Why Males Are More Violent

"Abuse and neglect produce equally damaging results in the brains of both boys and girls, but girls tend more to respond with dissociative internalizing symptoms (withdrawal, depressions, helplessness, dependence), while boys tend more to act out fight/flight responses (externalizing, impulsive, hyperactive). That boys act out in their play the abuse they experience is a common enough observation. But what is usually overlooked is that boys’ violence is also self-destructive, a real re-experiencing of the hurts and fears they have experienced. You are a “real boy” when you show you do not have fears when you prove you are not weak: 

“The greater the risk the greater the proof of manhood. ‘We’ve all got scars,’ one boy proudly said as he rolled up his sleeves to show off his symbols of manhood.” This behavior is baffling to girls: “The girls could not understand what drove the boys to bruise their bodies on the playground so that they could acquire scars to prove their manhood.” But in “playing war” boys as often “fall down dead” as they “kill others.” 

Reenacting abuse is very much a masochistic self-destructive activity; wars are fought as much to die and to be mutilated—to be a hero for the Motherland—as they are to kill Bad Self enemies. 

Anything is better than being seen as weak, abandoned, unloved; better to take risks and court death. 

Taking unnecessary risks is why boys have four times as many “accidental” deaths as girls. 

Whereas girls who were unloved as children become depressed and sometimes cut themselves, unloved boys jump off dangerous barriers on their skateboards or become the bully of the neighborhood and get beat up by gangs. 

In analyzing violent men,Toch found they all had “been flooded all their life with strong feelings of being weak and insignificant, helpless and fearful.” 

James Gilligan found the violent criminals he spent his life analyzing as a prison psychiatrist told him they didn’t do it because they wanted to hurt people or to get money, but rather said, “I never got so much respect before in my life as I did when I first pointed a gun at somebody.” 

The same motivations apply to warriors: kill others rather than be seen as weak, fearful and unloved, even if—in fact, because—it is provocative and self-destructive, a re-enactment of the death fears of being a helpless, abandoned, misused child. 

Wars are in truth self-destructive activities, both in being a dead hero yourself and in killing a Bad Self enemy. Wars—like homicides and suicides—are extremely serious emotional disorders, inner emotional states rooted in the neurobiological consequences of child abuse and neglect. 

As Miedzien demonstrates, the reason why males rob, steal and kill with ten times the frequency as females is “I had to prove that I was a man,” and “involvement in war is a proof of manhood.” -- Lloyd deMause www.psychohistory.com above excerpt from The Origins of War in Child Abuse by Lloyd deMause Chapter 2: Why Males Are More Violent http://www.psychohistory.com/originsofwar/02_whymalesaremoreviolent.html

Comments on Facebook from the sharing of this post:

Steve Thomas And yet, it seems that mothers are much more likely to physically abuse children than fathers. Boys are "punished" at much higher rates than girls, which I think provides at least most of the explanation for their behavior down the road. 

Also, the rate of domestic violence in lesbian relationships appears to be maybe twice that of heterosexual ones, maybe even three times as much as in male gay relationships. 

Women may be more likely, too, to employ psychological techniques to hurt people, but paraphrasing Andrew Vachss: the only difference between physical, sexual and psychological abuse is the abuser's choice of weapon.

Jonatan Hansson And the fact is that when men argue we either resolve it by fighting or we talk it out after generally. Women are more clever (if it is more clever to be more passive-aggressive and anonymous). When men are hateful towards each other we seem to be less anonymous so everyone can see it.

No one is talking about this. When I was a kid we didn't have access to all of this technology that makes us connected to the internet all the time. I can't imagine how it is for young women today. Women seem to freeze out each other all the time and it takes years to resolve simple stuff.

Sylvie Imelda Shene I totally agree with you, Steve. And I could not agree more with Andrew Vachs: "the only difference between physical, sexual and psychological abuse is the abuser's choice of weapon." It also comes to mind the words below by Alice Miller::

"Are women Less Aggressive than Men?

In my view, women are by no means less aggressive than men. Of course, they are victimized and disadvantaged by men avenging themselves for the beating they received from their mothers. But women avenge themselves for such victimization and physical cruelty by taking it out on their little children, thus breeding new generations of avengers who consciously love and honor their parents.

