This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood. Everything we become and happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse, these are facts, Violence is not genetic, it’s learned. https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Wednesday, March 29, 2023
The Trick To Remaining Untriggered By A Narcissist
When You Do These To A Narcissist, They'll Ultimately Run With Their Tail Between Their Legs
YOU MUST KNOW" These Are The Most Effective Words That Will Destroy Narcissists
Narcissists hide this one thing from you because they know they'll be destroyed...
Tuesday, March 28, 2023
A Child Cannot be Raised to be Loving
“A child cannot be raised to be loving---neither by being beaten nor by well-meaning words; no reprimands, sermons, explanations, good examples, threats, or prohibitions can make a child capable of love. A child who is preached to learns only to preach and a child who is beaten learns to beat others. A person can be raised to be a good citizen, a brave soldier, a devout Jew, Catholic, Protestant, or atheist, even to be a devout psychoanalyst, but not to be a vital and free human being. And only vitality and freedom, not the compulsions of child-rearing, open the wellspring of a genuine capacity to love.” -
From the book Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child page 96
V: I was strolling in the gardens of an insane asylum when I met a young man who was reading a philosophy book. His behavior and his evident good health made him stand out from the other inmates. I sat down beside him and asked: ‘What are you doing here?’ He looked at me, surprised. But seeing that I was not one of the doctors, he replied: ‘It’s very simple. My father, a brilliant lawyer, wanted me to be like him. My uncle, who owns a large emporium, hoped I would follow his example. My mother wanted me to be the image of her beloved father. My sister always set her husband before me as an example of a successful man. My brother tried to train me to be a fine athlete like himself. And the same thing happened at school, with the piano teacher and the English teacher - they were all convinced and determined that they were the best possible example to follow. None of them looked at me as one should look at a man, but as if they were looking in a mirror. So I decided to enter this asylum. At least here I can be myself
Sunday, March 26, 2023
7 Signs That a Narcissist Is Done with You
7 Signs of Narcssists Worsening As They Age
How To Respond To A Narcissist's Irrational Anger
Friday, March 24, 2023
Prince Harry and Dr. Gabo Mate
Dear H,
I hope you are feeling better. I started writing this e-mail a long time ago but it seems I can’t get in the mood to write anymore.
I’m doing okay. I dealt recently with a difficult dominating woman or an overt narcissist but I created limits and boundaries and for now, it’s going well... I met another woman that is acting nice but I caught her in a few lies that were not necessary --this is a red flag that this woman lies and makes up shit for no reason at all and most likely is a covert narcissist acting as if personality pretending to be caring and friendly but will stab me in my back at her first opportunity, covert narcissists are the most dangerous because most people fall for their nice act that they are good people and will not believe the person telling the truth about them. The overt narcissists are so much easier to deal with -- the covert narcissists that you really have to be very careful with.
The Aida story is the story of millions of people that rather lose their health and life than find the courage to face their own painful truth. It will only be the same for you if you let it happen. You just have to find the courage and strength to stand up for yourself and walk away if necessary for a while, while you heal or forever, some bridges are not meant to ever be crossed again for any period of time. You ask me:
Stories with true resolution at the end and freedom can’t be stolen and manipulated by those in power to use and exploit… and it threatens the power of those in power positions… sadly we live in a world where most people don’t want liberation for themselves and others. Most people's objective in life is not freedom for themselves and others. Most people's objective in life is to one day own their own slaves.
I’m sorry to hear you have issues with addiction; unfortunately, most people have issues with some type of addiction either chemical or non-chemical.
I’m not much of a fan of Dr. Gabo Mate either. I find him more of an enabler than offering real assistance in helping people gather the courage and strength to start on their journey to true liberation…
Many professionals out there, do great analyses and understand well the reasons for mental illness, depression, addictions, and chronic illness, that are linked to childhood loss and trauma, and I quote a few other professionals in my book to prove that are out there, other professionals saying what Alice miller says, but how they go about to heal those traumas, they use the same old tools like yoga, meditation, 12 steps, and controlled drugs, that all it does is manipulate people's feelings, and repress their authentic feelings all over again, and as long people go on repressing their authentic feelings, they will be driven by them into the state of repetition compulsion of doing to others, themselves or both, especially their own children, what once was done to them when they were defenseless little children.
It’s the repression of our authentic feelings that causes us long-term harm and not the trauma itself.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.
