for me to do in life. And I apologize for my poor English. I paid a lot of money to professional writers/editors to help me write my book! Thanks for being so understanding.

About unconditional love. Only children need and must have unconditional love and protection no matter what, it’s their birthright and the parents’ obligation to love and protect them. But adults can never be loved unconditionally. You would not love a rapist or dictator. The love between adults needs to be earned. 

The most important thing I can tell you is to trust your feelings about your father and not fall into any illusions he will change. From my experience with people on the internet, most people are stuck in the repressed hatred of the child they once were and unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats or poison containers to temporally alleviate their repressed hatred, a lot of people out there are time bombs, that you never know what might trigger them. If you remind them in any way of their childhood abusers, maybe you just walk, smell, talk, or breathe like them, just that might be enough to set them off. Most people out there are not able to put and feel their intense feelings within the context of their own childhood and will take it out on the triggers that remind them of their own childhood abusers.

It’s understandable the child within you still wants to hold on to the illusion of her father changing and finally giving you the love you needed as a child, but even if he did change and apologized for the damage done to you when you were a defenseless little girl, could never make up for it, just like your boyfriend could not make up for it, even if he stayed home on your birthday and didn’t go to work if he had stayed it would just have helped you to keep these emotions repressed and numbed one more day and by him going to work, it triggered the intense repressed emotions of the child you once were, and by understanding what took place, it enlightened you and not be as emotionally blind, so you can recognize red flags and not get into intimate relationships with people that they will reenact yours or you reenact their own childhood drama. 

No one else in the external world can now make up for what we needed as children, but ourselves. People who were never loved as children will go through life longing for love and this longing will not weaken with age, but instead increase making them more desperate trying to satisfy this need with people symbolizing their parents, especially with their children. The only thing that will free us is to let go of all illusions and feel the pain that we were never loved. As long we are dependent and longing for our parents' love or from people symbolizing them, we will remain stuck in the emotional prison of our childhood reenacting our childhood drama, where we either play the role of mother/father figure over others or we play the role of the child. If you read Alice Miller’s book The Body Never Lies you will know that dependency increases hatred. This is a vicious cycle most parents and children remain stuck forever because parents try to get their childhood needs fulfilled through their children, things their children can never do, and their children remain stuck waiting for their parents or people symbolizing them to fulfill their childhood needs. Once we are adults no one out there can make up for what we needed as children, but never got.

The reason it gets harder to connect to people as we get older is because of people’s lifetime of repressing themselves and with old age being the perfect trigger of childhood fears they become desperate, and like a drowning person they try to hold on to someone, anyone to use as a form of medication to manage those fears and is not really a gender issue. I know women who have just as hard a time connecting with their authentic feelings as men. Maybe some men and some women act out their childhood repression in different ways --they wear different disguises -- and maybe more men have a tendency to wear similar disguises, but the pain and suffering they cause themselves and others is the same. As you say women sabotage other women more and the reason they do, that's because of their own unresolved childhood repression. From my experience, I have found that maybe more women are better at falsifying their feelings giving the impression that are more caring and loving, but they just give the illusion of love and they manipulate the people in their lives, especially their own children with their illusion of love, so they can keep their own repression intact and don’t have to face and feel their own fears, but instead delegate it into their children and others under the disguise of help and the illusion of love. A lot of women and some men have mastered the art of manipulation to perfection.

I agree with you that we are all humans but we are animals as well! And I love my animal side because animals are the best! :-) They are real, they don't wear any masks!!!

I don’t think we need to have our childhood abusers to acknowledge and ask for our forgiveness for us to be free, that is giving them our power, if that were the case I would not be free today, because my older sisters will never be able to really see how damaging they were to their younger sisters and they will never ask for forgiveness, but facing the reality that they will never change and let go of their illusion of love and the false hope they sometimes give us to suck us in. Letting go of all illusions that’s what liberates us.

Good luck and again thank you for writing,

Sylvie

Open Letter to Johnny Depp

 Dear Johnny Depp,

I’m sorry you too went through a painful relationship like I did. 

Your words below to Amber; I too said many times similar words to my ex with whom I was in a relationship for a very long 10 years. 

"All you wanted was to make me fucking miserable. Well, I'm finally there. I'll never be able to understand how I fell in love with you. I loved you more than anything... I did everything I could. But, you never fuckin' loved me." 

My ex was much younger than me too, a Leonardo DiCaprio clone, but as Amber did to you, he too brought me to the lowest point of my life by standing in symbolizing my childhood abusers and slowly regressed me into the state of the child and reenacted the painful drama of my childhood to a T.

I turned every stone looking for clues to get to the bottom of why I attracted a man into my life that triggered so much pain in me and reduce me to ashes.  Literally, I rose from the ashes.  

I wrote a book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries hoping that will help other people in the same place I once was.  

You can be assured no one ever AGAIN will bring me back to the emotional prison of my childhood.  I’m free at last!

I’m sending you a copy of my book and I hope it brings you clarity and understanding in your life and frees you to not let anyone ever again slowly take you back to the emotional prison of your childhood. 

Best wishes,

Sylvie Imelda Shene

People Rather Kill Themselves, others or both than Face the Fears of Being Alone and Feel the pain to Become Real

Dear HH,

Thank you for sharing and translating the beautiful song Erkläre mir die Liebe by Philipp Poisel into English.

Explain "love" to me

Like two dogs under the sky, heading towards the night.
So lost and so different.  Do you know, what you really want???
When will you catch me from this darkness?
Tell me, where you are!

Please explain life to me,
I don't know, how it works.

Like two foxes in the polar sea, constantly heading for the night.
I haven't slept for a long time
Do you know, what you actually need?

When will you catch me, in this hot snow of july?
Two times summer, and back

Please, explain life to me
cause I don't know how it works.

Tell me about love.
I have never seen it.

When will you catch me.
In the hot snow of July?
Two times Sommer and back.

Tell me about your Life.
i have never seen you like this.

Tell me about love.
I have lost before i ever had it.

It describes beautifully most people’s and once my condition. Lost and searching for love all in the wrong places.

Love is within. And the only way to experience true love -- we must resolve our own childhood repression -- and after that love that’s all, there is – understanding equals to love -- but the path to resolving our childhood repression is not an easy path, and most people don’t have the space, courage, and strength to take. So far I only know me and Alice Miller to really have taken this path.

It took me more than 40 years all alone and thanks to the the books and the website of Alice Miller as my enlightened witness to arrive at this place and here I’m all alone because I don’t know anyone else that is truly on this path and have arrived at this place of true love, peace, and freedom.

Alice Miller was the only one I know that arrived at this place and took her also more than 40 years because, she, like me, was alone most of her journey and had to battle many sociopaths/psychopaths, even her own son. I’m pretty sure he is a full blown sociopath with a sharp intellect knowing exactly what to say to fool everyone, make them feel sorry for him and manipulate people to join him in his emotional prison -- because if he was real -- I have no doubt we would have communicated with each other by now -- he has no courage to consciously feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was -- and liberate himself -- he is too afraid to be alone in his emotional prison -- just like this proclaimed psychologist from the Netherlands -- Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos – whatever she calls herself now.

I still can’t believe it that this woman contacted me acting all understanding and saying all the rights things to gain my trust, but the moment I let her in and let her read my manuscript, she wasted no time looking for something in it that she could grab on to turn on me and play mind games with me -- to try to regress me into the emotional prison of my childhood -- to try to discredit me and my book.

She never saw me in my book or heard me, she just saw her own projections and what she wanted to see to use as tools for manipulation. And then when she was not able to regress me at the time, she sits 4 years with her critique full with her own projections and changes her name before publishing her critique. She never predicted that I would figure out that Liliane Rombout and Olane Roos is one and the same.

I see clearly the games people play and I’m free from all people’s projections and I no longer allow anyone standing in symbolizing my childhood abusers to manipulate me to bring me back to the emotional prison of my childhood. Free at last!!!

Isn’t this a calculated move of a malignant narcissist or sociopath?!

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths in the mental health profession are the worst because they have mastered the art of manipulating people's repressed emotions to do exactly what they want -- they are the most deceiving and cause a lot of harm.

I guess she didn’t believe what I wrote in my book that I had consciously experienced and understood the repressed emotions of the child I once was within the context of my own childhood and no longer can they be used by sociopaths, psychopaths or malignant narcissists to grab on to use as reins to manipulate me and gain control over me to bring me back to an emotional prison.

I will still try to write to everyone that writes to me but from now on I will be very careful and not trust anyone that contacts me saying all the right things, because most likely -- they are not real -- it’s a lie. Just like Alice Miller wrote me in an e-mail: “I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats.

They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean.

I can only urge you to trust your feelings and do NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”

 Obviously Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos, she still scared of the repressed emotions of the child she once was at her own mean mother, otherwise, would not have looked on the internet for someone she could target to project herself into and use as her scapegoat.

She broke the camel’s back and from now on I just want to be left alone to enjoy for the rest of my life my freedom and peace. It was a long journey!

But eventually, I still want to write and publish “Reenactment” for those searching for the whole naked truth about the real face of humanity, it is ugly, very ugly!!! I ask myself many times: is anything real out there?!

Thanks to writing and publishing A Dance to Freedom I got to see how ugly it really is!!! I always felt and suspected it -- that it was very ugly, but thanks to my book I got to see it really close -- staring it in the face -- at a very close range -- it was dangerous to be that close to evil, and now I have no doubt humanity is evil -- cancer. And the more I come to the conclusion that very few people out there are capable of being real and authentic.

I understand your fear of sharing your authentic feelings with people around you. Becoming real and authentic is very risky because most likely people around us will turn on us -- as you witnessed in my case -- we have to be strong enough to stand alone on our own two feet because most likely people will ostracize us and we find ourselves alone. Most people are fake, acting as if personality, and feel threatened by real liberated people because real authentic people trigger their fears of exposure and they will gather all forces at their command to destroy you so they can go on, as usual, acting as if personality and sell to the masses their lies and illusions.

I have learned nothing scares people more than facing and feeling their own painful truths that they rather kill themselves, others or both than face the fears of being alone and feel the pain to become real.

Wishing courage and strength,

Sylvie

Martin Miller the Son of Alice Miller Is a Double Edged Sword

I have no doubt that Alice Miller's son Martin Miller was the trigger for all of Alice Miller's books. And if he had not been born we would not have had Alice Miller's enlightened books to help us liberate ourselves from the emotional prison of our own childhoods. And I would probably be dead NOW or still living in an emotional prison.  He is just like a double-edged sword. 

Martin Miller's book is nothing but smoke and mirrors. So sad to witness that Martin Miller joined forces with all those that betrayed his Mother, while she was still alive, trying to stand on Alice  Miller's head to make a name for themselves. And didn't reach out to anyone that is standing by the side of his mother. 

All they accuse Alice Miller of, that's exactly what they themselves are doing. They don't take responsibility for their own unresolved childhood repression and  have mastered the art of projection and transference to perfection. 

