This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel, and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Once a person has grown into a full-blown malignant narcissist or evil, they are intentionally using their manipulative tactics to keep you hooked and stuck with them in their emotional prisons. They know precisely what they are doing. No, they don't learn from experience; they just keep playing their wicked games until they die. Run 🏃♂️ from these people as far as you can.
I grew up in Portugal surrounded by people with NPD. In 1981, I escaped to London when I was 22 and then to the US when I turned 25 years old. In the US, I got involved with a very charismatic and charming young man. His off-and-on love bomb kept me hooked for 10 long years. I have been free since the year 2000. Coming to accept that people try to undermine you, sabotage you, and try to destroy you is done intentionally and on purpose is hard to come to terms with. But once you accept evil people really exist, you never again ignore red flags, and never again, these people can manipulate you with their wicked mind games.
I came to learn how malignant narcissists or pure evil people really exist after I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, and how much they hate the existence of people they can't control and manipulate. Since the publication of my book in 2014, I have been the target in the workplace of 4 psychological warfare. Once they know you see them as they really are and not how they like you to see them, you get a target on your back and they will gather all the forces at their command to try to destroy you. And it gave me proof that it was done intentionally.
Yes, they try to punish me for refusing to play the role they like me to play in their twisted dramas.
But the beauty of being an autonomous, free adult able to stand alone on my own two feet is that I can walk away and never look back. Now, when I'm the target of psychological warfare, I know right away who the director that starts it all is.
Walk away, don't react. Your reactions are what they want, and that's what gives them power.
"How Does Reactive Abuse Work?
Reactive abuse is an in-the-moment reaction to mistreatment from another person. When a victim reacts, the abuser uses this reaction to impart further abuse in the form of blame-shifting. The abuser will transform into a victim themselves in an attempt to make the victim view the situation in a different way and believe a different reality from the one that’s actually being lived. In this way, reactive abuse is often seen as a form of gaslighting, which is the emotional manipulation of a victim.
Why do Narcissists Use Reactive Abuse?
Ultimately, abusers tend to see reactive abuse as a ‘get out of jail free’ card. It acts as a form of justification for the behaviors that they exhibit towards another person. They know that they are abusive, but they use a person’s reactions as a valid reason for those behaviors. In many cases, an abuser will exaggerate the extent of the victim’s reaction, minimizing their own behaviors to make them appear victimized.
The real ‘value’ in reactive abuse for abusers comes in the fact that it can prevent many victims from coming forward, speaking up, and asking for help. Victims begin to believe that they are, in fact, to blame. This can make them scared to seek help, fearing authorities will believe the abuser and create consequences for the victim. Over time, victims begin to feel more and more trapped in a relationship. They feel they cannot leave and may start to form trauma bonds with their abuser."
Yes, narcissism is all about creating illusions to deceive, control, and manipulate.
Narcissists want money to have power over others.
Narcissists don't respect anyone! But they want others to respect them.
Exactly! I was captive for 10 long years. I have been free for 25 years.
Run from these people as far as you can.
Yes, many narcissists love a challenge. That's why I became a target of malignant narcissists after I published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions.
I agree. If people grow in different directions and don't share the same values, just walk away. Life is too short to waste with people who don't grow with you and just want to pull you back into their emotional prisons. It doesn't matter if they have NPD or not.
Most people are too emotionally blind to recognize true talent and authenticity.
Also, the sociopaths, malignant narcissists, assholes, or whatever you like to call these evil people in power positions feel too threatened by real talent and authenticity and will gather all the forces at their command to try to destroy you and get rid of anyone they feel threatened by...
After I walk away from toxic environments run by corrupted people it's really interesting to see them from a distance self-destructing just like the sociopaths that targeted me at my job of nine and half years in 2015 did after I published my book sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries. When these malignant people are not able to manipulate their targets to self-destruct, they end up sooner or later in one form or another to self-destruct themselves.
Recently, I found out a woman that joined in on the plot in 2015 to destroy me died of cancer and her two sons also died one in a tragic car accident and the other from Covid... just like I wrote to one of my friends in the community.
Hi C, I hope you are having a nice summer. I don't know if you knew H M from unit xx. An English woman, she played a big part in the psychological warfare against me. Small world a friend of hers bought a house recently in EX and told me she died 2 years ago and also her son died too. She was not that old and was very healthy when she was plotting against me with the property manager so I was shocked to hear she died! Pretty much most people that plotted against me have moved away or died! It's nice to get evidence that these sociopaths don't go Scott-free after all!
Yes, I knew she died. Yes, her son dies not long after she did. Her husband still lives in the house. I never cared for her or felt comfortable around her.