I see no real difference between the cruelty of women and that of men, because both sexes have learned such sadism at the hands of their parents and caregivers at the time when their brains were still in the process of formation. As children, they were subjected to cruelty and even perversion, but they not allowed to defend themselves. So later take out their repressed anger on other defenseless people, frequently in the same way their parents treated them when they were small. Women frequently vent this acquired sadism on their children. While men also give free rein to it by victimizing employees at work or lower military ranks, or else participating in orgies of violence like genocide or terrorist attacks. The causes invariable lie in the repressed and totally denied suffering of their childhood (though most of them will insist that they had wonderful parents). People who were not humiliated, tormented, or beaten in their early years are incapable of sadism.

Women can live out all kinds of covert perversion on their children and torment them impunity as long as they call this behavior “good parenting.” Society idealizes mothers because people have never consciously realized that their own mothers treated them cruelly when they were small. Accordingly, women normally enjoy total immunity.

I see no sex-specific differences in the suicide bombers. I understand terrorism as an attempt to compensate for the humiliations these people were subjected to, but have never consciously perceived as such, by means of a “magnificent deed” (such as sacrificing their own lives for the sake of a group).

Though it is not difficult to understand this dynamic, there are not many people who would allow themselves to give up their denial and look the truth in the face. The fear felt by the tormented children they once were can prevent this all their lives."
From the book “Free from Lies: Discovering your true needs” By Alice Miller Page 140

Sylvie Imelda Shene Jonatan's comment also brought to mind the words I wrote in my blog about the property manager, a woman, how she used psychological techniques to recruit others on the plot to destroy me: The quote below also articulates exactly what the property manager did. Totally she wanted to destroy me! And she got the new guy and the Security Company to finish the job she started, she is talented!!! 

Sylvie Imelda Shene Also these words Dr. Marie-France Hirigoyen from her book "Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity come to mind "Physical violence can be testified to be outside evidence: eyewitness, police, and medical reports. With emotional abuse, there is no proof. It's a clean violence. Nobody sees anything."

Steve Thomas It's terrible you had to go through that, Sylvie. Can't find anything to disagree with in anything you posted. (Though I'm amazed you're able to find appropriate Miller references so apparently easily. Do you happen to know where she discussed Joseph Stalin's childhood? I spent hours trying to find that once, came up dry.) Cruelty sucks. Life's sad sometimes, sadder than it needs to be than it should be.

 Jonatan Hansson Women dislike having a female boss in the workplace MORE than men do, study finds

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2797279/women-dislike-having-female-boss-workplace-men-study-finds.html#ixzz4is7A1Zbu
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

Women don't even want other women to succeed.

They think. ''We need more women in boss positions as long as it is not my boss'''

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Steve! Is nice to see someone out there sees and understands what I went through was terrible and no one should go through psychological warfare in the workplace like I did ... most people cannot comprehend the intensity of what is like having a mob of sociopaths conspiring for your demise, they wanted me to lose my mind, but when was one of her flying monkeys that lost his mind and kills himself after robbing a bank in a police standoff, NOW, they all stay silent and I wonder who is paying the media to never reveal his name, but if it was a poor person from a minority group, their face and name would be blasted in all news stations.  And then all probably go on TV talking about how disturbed the little woman was making a name for themselves by standing on my head. I could see their games and traps so clearly. I was their target to destroy, but when was one of them to self-destruct, all became silent and no one cares that these criminals with their projections and lies -- I lost my job and more than half of my income  -- AND they could have destroyed my life completely. There is no humanity! Most people are all fake and pretenders -- acting as if personality pretending to be good people -- but are wolves in sheep's clothing. I'm done with humanity! 
They do Have Blood on their Hands

Sylvie Imelda Shene Jonatan Hansson,I totally agree with the article you shared. It's very rare that I don't mind working with women. Most of the time I prefer to work with or for men. And some of my readers that write to me have expressed this sentiment also.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Steve, I can't recall at the moment in what book Alice Miller discussed Joseph Stalin's childhood, but I will look for it and let you know as soon as I find out.

Steve Thomas Sylvie, I thought you might just know. Don't go to any trouble. I just remember her account of a violent alcoholic father and an unprotective, religious mother whose funeral he refused to attend. Not a big deal, just that it would be nice to have a source for that if I'm ever in a discussion. Sometimes it seems like you have Miller completely indexed.