Throughout Alice Miller's books, she gives windows into the struggles she had with her adult son and how she tried to help him, but once children reach adulthood it's too late -- and no one can help adults children, not even their own mothers. Once we reach adulthood we are responsible for our own healing and Alice Miller with her books gives us the enlightened information to guide us through our own healing.

"As a child, I had to learn to suppress my entirely natural responses to the injuries inflicted on me, responses like rage, anger, pain, and fear. Otherwise, I would have been punished. Later, at school, I was proud of the skill I had developed in controlling and restraining these feelings. I considered this ability a virtue, and I also expected my first child to achieve the same kind of discipline. Only after I succeeded in freeing myself of this attitude was I able to understand the suffering of children who have been forbidden to respond to injuries in an appropriate way and to engage with their emotions in a benevolent environment, so that in later life they can take their bearings from the feelings they actually have, rather than fearing them." Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2022/07/drugs-and-deception-of-body.html

“As I’ve aged, I’ve grown more tolerant and patient; I find it easier to wait and let people take the time they need to follow my trains of thought. What helped me to become accommodating was the fact that in contrast to twenty years ago, I no longer feel alone in what I know. Since then, both experts and lay people have been able to confirm my conclusions by their own experiences. I no longer have to prove anything.

And yet I still feel a need to share with others things that came to me only late in life. The result does not claim to be literature, we are not dealing here with “art for art.” For my stories are actually based on simple, conscious intentions to inform people and encourage them to think. For me, as for many women, it was very painful to realize that as a young mother I had missed so much, not only for my child but also for myself, simply because I did not know enough. It hurts to see how with more information many things could have turned out better and that much cannot be made good again. My stories arose from the wish to spare other people what I have suffered myself.” Alice Miller ~ Paths of Life, preface

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-pain-of-mother.html

Alice Miller liberated herself from the labyrinth of the psychoanalysis world in her fifties. Now I understand when Alice Miller shared in one of her books that her intense discussions with her adult son helped her stop her compulsions, because of these intense discussions with her adult son, she was able to see clearly and confirmed how psychoanalysis keeps people stuck in their childhood drama and seeing her NOW adult son lost in the labyrinth of psychoanalysis had to be hard for Alice Miller. 

Also confirms Barbara Rogers' IFS therapy does not work either, because if it worked she would not be stuck in her childhood drama anymore and would not be reenacting her childhood drama endless by exploiting others the same way she was exploited when she was a defenseless child. Just like Alice said: it takes courage to face and feel our painful truths, intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create a lot of seductive lies.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/11/psychoanalysis-and-most-therapies.html

Barbara Rogers wrote on her website that she was "lost in a fog of admiration". It’s not Alice Miller's fault that she lost herself admiring Alice Miller, but the reality is, she did not lose herself, because she has never found herself, once we truly find ourselves we can never lose ourselves again, the little girl she once was still lost in the fog of admiration with her own mother now transferred into a substitute figure, Alice Miller.

It’s her problem if she is still a lost little girl and loses herself in admiration over others, she is another malignant narcissist that has memorized good knowledge hijacked from Alice Miller's books, but has not experienced it at a personal level and now is trying to cast herself in the role of parent figure over others and misuses this good knowledge to manipulate and use others as poison  containers to distract herself, so she does not have to face and feel the repressed excruciating emotions of the child she once was; reenacting her childhood drama all over again with the people she is trying to help, but now she playing the role of her mother and the people she is trying to help, playing the role of the child she and they once were and they all remain lost in a maze with no way out, staying prisoners of childhood for eternity.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/08/daniel-mackler-and-barbara-rogers-came.html

I feel Alice Miller’s experience is very similar to mine. My love for Marty and my desire to help him made me look for help so we could save our relationship and in the process I freed myself. 

Alice Miller too saw that her, now adult son, had problems, and how ironic they both have the same name, my ex’s name is also Martin! 

Alice Miller, like me, started lifting every rock to look for clues to help her son and in the process resolved her own repression and freed herself, just like me, that I went out looking for clues on how to help Marty and I ended up liberating myself in the process. 

And at the end, I had to let Marty go, and Alice too had to let her son go because once a person is an adult, no one, not even the mother, can make up for what we need as children and we didn’t get. 

Once we are adults only we can save ourselves and anyone that tells us otherwise is fooling us with false hopes and promises. 

Alice Miller was driven to write her books to warn society of the dangers of childhood repression, to save the children of the future, and help us to face and resolve our own repression. 

This is why it’s so crucial for people to face their own repression before having children or at least become aware of their own childhood repression before their children become teenagers and adults, because it’s not the trauma itself that causes long-term damage, but the repressed emotions caused by trauma that causes long term damage and if parents became aware of the damage done before their children became teenagers or adults, then they can help their children express their true feelings of anger, fear and hurt, because the children are still emotionally dependent on their parents, but once the children become teenagers or adults the defense mechanisms and walls have been built and it’s out of the parents' hands, they can become the most conscious parents, like Alice Miller did, but it will be too late, because they can’t force the teenagers and adult children to remove the walls to face and feel their childhood repression, if they don’t wish to do so. 

To warn us, Alice Miller made herself very vulnerable to all the full-blown malignant narcissists, sociopaths, bad players,  psychopaths, assholes, or whatever you like to call NOW these very evil people in the world -- her courage is astonishing! 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-courage-of-alice-miller-was.html

As Alice Miller wrote in the answers below to one of her readers:

"I am also glad that you have the hope that we can pass on our knowledge to the masses. I had this hope 30 years ago when I wrote the Drama. I thought that showing the truth can change so much. Meanwhile, I became more skeptical or just more impatient after I discovered the fear of the beaten child in all of us that built up the omnipresent resistance against the truth." Alice Miller

(Me too I had the hope with the writing of my book would help pass this knowledge to the masses, but like Alice Miller, I have become skeptical and with the writing of my book I too learned that people's repressed fears at their parents build omnipresent resistance against the truth. And people rather destroy others than face and consciously feel their own repressed fears to see the truth. And this is why I have been harassed, prosecuted, and ostracized since I can remember and in the workplace by very bad players since I published my book. I understand people's fears of their childhood pain that have been trying to keep repressed all of their lives, but it is still disappointing that pretty much everyone I meet doesn't have the courage to face their fears and become real)   

Malignant narcissists, psychopaths/sociopaths always feed on people's weaknesses to advance themselves and don’t care who they hurt, step on and destroy in the process as long as they get what they want. 

In an interview Martin Miller gave, he was speaking in German and of course, I don’t understand what he is saying, but the body never lies and the language of the body is universal, his body is telling his truth and you can see how this man has been repressing all of his life with the aid of food and probably also with all kinds of medications, and never allowed himself to consciously feel the full range of the repressed feelings of the child he once was within the context of his own childhood. 

And as long as we go on repressing our feelings the compulsion to abuse ourselves, others or both will go on endless overtly or covertly and you can see he has been abusing himself by overeating to numb his feelings when present situations trigger him because he is extremely overweight.  

The title of his book is “The true drama of the gifted child- the tragedy of Alice Miller” but the title of his book should have been: “The Drama of the gifted child - the tragedy of my life” because his life is the real tragedy and sad beyond words, because he still stuck in his childhood and probably will never break free, because he is already in his sixties and the older we get hard it gets to resolve our own repression. 

Alice Miller’s life is not a tragedy, because she broke free and died free, the beginning of her life was a tragedy, just like most people's lives, but not the end of her life, she became honest with herself and others and that is the most important achievement anyone can reach in this lifetime, not like most people in our society that are stuck in their childhood pretending and acting as if personality their whole lives, fooling themselves and others. 

As Alice says in her book The Body Never Lies, page, 86: ““… For how can I prove to someone that freedom is within reach if all his life he has clung to the constraints that were necessary for his survival and if he cannot imagine life without those constraints? I can say that I myself have achieved such freedom by getting to the bottom of my own story, but I have to admit that I am not a good example. After all, it took me over forty years to arrive at the stage I have reached now. But there are others. I know people who have succeeded in unearthing their memories in a much shorter space of time, and the discovery of their own truth has enabled them to emerge from the autistic hiding place that used to be their only refuge. In my case, the reason the journey took so long was that I was on my own for most of it.”

Me too, just like Alice Miller it took me over forty years to break free because I was alone in my journey most of it.

I am so glad I didn’t have children; otherwise, the sociopaths out there might try to use my children to get to me, to try to discredit me and my book, as they do with Alice Miller because if I had children without resolving my childhood repression first, me too, I would not have been a "perfect" mother and without a doubt, my children would have been wounded TOO and vulnerable to be exploited by sociopaths, like Martin Miller is being used by the sociopath Barbara Roges and Daniel Mackler to stand on Alice Miller’s head to make a name for themselves, so they don’t have to face and feel the painful repressed feelings of the child they once were. 

When we have children without resolving our childhood repression we will unconsciously transfer into our children our internalized childhood abusers, and then we will face them all over again in our children. Oh, I'm so grateful I didn't repeat this vicious circle. 

This is what happened to Alice Miller. she had to let go of her son to protect herself from the full-blown malignant narcissist her son had grown into.  

Alice Miller faced in her husband her childhood abusers and then faced them all over again in her own son. 

This comment made by Makus Roth is so true: “Alice Miller's life cycle is comparable to the conversion of Sau to Paul, from the unconscious to the conscious mother. when she wrote the first of her 13 books (drama dbk= Das Drama de begabten Kiindes, The drama of the gifted child), 1979, when her son was already 29 years old and she kept on developing every time clearer and clearer. Already years ago she apologized to her son for her misbehavior in his childhood, whereas her son had and still has trouble with it.” Makus Roth

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/09/my-letter-to-p-about-martin-millers-book.html

In her interview given with Ms. Noreen Taylor. Alice Miller says: "I have two adult children. I never hit them but I was sometimes careless and neglecting to my first child out of ignorance. Fortunately not so much as my parents had been to me. It is very painful to realize that but this realization can also be liberating from a self-deception. I think that the love for the own children can bear the truth and can even thrive on it while lies and denial seed cruelty for the next generation."

I read online somewhere Martin Miller complained that his mother disowned him and doesn't know what happened to her money. So he is still dependent on his mother and is mad at his mother for not giving him her money. 

Dependency breeds anger, as long we are dependent on the family's money; we remain stuck with them, in their emotional prisons, and hate instead of being resolved increases. We have to work to find our autonomy and not depend on the family or others standing in symbolizing our parents. As long we are dependent on the family or others financially, we remain prisoners of our childhood. Read my blogs Dependency Breeds Anger and Liberating Ourselves from Dependency that Breeds Hatred. 

Martin Miller saying is not an accusation that’s exactly what it is, disguised as wanting to understand deep-seated trauma. Anyone that has read all his mother’s books and worked through their own repression understands deep-seated trauma and how hard it is to resolve it. 