I think what happened in S will live with me for the rest of my life. When you are the target of a mob of bad players orchestrating a psychological warfare to destroy you -- it changes you! And you will never look at another human being in the same way. I lost hope for humanity. My last image of her always will be vivid in my mind. when she came to the gate and I tried to show her the messy package procedure they created didn't work -- when residents signed the forms -- it didn't identify what package was being signed for! And that I was feeling they were setting me up for failure and she tapped her hand on the forms saying: it works just fine and left the gate and I said to myself: No it doesn't. And then I created a package procedure that made sense using the last four numbers of the package tracking number so at least it identified the package being signed for.
I was curious how Mrs. M died and looked for her Obituary I didn't find hers but found her son's SM's obituary and also learned her other son also died of Covid. So tragic. I think after I published my book "Reenactment: A Dance with Lucifer" I will be able to put what happened at S behind me. I'm pretty sure if instead of plotting for my demise, she had used my book to help her take responsibility for her own childhood repression could have saved herself and these tragedies could have been avoided.
It's kind of sad that I just went through another psychological warfare at my last job of almost 8 years. At S was the property manager that started the psychological warfare and at the last job was the manager of the Security company that employed me. I have no doubt Mr. RM, my last manager, just sealed his own demise by starting a psychological warfare against me and recruiting my coworkers and others to do his dirty work.
I am no longer blinded by the repressed emotions of the child I once was and I can see very clearly who is the director pulling the puppets' strings. I'm sure my recent manager/sociopath visit my blog to get insight into how best to play with my mind and he must have learned that at S in 2015 was the property manager that started the psychological warfare against me so he tried to plant the seed in my mind with a lie by saying the present property manager told him some of my coworkers were quitting because of me -- because I'm hard to work with -- what a big lie -- he wanted me
to think I was being targeted by the present property manager again. He thought
he could fool me! He was very careful not to leave fingerprints of his crime against
me. Professional criminals never leave
fingerprints. But I can see clearly and I know who the director is and how he was manipulating others to act exactly the part he wants others to
act in his twisted dramas.
I get along
with coworkers just fine. I only have issues with people trying to gaslighting me
and playing mind games with me and trying to change my reality.
"Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition."
I knew he was lying for sure because the present property manager was very sweet and we got along great! Some of my coworkers, just like me, quit because of his bad management or lack thereof! I should add also that my boss recruited RK, my coworker, to tell me that the E.X. HOA president had told her I was a little paranoid. I knew she was doing what my boss told her to do -- to try to get a reaction out of me but I just ignored her.
They are many levels or degrees of narcissists/sociopaths and the ones that start the psychological warfare are usually at a high level of sociopathy. In 2015 it was the property manager that was the most dangerous one, and now in 2022, it's the manager of the security company that employed me that is the most dangerous sociopath.
My manager in 2015 would never have targeted me by himself, he was recruited by the property manager to do her dirty work and he was just collateral damage.
Guilt installed in his childhood by the Mormon church it's what really made him lose his mind, become a bank robber, and came to his demise in a gas station in Mesa, Arizona.
He had the perfect cover, he would rob banks and go take cover at Securitas, the Security company! Perfect cover!
But on March 11, 2016, on my birthday, he chose the wrong day to rob banks, because he never made it to his cover at Securitas' office. He lost his
mind because he allowed himself to be the Property manager's puppet to hurt me
and the guilt consumed him -- he felt that had committed a sin -- and he thought was going to go to hell after he died so he wanted
to live his best life while on Earth and for that he thought he needed lots
of money and the fastest way to get it was to rob banks but his plan didn’t go as
planned… robbing banks
on my birthday was bad luck!
"There's a reason narcissistic and psychopathic individuals withhold support, validation, healthy praise, and credit from those they feel threatened by but "gush" over people they perceive won't threaten their ego and will make obedient members of their harem. Make sure you validate and reparent yourself so you stay away from these types of harmful types of people and are repelled by their lack of authenticity. You never have to seek the approval of toxic people, especially those doing less than you." Shahida Arabi, MA. @selfcarewarrior
Thank goodness NOW I have two healthy legs to stand alone on my own two feet.
And this is why I survived not one but 2 psychological warfares one in 2015 and another in 2022.
"The ideal outcome for the abuser is to succeed in making the other “evil,” which transforms the evil into something more normal because it is now shared. He wants to inject the other with what is bad in him. TO CORRUPT IS THE ULTIMATE GOAL"
They hate real authentic people and they want to corrupt us so we become corrupted and soulless like them.
"There are people who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stops. They have the power to do so. What do they do? Nothing. The narcissist depends on these weak-willed people. Abusing people isn't so much fun if it's only a party of two.
Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt and bullied doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not. Enablers are guided by self-interest. They choose not to help the victim. This is why enablers are not innocent. They have made a choice to support abuse."
This is totally what the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 and their enablers did: "So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse. (Yes, the collective betrayal was more devastating than the original from the property manager in 2015 and now the present manager's enablers, because I always knew she and he would stab me in back at their first opportunity!)
Targets, especially if this happens at work, or in a social setting, watch as, one by one, the people they thought were their friends, slink away as the battle intensifies. (Totally, only very few stayed friends with me and stood by me) Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn't absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.
Some enablers even take it a step beyond and switch from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into "flying monkeys" who carry out small attacks, in order to stay on the bully's good side. (Totally! was one after the other, when I thought I had one battle own, another would start the harassment) ...The abuser relies upon them not to back up the target. Before any attacks begin, a morally disordered person will carefully plan the battle. This can take months, or even longer before direct hits are launched. (Yes, the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 very carefully planned the battle and were very sneaky. Professional criminals make sure they don't leave fingerprints. They know exactly what they are doing! ) Only if it's clear that there's an excellent chance of decimating a target, does the warfare begin. If there's a solid support system, the abuser won't make a move. (Totally, the property manager in 2015 and my manager in 2022 never had made their move before because they knew the whole community liked me, but the moment they found out that some became uncomfortable with my book, they made their move and knew they could get enough enablers to help them.)
This means the enablers are the variable, which can either make or break a plan, and the narcissist knows this. That's why so much effort is put into creating chaos and confusion. This makes it easier for the enablers to rationalize their position. They may even begin to believe the target is getting the treatment she deserves, and that she did something to warrant the narcissist's extreme reaction."
Just a friendly reminder that abusers don't abuse/target everyone they come in contact with, so placing doubt on the people being targeted by the abuser based on your experience with that person is irresponsible and unkind.
A violinist played for 45 minutes in the New York subway. A handful of people stopped, a couple clapped, and the violinist raised about $30 in tips.
No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. In that subway, Joshua played one of the most intricate pieces ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.
Two days before he played in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out a Boston theatre, and the seats averaged about $100.
The experiment proved that the extraordinary in an ordinary environment does not shine and is so often overlooked and undervalued.
There are brilliantly talented people everywhere who aren’t receiving the recognition and reward they deserve. But once they arm themselves with value and confidence and remove themselves from an environment that isn’t serving them, they thrive and grow.
Your gut is telling you something. Listen to it if it’s telling you where you are isn’t enough!
yes, I think we live in times, where the unsolved emotional problems unfold more intensely and become even more obvious than in the last decade.
there is so much disrespect and destruction all over the world, and very much so in the digital world, as well as in any other aspect of our lives... (health, society, etc.)
nevertheless, I still use youtube and found this piece performed by Muriel Anderson. I didn't know her and I have no clear idea, how her music found me. but I like to listen to this "strange" guitar and I learned, that the song "vincent" by mc lean is about vincent van Gogh. (whom of course is on another victim, who unfortunately stayed trapped in his childhood drama...)
It's Saturday night... do you have to work? I sit here at home and don't want to escape too much from the rotten reality we live in. but maybe you like to listen to this piece :)
Dear Sylvie, we have to be very careful all the time and I find it especially hard to deal with my emotions, not suppressing them and not acting out...
Take good care
hugs
J
Dear J,
Glad to see you are hanging in there! Thank you for sharing the music video. Beautiful! Now, I work weekends and I'm off Tuesdays and Wednesdays but Sundays it's slow at work and I just listened to it!
We have to be very careful with everyone, family or not family. Now, my niece, that was born on the same day as you, can't handle her emotions and is lashing out at scapegoats and is mad at me because I didn't go along with her in attacking and humiliating her aunt and cousin in front of the family group on Facebook. Now, out of revenge is making all my private messages, where sometimes I talk about my other family members' psychological assessments.
I know dealing with emotions and consciously feeling them in the context of our childhood is not easy but it's the only way to liberate ourselves and become a conscious responsible adults.
All these years she has been paying attention to me was not to learn from me on how to deal with our emotions when triggered by present events, heal and grow as a person but to gain ammunition to use one day! And is turning out her level of narcissism or repression to be the most dangerous!
I'm glad her charade is over... and now I'm free from her... I'm at the point in my life I just want to be left alone by everyone, family or not family!
Hang in there,
Sylvie
A NARCISSIST IS STUCK IN CHILDHOOD AND WILL NEVER GROW UP. THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE PERFECT, AND IT'S THE WORLD AROUND THEM THAT MUST CATER TO THEM.
