On Daring to Doubt

The letter below articulates how I felt all of my life. It was liberating for me to read Alice Miller’s books because I too had the same doubts already as a child. Religion is a big lie! Sylvie

 On daring to doubt

Friday, December 05, 2008

I thank you from my heart for having opened my eyes to my childhood fears so I can now question everything I want to. THANK YOU!!!

I read with great interest your answer to one of the readers this month about religion.

After having gone further into your work and ideas the last months and focusing more on my childhood reality I surprisingly find myself with a total lack of respect(I haven't done anything at all deliberate thinking!) whenever I see priests, bishops, and religious programs on TV. I just feel astonished by these people's "forced goodness", and hypocrisy and I even feel disgusted sometimes (and I remember myself as a child I never trusted religious people who always had to make a point out of it. I didn't like them). Yesterday I found myself laughing when I saw a bunch of dressed-up priests on TV...it has all suddenly become TOTALLY absurd to me and all the ceremonies and bullshit theatrical talk are just funny! But I haven't done anything else than look into my childhood. It's not like going to the university and reading academic critical articles and then feeling like you've balanced something. It's rather something deep inside that has changed place and now everything that craves respect seems absurd and comical to me. The other day I was watching my favorite movie; Bergman's Fanny&Alexander, and I have seen it tens of times before. But this time when Alexander speaks about the personality of the God of the bishop I smiled and laughed heartily: Alexander says something like this:" If God is getting upset for what a little person as Alexander is saying or doing in his little life then he's just that piss and shit God that I've always suspected him to be".

Well. Alexander knew this point that it was ridiculous and absurd for a father to be obsessed with punishing a child for his utterances and honest opinions. He doesn't give in to Our Lord or anyone when the bishop punishes him, he just knows that the bishop is dangerous. The really interesting thing is that Alexander has to be this good father to himself because of the mother's betrayal, telling himself that he's just a child and can't possibly know all the things that God knows, so why should God be upset with Alexander?

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 AM: It was great fun to read your letter because it happens rather rarely that my trust in my feelings and in my healthy reasoning succeed in contaminating so quickly another person. First, they react with fear and resistance, especially if religion is at stake, but sometimes, after a while, they say AHA!.  I can imagine that these thoughts were liberating for you because you dared to have your doubts already as a child. But without any support, we are afraid to take our feelings seriously if all people around believe the same lies.

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/on-daring-to-doubt/

W: I have never respected any religion, and for that minor deviation one is an outcast!

N: I remember this letter, having read it a long time ago on Alice Miller's site. Now I know it was yours. Indeed, the freedom to DISRESPECT people who don't deserve our respect is the freedom to respect our own wisdom and spirit. But in childhood, we are often intimidated into showing respect to adults even when they are absolutely ridiculous and stupid.

Sylvie: N, I didn’t write this letter, but I could have because that’s how I felt also all my life. I had the honor to write to Alice Miller many times before she left this world, actually, before she left I was writing a letter to her, but because at the time my work was very busy with all the snowbirds in town, I never finished it and of course never sent it. She was the most significant person in my life and without her books and website, I would not have made it through. I will be forever grateful to her and I will carry her torch as far as I can go. I have shared some of her letters here on fb and she published three of them on her website. http://www.alice-miller.com/en/standing-on-my-feet/

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/a-dream/

http://www.alice-miller.com/en/empathy/

Here is Alice Miller’s answer to the third letter: AM: Thank you for your letter. I am sorry that my answer to your previous letter didn't appear on the website under your text. I wrote: "Congratulations to your understanding. You are right, you can't make someone to see who DOESN'T WANT to see."

Alice Miller wrote this message

Sylvie: W, Yes I have been an outcast all of my life and I am proud to be one! I have the memory; I was probably 4 or 5 years old, my mother and I, we were walking through the village and we passed by the church where the village priest was sitting outside in the sun and my mother was all gaga over him and tried to make me say hello to him, but I did not want to and I remember thinking to myself: why can’t my mother see that this man is not any more special than any other men! Another time I remember being about 10 or 11 walking with my older sister that wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do she asked me to sacrifice myself for god and I answered her: if god wants me to sacrifice myself, fxxx god. My family was always praying for me because I was a rebel and they thought I was going to hell, but they are the ones still in hell and I got out. Religion is the biggest trap that keeps you in hell and I am amazed at how so many people fall into it! I remember another time my older sister was listening to the pope on TV and I was making noise she asked me to be quiet, so she could listen to the pope, and told her: why do you listen to that guy with a costume on, He is full of crap. I will quote again N’s words, he says beautifully: “Indeed, the freedom to DISRESPECT people who don't deserve our respect is the freedom to respect our own wisdom and spirit. But in childhood, we are often intimidated into showing respect to adults even when they are absolutely ridiculous and stupid.”

W: I will pick up where you left off, "and so, we can conclude that most 'adults' who have formed us -- and those who still control us through the state and other organizations -- are still stuck in their childhood intellectual/emotional state." They are still children, afraid, confused, subservient, and needy (in a psychologically dependent way).

Thanks for sharing. Yes, fxxx god. 

Sylvie: thank you W, exactly.