He is being a great example of how difficult it is to resolve deep-seated trauma. He is still stuck in his childhood fighting and competing with his mother to make a name for himself by unconsciously attempting to destroy the great discovers and accomplishments his mother made late in life by stepping on his mother’s head to satisfy his own childhood narcissists needs and letting the unresolved repressed emotions of the child he once was, taking revenge on his mother for the wrongs she did to him when he was a small child by attempting to kill his mother in a symbolic way in the public arena with his book, creating a smokescreen confusing many people already confused looking for a way out of their own labyrinths.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-son-of-alice-miller-should-have.html

Nothing can anyone ever say take away from the pioneering, courageous, and honest work Alice Miller did. She was a true heroine. 

As Alice Miller shared in her article, “The Longest Journey” published on her website: “It has taken me all my life to allow myself to be what I am and to listen to what my inner self is telling me, more and more directly, without waiting for permission from others or currying approval from people symbolizing my parents.” 

It took her all of her life, but she did it and exposed the lies and hypocrisy of society. My experience has been the same as Alice Miller. 

A reader of Alice Miller wrote to her saying: “Books do not help to break open the prisons, it is true, but there are books that give us the courage to rattle at the prison gates with new courage. Your book is such a one to me.” 

--- That is exactly how Alice Miller's books are to me. It has taken me, too, all my life, but thanks to her books as my enlightened witness I was able to gather new and tougher courage to remove the invisible shackles and break free from the emotional prison I was born into.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/10/open-letter-to-martin-miller_1.html

The two reviews below on Amazon about Martin Miller's book, are most likely the only authentic reviews, all the other five-star reviews were written, most likely, by the cult leaders Barabara Rogers, Daniel Mackler, and their followers. Barbara Rogers is the very first five-star review!  What joke! 

Just as these two reviewers wrote on Amazon: 

"This book is shameful.

Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2020

This may be the most peevish, callous, and unsympathetic biography of a Holocaust survivor ever written. Mr. Miller is clearly angry at his mother, and surely he has a right to be if, as he alleges, she was emotionally unavailable to him in his youth. But in recounting his mother's near-death and the destruction of her entire family during the Holocaust, he makes far more references to his own feelings than to hers. 

He uses words like "shocked", "stunned" and "amazed", but always in reference to his own reaction to the inevitable omissions and inconsistencies in her story. The death of his grandparents in the ovens does not stun him. The possibility of his mother having been raped by kidnappers at one point does not stun him. But the fact that she chose not mention all this in a blurb on her website in 2010? Stunning, he reports.

Clearly, Ms. Miller is an important figure in psychology, and it is understandable for readers to want to know the background that inspired her work. 

But while Mr. Miller is clearly well-placed to reveal that information, the job ought to fall to someone who possesses some iota of empathy and doesn't "identify with abusers", as Mr. Miller openly confesses to doing in his work as a psychologist.

Put more simply, any time you find yourself nitpicking how someone survived the Holocaust, even your own mother, you probably ought to be ashamed of yourself."

Piggybacking on his mother's fame, yet bringing her down. Pathetic!!

Reviewed in the United States on September 8, 2020

First of all, the fact that this "writer" was able to write a book using all her mother's techniques, indicates very clearly that said techniques actually work.

I am really sorry to hear that this guy had such a difficult life with a traumatized mother who seemed to have lacked the ability to implement her theories with her own son. [Alice Miller could not have implemented her techniques with her own son -- because she developed her techniques later in life -- when her son was already an adult in his thirties. Once we reach adulthood we are responsible for our own healing and Alice Miller with her books gives us the enlightened information to guide us through our own healing] That makes her a flawed and fallible human being, but that doesn't take away the merits of her brilliant writings.

Whatever this guy went through in his own childhood, I am really sorry to hear. But what he is choosing to do with his own pain is a coward and self-serving strategy to make a name for himself by trashing his mother, because he knows very well he doesn't even have 1% of the talent, the courage, the insight, the brilliance that Alice Miller had, both as a healer (since she didn’t like to be called a psychoanalyst) and as a writer.

To me, it’s very obvious that he is shamelessly piggybacking on his mother's success and brilliance to make a buck and a name for himself.

The only way he could attract any attention to himself was by saying "I'm Alice Miller's son". Otherwise, nobody would have stopped to read anything he wrote. That must be a hard pill to swallow for him, yet he'll have to swallow it for the rest of his life.

This "Martin the Martyr" guy may have been an innocent child once upon a time, but as an adult, in my opinion, he is an untalented, self-serving, and coward. He didn't even have the decency to preface his book by saying: "I acknowledge that my mother has helped millions of readers (myself included) overcome the tragic effects of trauma and of being raised by narcissistic parents. I also acknowledge that she was a brilliant writer. However, she, herself, didn't have the time or the awareness to implement her own techniques when she was raising me, so she caused me much pain. This is the story of my pain."

Instead, he chose to put his mother down (that, I respect), without taking the time to acknowledge the unquestionable, undeniable, impressive merits of the writer he's attempting to put down (that, I do not respect). Whatever he wants to say about Alice Miller, the mother is his prerogative. But how come he doesn’t have the objectivity to preface all his comments by acknowledging the merits of the writer he’s criticizing, i.e. his mother?? Furthermore, how come he cannot at least acknowledge that the mother he is so disappointed with is the same writer whose tools, techniques, and theories he’s using to heal his own pain??

Had he had any objectivity, decency, courage, humility, and more importantly, talent, he would have extensively mentioned, not only the greatness of his mother’s talent but also the smallness of his own.

If you are the son of Shakespeare, and you tell me that Shakespeare was a jerk, and all you do is badmouth Shakespeare, and try to sell books doing that (without acknowledging the brilliance of Shakespeare’s talent) then I can only entertain two theories:

1) That you are very hurt about what your father did to you. If this is the case, then, that means you are too emotionally wounded about the whole thing. It also means you haven't done the necessary emotional work to recover from your own traumas, either because A) You haven't been able to, B) Because you lack the courage to do so or C) Because you're in a hurry to try to extract a benefit from your father's fame and brilliance.

What a coincidence that this guy published this book after his mother died. He didn't have the courage to publish it while she was alive. Perhaps he first wanted to make sure he could get his hands on his mother's will before trashing her, thereby trying to capitalize on both his mother’s brilliance and success and his cowardly attacks of her. There's always method in mediocrity.

To me, it is very obvious that, apart from his legitimate trauma, the bottom line is that this is the drama of the son of a Genius who, when confronted with the fact that he doesn't even have 1% of his mother's talent, he felt the sting of envy, and instead of just processing his envy, he decided to attack the genius with whom he will never be able to compete.

For a person who claims to have such a deep knowledge about the complexities of people's psyches, I think he missed that small detail about his own conflicted inner world.

I understand that this guy was emotionally injured, but what he decided to do with his pain lacked objectivity, contribution, insight, and talent. He may have had a really bad mother (most of Alice Miller’s readers had the same experience), but he also happened to be the son of one of the greatest writers and healers of the 20th century. He forgot to mention that.

The facts still remain: Alice Miller was a brilliant writer. Her son is a mediocre writer at best. The other fact is that Martin has made no original contributions to the field of psychoanalysis. I doubt that he ever will.

If you want to read a valuable, insightful book, pick up one of Alice Miller's books and enjoy the brilliance of her talented and courageous mind and heart!!"

"you will never forget a person who came to you with a torch in the dark!"

Amazon deleted some of my book reviews because their algorithms thought they were made by friends from Facebook that I never met in real life, but most five stars reviews made on Martin Miller's book are authentic, Not! I'm so tired of the bias in this world. 

 

Most Therapists Keep themselves and others Stuck

Editor’s note: I’ve added this reflection in October 2025 to help new readers understand the context and timeless relevance of this post.

Summary (added October 2025)

When I first wrote this post, I had just survived a disturbing encounter with a therapist who, like many in the mental health field, hid her emotional immaturity behind a mask of “professionalism.” She said all the right things to gain my trust — echoing Alice Miller’s words and pretending to understand my message — but once she read my A Dance to Freedom manuscript, her true motive emerged: to regress me into the powerless state of the wounded child so she could feel superior.

This experience revealed a painful truth — that most therapists, instead of freeing others, reenact their own unresolved childhood dramas through their clients. They confuse control with care and obedience with healing. Their need to dominate emotionally independent people like me exposes the unhealed child inside them.

I learned that when you have truly faced your past, you can no longer be manipulated by anyone — not therapists, not bosses, not family, not “saviors.” That’s why my book and Alice Miller’s work are so threatening to them: we show what real freedom looks like, and real freedom terrifies those still trapped in repression.

Hi Sylvie, did you see this? It is a review of your book in Dutch. Maybe this information can be interesting to you? The writer is a psychologist, and she works based on Alice Miller's work. Warm greetings, Heleen

Hi Heleen,

Thank you for writing. Yes, I saw her review on Google+.  

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler harassing her, and I have Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout, whatever she likes to call herself these days!

I had a run with her in 2014. She made comments on my blog about Martin Miller and also contacted me on LinkedIn.

Back then, she used the name Liliane Rombout. She changed her name in all her accounts and probably thought I would not figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout are one and the same. 

I just looked for her old messages on LinkedIn, which you can read below if you like, and see for yourself how she is projecting herself onto me. It proves that Liliane Rombout is now using the name Olane Roos, as you can see in her messages below. This shows how crazy-making some therapists can be. 

I hope people read my book and see for themselves, and don’t let this so-called "psychologist" confuse them. She was also J’s therapist, who wrote to me, and I published my answer to him in my blog, In Most Cases Is a Lie

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/05/in-most-cases-is-lie.html

These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “I have learned over the years of my work on the Internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they use other people unconsciously (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as poisonous containers, like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves, they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and do NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."

Like Alice Miller, I did my part. And now I’m enjoying my freedom and I’m not letting anyone steal my freedom, if a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years were not able to steal my freedom after they tried, every trick in the book to mess with my mind to bring me back into theirs and the emotional prison of my childhood – there is no way -- I would let this so-called psychologist regress me into the state of the wounded child with her phony critique full of her own projections to confuse me and my readers. I don't live anymore in the state of confusion, and I sure don't let anyone confuse me anymore -- I see very clearly --  and I hope my readers don't let themselves be confused also. 

Here is one more proof that most psychologists and most people working in the "healthcare field" and "helping" professions are very dangerous. Psychoanalysis and most therapies hinder people’s liberation and autonomy. 

Just like this reader of my book who just wrote to me, and I haven’t had time to reply to his e-mail: 

“From: W <@.com>

Date: Tue, Apr 3, 2,018 at 5:36 PM

Subject: Thank you!

To: sylvie@sylvieshene.com

Hi Sylvie,

I've just finished reading your book "A Dance to Freedom," and I just wanted to reach out and thank you sincerely. I've read all of Alice Miller's books and have always wanted to know if there were other people out there who "get it".

I've been in therapy with three different people in my life, a total of almost 20 years, and I'm done with therapists. I'm finally free now (at 51) to dive into my childhood and early years without anyone trying to correct my true feelings and make me feel like it's all my fault.

