Giving Love a Chance

Dear L,

You said that you cried when you read my words and I cried when I read yours. Coming across a mother that speaks her truth and has become authentic is very rare, and until now I only knew of Alice Miller! I understand why so many mothers deny their truth to protect themselves, because admitting their truth would mean being rejected and ostracized by others, so they go on lying to themselves and others, acting as if, pretending to love, most people's love is nothing, but a farce, a sham and a façade. Look what happened to Alice Miller that admitted the truth to herself and others. But only by finding the courage to admit the truth, even if we lose the people we love and are ostracized by others, and only through this pain that liberation is possible and real love have a chance to develop and grow. Love cannot ever develop and grow based on lies and illusions. 

As Alice Miller wrote in her book The Body Never Lies: “A mother who is forced to realize that the deprivations imposed on her in her youth make it impossible for her to love a child of her own, however hard she my try, can certainly expect to be accused of immorality if she has the courage to put that truth into words. But I believe that it is precisely this explicit acceptance of her true feelings, independent of the claims of morality, that will enable her to give both herself and her children the honest and sincere kind of support they need most, and at the same time will allow her to free herself from the shackles of self-deception.”

While back someone posted on Facebook an article about a mother that openly admitted her true feelings, and of course she was criticized and ostracized for admitting her true feelings, that she didn't love her children. She said in the article that she wished, she never had children, that she was born without motherly instincts, and she felt trapped by her children, and she resented them for it, that not everyone is born with motherly instincts and that not everyone is supposed to have children, she didn't understand that we all are born with motherly instincts, but childhood deprivations killed our motherly instincts. 

People that attack me for having an abortion are really unconsciously trying to transfer their guilt feelings for not being the parents their children needed and feel jealous and resent me for escaping my childhood drama and their are stuck in theirs. A lot of young people look and work hard for their independence, to escape their parents’ emotional prisons, and don’t realize that getting married and having children before facing and resolving their childhood repression is a guaranty to take them right back into their parents’ emotional prisons, and making liberation a lot harder, because they have reenacted their childhood drama with their own children, you can't divorce your children, making them feel trapped and prisoners like when they were little children living with their own parents, because they have unconsciously transferred their internalized parents into their children, and then they see and attack their own parents in their defenseless children. 

Freeing oneself from this vicious cycle of compulsion repetition is very hard. It has been going on since the beginning of time. I feel like I am one of the luckiest people in the world, that I have been able to escape this vicious cycle of compulsion repetition, but of course I would not have been able to do it alone without Alice Miller’s books. I am so grateful to Alice Miller for having the courage to write her books.

Again thank you for your support and best wishes,

Sylvie

True Love Endures the Truth

Dear L,

Thank you for writing. It makes me teary eye to read your honest moving letter. Seeing people that have become completely real like you are very rare, and until now I only knew of Alice Miller. Before I forget, can I publish your very moving letters on my blog? Of course, I will publish them anonymously.

I am glad my written words helped you get in touch with your feelings and feel them. And that you were inspired afterward to write your blog “Giving children the truth”

Yes, true love endures the truth. It makes me so sad that so few mothers can gather the courage to become real, and tell their children the whole truth, but instead they work very hard to block the truth from themselves, and their children by trying to control and manipulate every situation of their children’s lives, and everyone else around them to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own fears. Without the truth, true healing and true love will never have a chance to develop and grow. I am sorry you lost all of your loved ones in order to become real with yourself and others. Me too I lost everyone I loved in my search for the truth. I still talk to most of my family members, if they want to talk to me and want my truth, but we are worlds apart and I don’t mean just physically, I mean emotionally. You are right you are giving them the chance to heal and develop real love by giving them the whole truth, that’s what I hope to do for my family too.  I am happy for you that in spite of being alone in the last years, you finally feel real love in your heart. Me too I am alone, but I never felt so much love and joy in my heart like I do now. I congratulate you for only wanting to live in the basis of truth and true love, even if that means being alone and never again compromise and leave your true self for lies and illusions no matter how seductive they might appear. We are alone but close to our authentic selves and free! And is the best feeling in the world ever!