Also, years ago a lady in Arizona contacted me that had a serious addiction problem, and tried to manipulate money out of me and make me her scapegoat or poison container. She was a big fan of Dr. Gabor Mate and she told me that he told her that taking a drug feels like receiving a warm hug -- my response to her was: why would you accept a warm hug from a substance that is going to betray you just like your childhood caregivers did?
I think that Prince Harry is valid in many ways. Obviously, he has unresolved repressed emotions from traumas suffered in his childhood. Also, he has a case of new-found intellectual knowledge and joined the cult of the woke pointing fingers at everyone else and not realizing he is still stuck in an emotional prison like the people he is pointing the finger at. He's still 12 in an adult body. His unresolved emotions from the trauma of losing his mother in such a tragic way have attracted a malignant narcissist as a partner who is exploiting him as all those around him are. He had the resources and didn’t need to lean on a woman or anyone else to free himself – all he needed was a truly enlightened witness and the courage and strength to learn to stand on his own two feet. He jumped from one emotional prison to another and now he brought two innocent children to his emotional prison --- it’s like he jumped from a hot frying pan to an even hotter frying pan. And sadly, he has the illusion that he took a flight to freedom...
That’s all for now! Hang in there!
Hugs from Arizona,
Dear Sylvie,
I think more
often writing to you, than really doing it.
I hope you
are ok and are not targeted at the moment, not by anybody.
I am quite
lost, with conflicts all around me and I feel responsible, because I avoid showing
off, what I want, and don’t want. I ignore any sign or feeling, to improve/change
my life, because this would mean connecting to my old self before
"meeting" Alice Miller, etc., or giving up this self. I feel tired to
write about all the details. it’s the same stuff, as I wrote earlier, just with
other people. So embarrassing, watching myself.
Anyway, in
my dream tonight, I was totally lost in a low-energy urban surrounding,
wandering around, trying to avoid trouble with strange guys. No aim to go.
Searching for what???? Finding out, that I don't have money, no mobile, no warm
clothes. ... I came across an amount of stuff, lying on the side of a street.
Leftovers of a household, what you would find on a flea market. clothes,
decorations, etc. wondering if I choose something from this. It was near a big
caraway bridge. From there, suddenly there came the sound of Verdi’s triumphant
march. And somehow some people tuned in. I went along with this uplifting
melody. Hadn’t chosen anything of the second-hand stuff. And trying to know where
to go further. And then I saw a cathedral in the far and thought of heading for this as a goal.
Now, after
waking up with this melody, I tried to find it on YouTube. I wasn't sure about the
name when waking, but it is very well known. So, I found it, watched it, read
comments; and even, as I feel at a very dark part of my life, I had to laugh:
if you find it, please read the comment from @ryanscarola. it is the second
comment on this video. And it has 40 answers. There are many which gave me even
more good laughs for some moments.
Sylvie, I keep it here. I am quite desperate. But, avoiding to take help from X and XA, the dream worker person, who made me familiar with Alice Miller. The fear of growth is bigger than the suffering... this is so embarrassing. But maybe all of this is self-pity??? I don't know. I think that I even cannot trust the tears running down when writing this. There is something terribly wrong with me, with the world, whatsoever... sorry
Take good care, H
Hi Sylvie,
Phew... I
did try to understand the Aida story for the first time in my life
How sad and disappointing :(
There is
this guy, in a conflict, and finally, he has the choice between self-betrayal
and being buried alive in a pyramid.
Well, he
decided to die with the woman he loves.
He should
have left his family home, not gone to war for his country, just walk away
with his love. This would have been the best choice. But as he engaged for his
father/ his land, he loses everything. Because he wanted to serve everything
and everybody, without paying the price of giving up something.
Could be the same with me. even more, embarrassing... but fitting perfectly...
we, humans, are crazy. There is a Lego animation film showing the opera in short. Unfortunately, there are no English subtitles, but I send it anyway.
When will we see films where they show, the liberation of people, not choosing death and betrayal???
Dear Sylvie,
Thank you for your kind email. Well, yes, I might be too hard on myself. I am used to judge myself from early childhood on.
A friend of
mine asked me, how I would honestly answer the question if I want to take care
of my mother at all. There could be no more stress raised in me, than exposing
me to questions like this. Do I want to be in contact with whom? this is so
deep and so scary and I, to be honest, don't dare to find an answer in no
relationship I am in.
this is just
weird. Sorry to write this.
I hope you are ok.
Long ago I subscribed to the newsletter from Gabo Mate because I have issues with addiction f.i with sugar, certain behaviors. I liked, that he didn`t judge people who suffer from addiction. To be honest I don`t find him that convincing. Maybe because of a certain kind of spirituality, he recommends.
funny
enough, I pushed the button unsubscribe, when seeing his latest email and then
discovered an earlier one. and felt to send it to you.