So, thanks to your book, I'm able to do this now. It's only been a week of working every day for an hour or so with my past and honest feelings, but I've been able to start to really understand where my hurt, anger, rage, incredible loneliness, and sadness come from without a therapist trying to 'correct' me. I'm finding my body loves being able to express the rage and express it at the real culprits.

It can't say it's much fun, but it's fun simply because I feel free now to do this. I'm no longer beholden to any group, or person, or even society. I'm single, live alone, and have the time for this deeper work.

Some of the connections (connecting the dots) I've been able to make have been amazing. I want to tell somebody about them, but I really feel I'll be misunderstood, and I can't bear that now. I'm too raw at the moment, but I hope one day to share with you my story if you're interested.

I do think now that society is very hypocritical and incapable of dealing with strong, true feelings. Parents and family are sacrosanct, even today. I'll share one thing I realized:

An adult can live for years, decades even, with an abusive, violent spouse, and we call it a crime. We sympathize with the victim and offer them counseling and a sympathetic ear. A child may live their whole childhood and teenage years with an abusive, violent parent, and we treat it as something part of their past, which the child luckily survived. How much more frightening it must have been for the child than for the adult. The child is truly and completely defenseless and dependent for its very survival (unlike the adult). It is almost too painful to contemplate, which is precisely why people don't want to make the connection (!)

I've said enough. Thank you for reading my email, and thank you for your generous hard work.

All the best,

W

P.S. Your book is sorely needed. If it weren't for your book, I still wouldn't know quite what to do with all of the information I received from Alice Miller. Alice Miller is the tops, don't get me wrong, she had true courage and absolutely brilliant psychological insight. She called a spade a spade.

Below are Olane Roos or Liliane's old messages and e-mails. Of course, she wasn't real, and it didn't take long for her to turn on me.

Malignant narcissists and sociopaths all follow the same patterns: Idealize, devalue, and discard. When in the idealized phase, they mimic you to T and know precisely what to say to fool you into believing that they are like you -- to allure you into their emotional prison with them. She mimicked me perfectly.                                                            

I’m pretty sure Liliane Rombout or Olane Roos only read the draft of my manuscript that I sent to her. She never read the nice acknowledgment I wrote her in my book -- thanking her for her feedback -- even though I disagreed with her assessment because she was projecting her own mean mother into my own mother. Still, her feedback helped work on the rough parts of my manuscript and making it more straightforward for my readers. You can read the acknowledgment in the picture attached below.

I was going to send her the final draft, but then I decided not to. If she wanted to read the final printed version, she could buy it herself with the money I sent her to pay for the time she spent with my manuscript.

This just proves that I was never malicious towards her, but she is the one who sat with her critique for four years, and then she published it after changing her name! She never predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout are one and the same! If this is not a calculated move of a malignant narcissist to try to discredit someone’s work -- then I don’t know what a calculated malignant narcissist is?!

I get it! And understand! Why have I had so many malignant narcissists and sociopaths targeting me since I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions? Who am I?! An ex-topless dancer and a gate attendant who never went to college could possibly know more about the human mind than those who went to college and have spent all of their lives working so hard and studying -- memorizing knowledge --- which they use like robots or parrots to fool others and manipulate them to act exactly the part they want you to act in their twisted drama.

Yep! The words in the picture above describe beautifully why I'm constantly targeted by malignant narcissists and sociopaths because I am a truly happy and free person. Still, they are not able to destroy me, and they don't walk away wearing my skin. But instead, their true selves are revealed.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: "J"  H <h.@g.de>

Date: Tue, Apr 26, 2016, at 1:54 PM

Subject: It must be tiring...

To: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Dear Sylvie...

Well, this stuff with Liliane is hard stuff...

It took me a while, even to understand what she was complaining about...

She didn't get, that you went through all these feelings earlier, like being deeply depressed, than angry and then, later, on an emotional independent way, feeling sorry for (I guess) anyone in the world, who cannot resolve his own childhood repression...but you have broken free from all these emotions before...and you wouldn't be caught in dependency with these people you feel sorry for. I don’t know if I got it right here...but this is what I got.

When you say you wrote a confusing email to her and are talking about this one, I disagree.

This is as clear as possible..

Reading all this, I thought it must be tiring to always connect with people and then either be ignored or rejected...

But as I see you, you will go on, which shows how far you have freed yourself!

Well, wish you the best.

So long

j

Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com> wrote:

Dear J,

After the nightmare with J H from N C, I went through the nightmare with another psychologist from the Netherlands. She found my blog and wrote to tell me how much she liked it. We exchanged many e-mails, and I noticed how stuck she was when I asked if she would like to sign the foreword of my book. She accused me of protecting my mother!!!

Talk more soon,

Sylvie

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Mon, Mar 31, 2014, at 5:26 PM

Subject: Fwd: to your baby/book

To: E <e@.com>

Hi E,

I wasted 3 precious days with Liliane, and I haven't spent any time on the manuscript. I got the e-mail at the bottom from her this morning saying she can’t sign the foreword, because of the reason she gives in her e-mail, it’s been a little emotionally draining day for me, she is projecting her own mean mother into my mother, and, because she had a really mean mother, mine had to be too.  

But I think I am done with her, and we are not wasting any more time asking anyone to sign the foreword, at least not in the mental health business. Most people in the mental health business are the most fxxked up of them all, and that’s why they can’t help anyone. 

If we ask someone else, it has to be someone outside the mental health business who will appreciate my true story of liberation.

I just sent her the e-mail below. It's very messy, but I don’t care if she has trouble reading. But I am sorry if you have trouble reading it!

Sylvie

 ---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Mon, Mar 31, 2014 at 3:50 PM

Subject: Re: to your baby/book

To: Liliane Rombout <l@.nl>

Dear Liliane,

I am so grateful to you for taking the time to read the manuscript and for your feedback. This is a very precious gift from you. As I wrote to you before, I took two two-week vacations. So I could focus on the manuscript before I let it go, as I am aware of the need to review specific sections without interruptions. Your feedback has been constructive in guiding me to the parts of the manuscript I really need to concentrate on. 

I went out and bought a printer for the house because I only had one at work. As you know, I am on vacation, so I could print all your e-mails with your feedback so I can look at them as I work on the final touches of the manuscript, and it will be interesting for you to read my printed book when I mail it to you, and you will be able to see the changes I made.

Before I continue expressing my feelings and thoughts, I want to make clear that what I write is not to change your mind in any way, because your NO has been accepted. Even if you came to change your mind and wanted to sign the foreword of my book, I would not accept it, because I don’t see you being the right candidate anymore, and this is why: You can’t see the big picture, and you are stuck in the labyrinth of psychoanalysis like Alice Miller was. She shares that in her later books, it took her many years to liberate herself from this labyrinth; her son is also lost here. 

Martin Miller is stuck in the anger stage because he is still emotionally and probably financially dependent on his mother. You are stuck in the pain your mother caused you and in the guilt for passing this pain on to your children, and now witnessing your children passing it on to your grandchildren. And the circle has not been broken yet, but now it’s out of your hands, and you can’t let it go. You want to control it and manipulate the situation to get people to meet you at the pain where you are now, and if they don’t meet where you are -- you reject them -- just like your mother rejected you, and you don’t give a chance and room for awareness and love to grow.

Alice Miller grew with each book she wrote, but you want perfection the way you see it. Just like my older sisters, I was not perfect, and no matter what I did, it was never good enough for them. Yes, your rejection reminded me of their rejection -- I suffered at the hands of my older sisters. Still, I am not a child dependent on my older sisters or on you to sign the foreword, and my book/baby will do just fine without your support, and is just a reminder of the old pain.

Notice that I said older sisters and not mother. The tragedy always starts with the mother, and she should never have children, but my mother didn’t reject me; my older sisters and brothers are the ones who rejected me and abused me. 

My older sister took me with them, and I wanted to go be with them. My mother agreed because she thought I would have a better chance at getting an education; she felt they could do a better job than she could.

You are projecting your mean mother onto my mother. Why can you see the abuse I suffered was at the hands of my substitute mother figures, my sisters, and teachers, and that's who I hated the most when going through my anger stage. I did hate my mother too for having me and not looking for a way to prevent pregnancies or get an abortion, but most of my abuse was at the hands of my sisters. Why can’t you get that?!

 Have you not question it at all, that maybe I was able to protect myself in life, in strange foreigner countries all by myself and rebel against my older sister and brothers and later to Marty and break free because I was at some level protected by my mother when I was very little -- she breast fed me and allow me to sleep with her and my father, and let me to play freely outside when was little and this experienced of freedom as a child was my compass in life to help me see clearly and not fall in the seductive traps that society puts in front of you, and achieve total freedom as an adult, and yes I felt sorry for my mother and father, because I could see their suffering clear, my mother cried all the time and my father numb his pain and anger with alcohol, and because of this they could not be there for me and  take care of me emotionally and they transferred in to me their suffering that I had to repress, because I didn’t have anyone to help me with this pain at  the time, that Marty triggered 30 years later.

I remember being a little girl, feeling and seeing my parents in deep pain. I knew I could not count on them, so I looked up at my older sisters for guidance. I remember once when I was little, talking to my mother, and she would listen to me. I remember one time asking her a question, and she answered: Oh, daughter, I don’t have an answer for that! 

At least she was honest and didn't pretend to know things or give me some stupid answer. Maybe that is why I am honest too, because I had an honest mother, unlike my older sisters, who would tell me lies they learned in school or read in some stupid book. By the way, my mother never went to school and never learned to read, so she was not contaminated by the lies taught in school.  

I am glad I had dyslexia and didn’t do well in school and didn’t get contaminated or brainwashed by many made-up theories by repressed people to keep their own repression intact and not have to feel their own pain, so no, I didn’t idolize my parents in a significant way. Still, I did idolize my older sisters somewhat, especially Elza. But as a teenager, I saw through the bullshit very clearly and promised myself I would never be like them, and I am not!!!

When you idolize your parents, you become just like them, and you don’t see me married with a lot of children like my mother did. Yes, in the relationship with Marty, I  also became my Mother, not just my older sister. I am going to add that to the manuscript. If I had idolized my mother, I would have had children with this man, who was just like my father. Still, I didn’t because I didn’t want to be like them. Still, I went to look for answers to why I was attracted to a man who was triggering so much pain in me. I made the connection that it was because of my childhood suffering of not having emotionally available parents. Once I made the connection and felt the pain within the context of my childhood, it started to diminish, and it liberated me from the chains of compulsion and repetition, and that is very clear in my book already.

I am sorry you are stuck in the pain. You might be able to help your patients/clients into this critical stage of the pain, because as long as the pain remains repressed, the compulsion to repeat will go on endlessly, sooner or later, in one form or another. Still, you cannot guide anyone past this point, through the pain, because you have not liberated yourself from your own pain and are still in your emotional prison, suffering. Unconsciously or consciously, you want to bring people there with you, so you don’t have to suffer alone, but I have already gone through my pain. I am not going into others' emotional prisons. 