Beware of opportunistic people who suddenly appear when you are going through hard times and you're most vulnerable --- disguised as good samaritans --- they eagerly offer advice and assistance. In reality, they are there to pick the meat off your bones.
Malignant narcissists want to control everyone around them so they don't have to face and feel their own painful truths and face the fears of being alone.
I see clearly, Now! They took my words I wrote in private to use as ammunition to attack each other anonymously by breaking into the Facebook pages of two old ladies. What do we call people like that? Oh, I know! We call them Cowards! They hate each other, but here is proof that they are each other's mirrors, and the only difference between them is that one is better off financially and her violence is more overt and the other her violence is more covert or passive-aggressive.
I guess the shoe fits them because both blocked me in anger. It's bitter and sweet at the same time. I'm sad and happy at the same time. When people can't handle looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for their own actions and mistakes. it's better they remove themselves from your life. I always speak my truth and I refuse to walk on eggshells for anyone, family or not family and I don't care how much money you have.
She wants to win at all costs, but always someone will come along down the road that will beat you at your own game. It's just a matter of time. By refusing to play the game you will save your life but for that, you have to face your own painful truths. And this is why people go on playing the games people play until the very end because they are too afraid to face the fears of resolving childhood repression. They rather kill or be killed than face their own painful truths.
Free and genuinely happy people are magnets for narcissists. And I'm a magnet for narcissists and the red flags are always there! But the moment they discover I will not allow them to use me to act the part they want me to play in their twisted dramas, they remove themselves from my life! And I could not be happier!
I'm too happy and free to have my feelings hurt. No matter what anyone does or says...
Could not agree more with the words below!
"What happens to us in life is not the most important thing in the end. Rather, the most important thing is what we do with our lives."
– Dr. Edith Eger - psychologist and Holocaust survivor
All the time she spent with me was not to grow as a person but to use me to get enlightened information to give her an advantage in the games people play.
Narcissists are all the same: Idealize, devalue and discard. When in the idealize phase, they mimic you to T to fool you that they are like you. She mimicked me perfectly.
Anything you get from a narcissist always comes with strings attached.
People work very hard behind the scenes to keep the real state of affairs hidden from public view
What's a scandal?! That's when the real state of affairs behind the scenes breaks through and is exposed for everyone to see.
I see people connected all the time by fear, hatred, and by money, but seldom do I see people connected by love.
If you had the good fortune to be introduced to enlightened information you will be tested in life. I'm sad someone close to me failed the test big time. All because of money. If you are free and healthy you can always make more money! Freedom isn't free!
Freedom ain't free! It comes with a lot of losses. Stop fighting and walk away. Take time to mourn and heal. At the end of mourning, you feel so free and good that you never thought was possible
Some people thrive on drama and chaos, it's a source of supply for them that helps them feel alive.
Turned out she was a much bigger devil than her cousin ever was
In this world, no one goes Scot free without facing and resolving childhood repression. True freedom can't be bought with money
What are most people looking for? Scapegoats, looking for scapegoats! Most people are unconscious and compulsively looking for scapegoats.
Thank you for
writing and finding the courage to drop your charming mask to show me your
unresolved, repressed hatred NOW directed at me, trying to make me your
scapegoat.
I’m used to
people trying to make me their scapegoat since I was a small child.
I’m very aware that when people are not able to consciously feel their feelings in the context of
their own childhoods, it will be a matter of time for them to try to make me
their scapegoat.
It took you and XA over 20 years! As a child, I didn’t
understand these psychological mechanisms. Still, as an autonomous free adult, I do, and I don’t take in and feel responsible for other people’s unresolved hatred,
no matter what they say to me and how hard they try to transfer it into me.
XB: “But when you
talk about me to other people, you use words like 'you're all fucked
up"”
Me: Your words
above show me that you have joined your repressed, unresolved hatred with XA’s
unresolved repressed hatred, and NOW you both are together directing all your
hatred towards me, and the words above are really what this person used to say
too.
How do you
think I know that while your son was still a small child, you would rather go to Porto’s
nightclubs chasing men to have sex with, to run away from yourself, than be
still to feel your pain and be present with your small child?
This is a pain
NOW for your adult child to feel if he wants to be free and stop the chains of
compulsion repetition that his mother is not capable of authentic love, and all
the love he got from his mother was the illusion of love. ...
The truth is, only fucked up people will chase after men and leave their small baby with a
stranger and lean on a man she has no feelings for, has a child with him, and after
leaving him, uses the welfare system to survive because of her unresolved
childhood repression, can’t hold on to a job for very long. Most people in our world are fucked up, and that's why humanity is doomed.
XB: “Also, send
messages that I wrote to other people, making me lose trust in you. When I
think about you, I also feel feelings of sadness.”