At one time I too wanted to belong to a family, and I too was very lonely when I was a little girl and a teenager and suffered immensely for being ostracized in my family. You are right they cannot love because they are alienated from their authentic selves, and you could not be more right that being authentic and having inner freedom is not lonely, because once we have found our authentic selves we are never alone again, because we have the most important person in the world, ourselves! We belong first to ourselves and no one else!

Yes, it’s good to separate from the masses who blindly repeat with their children in one form or another their own suffering. Someone the other day posted on facebook the quote below. I get so tired of cult leaders posting disconnected half-truths that sound good to attract followers.

 "Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo

The only way to do that is for people to face and resolve their own repression, otherwise, the unresolved repressed emotions of the parents will be transferred into their children overtly through abuse or covertly under the mask of the illusion of love. As long parents' childhood repression goes unresolved the compulsion to repeat will go on endless in one form or another.

Yes, it’s very sad that the mother on that article posted on facebook blamed herself to spare her parents for the deficits she suffered as a child when her mother could not love her and therefore her motherly instincts were killed and she repeated this traumatic experience with her own children. Yes, it’s very sad that they don’t want to see the truth and remain closed to this very important part of their emotional life and like you say closed leads to insensitivity towards children and the chain of abuse and neglect are not broken. It’s very sad to witness this that pretty much is everywhere I go.

Yes, you are right my motherly instincts were saved somehow and because I was so aware of children's needs and I knew in my heart I didn’t have what children need most: true love, freedom to grow, and stability, I didn't have than any of these things myself, I needed to get them first for myself, before I could ever have a child and there was no way I would have a child in captivity for others to use and exploit. I saved a child by not bringing it into this world just to suffer and I saved myself from severe suffering, and people resent me for not falling in their traps, they want me to suffer and have the same fate as them. I cried reading your words because for the first time someone really speaking honestly and not preaching to me for not falling into society’s traps.

You ask me how I deal with the attacks from the people, that because of stigma surrounding abortion feel free to use the hook of the abortion to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container to transfer the repressed hate of the child they once were at their parents into me for being born, because unconsciously want others to suffer like them and have the same fate as them. It’s never easy to deal with people’s attacks, even if I understand of how transference and projections work. It always reminds me of the suffering of the little girl I once was, when I used to live with my family, that all used me as their scapegoat or poisonous container to temporally alleviate their own fears and anger. I am getting better every day at moving through people’s projected feelings into me and give them back their projected feelings, but I question myself every day if my book sales, and if the whole world starts to make me their scapegoat or poisonous container, will I be able to handle it? I hope so because what I mostly want to do with my book is to bring Alice Miller’s books to the masses and reach people like me that want the truth and feel all alone like I once use to and expose the liars and psychopaths of the world.

Yes, I have no doubt Alice Miller’s life was shortened, because so many psychopaths exploited her to make a name for themselves and use her as a scapegoat or poisonous container. And what sadness me the most right now, is that psychopaths like BR, DM and others like them that are exploiting her son’s anger at her to make a name for themselves and use Alice Miller as their scapegoat or poisonous container, just like a psychiatric doctor exploited my anger at my family when I was 17 to sexually abused me to feed his sexual deviance.

Also gives me a sense of wonder in me and a feeling of harmony to know there is one more person out there who has become authentic, honest, sincere and sensitive. And thank you for being here too. To me too Alice was a life savior, her courage was astonishing and out of this world. Me too I would have loved to thank her in person, but I am happy that at least had the honor to thank her before she left by e-mail and we exchanged many e-mails that I will treasure forever.

Thank you to you too for your kind, honest, sincere and sensitive words.

Best wishes to you too,

Sylvie

Breaking the Chains of Compulsion Repetition

"Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood.” Pam Leo
The only way to do that is for people to face and resolve their own repression, otherwise the unresolved repressed emotions of the parents will be transferred into their children overtly through abuse or covertly under the mask of the illusion of love. As long parents' childhood repression goes unresolved the compulsion to repeat will go on endless in one form or another.