I feel, unconsciously or consciously, you are trying to regress me into the despair of the child I once was, but Marty did that already. I went through that pain then, and though you remind me of the old pain, because you remind me of my older sisters, who think that everything has to be as they see it, but no one else can ever take me to that helpless place I once was, so they don’t have to be alone with their own pain. 

I am an autonomous person, not dependent on my older sisters anymore or people like you symbolizing them, and my book/baby and I do not have to go to others' emotional prisons for our survival.

I can no longer recommend you as a therapist, either because you cannot help them beyond the stage of pain, or because you kept them stuck in the stage of pain and addicted to pain.

These words by Alice come to mind:

“I do think that you don't need to recall every traumatic event if you deeply felt the devastating effect that your mother's or father's hatred for you created in your soul. It is not only a hubris, but it doesn't make much sense to mistreat oneself. Of course, flashbacks may come again and again and will help us to understand our feelings (of the past and of today) once we are open to our feelings.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/readersmail_en.php?lang=en&nid=1037  

Here is where I see you are stuck: you keep yourself and your patients stuck in the emotional prison, trying to discover every little detail of your history and your patients’ history, and you are completely obsessed with every bit of detail that you miss the big picture entirely. 

The other day, I read that the devil is in the details, and it's true; you proved it to me. We need to be open to all of our feelings as they normally arise to triggered by present events and put them in the proper context and see their roots, that if an intense or overwhelming feeling is triggered it's always a repressed feeling of the child we once were, because our parents or care gives were not able to deal with our authentic feelings at the time of specific traumatic event that happened in our lives. Still, we don’t have to know every little detail of what happened, and I don’t have to share every little detail of my life in my book either to show my readers how to understand our feelings. That is already very clear.

“..manipulation and addictive-dependency on pain),…the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and “salvation” can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of  “feeling therapy” as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was only possible after the community she describes had disbanded, a process that frequently takes decades. Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.” from the Preface to the Revised Edition of 1997 of the Book “Breaking Down the Wall of Silence”

“First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims.  From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the child-rearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.” From the book “Paths of Life: Seven Scenarios”, Page 142

You are still your mother, trying to fix others so you don’t have to be alone with your pain, and you don’t even realize it, so sad.

Much love to you,

Sylvie

On Mon, Mar 31, 2014 at 6:18 AM, Liliane Rombout <l@.nl> wrote:

Dear Sylvie,

With this letter, I would like to give you my feedback on the first reading of your book till page 105. The other pages I read on for myself. I can tell you that when I read your book yesterday and today with great interest I could hardly get of my chair to enjoy the warm weather and joy the company of others on the terrace because the words took me into the stream. My admiration for this great achievement! I also realizing what it has cost you financially and emotionally between your two jobs and seven years not even had a vacation!

In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J. and your ghostwriter. Because I do not write in my own language and writing a letter take a lot of translation time / work so I can’t write everything I would like to do and I am sorry for that. I hope you don’t mind, and if you want something to know what I did not answer just let me know.

Fresh in my memory is the turning point in your life with Marty which you write at the end. For me, a very familiar story, because about seven years ago I had the same experience in a  two and a half year relationship with such a vampire as Marty which in many ways has bring key insighst and changes in my work, of course, and also with my kids. And to think / know that I thought I already made so many mental labor, and knowing how my childhood had been ! I would still like to share with you someday about it. So I know where you've gone through.

You show in your book that you can heal old trauma’s with the right help by knowing and feeling your repressed emotions from a conscious mind. That process, in order to solve the dissociation from your conscious mind, will last a lifetime through because every time there is another aspect of the dissociation that emerge from unconscious into our consciousness. As with Miller was the case for example of the importance of feeling the anger in the healing process. No sooner than they had themselves so far as they were aware of this. So it works. What we suppress, we usually do not know because we have grown with it and it become so 'own' that we think it's part of our personality. For displacement/repressing that is even more true because what we ( still ) do not know, after all we do not know. Only afterwards can we say how it has been and what it has done to us. And if our order, as you write on p. 59 , ‘ ... wanted to understand the pain and figure out where it had come from ...’ we are increasingly able to raise our dissociation.

From my own experience and others it has become clear to me that the cry of distress of the small child usually first expressed in the conscious activity of a film, a first interview with a counselor or in a book.

Coming back to the feedback I would give you is that I seem to read when you not mention your mother (p.11) and that’s the moment the problem were introduced. This has a significant meaning and now I 've read your book is largely this presumption may be correct. I cannot be complete in my description because it takes me a lot of effort but give the next page endorsements of what I mean. I wrote you all the feedback on the first 30 pages of which the absence of the mother mentioned on page 11. The confusion (in contradictions) over the first three years of life may be intertwined with the confusion of the ghostwriter. This confusion persists throughout the book. It is mostly in your own story not at all in the theory which is so powerful and clear everywhere and nowhere gives rise to confusion. Just beautiful.

p . 67. 'that Their authoritan ... ' label ' authoritarian ' can easily lead to confusion .

p . 68. Are you sure 'I never idealized my parents or my sisters in a major way . " Because elsewhere in the text I read that though. And as for the first three years of life , a child in an abusive environment had to idealized both of his parents in order to survive.

You write " I can not say with certainty where my true self ended and my false self began. The Lines were blurred . Maybe you can bring more clarity when mother is not spared for her "weakness" .

 p . 69. " Quite frankly , I wish I could have had a real discussion with my father or with Elza and Laura .. " How not wanted the child to communicate with his mom ?

" ... For my crazy boyfriend Marty ... just hoping to finally get the attention from a man that my father could never give me ... ' . Quite understandable. But what about it’s longing for communication with his mother?

p . 70. You wrote, " While I never created and idealized image of my parents' . Are you sure about that , because i read you do .

 p . 80 When I read your Worksheet , which I find very useful / riding, then knocks the theory altogether . Nowhere confusing elements . But then I read your personal story as confusion.

p . 90 . " Just like my family , Marty wanted me to stay at home and be available to him ... " do you place  yourself here in the role of your mother?

p.90 . What came to my thoughts when I read this was your mother . Maybe she ' plays the Victem card ' very early in life, and so you feel sorry for him as you feel sorry for your mothers weakness ?

p . 91. " This roller coaster ride of intense ... and total disinterest .. left me ." " ... Left you in a sorry state " as early in your life happend?

 p . 93. Marty triggerd me to act like Elza and Laura ... 'And you had a serial foregiver ' you wrote . Where does that come from ?

p . 94. " The drama played that played out in both of these deep relationships perfectly explains ... " You said ' perfectly ' but it came into my mind ‘not perfectly’ because your mothers written role / influence continues to be veiled. The mother learned (and the father) her child no respect because of her own repressed feelings. They had no respect for your dignity in those first three all-important first years of your life. A mother who gave her own child away for adoption to her own children what a confusion it left in a child and what an aggressive action. I am so sorry that happened to you. It’s heartbreaking.

I hope that the way I put numbers it does not happen to you as a kind of chilly enumeration because it comes straight from my heart and is my gift to you baby/book. So that it can contribute to a powerful message to many people. I did it with pleasure. Thank you for reading.

I have found it an honor that you asked me to write the foreword and thus gave me your trust and I want to thank you sincerely. I'd likedone it for you. But yet, I can’t because of what I wrote above.

With much love,

Liliane

Sylvie Shene <s.com> wrote:

One more e-mail with the crazy psychologist in the Netherlands

Sylvie

---------- Forwarded message ----------.

From: Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@.com>

Date: Sat, Mar 29, 2014 at 11:29 PM

Subject: Re: Re: re

To: liliane rombout <@.nl>

Dear Liliane,

Now I am the one not sleeping thinking about your words. You wrote:

“If one of my children told me that they felt sorry for my weakness and abuse of my beautiful family than I would be very sad because then I would know that I have hurt them so much that a healthy part as anger was damaged and that they are not free and still dependent.”

I feel that the pain you cause your children is still very raw and this pain might block you from seeing the big picture of the potential of my book reaching many people and taking this very valuable insights of Alice Miller to many people out there, desperately waiting to hear this fundamental truth from someone, like I once was.

Anger is very healthy, but if it doesn’t start to diminish when is being felt at the right culprits that hurt us, when we were younger and defenseless, it means we still dependent on our childhood abusers or people standing in symbolizing them and anger then doesn’t diminish, but it increasing, so if your children keep staying angry at you and can't let go of the anger, is because they still on some level dependent on you.

This is why Martin Miller can’t break free because he is dependent on his mother, and that’s why his anger keeps increasing towards her. Just as Alice wrote: “a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=53&grp=11

 I have totally broken free from my family, and I'm completely autonomous, my anger and pain is gone and now the adult in me can feel true compassion for the child I once was and love and protect her and I can also feel compassion for the family and others that still are stuck in their emotional prisons without courage to start developing their true self.

I no longer feel pain or anger, and I am writing this book, not from a place of anger and pain; it’s truly a memoir, my anger and pain are a long time ago, a memory in the past.

If you were to write your own book right now, you would be writing it from a place of pain and anger.

It doesn’t mean sometimes when I encounter a person that treats me like my childhood abusers used to -- it does remind me temporally -- of the old pain I once suffered -- and I feel annoyed -- but not the intense anger and pain I once did, and once I set limits with the present person or if necessary walk away, I feel good again right away.

As a child, I could not walk away from my abusers, but as an autonomous, independent adult, I can walk away from anyone who treats me like my family once did. And people figure out pretty quick that I don’t put up with games and will not be anyone’s scapegoat.

You wrote “…or a ghostwriter that is not come out of his childhood repression” in this last sentence I feel you are projecting resentment and anger at my ghostwriter, but writing my book is helping him and I know everyone close to me that I let read it is waking up, you cannot expect for people to do it overnight, as Alice Miller wrote: “The full extent of the mistreatment inflicted upon a child cannot be dealt with all at once. Coming to terms with it is an extended process in which aspects of the mistreatment are allowed into our consciousness one after the other, thus rekindling the feeling of hatred. But in such cases, hatred is not dangerous. It is a logical consequence of what happened to us, a consequence only fully perceived by the adult, whereas the child was forced to tolerate it in silence for years.”

http://www.alice-miller.com/articles_en.php?lang=en&nid=53&grp=11

I believe my first book can start to break through people’s repression, but if I do it all at once, it can make it worse and even make it more dangerous. I hope you can see the big picture, and you are not blocked by the present raw pain you are going through.

I congratulate you for having the courage to face and feel your repression like I once did, but you can’t accelerate the process of others to come to meet you where you are. My ghostwriter is showing courage and not running, and by the next book, he and my readers will be able to go deeper.

I hope what I wrote made sense to you,

Thanks,

sylvie

On Sat, Mar 29, 2014 at 7:08 PM, Sylvie Shene <sylvieshene@> wrote:

Dear Liliane,

I am sorry you are losing sleep over my manuscript. I feel so honored you are putting so much time and thought into it. I am not worried if the book sales or not if it makes money and I get the money back that I have spent already on it that is close to $50,000.

