Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Demi Moore Hospitalized: Can Divorce Make You Sick?

Demi Moore Hospitalized: Can Divorce Make You Sick?

No, divorce or separation cannot make you sick, repression can make you sick. Ashton Kutcher was just the perfect trigger, for her, to trigger the excruciating repressed emotions of the child she once was and if she does not make this connection, she is screwed. Falling in love and sexual attraction means that we have found the perfect person to trigger us, rise to the surface, all that was repressed in us; no one can trigger in us what is not already in ourselves. Once we have faced our repression and felt the excruciating feelings of the child we once were in the right context. We don’t fall in love anymore and have sexual attractions. We are in love; and if we meet another person in love, and if we choose to stay together, then we'll be two people in love together. We find love when we are love. Falling in love is more dangerous than most people are willing to admit. If we knew falling in love meant going into all the dark chambers of the soul, none of us would risk it. To become a real lover in life involves opening up our whole being.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Sharon, I too for a very brief moment get annoyed when someone or event reenacts my childhood drama or reminds me of it, but NOW I am able to keep adult conscious take care of myself and deal with present situation with lucidity without having unresolved repressed emotions of the child I once was throw me off balance. I no longer allow anyone in my life to stand in as a substitute parent figure dictate in my life. I just read that she is in rehab and unfortunately most professionals “the helpers” standing in as substitute parents figures have not done their own emotional work and the only help they going to give to her is to repress her all over again with medications and manipulative tactics and she loses this great opportunity for true liberation. These words from Alice Miller’s book “The Drama of the Gifted Child” come to mind: “Because of his early experiences with his mother, he cannot believe that this need not happen. If he gives way to this fear and adapts himself, the therapy slides over into the realm of the false self, and the true self remains hidden and undeveloped. It is therefore extremely important that the therapist not allow his own needs to impel him to formulate connections that the patient himself is discovering with the help of his own feelings. Otherwise he is in danger of behaving like a friend who brings a good meal to a prisoner in his cell, at the precise moment when that prisoner has the chance to escape --- perhaps to spend his first night hungry and without shelter, but in freedom nevertheless. Since this first step into unknown territory would require a great deal of courage, the prisoner may comfort himself with his food and shelter and thus miss his chance and stay in prison.” Sadly this is what I see happening with her. Also these words by Alice come to mind: "Pain is the way to the truth. By denying that you were unloved as a child, you spare yourself some pain, but you are not with your own truth. And throughout your whole life you'll try to earn love. In therapy, avoiding pain causes blockage. Yet nobody can confront being neglected or hated without feeling guilty. "It is my fault that my mother is cruel," he thinks. "I made my mother furious; what can I do to make her loving?" So he will continue trying to make her love him. The guilt is really protection against the terrible realization that you are fated to have a mother who cannot love. This is much more painful than to think, "Oh, she is a good mother, it's only me who's bad." Because then you can try to do something to get love. But it's not true; you cannot earn love. And feeling guilty for what has been done to you only supports your blindness and your neurosis." 

The intended Profile

“It's a dark, cool, quiet place. A basement in your soul. And that place can sometimes be dangerous to the human mind. I can open the door and enter that darkness, but I have to be very careful. I can find my story there. Then I bring that thing to the surface, into the real world. ” ― Haruki Murakami

Going in to the dark chamber of our soul alone or with the wrong witness it can be sometimes very dangerous, because sometimes we can kill ourselves, others or both, like James Holmes did and as many other mass shooters. We need a true enlightened witness like Alice Miller to help us navigate through the dark chambers of our soul, so we can face and feeling the true story and bring it to the surface safely without putting ourselves and others in danger with unconscious disastrous enactments. James Homes like many other mass shooters were under of psychiatric care, but obvious the doctors were not able to see clear how much trouble these young men were in and now sadly he lost the opportunity forever to break free from his childhood drama, now the prison guards playing the substitute parents figures and he in the role of the child for eternity and the people he killed also will never have a chance to find true freedom. So many lives wasted.

Cheryl: Thanks for sharing so much, Sylvie. I've been wanting to add my own experience, but I've been conflicted about how much I want to share here. Your words, these and the ones above, bring greater clarity and understanding, particularly the "prisoner in the cell" metaphor.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Your welcome Cheryl, I am glad my posts bring you clarity and understanding.:-)

Sharon: Yes. Thank you, Sylvie.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: You are very welcome, Sharon.

Derek: "Excellent analysis"

Phd: ‎"I would say what scared me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm really not lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved. That there's something fundamentally wrong with me." Demi Moore

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Really Phd, she wrote those words, that’s sad. She needs to figure out that she is the one that needs to give herself the love she never got from her own parents when she was a little girl and now, only her, can make up for this lost. Ashton Kutcher or anyone in the outside world can never make up for it.

Gayle: quote is right on.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I know Gayle. I would not have written it, if I was not sure to be true, I have experienced it myself. Knowledge is experience everything else is just information and we know most information out there are lies and misleading information.

Sharon: So true!

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I know, Sharon.

Sharon: Too bad people don't get that. I was just listening to a woman the other day blaming her soon to be ex for why she is suffering from PTSD and how he ruined her life and their daughter's life. I was thinking what a great opportunity it is for her to heal some old wounds.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: I know Sharon, it’s very sad that so few people get it. I too witness people constantly missing great opportunities at true liberation. Feeling the feelings of the child they once were in the right context is too difficult for most people, because for that they would have to stop idealizing their parents and question them, so unconsciously and compulsively they keep looking for scapegoats to blame.

 Sharon: I have to admit. I can still fall into the blame game. The good news is that it happens far less and when I do I pull myself out more quickly.