Sylvie Imelda Shene Steve Thomas I just found the link to Alice Miller's readers' mail where she discusses Joseph Stalin's childhood. 
"AM: Thank you so much for your important letter. The short report of the Independent explains FULLY the behavior of Joseph Fritzl. In aneerily precise way, he has staged what happened to him as a child: His mother was his SOLE RULER, because his father was not there for balance. She has beaten him daily, she owned him completely so that he did not have a helping witnesses where he could have noticed how badly off he was, the more so as she obviously provided conscientiously for his food. He was forced into total obedience and had to bear daily the constant violations through his mother, had to be grateful, too, for the provision of clothes and food, could maybe fulfill small wishes in secret, and was proud of his slyness and inventive zest for lying and disguise. His life happened hidden in secret, like it does now in the power of the police force. In the same manner, he has organized his daughter’s situation in order to hold up the denial of the suffering of his childhood. His lawyer talks about his “good sides,” just as Fritzl would probably talk about the “good sides” of his mother that enslaved him as completely as he now has demonstrated it to the whole world. Fritzl has shown the world what can happen later to a child who was TOTALLY deprived of his freedom by his single mother “educating” him with fists by herself, a child who has no witness, who has to be grateful to his, who may never contradict her and who for years impounds secretly wishes of revenge until he can satisfy them years later in a series of rapes of women without ever getting enough. Because revenge does not grant satisfaction and demands, again and again, new restagings. Even vacations in Thailand were necessary for this purpose. If one would ask Fritzl now, what his childhood was like, he would probably praise his mother and her care and not yet have realized that he grew up in a prison where his muscles, to be sure, were obviously well-nourished, but where his brain was confused and poisoned through the contempt of his dignity. I can hardly imagine that this single, power-hungry and brutal mother did NOT use her small son for her sexual wishes and thus only increased the confusion (what is love and what is meanness?) in his brain. In this way, perversions develop, which pose riddles for us if we don’t have the courage to take seriously the childhood histories.
The deduction of the crimes from the denied childhood situation is in no way meant to alleviate Joseph Fritzl’s guilt and to invoke pity. As an adult, he is fully responsible for all his crimes and deserves the greatest punishments for committing them. His masterful skillfulness in deceiving and manipulating the police and other authorities as well as his extreme sadism show that he proceeded methodically. So he exhibits strong psychopathic traits. There are hardly any signs for a positive prognosis through effective psychotherapy by acknowledging the truth about his childhood because he is, like every psychopath, not at all interested in understanding himself, only in controlling, misleading, and manipulating others. Obviously, he was also successful in deceiving his lawyer when they talked who now believes, as an inexperienced layperson, that Fritzl belongs into a psychiatric clinic but not into jail. It would be very naïve and calamitous to follow this idea because it would mean to deliver Fritzl a giant stage where he could masterfully deceive the staff and fellow patients and thus harm them.". Read more here

Steve Thomas Nice to have a chance to say hey, Sylvie. I *really* appreciate you remembering about that request I made. I'd forgotten myself. But that letter deals with Josef Fritzl, the Austrian who kept his daughter in a basement for 24 years. 

Sylvie Imelda Shene Oh yeah! That's Josef Fritz and you want Joseph Stalin! Sorry for the mistake. I will keep you in mind.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Steve Thomas you are right Alice Miller discusses Stalin in her book: Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, pages 81, 82, 106, 109, 141, 146, 166-67. I remembered now that I published an excerpt on my blog where she discusses a little bit Stalin if you like to read it: "The horror of Hitler and Stalin, and the way in which their deed and ideologies spread across the continent of Europe like a grotesque plague when I was young, taught me what price human being pay ---or make others pay---for their blindness. It also taught me that this blindness cannot be allowed to continue. Young people can today learn the same lessons from Ceausescu’s example and others---above all, that dictators, once they have established themselves, can, with the help of the technical means available to them today, hold into power far longer than they could before and are more difficult to topple without the loss of many lives. Only under the favorable conditions created by Gorbachev’s courage to face the facts the Rumanian people manage to free themselves from the maniacal and destructive political machine one madman, attempting---and failing---to save himself from the fears rooted in his childhood, had created." Read more here 