 I worked very hard for it and money is not my concern. Most people in this world don’t know about Alice Miller’s books, I was just very lucky to find her books. I just want to introduce her books to as many people as possible through the telling of my story, but I don’t feel I have to tell every little detail of my story and that it is important, but of course if the book reaches a lot of people, is going to make money, but making a lots of money will be actually a burden to me to try to put it to use that will help people face and feel their own repression and not enable or distract them.

I love my simple life I don’t need staff, I have everything I need, but I do feel the telling of my story has the potential to reach a lot of people and introduce Alice Miller to a lot of people and I feel the responsibility to use this potential to take this information to others that were helpful to me.

 I do think the book does the job of introducing Alice Miller’s books to others and that is what is really important to me, so others can too have a chance to liberate themselves and if they are already parents, they can become more conscious parents.

Now that the book is written I can die in peace that I didn’t waste this potential of introducing Alice Books’ to others.

Believe me the adult in me feels sorry and compassion for my parents and all the family that still suffering in their emotional prisons, but I felt the repressed justified anger of the child I once was, it was not easy to do, but I did it and if you read along you will see how I got through those feelings.

I feel reading my manuscript is triggering repressed feelings in you and I hope you are able to put those feelings and consciously feel them in the context of your own childhood.

Of course, I want you to stay true to yourself and only sign the foreword of my book if you believe in me and the manuscript.

Again thank you for your time and energy spent on my manuscript.

Thanks,

Sylvie

I don't owe her anything I paid her for her time that she took with my manuscript and my question is: why took her 4 years to publish her phony review full of her own projections and transferences?!  Maybe she thought after all this time I would not figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout is one and the same. It's funny I never heard from her until now! She said: "In this mail I'll give you my feedback and I'm going to mail you soon my answer about what you write about J." Well, she never did! Because what I wrote is probably very accurate.

From: Sylvie Shene <@.com>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 4:03 PM
Subject: I just mailed you $200
To: Liliane Rombout <@.nl>

Deal Liliane,

I am not going to write much, because I need to get back to the manuscript, but I just like you to know that I just mailed you a cashier’s check for $200. $25.00 is a refunded for the contribution you made at Indiegogo to buy my book and $175.00 is to compensate you for your time spent reading the manuscript and for your thoughtful feedback that I don't agree with everything you said, but most was very useful.

Please let me know when you receive it and feel free to write me any time and I will answer you the best way I can.

Again thank you and much love to you,

Sylvie

I just notice it that I didn't include the e-mail where Lilianne or Olane acknowledges that received the Money I sent her -- I paid her for the time she spent with my manuscript. I don't owe her a thing.

From: liliane rombout <@t.nl>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 6:40 AM
Subject: received
To: Sylvie Shene <sylvie@com>

Dear Sylvie,
I have just received your personal, handwritten letter with the check, and I want to thank you for this. As I wrote you I was all happy with a "thank you" because I know it comes from your heart and what still can add something there? In addition, it was entirely on my own initiative that I read your manuscript. After all, you did not asked me to. In any case, you did want to appreciate it in your own way so I accept your check and give it a good use.
Sincerely, Liliane

From: Sylvie Shene <sylve@.com>
Date: Tue, Apr 8, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Subject: Re: received
To: liliane rombout <@nl>

Dear Liliane,
Happy to hear you got it and that you will give it a good use.
Again thank you for your thoughtful feedback it was very helpful in focusing me on making sure to include important information into the manuscript.
Enjoy,
Sylvie

From: liliane rombout <@.nl>
Date: Thu, Apr 3, 2014 at 10:58 PM
Subject: Re: I just mailed you $200
To: Sylvie Shene <@.com>

Hello Sylvie,

I've done it with pleasure and I accept no money for it. Just a thank you satisfies and you did that already. It were not all the points I read in the manuscript and that I wrote to you because that would give too much work with the translation and so on. I am glad you could use it.

Sincerely,

Liliane

If I suffered from grandiosity like she wrote in her comment above I would never have survived when I was targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years after I published my book. And sure I would not last a day at my job where most people think are superior to me. I see everyone as an equal to me regard of their titles and how big their bank account is. She accuses me of punishing her, just because I made public all the facts and evidence, so people can draw their own conclusions, really who is punishing who?! Who came after whom?! She is the one that came after me with her phony review full with her own projections. She doesn’t see me in my book but gets me confused with her own projections. And this is why most therapists can’t help people, because are lost in their own stories and in the story of others keeping everyone stuck. The quote in the picture below could not be truer. Talking about going to great lengths! She sat with her critique over four years, changed her name and then published her critique. That's going great lengths I would say!

Thinking about this experience with this proclaimed "psychologist" really it's kind of funny! At my job of nine and half years I was targeted by a mob of sociopaths after I published my book because to them I went too far on blaming parents and childhood caregivers and for this so-called “psychologist” I didn’t go far enough in blaming the mother. It brings to mind the story of a man that was going to market with his son and his ass. You really can’t please malignant narcissists or sociopaths no matter what you do!
http://www.kidsgen.com/moral_stories/you_cannot_please_everyone.htm#CFmzxL0AW471C2rv.99

When I think people cannot become more fake then someone comes along and surprises me!

This therapist Olane Roos or Liliane Rombout is trying to cast herself us my therapist or mother figure substitute. Anyone that has read my book will see clearly that I have worked through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I don’t protect my parents or any member of my family or anyone in my life for that matter. And now I’m free to live my true life.

This woman is trying to regress me into the state of the child and have me lost in my story. These words Alice Miller wrote to me in her response to my first letter to her come mind: “I am glad that you succeeded to save yourself eventually. The world is full of scandals like that and the victims often stay stuck in their stories.”

But she is the one that is lost in her story and in everyone else’s’ story. This just proves how dangerous some therapist can be. And the importance of not to going public with our stories until we are really truly free from being vulnerable to be manipulated by sick mental health professionals.

With her last comment, she is trying to keep me engaging with her and bring me to her orbit so she can play with me like a little mouse. No, I will not fall into her trap and I will no longer engage or respond to her directly. What's really sad is that she using the work of Alice Miller to manipulate and deceive others. If this is not the work of a malignant narcissist hiding behind the title of a therapist -- then someone please explains to me what a malignant narcissist is?!

She didn’t have a profile picture on her Google + page -- after she shared her critique of my book on Google + -- I asked her why she didn’t show her face?! And then she published this picture of herself. Looking into her eyes you can tell there is no life/soul in there. Her soul was murdered in childhood. She is a robot that memorized good knowledge to impress and manipulate others.  She is jealous and envies that I survived my childhood with my spirit and that’s the only reason she came after me with her phony review to try to create confusion. Nothing is real about this woman.

Below are some old e-mails and comments exchanged when she first reached out to me.

Comments from the blog The Pain of a Mother

Liliane: I totally agree with your words and I feel sad that her excellent and very important work is brought into discredit by people like DM, BR, and MM. In their writings and words, you can read how they idealize, devalue and show signs of grandiosity. As you can read in the interview with Die Welt-15.10. MM says that it was thanks to his therapeutic work and with his book that the theory of his mother survives! However, it is clear to me that they are stuck in the repressed feelings of their childhood and that brings others in confusion and pain.

Sylvie: I am glad to see that are other people out there that can see it too. Sometimes I feel alone in my perceptions, how BR, DM, and MM are twisting Alice Miller’s work to manipulate the perceptions of others and deceive them. It’s very clear to me too that they are stuck in their repressed feelings and suffer from grandiosity. And they allow the fantasies of revenge of the child they once were into actions that bring others confusion and pain. It’s sad beyond words.

On 02/11/14 6:57 AM, Liliane Rombout wrote:

Dear Sylvie,

Thank you for your warm sensitive words which did welling up the tears in my eyes did . They mean a lot to me .

The day after your letter in Google+, I could really feel, after years, the sadness that was behind the pain. This could happen because of the slight/small distance in the sense/feeling between you and me. So I cried for hours the whole day trough. Thank you so much ! Then it inspired me to write my blog article " Giving children the truth."

I know that it is extremely rare that a mother is telling the truth, but Alice writes somewhere that true love endures the truth. Especially in the last years, I feel this real love in my heart and I'm so glad that I could. 

Hereby I lost all the ones I love. But I know that only by giving them the truth, I can really help them en their children. Because what you write is so true that " Love can not ever develop and grow based on lies and illusions." Now there is a chance for real love to develop and grow , and that seems to be the only true basis . A basis of reciprocal love. Only on that basis I want to live. I can feel free and stay close to myself.

What you say is so true that most people pretend they love. They also can not love because they are alienated from themselves. How then can one love another? Unfortunately, recognize the truth means unfortunately rejected by others and not be a part of ' the family ' or the community. But authentic and inner freedom is not lonely . I was very lonely when I was a little girl , as a teenager in a home for children who are difficult to raise, and as a young woman and mother alienated from who I really was . Once I wanted to belong to a family and the community in the village where I lived. But not any more. Because I belong to myself. I learned it's something good to differentiate yourself from the mass who blindly repeat with their children and many other ways their own suffering.

You write about the mother on facebook who says she was born without maternal instincts and gives herself the blame. So she can save her parents for the deficits she suffered early in her life when her mother could not feel anything for her, and repeated this so traumatic experiences again with her child . What a sadness that they do not want to see the truth and so they remain closed to this important part of their emotional life. Because closure leads to insensitivity towards our children and so the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken.

But your words tell me that your maternal instincts were correct. Entirely correct and intact. So you did save the child and also yourself severe suffering.

What you write about the attacks that you have to endure for the choice you made that must have hurt you.

Even if you are aware of how transfer and projection works. What the origins are. It takes me a lot of time and energy each time to work it trough and could leave it behind me. How are you dealing with the attacks? I think Alice has also been affected by the attacks and hits hard, and that these attacks reminded her of the attacks that she had to endure early in life from her parents. The attacks reminded her stress memory system to this early attacks and could be the cause of the disease to developed. Don’t you think? Do you know the book " Why love matters" by Sue Gerhardt? She describes that mechanism. But it is now well known by others.

It is a sense of wonder in me and gives me a feeling of harmony to know that there is at least one person on this earth who is authentic, honest and sincere, and above all sensitive. Thank you so much for being here. To know that there is at least one such person just Alice 's gone give me a feeling of wholeness. For me she was a life saver, and her work is still very important to me. Such a incredible courage Alice had. And if she was still alive, I would love to thank her personally.

Thank you very much for your words and best wishes, Liliane

Dear Liliane,

Thank you for writing. It makes me teary eye to read your honest moving letter. Seeing people that have become complete real like you are very rare and until now I only knew of Alice Miller. Before I forget, can I publish your very moving letters on my blog? Of course, I will publish them anonymously.