Me: Show me proof
and evidence that I shared your messages.
Maybe I’m a
little guilty of sharing too much when I talk. However, I do it only as
examples, hoping to inspire people to stop their own compulsions, be
still, and consciously feel their own pain, and to stop running from themselves and making
others their scapegoats. I don’t do it with malicious intent. And for that I'm sorry! But you can be assured, without a doubt, that if XA shows you anything I might have shared with her, she is
being malicious, trying to manipulate you into playing the part she wants you to play
in her twisted dramas.
Why do you think
she got mad at me?! Because I didn’t let her use me to join her hatred to satisfy her thirst for revenge and make XC her scapegoat. It’s easy to beat and step on someone when they are already down!
When XC had
money, everyone was around her trying to mooch off her, and she helped pay for
the car of XD that you crashed! It might have been some of my money too,
because back then I was sending money to XC all the time and now I'm sure if you are leaning on XA is because she has money but it doesn't matter how much money she collects it will not save her, just like money didn't save her mother and her father. Money alone is a big illusion and saves no one. Having too much money can create a lot of new problems.
If you trust
me or not, it doesn’t affect me. I trust myself and don’t need other people to
trust me! What matters is that we trust ourselves to handle what life throws at
us and not become dependent on anyone or anything to cope with life. Just like
my older sisters, you are trusting the wrong person, but it's your problem, not
mine. My older sisters never trusted me either! Because they never trusted themselves
and put all their trust in XC, and look how that worked out for all of them?!
The question you should ask yourself is whether you can trust yourself. You and XA don't trust yourselves to be alone for even one minute. You two deserve each other.
XB: “And by the
way, I don't know if I've already shared it with you, but the cats you killed
when you didn't have money to feed them and the absurd words you said come to
mind countless times: they died happy because they knew me and my love.”
Me: Wow, your
words above show me that it is really you who can’t be trusted, and you are twisting
my words. I said that I would rather die and euthanize my cats than ask XA and XL for
money. And yes, I do think it’s better
to humanely euthanize an animal than to live in crowded homes and in cages, suffering in horrible conditions. That’s no quality of life for the animals
and the humans. It’s better to live one day with authentic love than 100 years
with fake love or suffering scared on the streets and in horrible conditions.
XB: “And also take
care of your childhood repression because when you feel all the repression, the
feeling you will have for XE and XL would be compassion..."
Me: Yes, I have
taken responsibility for my own childhood repression and I feel sad for everyone
else, family or not, who is still stuck in the emotional prison of their own
childhoods, but I’m only responsible for myself, and is not healthy for me to
take in and let myself be used as poison container, it didn’t help them when
they made me their scapegoat or poison continuer when I was a small child --- and it will
not help them now either --- because hatred cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating. We can only save ourselves!
XB: “And not from
that petty enjoyment that you feel for what has happened and continues to
happen.”
Me: The words
above are just yours and XA's projections, because nothing makes XA happier than seeing others suffer; she only wants good things for herself and no one else. I hope the
little crumbs you might get from her to buy you to use you to exploit your
unresolved repressed hatred to join her hatred towards other scapegoats
to temporarily and superficially feel better are worth it to you.
XB: “you should
read the dunning-Kruger effect and you will see yourself in this complex
because as you started from a very young age hearing that you were a zero on
the left, that you were worthless, compounded by not being able to learn to
read, this left very deep feelings ingrained in you of inferiority and now that
you have learned things about psychology, you feel in a position of judge of
the total and absolute truth.”
Me: I’m glad that
reading the theory above brought you comfort and gave you the information to
diagnose me. Yes, your words reminded me of the pain I went through, but is
just a reminder because I have already been through it, if I hadn’t the
sociopaths at my job of nine and half yearswould have succeeded in destroying meafter I published my book with their mind
games and very well-orchestrated psychological warfare, but instead was one of them to self-destruct. And by coming
after me, they exposed themselves, and they showed their true colors, just like
you are doing right now.
All of my life, people have tried to use me as a scapegoat or poison container, like you are
trying to do NOW, and the sociopaths at my job did also. You and XA joined
forces to do the same, so you and XA are not much different. Now, if I can
ever picture a person who, if they were at my job of nine and a half years, they too would have played a role in the campaign to destroy me, I don’t
want to be associated with these types of cowardly people in any way, shape, or
form. Thank you for providing evidence
that you and XA are the kind of people.
Yes, many doctors are writing great theories and making great analyses.