Steve Thomas Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you! I've saved the page numbers, will check them out when I get the chance. My copy was either mislaid or borrowed and not returned but I bet you've found what I was thinking of.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Steve Thomas You are very welcome! The pages numbers are from the revised edition in the attached picture.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Hi Steve, this morning the top 10 most read blogs was a blog that a niece triggered, so I reread it! 
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-will-not-be-scapegoat-or-poisonous.html 

Anyway in this blog I shared a little excerpt from the book review of The Untouched Key by Alice Miller: “Why did Hitler and Stalin become tyrannical mass murderers? Alice Miller investigates these and other questions thoroughly in this book. She draws from her discoveries the conclusion that human beings are not "innately" destructive, that they are made that way by ignorance, abuse, and neglect, particularly if no sympathetic witness comes to their aid. She also shows why some mistreated children do not become criminals but instead bear witness as artists to the truth about their childhoods, even though in purely intuitive and unconscious ways.
It is Dr. Miller's goal to encourage these sympathetic witnesses, to lend them support, and to inform them about the worldwide and ignored plight of children, for she thinks that only by confronting the truth that has been avoided from time immemorial can human beings be saved from blind destruction and self-destruction. This discovery is eloquently illustrated in the last section of "The Untouched Key", wherein the story of Abraham and Isaac and the story of "The Emperor's New Clothes" are retold to reveal their profound meaning.” 
https://www.amazon.com/Untouched-Key-Childhood-Creativity-Destructiveness-ebook/dp/B009N989PM/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid&sr 

Here is a little excerpt from the chapter The Emperor’s New Clothes in the book The Untouched Key. “When punishment is held up as proof of love, children are filled with confusion, which bears bitter fruit later in life. If these children become involved in politics, they continue the work of destruction initiated with them in childhood, and they camouflage it by taking on the role of savior just as their parents did before them. Both Stalin and Hitler claimed that they wanted only to do good. Murder was simply the necessary means to good. This ideology was passed on them by both parents. If this had not been so, if one parent had served as a helping witness and shielded the child from the other parent’s brutality and coldness, the children would not have become criminals in later life.
Although it is men who make preparations for war, the confusion in their heads is the product of child-rearing practices and ways of treating children that are attributable to men and women of past generations. The absolute power a mother has over her little child knows no limits, and yet no qualifications are required of her. It is therefore of the utmost urgency to examine more closely the effects of such unchecked power. To recognize parental power for what it is, and, through this awareness, to reduce its danger for the future.”

Steve Thomas Sylvie Thanks

If you like to read more about my experience with a mob of sociopaths also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge 

Questioning Parents -- The Ultimate Taboo

Dear Sylvie,

I am freaking out a little bit
my body has shown acute, severe symptoms of urticaria, esp in face
swollen all over, red spots, itching like hell
as well as my two underarms...
I know, it shows my inner conflicts so much...
I try to look at it, as honest as I can
and don't take pharmaceuticals, just some homeopathic stuff, tea, bath, etc.

I feel too chased to write more details...
but want to share, what makes me even sicker:

when searching German google version about
"courage to question parents"

then the first result is:
"family relations - how to live reconciled with your parents"

the second result is:
"pdf "concept: cooperation with parents" (text from a school)

the third is: (at least)
"upbringing/ education starts with self-education of the parents)
this is a book written by a couple, which doesn't give the worst impression, but they seem to be as well one of these people, who need success and career for their well-being and maybe not brave enough to really face the truth....but I will give that a better prove, don' t want to judge them wrongful

the fourth search result is an article in a famous German weekly newspaper:
"parents need more courage to confront misbehaving children"

all further stuff appearing from this search is diffuse and not encouraging at all
mostly blaming the child/ teenager anyway...

it is no topic at all, to question parents is a huge taboo...
at least if one looks for a deeper level...
this is the sad truth...

if you feel like publish this on your site, feel free.
might be the same in English speaking google search...

greets from J in uproar...

Dear J,

Thank you for writing. I'm sorry to read you are having a loud witness in your body. I hope you are feeling better today. Like Alice Miller wrote in her book The Body Never Lies: "Inability to face up to the suffering undergone in childhood can be observed both in the form of religious obedience and in cynicism, irony, and other forms of self-alienation frequently masquerading as philosophy or literature.  But ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, nicotine, or medicine, it usually has the last word, because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind, particularly if the mind has been trained to function as an alienated self. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality."