I am glad my written words helped you get in touch with your feelings and feel them. And that you were inspired afterward to write your blog “Giving children the truth”

Yes, true love endures the truth. It makes me so sad that so few mothers can gather the courage to become real and tell their children the whole truth, but instead they work very hard to block the truth from themselves and their children by trying to control and manipulate every situation of their children’s lives and everyone else around them to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own fears. Without the truth, true healing and true love will never have a chance to develop and grow. 

I am sorry you lost all of your loved ones in order to become real with yourself and others. Me too I lost everyone I loved in my search for the truth. I still talk to most of my family members, if they want to talk to me and want my truth, but we are worlds apart and I don’t mean just physically, I mean emotionally. You are right you are giving them the chance to heal and develop real love by giving them the whole truth, that’s what I hope to do for my family too.  

I am happy for you that in spite of being alone in the last years, you finally feel real love in your heart. Me too I am alone, but I never felt so much love and joy in my heart like I do now. I congratulate you for only wanting to live in the basis of truth and true love, even if that means being alone and never again compromising and leaving your true self for lies and illusions, no matter how seductive they might appear. 

We are alone but close to our authentic selves and free! And is the best feeling in the world ever!

At one time, I too wanted to belong to a family, and I too was very lonely when I was a little girl and a teenager, and suffered immensely for being ostracized in my family. 

You are right they cannot love because they are alienated from their authentic selves and you could not be more right that being authentic and having inner freedom is not lonely, because once we have found our authentic selves we are never alone again because we have the most important person in the world, ourselves! We belong first to ourselves and no one else!   

Yes, it’s good to separate from the masses who blindly repeat with their children in one form or another their own suffering. Someone the other day posted on facebook the quote below. I get so tired of cult leaders posting disconnected half-truths that sound good to attract followers.

 "Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo

The only way to do that is for people to face and resolve their own repression; otherwise, the unresolved repressed emotions of the parents will be transferred into their children overtly through abuse or covertly under the mask of the illusion of love. 

As long parents' childhood repression goes unresolved the compulsion to repeat will go on endless in one form or another.

Yes, it’s very sad that the mother on that article posted on facebook blamed herself to spare her parents for the deficits she suffered as a child when her mother could not love her and therefore her motherly instincts were killed and she repeated this traumatic experience with her own children. 

And yes, it’s very sad that they don’t want to see the truth and remain closed to this very important part of their emotional life and like you say closed leads to insensitivity towards children and the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken. It’s very sad to witness this that pretty much is everywhere I go.

You are right my motherly instincts were saved somehow and because I was so aware of children needs and I knew in my heart I didn’t have what children need most: true love, freedom to grow, and stability, I didn't have back then, any of these things myself, I needed to get them first for myself before I could ever have a child and there was no way I would have a child in captivity for others to use and exploit. 

I saved a child by not bring it into this world just to suffer and I saved myself from severe suffering and people resent me for not falling in their traps, they want me to suffer and have the same fate as them. 

I cried reading your words because for the first time someone really speaking honestly and not preaching to me for not falling into society’s traps.

You ask me how I deal with the attacks from the people that because of stigma surrounding abortion feel free to use the hook of the abortion to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container to transfer the repressed hate of the child they once were at their parents into me for being born, because unconsciously want others to suffer like them and have the same fate as them. 

It’s never easy to deal with people’s attacks, even if I understand how transference and projections work. It always reminds me of the suffering of the little girl I once was, when I used to live with my family, that all used me as their scapegoat or poisonous container to temporally alleviate their own fears and anger. 

I am getting better every day at moving through people’s projected feelings into me and give them back their projected feelings, but I question myself every day if my book sales, and if the whole world starts to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container, will I be able to handle it? I hope so because what I mostly want to do with my book is to bring Alice Miller’s books to the masses and reach people like me that want the truth and feel all alone like I once use to and expose the liars and psychopaths of the world. 

Yes, I have no doubt Alice Miller’s life was shortened, because so many psychopaths exploited her to make a name for themselves and use her as a scapegoat or poisonous container. 

And what sadness me the most right now, is that psychopaths like BR, DM and others like them that are exploiting her son’s anger at her to make a name for themselves and use Alice Miller as their scapegoat or poisonous container, just like a psychiatric doctor exploited my anger at my family when I was 17 to sexually abused me to feed his sexual deviance.

Also gives me a sense of wonder in me and a feeling of harmony to know there is one more person out there who has become authentic, honest, sincere and sensitive. And thank you for being here too. To me too Alice was a life savior, her courage was astonishing and out of this world. Me too I would have loved to thank her in person, but I am happy that at least had the honor to thank her before she left by e-mail and we exchanged many e-mails that I will treasure forever.

Thank you to you too for your kind, honest, sincere and sensitive words.

 Best wishes to you too,

Sylvie

Below is a link to this letter published anonymously in February of 2014 under the title: 

True Love Endures the Truth

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/02/true-love-endures-truth.html

Hi Sylvie,

I can understand how difficult it was for you finding the right writer who writing down your words as you intended them. If I read you text on your site, I can hardly imagine that you could not write a book yourself. Your text is written fluently, truthful and clear. According to me it is that the most writers not come off easily, and it costs them a lot of efforts and struggles. But I am glad that you were able to find out where you were happiest with, writing the book yourself or let it do a writer.

Yes , I have children . Three. And almost three grandchildren. I was 19 when I had my first child. But for all three, I could not be the mother they needed . I've done them a lot of pain with my wartime childhood experiences. I did not know what love was and was not open, accessible and available as a parent and that is what a child absolutely needs. As you know. It is such a sad story.

The pain was very deep when it all dawned on me and I began to be a sensitive woman. I showed them my sincere repentance and gave them the truth . And I did not want to be spared no longer. So, now they are able to choose their truth as it once was for them. And hopefully they could stop to make their kids suffer anymore.

The words of Alice support me as she says, " Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love ."

Thanks for reading, Liliane

Sylvie Shene sent the following message at 11:48 AM

Dear Liliane,

Thank you for writing. The honesty in your letter is very rare. I can only imagine what the deep pain might be like for a mother to wake up one day and realize that she was not the mother her children needed, and see that she is the cause of her children's suffering and troubles.

I am sorry you went through such deep pain to become authentic and give your children the whole truth so they can choose to heal and hopefully not repeat it, and spare their children from the same suffering. I congratulate you for having the courage to become authentic and face, feel your painful truths, and go through the deep pain, and not want to spare any more, so your grandchildren, the future generation, can be spared.

 Like Alice Miller says: “Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love." 

When I woke up pregnant at 20 years old, I knew in my heart that I could never cope with the deep pain of damaging a child I brought into the world. If I could not have gotten an abortion, I would have killed myself, because in no way was I going to bring a child into the world, I could not love and protect. 

I think being dyslexic made me more sensitive and spared me from having to go through this deep pain and prevented me from falling into the trap of education, like millions of people have, because they have an education and a good job, they fall into the illusion that they can be parents, but a career and education alone don’t prepare anyone for parenthood. 

The only thing that prepares us for motherhood is to face and feel our childhood repression. Just like Alice Miller says: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Also, Alice said somewhere something like this that is so true: It takes courage to face the truth, intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create a lot of seductive lies.

Best wishes,

Sylvie

Below is a link to this letter, published anonymously in February of 2014 under the title: 

Staying True to Ourselves Even at the Risk of Losing the People We Love

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/02/staying-true-to-ourselves-even-at-risk.html

Also, read my blog  Love and Freedom Experienced in Childhood that Turns us into Compassionate Adults 

I decided to publish in a new blog my responses to Jeroen’s and Heleen's comments on the blog in the link below: 
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/comments-from-blog-about-olane-roos-or.html

When sharing letters or messages written to me in private, I always do it anonymously, but if people write to me with malicious intent, I will not respect their anonymity.

The beauty of not being a therapist or a psychologist is that I don’t go by the same rules as they do.

And I will not respect or protect malignant narcissists trying to mess with my mind. Suppose you write to me privately with malicious intent, trying to instigate and deceive me in any way to manipulate my feelings. In that case, I will publish your private messages publicly and will not respect your anonymity.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2018/04/comments-from-blog-about-olane-roos-or.html

I noticed that Jeroen and Hellen's comments disappeared, possibly because they were made on Google+, and now that Google+ is being discontinued, all comments have been deleted. Glad I saved my responses to their comments in a new blog.  I will publish my responses to their comments here, too.

Thank you for your Comment, Jeroen.

First of all, have you read my book?! Because if you have read my book -- you would see very clearly that I don’t protect or idealize my parents or any member of my family or anyone else for that matter in my life. 

And sure, I’m not going to protect people now, standing in symbolizing my childhood caregivers treating me exactly the same way.

My older sisters criticized every little thing about me, and she is doing precisely the same thing—probably the same way her own mother did to her—she wants perfection out of me, just like my older sisters did! And probably the same way her own mother demands perfection from her.

I don’t mean to cause her any harm either, and I, too, have been very respectful towards her. I just want the facts and evidence to be out there and let people draw their own conclusions.

Everything she writes in her critique of my book is pure projections, transference, and manipulations to try to regress me into the state of the wounded child.

It’s sad when therapists use Alice Miller's insights to deceive, manipulate, and create cult-like groups to keep people permanently in the state of the wounded child to have power over them. She wants control over me! But I'm not going to let her gain any power over me.

Just as I wrote in my book, pages 129, 130, 131, and 132

“The key to effective therapy is learning how to use your present triggers productively. They can help us clarify, understand, and consciously feel our intense emotions within the context of our own childhoods without losing our adult consciousness.

 A good therapist can help us regain our adult consciousness if we lose it and encourage our autonomy so we can deal with present issues from an adult perspective. 

But when a therapist regresses us to the state of the desperate child we once were and keeps us feeling old pain over and over again, that just reinforces our dependency, keeps us vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations, and makes our addiction to pain harder to shake. Why do people keep punishing themselves? 

As Alice Miller writes, “… the awareness was borne in upon me that in a state of regression it is not possible to judge the competence and integrity of the person one has turned to for such guidance. This opens up all kinds of opportunities for abuse. The intensive phase with which primal therapy begins is an immediate obstacle to the formation of a balanced, critical, independent assessment of the therapist’s abilities by the client. 

The fact that the attendant uncritical and irrational expectations of healing and ‘salvation’ can lead to the establishment of totalitarian sects is borne out by the crass example of mass abuse at the hands of the exponents of ‘feeling therapy’ as described in detail by Carol Lynn Mithers in her book Therapy Gone Mad: The True Story of Hundreds of Patients and a Generation Betrayed (1994). But this study was possible only after the community she describes had disbanded, something that frequently takes decades. 

Today we know that such groups exist and that members of sects are done irremediable harm before they become aware of the fact.”65 

In another book, she goes on to say, “The thing that concerns me most about cult groups is the unconscious manipulations that I have described in detail in my work. It is the way in which the repressed and unreflected childhood biographies of parents and therapists influence the lives of children and patients entrusted to their care, without anyone involved actually realizing it. 