I don´t want
to offend you by sending it to you. maybe if you don't appreciate his work at all then just ignore it...
Sylvie, we live in an absolutely irritated, life-disrespecting world. it is hard to find one's place.
I hope you
can keep your safety and autonomy and find some pleasure in small things...
I will write again
take care,
H
Seductive Stalking
"The period of influence consists in leading someone, without argument, to think, make decisions, and behave other than he would spontaneously on his own.
During the "seductive stalking" period, the targeted person is unable to freely consent a priori because his sensibilities and vulnerabilities are influenced and manipulated.
As in any manipulative process, the victim must first be made to believe he is free, even when he is insidiously deprived of the freedom to act.
There can be no question of a discussion between equals; the abuser must subtly impose himself while preventing the other from becoming aware of the process and from discussing or resisting it.
The victim's ability to defend himself is withdrawn, and his judgment is negated, thereby eliminating any possibility of rebellion. We find here the types of situations in which one individual exerts undue and abusive influence over another without his knowledge. In daily life, we are constantly being manipulated, destabilized, and muddled, and every time it happens we are furious at the perpetrator but even more ashamed of ourselves."
Except from the book Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie - France Herigoyen, page 90.
Monday, March 20, 2023
On Daring to Doubt
The letter below articulates how I felt all of my life. It was liberating for me to read Alice Miller’s books because I too had the same doubts already as a child. Religion is a big lie! Sylvie
On daring to doubt
Friday, December 05, 2008
I thank you from my heart for having opened my eyes to my childhood fears so I can now question everything I want to. THANK YOU!!!
I read with great interest your answer to one of the readers this month about religion.
After having gone further into your work and ideas the last months and focusing more on my childhood reality I surprisingly find myself with a total lack of respect(I haven't done anything at all deliberate thinking!) whenever I see priests, bishops, and religious programs on TV. I just feel astonished by these people's "forced goodness", and hypocrisy and I even feel disgusted sometimes (and I remember myself as a child I never trusted religious people who always had to make a point out of it. I didn't like them). Yesterday I found myself laughing when I saw a bunch of dressed-up priests on TV...it has all suddenly become TOTALLY absurd to me and all the ceremonies and bullshit theatrical talk are just funny! But I haven't done anything else than look into my childhood. It's not like going to the university and reading academic critical articles and then feeling like you've balanced something. It's rather something deep inside that has changed place and now everything that craves respect seems absurd and comical to me. The other day I was watching my favorite movie; Bergman's Fanny&Alexander, and I have seen it tens of times before. But this time when Alexander speaks about the personality of the God of the bishop I smiled and laughed heartily: Alexander says something like this:" If God is getting upset for what a little person as Alexander is saying or doing in his little life then he's just that piss and shit God that I've always suspected him to be".
Well. Alexander knew this point that it was ridiculous and absurd for a father to be obsessed with punishing a child for his utterances and honest opinions. He doesn't give in to Our Lord or anyone when the bishop punishes him, he just knows that the bishop is dangerous. The really interesting thing is that Alexander has to be this good father to himself because of the mother's betrayal, telling himself that he's just a child and can't possibly know all the things that God knows, so why should God be upset with Alexander?
<p></p><p> </p><p> </p>
AM: It was great fun to read your letter because it happens rather rarely that my trust in my feelings and in my healthy reasoning succeed in contaminating so quickly another person. First, they react with fear and resistance, especially if religion is at stake, but sometimes, after a while, they say AHA!. I can imagine that these thoughts were liberating for you because you dared to have your doubts already as a child. But without any support, we are afraid to take our feelings seriously if all people around believe the same lies.
http://www.alice-miller.com/en/on-daring-to-doubt/
W: I have never respected any religion, and for that minor deviation one is an outcast!
N: I remember this letter, having read it a long time ago on Alice Miller's site. Now I know it was yours. Indeed, the freedom to DISRESPECT people who don't deserve our respect is the freedom to respect our own wisdom and spirit. But in childhood, we are often intimidated into showing respect to adults even when they are absolutely ridiculous and stupid.
Sylvie: N, I didn’t write this letter, but I could have because that’s how I felt also all my life. I had the honor to write to Alice Miller many times before she left this world, actually, before she left I was writing a letter to her, but because at the time my work was very busy with all the snowbirds in town, I never finished it and of course never sent it. She was the most significant person in my life and without her books and website, I would not have made it through. I will be forever grateful to her and I will carry her torch as far as I can go. I have shared some of her letters here on fb and she published three of them on her website. http://www.alice-miller.com/en/standing-on-my-feet/
Sylvie: thank you W, exactly.