Yes, your google search is very discouraging and I will publish it on my blog as soon I have some time. Questioning the parents is the ultimate taboo in our society. People's idealization of their parents and childhoods is what keeps humanity stuck in the vicious circle of repetition compulsion.

Just as I write in my book page 84,85 and 86: "I believe that the idealization of one’s own parents and childhood is a major obstacle to the betterment of our whole society. Since so many people believe that their parents are always right, it’s much easier for them to follow other people in power positions, who cast themselves as mother or father figures disguised as educators, healers, cult leaders, therapists, gurus, and government officials. We become extremely vulnerable when we refuse to face the truth about the people who raised us. Someone with a false self is an easy target for exploitation, which can threaten not only individuals but also society as a whole. The only thing that can save us is to make sure that more people are true to themselves. We need more people who can fight the power, starting in their own homes.

Alice Miller describes these individuals as “people who had the good fortune of being sure of their parent’s love, even if they had to disappoint certain parental expectations. Or people who, although they did not have this good fortune, to begin with, learned later — for example, in analysis — to risk the loss of love in order to regain their lost self.”51 According to Alice Miller, these people so appreciate their freedom from trauma and tyranny that “they will not be willing to relinquish it again for any price in the world.”52 When we idealize our childhoods we become just like our childhood abusers and the vicious cycle continues. And we keep holding on to the false hope of eventually gaining love and acceptance from our parents, or from those who stand in to symbolize our parents. Idealizing the people who raised us puts us in danger, physically and emotionally. Alice Miller believes that the body knows our traumatic history and remembers the cruelty we had to endure as children without being able to really feel it, process it and move beyond it in a healthy way.

“… As long as we are compelled to protect our parents we pay our loyalty with our depressions,” she writes. But “…by discovering and understanding the pain of the former neglected child you start to love and cherish him, perhaps for the first time in your life.”53

She expands on the idea in For Your Own Good: “If the tragedy of a well-meaning person’s childhood remains hidden behind idealizations, the unconscious knowledge of the actual state of affairs will have to assert itself by an indirect route. This occurs with the aid of the repetition compulsion. Over and over again, for reasons they don’t understand, people create situations and establish relationships in which they torment or are tormented by their partners or both. Since tormenting one’s children is a legitimate part of childrearing, this provides the most obvious outlet for bottled up aggression.”54 This is how the vicious cycle of repetition compulsion has been going on since the beginning of human history."

You are right, sadly most people fall into the illusions that having an education, career, and money alone -- what they see as "success" as all they need to solve all their problems and for their well-being. These illusions are near to impossible for most people to break free from.

They are  Plenty of Traditional Old Traps on the Internet 

 AM: Certainly, if I knew of some therapists who would be respectful enough to answer your questions; free enough to show indignation about what your parents have done to you; empathic enough when you need to release your rage pent up for decades in your body; wise enough to not preach to you forgetting, forgiveness, meditation, positive thinking; honest enough to not offer you empty words like spirituality, when they feel scared by your history, and that are not increasing your life-long feelings of guilt – I would be happy to give you their names, addresses and phone numbers.

Unfortunately, I don’t know them, but I still like to hope that they exist. However, when I am looking for them on the Internet I find plenty of esoteric and religious offers, plenty of denials, commercial interests, traditional traps, but not at all what I am looking for. For that reason, I gave you with my FAQ list tools for your own research. If a therapist refuses to answer your questions right from the start, you can be sure that by leaving him you can save yourself your time and your money. If you don’t dare to ask your questions out of your fear of your parents, your fear may be highly understandable. However, trying to do it anyway may be useful because your questions are important and by daring to ask them you can only win.

6- I talk so much about the “topic” of child abuse because it is essential and nobody else teaches about this topic in universities. It is still taboo although childhood is the base of the whole life, and the ignorance on this issue is very dangerous for all societies on our planet."
Read more here

Wishing strength and courage and take extra good care,

Sylvie

Do I consider myself a feminist?

Sylvie, do you consider yourself a feminist? I am interested because someone I know claims that feminism is a hate cult and that patriarchy is a myth. I don't know what to make of this.