They Work Hard at Protecting the Supply of Slaves

Stories like this one make my blood boil. I would go to jail anytime to help a daughter from having to carry a pregnancy to term against her will. These people are sick beyond words hiding behind fertilized eggs and fetuses to torture the living, breathing living human beings. They want to make sure more people “slaves” are born to have the same fate as them, they suffer and secretly they want to make sure others suffer too. They are the ultimate sadists and cowards. Most people objective in life, is not freedom for themselves and others, but to one day have their own slaves, that's why they fight so hard to control others reproductive lives, because they want to make sure there is an endless supply of new slaves.

Mom Charged For Helping Daughter Obtain Illegal Abortion: Is This Our New Reality?
Read more: http://www.care2.com/causes/mom-charged-for-helping-daughter-obtain-illegal-abortion-is-this-our-new-reality.html#ixzz2tsrUteQ9

Staying True to Ourselves Even at the Risk of Losing the People we Love

Dear L,

Thank you for writing. The honesty in your letter is very rare. I can only imagine what the deep pain might be like for a mother to wake up one day and realize that she was not the mother her children needed, and sees she is the cause of her children's suffering and troubles. I am sorry you went through such deep pain to become authentic and give your children the whole truth so they can choose to heal and hopefully not repeat it and spare their children from the same suffering. 

I congratulate you for having the courage to become authentic and face, feel your painful truths and go through the deep pain, and not to want to be spare no more so your grandchildren, the future generation, can be spare. Like Alice Miller says: “Staying true to yourself even at the risk of losing the people we love." 

When I woke up pregnant at 20 years old, I knew in my heart, I could never cope with this deep pain of damaging a child I brought into the world, and If I could not have gotten an abortion, I would have killed myself, because in no way I was going to bring a child into the world, I could not love and protect. 

I think being dyslexic made me more sensitive and spared me from having to go through this deep pain and prevented me from falling into the trap of education, like millions of people have that because they have an education and a good job, they fall into the illusion they can be parents, but a job and education alone doesn't prepare anyone for parenthood. The only thing that prepares us for motherhood is to face and feel our childhood repression. Just like Alice Miller says: “It is not true that evil, destructiveness, and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that are absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to the production of evil.” — Alice Miller, Banished Knowledge, p. 143

Also, Alice said somewhere something like this that is so true: It takes courage to face the truth, intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create a lot of seductive lies.

Best wishes,

Sylvie

How the Use of Information is Abused

“However, I witness day by day how the use of information is abused.” Totally and that is exactly what cult leaders do like for example the cult leader D.M. is doing with his followers, he is abusing already very wounded and vulnerable people by twisting the information he read in Alice Miller’s books to manipulate and exploit his followers with half-truths he memorized like a parrot. The title of his new book should have been: “Break up with Your Parents and Join my Cult” Telling people to break up with their parents before they are ready to make such a move is irresponsible and dangerous, because people need to heal their traumas by confronting their internalized parents with the help of a true enlightened witness, develop their inner child to truly grow and leave the parents and become autonomous independent adults. Otherwise is just like leaving one cult to join another. How can I make it clear that until we feel the repressed emotions within the context of our own childhood, we will never leave the prison of our childhood and doesn't matter if we never talk to our family of origin again, because we just keep endless reenacting our childhood drama with substitute mothers and fathers’ figures in one form or another?  

Feeling the Despair of the Baby we Once Were

Thank you for sharing with me your very revealing dream showing you the truth. Congratulations for having the courage to see and feel the rage and despair of the baby you once were. If more adopted people were able to feel the repressed rage and despair of the baby they once were of being abandoned by their mothers, they would never preach to women to have babies, they are not ready to love and take care of, because they would never want another baby to go through the same despair.

Wishing you continue courage and strength to see and feel your painful truths,

Sylvie

I Am the Captain of my Body

Pro-lifers are without realizing it the ultimate cowards, because unconsciously hide behind fertilized eggs and fetuses to torture the living, real breathing human beings. We cannot take away another’s body autonomy to protect eggs and fetuses, that’s epic hypocrisy. No one can use my body without my permission and that goes for fertilized eggs or fetuses. Only I can decide if I want to use my body to incubate a fertilized egg, carry a pregnancy to term, and give birth to a new human being, and no else can make that decision for me. I am the captain of my body, no religion, politicians or anyone else.