At first glance, it may seem as if what goes on in cults and cultlike therapy groups takes place on a different level from the unconscious manipulation of children by their parents. 

We assume that in the former instance, we are in the presence of an intentional, carefully planned, and organized form of manipulation aimed at exploiting the specific predicament of individuals. … 

First, they had learned how to reduce people to the emotional state of the helpless child. 

Once they had achieved that, they also learned how to use unconscious regression to exercise total control over their victims. 

From then on, what they did seemed to come automatically, in accordance with the childrearing patterns instilled into them in their own childhood.”66 

Most people who search for answers never actually find them, because people suffering with their own repression are the ones who practice traditional therapies. 

Since the beginning of human history, priests, teachers, gurus, psychics, doctors, philosophers, and psychologists have all duped people into thinking they could provide real assistance, when it was never possible because the healers were also victims of their own childhoods. 

Alice Miller saw the promise of psychotherapy to help people understand why they behave like helpless victims as adults and also to help them take responsibility for their actions. 

But she was disillusioned when she realized that practitioners couldn’t treat patients effectively as long as they failed to deal with their own repression. 

The people who write self-help books and lead 12-step groups and otherwise claim to heal people are for the most part little children themselves, afraid to speak the naked truth that could actually lead to true liberation. 

“I don’t see the path to growing but rather the repetition and continuation of the child’s dependency on illusions,” Alice Miller writes of traditional healing methods. “Growing and healing begin when former victims of mistreatment start to confront themselves with the cruelty of their upbringing, without illusions about the “love” of a higher power and without blaming themselves for projections. They allow themselves to feel their authentic emotions without moral restrictions and in this way become eventually true to themselves. But the 12 steps continue to keep the ACA [Adult Children of Alcoholics] in the former dependency of the child: fear, self-blame and permanent overstrain. 

A person who has eventually painfully realized that she was never loved, can, based on this truth, learn to love herself and her children. But someone who lives with the illusion that she was indeed loved by the Higher Power, though she has missed to feel this love, will probably blame herself in the old manner for her lack of gratitude and will tend to demand the love from her children. By so doing, she will pass on the blame to her children if they don’t behave in the way she wishes them to do; she will pass on the blame, together with the lie that she learned in her so-called recovery.”67 

It is the major flaw in most human therapies that they are themselves grounded in the fear of the parents and the repressed emotions of traumatic experiences. It’s why therapy so often doesn’t work, and it frustrated Alice Miller and encouraged her to find a new way. 

“Sometimes for decades on end, clients and analysts remain bogged down in a maze of half-baked concepts,”68 she writes. Whether or not a therapist has been freed of his or her own repression is what will determine the success or failure of a given therapy.”

Could you please remove the link to her site in your comment? I'm not interested in reading why she changed her name. But it’s very interesting to me that she waited 4 years to publish her critique of my book --- after she changed her name --- I don’t want any links in my blog to her website, otherwise, I will delete your comment and republish it with my comment. 

Thank you, Sylvie

P.S. Jeroen, have you realized that your comment is full of assumptions?! I know where I have been, where I'm and where I'm going.

Jeroen, Olane or Lilianne’s in her conclusion, she is talking about herself --- she is not seeing me in my book --- she only seeing her own reflection in me and confusing me with herself. I will delete your last comment because I don’t want her projections and transference on my blog trying to confuse me and everyone else. 

I made it very clear in my book how I went through the painful repressed emotions of the child I once was and now I feel liberated --- And NOW no one can steal that from me!

Please don’t make any more comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself and stop taking Olane or Lilianne words for truth.

Is Liliane or Olane now your mother figure standing in symbolizing your own mother and now you are trying to protect and defend her like a little child would protect and defend his/her own mother? 

Maybe you should read my book to help you break free and grow yourself up and stop letting yourself be confused by people symbolizing your mother or childhood caregivers.

These words I wrote to Donald and you can read more in the link below if you like are very true: She [Alice Miller] also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed Sweet I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. 

The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the most fake. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable experts and better than others. 

Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. 

I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they are written by a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2016/07/renewing-my-nursing-license.html

Jeroen, you see what you want to see, just like Lilianne/Olane sees what she wants to see. 

Lilianne or Olane is playing a very good game! And if you don’t see it --- it's your problem, not mine.

Alice Miller had Barbara Rogers and Daniel Mackler lashing out at her with their critiques, and I have Olane or Lilianne lashing out at me with her critique. 

And if you don’t see her critique as projections of herself into me -- then there's nothing I can do to make you open your eyes to see. And I ask you one more time, don’t make comments on my blog until you read my book for yourself.

All malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths love to play the victim card and make their real victims appear as the abusers, but when their targets can see clearly the games they play and articulate the real situation of what is really taking place, the targets of the malignant narcissists cease to become a victims. 

As Marie France Hirigoyen articulates beautifully in her book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity: “As he drives his victim to destruction, the abuser gets that much more pleasure from pointing out her weakness or unleashing her violence. He makes her feel debased and unworthy. 

Depending on her reaction, she is described as temperamental and neurotic, alcoholic, or suicidal. The victim feels defenseless and tries to justify herself as if she were, in fact, guilty. The abuser’s pleasure double: he bamboozles or humiliates his victim and subsequently rubs her nose in her humiliation.

While the victim dwells on her guilt, the abuser benefits from the situation, making sure to cast himself as the victim.

Justification becomes impossible when nothing is said and no reproach is made. Desperate to find a solution to this horrifying impasse, the victim may be tempted in turn to use innuendo and manipulation. The relationship then becomes ambiguous: who is the abuser and who the victim?

The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. To corrupt is the ultimate goal.
His greatest satisfaction lies in driving his target to destructive acts or, in a larger framework, leading several individuals to finish each other off.” (Do you see how you are being played here?! She gets you to continue the harassment she started.)

You can read more in the link below if you like:
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/stalking-soul.html 

If your idolized Lilianne/Olane is such a compassionate person that cares so much about others --- how come she didn’t reach out to me with a kind word of support when I was being targeted by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years after I published my book in 2014?

I know she is following my blog incognito and witnessed everything that was taking place. 

She didn’t care because she is a malignant narcissist or a sociopath like them. She was witnessing an attempt of a psychological lynching and said nothing, and most likely hoping they would succeed in destroying me for her sadist enjoyment and put her own fears of exposure to rest. 

And then she waits 4 years to publish her critique after changing her name from Lilianne to Olane!

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/08/it-was-attempt-of-psychological-lynch.html

I glanced through the reasons on her website to why she changed her name. The name change is a strategy in the game she is playing. 

I don’t think she predicted that I would figure out that Olane Roos and Liliane Rombout were the same person!

In my book, page 174, I write: I want to make it clear that I’m not telling my story to get sympathy from the world. I’m purely doing it to introduce Alice Miller’s books to others, and to show how her books helped me break free. I decided to go public with my story so others wouldn’t feel alone like I once did, and to hopefully inspire people to gather the courage and strength to achieve their own freedom.

I constantly witness many people going public with their sad, tragic stories in an effort to manipulate people into feeling sorry for them and feed their adult compulsions and perversions. They don’t want the truth. They only wish to avoid their own pain. These people are exploiting the wounded children they once were, just like their parents or parent-substitutes exploited them when they were defenseless little children. 

They keep themselves and others endlessly stuck in their childhood dramas, where they play either the role of the victim or the perpetrator. Alice Miller has proven that we can unlock the emotional doors that hold us and start a glorious dance to freedom. Knowing your own truth and living with it is the best gift you can give to yourself and to future generations. The more healed or free you become, the less dependent you’ll be. And because people will sense that you’re not needy, more people will be attracted to you. It’s kind of ironic, but autonomy is very attractive! I hope you’ll take the challenge to free yourself at last. I hope you’ll end your own repetition compulsion naturally without endlessly staying dependent on crutches like yoga, meditation, religion, 12-step programs, or other pain-numbing addictions.”

Olane/Lilianne is going public with her sad, tragic story as a strategy in her game to get people’s sympathy and trust to allure them into her orbit to gain power over them and not to be alone in her emotional prison, she is too afraid to feel the whole range of the repressed emotions of the child she once was all by herself and is exploiting and using her clients for transference effect, she is making others feel, what she, herself, can’t feel. 

Telling your story and really feeling the repressed emotions of the child you once were are two completely different things. 

In my book, I demonstrate very well how I went through the repressed emotions of the child I once was and how I’m no longer blinded by them. 

I see very clearly the games people play! I could name a few famous people who have played this same exact strategy as Olane/Lilianne is playing, and they have made millions of dollars; it has worked very well for them, thanks to society's blindness! 

But I’m not going to name names, because I don’t want to deal with the backlash from their millions of followers who are stuck in the role of the child and protect their cult leader just as a child protects his or her mother,

The only thing these people have changed in their lives is their roles. Now acting as if personality, pretending to be healed and more knowledgeable than others -- casting themselves as mother/father figures over others, keeping everyone stuck in the emotional prison of childhood.

One thing that bothers me the most about malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths is that they constantly force me to write, and I hate writing! Because I’m extremely dyslexic and writing is the hardest thing for me to do in life, and the most time-consuming for me. I would rather be outside playing and being with my cats and with friends than sitting here writing.

Heleen, your comment just confirms what I already knew! That Olane or Liliane was your therapist or substitute mother figure, standing in symbolizing your mother. She has you exactly where she wants you to be – in the state of the child --- doing her dirty work -- and you don’t think for yourself, and this is why her review/critique was helpful to you! I ask you the same question I asked Jeroen -- have you read my book for yourself?! I see clearly and know when people are genuine and honest, and when they are playing mind games, trying to pull a fast one over my head, or trying to change my reality

Heleen, yes, I agree we all have blind spots, but the blind spots Olane or Liliane accuses me of are not my blind spots, those are her blind spots transferred into me...

I know when people are authentic and genuine or are trying to be malicious under the disguise of help or of being a friend.

So any person who goes out of her way to hurt others under the disguise of help and of being a friend is a malignant narcissist or sociopath.

I trust my feelings, and there is nothing you, Olane/Liliane, or Jeroen can say to manipulate my feelings or change my reality.

I don't protect and respect people who are being malicious under the disguise of being a friend.

Respect is earned, and no, you don't deserve my respect! So, in a way, you knew you were being malicious because you didn't want anyone to know you were delivering news about me. If you were genuine, you would be happy to stand by me in public and not try to come through the back door out of public view.

Only malicious people want to make sure no one sees them when taking actions that can affect others.

I, too, choose who I talk with about my feelings, and sure is not to a dangerous therapist like Olane/lLiliane, you, or Jeroen.

Just like I wrote on my book page 172: and 173, "I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears.

These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have lived my own, true life.”81 It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared."

I ask you, like I asked Jeroen, don't make any more comments here until you read my book for yourself. I will not respond to you again, and any further comments posted by you or Jeroen will be deleted