Tuesday, March 14, 2023
Hard Evidence of My Ex-Boss Being the Chandler's Bank Robber in 2015/16
Finally, I got some hard evidence of my boss at Securitas Kyle Wilson of being the Chandler bank robber
T: Figured this may be something you would want or at least would want to see. I was finally able to get proof and figured I’d share.
Sylvie: Thank you so much for sharing. It's nice to have some hard evidence! How did you find it?!
T: Requested the info using https://efoia.fbi.gov/#
Sylvie: Thank you! I thought about contacting the FBI but I just assumed they would ignore me and give me the run around like everyone else. Again thank you for sharing this hard evidence. Sylvie
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/02/cowards-always-get-others-to-do-dirty.html
T: I was doing research online about the bank robbery from 2016 involving KW and came across your blog. From what I can tell, there is nothing online that publicly named KW as the culprit. Do you have anything official that names him as such? I only know specifics through acquaintances.
Hi there,
"The goal of an abusive individual is to gain or maintain power by whatever means possible or else to mask his own incompetence. In order to accomplish this, he must get rid of anyone who impedes his progress or sees through him." Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and Erosion of Identity by Marie-France Hirigoyen page 71
Friday, March 3, 2023
Cycle of Narcissistic Rage
Narcissistic rage is a term that was first coined by author Heinz Kohut in 1972 to refer to the tendency for people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to fly into a rage with what might seem like the slightest provocation or no obvious provocation at all.
People with NPD require that others give them consistent admiration and positive feedback. When this doesn't happen, it can elicit underlying feelings of shame that trigger an instant angry response and cause them to lash out without considering how it impacts the recipient.
It is the narcissist’s thin skin and sensitivity that leads to this rage because of a deep-seated fear of being "found out" for not being the person they portray themselves to be
Signs of Narcissistic Rage
Are you wondering if someone you know might be exhibiting signs of narcissistic rage? Or are you somewhat aware that you may have this tendency yourself? If you’re not sure, take a look at this list of the signs and symptoms of narcissistic rage. While it might feel as though the attack is calculated, most often, narcissistic rage is reactive in nature.
An episode of narcissistic rage derives from a threat to a person's sense of self and is characterized by intense anger.1 In a relationship, for example, this could manifest in physical or verbal abuse, manipulation, or passive-aggressive behavior.2
Narcissistic rage is different from other forms of anger in that narcissistic rage is disproportionate to the perceived slight; it’s as though the person has a hair-trigger response. It’s completely out of proportion to what provoked it and often takes the other person by surprise.
Narcissistic rage can be active or passive with corresponding outward or inward signs of the problem. Read more HERE
Also, click on the links below to listen to Dr. Grande's short videos that articulates beautifully the cycle of narcissist rage.
https://youtube.com/shorts/SSr96DPLU3c?feature=share
https://youtube.com/shorts/pUPKJEg3cQo?feature=share
https://youtube.com/shorts/oXSO-ALDzeY?feature=share
https://youtube.com/shorts/zvw-CI4woZ4?feature=share
Sociopaths target amazing people. They are parasites. They need a strong host with values, beliefs, loyalty. They seek & snare committment minded men & women who bring a lot to the table. A sociopath needs us to prop up & propel their fake & sickening, weak lives forward. They need people who will defend them when past s#it hits the fan as it inevitably does. -
Loving a malignant narcissist/sociopath is loving a monster - The shell of a human being housing a remorseless maniac.
Malignant narcissists are so jealous of you. They may tell you that you are inadequate and below them, but trust me, they are consumed with jealousy. Do you know why? Because as hard as they try to mimic your qualities, they cannot become like you. Their jealousy is of your realness, your empathy and your soul. The longer you stay, the more dangerous it becomes, because this jealousy consumes them.
"Narcissist v. Sociopath
A Narcissist sees others as a means to validate his existence. The less validating you are, the less use you are to a Narcissist.
A Sociopath views others as entertainment. The less entertaining you are, the less use you are to a Sociopath.
Both the Narcissist and the Sociopath need to dominate and control others. They will both exploit you with no remorse and have no conscience. My advice? Do not validate the Narcissist and do not entertain the Sociopath. Stay clear of them. Once they suck you in, it is hard to get away. Avoid them both at all costs and if they manage to bring you into their den, run like hell." Lisa E. Scott