Many
professionals out there do great analyses and understand well the reasons for
mental illness, depression, addictions, and chronic illness, which are linked to
childhood loss and trauma. I quote a few other professionals in my book to
prove that are out there, other professionals saying what Alice Miller says,
but how they go about to heal those traumas, they use the same old tools like
yoga, meditation, 12 steps, and controlled drugs, that all it does is
manipulate people's feelings, and repress their authentic feelings all over
again, and as long people go on repressing their authentic feelings, they will
be driven by them into the state of repetition compulsion of reenacting their
disastrous childhood dramas sooner or later in one form or another with anyone
they get involved with. It’s the repression of our authentic feelings that
causes us long-term harm and not the trauma itself.
As long as people's childhood repression goes unresolved -- they will be shackled into the
chains of compulsive repetition -- and it doesn't matter how well anyone
articulates very nice ideas...
The problem is
not a lack of educated people; there are plenty of them
with intellectual knowledge. The problem is an emotional blockage: the
so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hide behind their
rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from facing and feeling their own emotional pain.
It takes courage to see, face, and feel our painful truths; intelligence
alone is not enough, but it rather helps create seductive rationalizations,
theories, illusions, and lies.
The words
below Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “I have
learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who
SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but
they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed
FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats.
They thus live in a continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and
even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they unconsciously use other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous
container, like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to
defend themselves, they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your
feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because
they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the
cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s
parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use
others to get free from the accumulated rage.”
XB: “Think about a really good guy to have sex
with, Imelda, [in Portugal, they call me by my middle name] that life is made up of many things and not just your morbid
interest in watching the circus burn down, in your family in Portugal, while
you're far away because that's easy.”
Me: I will do my
best not to think about you anymore. Yes, it makes it easy to detach from the
war at home with a continent and an ocean between us. Sometimes when people ask me why I left Portugal, I tell them jokingly that I’m a refugee from Portugal, and they look perplexed because Portugal is not involved in any wars, but I'm indeed a refugee from the war at home.
Dr. Julio Machado Vaz also prescribed sex in
my youth, and it was not helpful at all. You have been using sex as an escape – how does
that work for you?!
I am very
proud of the little girl I once was, despite her wounds and having a severe learning disability like dyslexia, she was courageous enough to face the world
all by herself and fight for her freedom and autonomy, and is not dependent on
others or drugs prescribed or not. I didn't believe what was said about me, and I believed in myself; otherwise, I would never have developed the courage to leave home.
Me: XA showed you
all the messages she wrote to me about you. She never said anything nice about
you, and you never said anything nice about XA either. But show me screenshots. So it's XA and you who can't be trusted. I'm
just guilty of freely sharing information with others that was useful to
me; now my work is done, and what others do with it is their responsibility.
It's time to say goodbye. This is the last message I'm writing to you.
When somebody
hands you the scissors to cut them off, it's like the trash taking itself out.
I thank XA for
removing herself and XB from my life. It’s so freeing!
Since I
published my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, many have been trying to pull me back into their emotional prisons. They don't want me to be free if they can't be free either! But once a mind is
truly free, it can never be captured again! What I have NOW cannot be bought with
money or stolen! And this is why I’m hated so much!
With my book
and all my writings, I give people a map and the keys to liberate themselves.
If they ever find the courage to leave the emotional prison of their childhood,
as the quote below says, this journey is theirs to take.
"You
can't heal the people you love. You can't make choices for them. You can't
rescue them.
You can
promise that they won't journey alone. You can loan them your map. But this trip
is theirs." Laura Jean Truman
I changed my fate or destiny, but only I could have done that! We are only responsible for ourselves.
XB wrote the last words below to me, but because I said I wouldn't write to her anymore, I didn’t reply. But you can tell she is back paddling a little bit and probably realized she made a big mistake and let herself be used by XA, and now is trying to be the bigger girl by denying that she doesn't hate me, but no denials can change the facts because only a person with hatred could write to me what she wrote. If she were not emotionally blind, she would not let herself become a puppet or a flying monkey of XA and be used in this way. As long as our childhood repression goes unresolved, no matter how much intellectual knowledge we have in psychology, we remain emotionally blind and vulnerable to manipulation by a malignant person.
I leave people alone, but if they come after me and attack me -- I have the light -- so all I have to do is shine the light on them.
I don’t know what XA has shown her, but whatever it was, she did it maliciously, to poison her against me and to manipulate her to join her hatred and attack me through her. Just because I said no to her, how dear of me to say no to Dr. XA, so now she is on a smear campaign against me and trying to recruit as many people as possible to join her hatred to hate me too.