Answer: No, I don’t consider myself a feminist, but if being a feminist is for everyone's rights and equality then I could be a feminist because I'm a supporter of everyone's rights and equality.  I do agree that a of a lot of women that call themselves feminists, just like a lot of men that idealize their mothers and take revenge on all other women for the wrongs done to them by their own mothers when they were defenseless little children.

A lot of feminists do the same; they idealize their mothers and transfer the hate of the little girl they once were into men, in general, making men their scapegoats. Hate can never be resolved by scapegoating, it only can be resolved when seen and felt in the right context.

The comments below I made on a Facebook post came to mind:

I have tried to stay out of discussions and commenting on other people’s posts because I have a tendency to trigger people’s repressed anger and then they delete me in anger, but I can’t help myself and have to make this comment. 

I don’t consider myself a feminist per se, but I am for women’s rights, children rights, and men’s rights, I am for every breathing living beings' rights.

I know a lot of feminists are too afraid to go to the roots why some men and women try so hard to repress them, but I am grateful for a lot of the accomplishments some feminists were able to do before me and I have come to enjoy thanks to their hard work. 

Even though I wished the feminists had the courage to go deeper, because as long we refuse to go to the roots causes, will always going to be oppressors trying to repress us.  

I totally understand their fears. Laurie accuses the feminists being a hate group, but I see Laurie’s anger very clearly being transferred to the feminists' groups also. 

Until people really consciously feel the fears and anger of the child they once were within the context of their own childhood, they will unconsciously and compulsively look for a scapegoat to relieve pen up anger and it seems the feminists have come to be the perfect scapegoat for Laurie. 

These words below Alice Miller wrote to me before she passed come truer every day: “AM: I have learned over the years of my work on the internet that there are readers who SEEM to understand SOME of what I have written, at least intellectually, but they are still so afraid of their very cruel parents and of their repressed FEELINGS of rage towards them that they are constantly looking for scapegoats. They thus live in a continual confusion pretending that they are healed and even offering help and empathy to others. But eventually they use unconsciously other people (even the ones who are quite friendly to them) as a poisonous container like their parents did to them, and if the offended people begin to defend themselves they can become very mean. I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one’s parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM and to no longer use others to getting free from the accumulated rage.”

http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2013/02/are-women-less-aggressive-than-men.html

What makes me the saddest is when women masquerading with their illusion of love for men and even unborn children oppress or stand in the way of other women’s body autonomy and freedom.

Even though I understand why some women hate women and want to take revenge on other women for the wrongs done to them when they were defenseless little children by their own mothers or other woman caregivers in their lives --- the biggest oppressors in my childhood were also women --- but directing this latent hate at other women makes them no different of the men that take revenge on other women for what their mothers did to them when they were defenseless little boys.

Hate will always be insatiable and until is understood and felt within the context of our childhood will  endless look for new victims to take revenge for the wrongs done to them when they were little, because hate cannot ever be resolved by scapegoating, but only when is seen, understood and consciously felt within the context our own childhood.

Until women are free to make their own choices without external pressures, they will sadly oppress others overtly or covertly, under the mask of the illusion of love, especially their children.

These words by Alice Miller just came to mind: ““We cannot really love if we are forbidden to know our truth, the truth about our parents and caregivers as well as about ourselves.

We can only try to behave as if we were loving, but this hypocritical behavior is the opposite of love. It is confusing and deceptive, and it produces much helpless rage in the deceived person.

This rage must be repressed in the presence of the pretended “love,” especially if one is dependent, as a child is, on the person who is masquerading in this illusion of love.” (The Drama of the Gifted Child: The search for the True Self) Page 23

So if we really like and care about men and children, we have to do what we can to aid women’s liberation so they can carry pregnancies to term and give birth to children by choice and love and raise children in freedom --- and not by external manipulations -- and coerced to carry pregnancies to term and give birth to new beings by force, because anything done by force or manipulations never has a good outcome.

Until women are truly free to make their own decisions, no one around them will be truly free either, especially their children, raising a new generation of oppressors continuing the vicious circle endless.