XB“Thanks for the answer, Imelda. I didn’t join anyone; you're wrong, I'm not even receiving money from anyone, but I saw the messages that you sent to her. I'm glad it doesn't affect you that I lost trust in you. As for my life, I know very well the mistakes I made, I know why, and I also know that everything that may happen to XE is my responsibility. As for my personal life, XX helps me share expenses and makes it easier for both of us. As for the hate you say I feel projecting onto you, it's a lie, because I don't feel hate towards you. In reality, I think that when you talk to me, since you don't talk to XA now, it would only be to try to find out some things that I might eventually know about your sisters. Continue living your freedom. … By saying that XA never said anything nice about me, you are being a mirror of your niece when she showed me what you wrote to her about me. After all, it really is time to say goodbye.”
There is a saying in the United States thatpeople living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones at others. XA thinks she is perfect, smarter, superior, and on top of her game, but these are only illusions that can burst at any time.
When I was young, her mother used to stalk me and hated me because she couldn't control me, and now her daughter too stalks me and hates me because she can't control me either, or have me under her thumb.
I should have been more careful with her because the red flags were all there, and I was very conscious that this would happen the moment I said no to her or challenged her.
A month or so after, I was hoovered by XB with a FaceTime call, and most likely, they were both together, trying to bring me back into their orbit. But I didn't answer, now I'm in a place where if you disrespect me and attack me once, it will be the last time. Because I will never allow anyone to get back in my life again who tries to make me their scapegoat or poison container. I don’t give people second chances anymore.
"Hoovering is a type of emotional abuse or blackmail where a narcissistic person uses manipulative behaviors to pull someone back into an abusive relationship. This can include apologies, promises, love bombing, stalking, threats of suicide, or violence."
"Saying 'no" can trigger a narcissist's rage. Narcissists are hypersensitive to anything that might undermine their grandiose self-image. They thrive on constant admiration and attention, so rejection can trigger feelings of inadequacy and provoke a rageful response."
Evil is born anew with every new generation. Can you imagine if I had not left Portugal and had not liberated myself? As a small child, I was everyone’s scapegoat. Now, if I were still there, I would have been the scapegoat of the new generation that is more dangerous because they have intellectual knowledge that they use to go around making a bunch of noise without resolving their own childhood repression first. This new generation would eat me alive if they could!
For the last twenty years, that’s what I have been witnessing: a niece and a niece-in-law do, she has been going around yelling at everyone, especially at doctors, but takes the medications they give her, and now I have become her target also.
This is what many call the woke mob. All they do is go around with only intellectual knowledge they have not experienced themselves, finding fault with everyone, pointing fingers, and making a lot of noise – they are very dangerous people.
I’m going to be 65 soon, and now I just want to be left alone to live out the rest of my life in peace and quiet.
Once you resolve childhood repression you will never again be attracted to another narcissist.
Exactly!
Transference of Unresolved Fears Into Targets
I received the threatening email below from the son of XB, a young man that I tried to protect when he was just 4 years old, while I was in Portugal in 2005. He will never again have a chance to try to poison me with the poison his parents transferred into him when he was a defenseless little boy. I don't take in other people's poison, no matter who they are, family or not.
Dear Sylvie,
I am writing to formally request the immediate removal of a blog post that contains defamatory and harmful statements about myself and my family. The post in question, located at https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2024/02/the-trash-taking-itself-out.html, contains false information that severely damages our personal reputations and invades our privacy.
Specifically, the defamatory content includes:
* Mentions to myself,
XX (referred as "the child" in the post)
* Mentions to my mother, XB (referred as X in the post)
* Mentions to my XX (referred as "XX" in the post)
These statements are factually incorrect and constitute defamation:
* Under Arizona Defamation Law (Libel, Private Figure)
* Under Portuguese law (Articles 180–183)
They are not only untrue but have caused significant emotional distress to myself and my family.
In accordance with the above-mentioned defamation and privacy laws, I kindly request that you remove this post immediately to prevent further harm. If the defamatory content is not taken down within 7 days, I will have no choice but to explore legal remedies to protect my family's reputation and privacy.
Please confirm receipt of this message and the actions that will be taken to address this issue. I look forward to your prompt response and cooperation.
Sincerely,
XX
I responded, but it will be the very last time that this young man will ever hear from me and have access to me. Isn't that interesting how these narcissists all just care about their image and reputation?
I used initials, not their names, to protect their anonymity, and now I just use X. Try to sue me and see how far you get in court?!
It's impressive that this young man searched for a law in Portugal and a law in Arizona to threaten me with, and wrote the email like a lawyer.
If I don't use real names, I can write what the f I want. In the last twenty years, he never reached out to me, and now he has reached out to me to threaten me!
He could have written to share his feelings and asked to remove the part that is too painful for him to deal with, and I would have been happy to do so.
The very last time I saw him in person, he had just turned 5, and I said goodbye as I returned to the US. He kicked me in my leg very hard. I understood he was mad that I was leaving, the person who took care of him and defended him for the whole year. I had my life to live, and I couldn't stay in Portugal to take care of him. I didn't bring him into the world; his mother did, and she was responsible for protecting and caring for him. I tried to guide his mother from the United States. Still, she never developed the courage to face her fears of resolving her childhood repression, and now he learned with her to repress his fears and unconsciously try to transfer those fears into others by making threats when people don't behave to his liking...
Here is my response to his threatening email:
Confirmed!
But only because I respect your wishes. Not because of your threats.
In the United States, we have free speech, especially if what is written is true, which would be very easy to prove in a court of law.
The child in question is now an adult and old enough to face the painful truths in his life.
People like to attack others, but then they don't like it when people defend themselves by speaking the truth.
People who live in glass houses shouldn't go around throwing stones, so you should be mad at your mother and not at me.
Sadly, no one dares to face their painful truths.
Sincerely,
Sylvie Shene
These words Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion, pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually, they unconsciously use other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container, like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves, they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage.”
"Narcissists often use threats as a way to control and manipulate others:
To get their way -- Narcissists may threaten to make others do what they want. They may believe that if someone doesn't agree with them, it's a personal attack on their self-esteem.
To keep people at a distance -- Narcissists may use threats to keep people away when they feel overwhelmed or at risk of narcissistic injury.
To get an emotional reaction -- Narcissists may use threats to get an emotional reaction from others, which can make them feel powerful.
Some examples of threats that narcissists may make include:
"If you leave, I'll ruin your life"
"You'll regret it if you ever cross me"
"You'll be sorry if you do that"
"Just you wait till you want something from me"
"Don't think you can get away with that"
Narcissists may also use other tactics to manipulate others, such as flattery and compliments.
The primary coping mechanism the narcissist relies on is to discharge unhappy feelings onto a target.
If someone thinks it's about them I'm referring to in my blogs and threatens me with a lawsuit, don’t they see that if they decide to file a lawsuit against me, they will be revealing their true identity and exposing themselves to the general public?!
Lawsuits become a public record! If I remove a blog post, it's because I respect a person's wishes and not because of threats of certain laws.
Filing a lawsuit is not in their best interest if they want to protect their anonymity and privacy; otherwise, the sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years would have done it already. If people don't like my writings, don't come to my blog; that's that simple. Will people ever learn that by attacking me and coming after me, they end up exposing themselves, self-snitching...
I saved her 4-year-old son's psyche enough for now as an adult to make threats against me to suppress the truth, facts, and evidence from himself and others. His mother, who abandoned him physically and emotionally when he was a defenseless little child, is protected from his unresolved repressed hatred and is directing his hatred towards me just because I dare to reveal the real state of affairs. It's sad, but it is what it is.
When people try to silence you, it can often mean they feel threatened by your voice or perspective, which could be interpreted as a fear of your potential influence or the truth you might speak; therefore, there is some validity to the idea that silencing someone is sometimes motivated by fear.
If someone is voicing opinions that contradict a dominant narrative or power structure, those in power may try to silence them to maintain control.
Speaking out against wrongdoing or highlighting issues can make those in positions of power feel vulnerable and exposed, leading them to try to shut down the criticism.
New ideas or perspectives can be unsettling, and those resistant to change might attempt to silence dissenters to maintain the status quo.
People with less power might be silenced more easily, making it crucial to analyze the power imbalance in a situation.
Beyond direct censorship, silencing can also happen through subtle means like gaslighting, ignoring, or discrediting someone's opinions.
If you put 100 black ants and 100 red ants in a jar, nothing will happen. But if you shake the jar hard, the ants will start killing each other. The red ants will consider the black ants their enemies, and the black ants will consider the red ants their enemies. The real enemy is the one who shakes the jar. The same thing happens in human society. So before we attack each other, we should think about who is shaking the jar! [Now I always see very clearly who shakes the jar! So instead of getting mad at me try to find out who is going around shaking the jar and get mad at her instead!]
Narcissists are generally not adept at containing their strongest impulses or feelings. They feel free to throw tantrums, call names, or make a scene. Their larger-than-life feelings and reactions make them feel powerful and discharge uncomfortable feelings or thoughts. Once again, it puts others on the defensive.
Shaming
Narcissists carry enormous shame, though this shame is generally outside their awareness. As a result, they tend to discharge their unpleasant feelings on those around them.
They may question others’ legitimacy. They may chide others for a less-than-perfect performance or rub a failure in another’s face. They have a knack for knocking others down a peg. The result: They feel one-up. In addition, the recipients of their shaming may feel they have to defend or explain themselves, which often gives narcissists additional ammunition for more shaming.