Alice Miller says best: “It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable”
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/#!/2012/07/introduction-to-revised-edition-1995.html
https://www.facebook.com/wendy.priesnitz/posts/10151911577964832

Scapegoating

Donald Warner Parker: Sending you my Best Wishes for your reembarking on your nursing career and may you sail through those upcoming exams. Whoever has you as their nurse will be most fortunate to have someone with such "a kind and sympathetic heart," that I am sure will be " truly appreciated and respected!", as you richly deserve.

Sylvie Imelda Shene Thank you, Donald! Being a nurse is very hard work and I burn out very quickly, but I wish I never had let my License expire because I need to have a backup just in case. Have anyone notice that the shooter in Orlando worked in the security business?! The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains! Just like my ex-boss that was a bank robber!!! I have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around. The world is in a real serious trouble

Donald Warner Parker: Your welcome, Sylvie! I am sure that being a nurse is very hard and demanding work and being such a sensitive person to peoples suffering burning out quickly is most understandable. You may wish you had never let your License expire as you need to have backup just in case, however, fortunately, life took you down other roads that your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions describes in great detail, and all that has unfolded since that you have written about, material for yet another book perhaps. Apparently "The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains!", as your examples of the shooter in Orlando and your ex-boss that was a bank robber graphically illustrates. Naturally with your life experience you "have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around." As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who held up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas. It must be a big relief to be leaving that part of your life behind and moving into a new phase. Congratulations!

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Thank you for your very thoughtful comment, Donald. You are one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it! Yes, since I publish A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions I have gathered a lot of material for another book! And I hope Ed and I to start working on it very soon. I read Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie” Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!

The words below by Alice Miller come to mind --- and this is why the world is so fxxxked up, because most people believe the lies, first told by their parents in childhood, and then in adulthood by those in power positions standing in symbolizing their parents. Lies fuels the violence we witness everywhere and is destroying society. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)" Telling Children the Truth

Donald Warner Parker: Your most welcome Sylvie for my comment that I was touched to hear that you found very thoughtful. I was also touched and it means a lot to me that you think I am "one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it!" I am still slowly reading and re-reading your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions as different parts of it sink in more each time and I have found it most helpful and supportive to confront some of what has been going on in my life and how it links up with my childhood and stay present to the feelings that surface. It's so true what you wrote in your book, "As you allow the events in your life to unfold, all that's really required of you is that you observe the feelings that arise naturally to the surface. You don't have to force it -- they will come up on their own! Just be sure to brace yourself because you'll likely have to look back and face some painful truths and memories -- many of which may shock you" page 160. I have very much appreciated your emphasis on not forcing from my first reading of it and recognized that it was of great importance not to do so, a trap I am sure that I and many others have fallen into, which of course is a reenactment of how our parents and caregivers could not allow us to just be as we were and putting pressure on us to perform. I have no doubt from what you have been sharing about that you have gathered a lot of material for another book, that I will look forward to reading. I whole-heartedly agree with you when you write, "Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!", which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" as Alice Miller called it, who unwittingly trigger the rage, hatred, and violence of formally abused, neglected and mistreated children who did not have the freedom to be themselves and had to falsely accommodate and conform in order to survive to such an extent that they are totally aggressor identified and are compelled to do so. Thank you for enclosing the Preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller that is not available on her website, that I will make sure to share sections of on various Facebook pages with the link to your website Sylvie Imelda Shene FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.

"I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free. Only in this way can we free ourselves from the fears and anxieties we knew as children, blamed and punished for sins we did not know we had committed, the fateful fear of the sin of disobedience, that crippling anxiety that has wrecked so many people’s lives and keeps them in thrall to their own childhood.

Given the right help, we as adults can free ourselves from that terrible spell. We can procure vital information and realize that we are no longer forced to search for some profound logic in everything our educators and religious instruction teachers passed to us as the gospel truth – and which was nothing other than the product of their own anxieties. You will be amazed at the relief you will feel when you step out of that stifling role. Then, at last, you will claim your right to face reality head-on, to reject illogical justifications, and to remain true to your own history." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free 
Prologue: Thou Shalt Not Know
Alice Miller Index nospank.

Sylvie Imelda Shene: Dear Donald, I was so glad to read that my book is being helpful to you and a support in your life. It makes it all worth it, even after being attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and half years, if it helps one person all my hard work and sacrifices are all worth it. The saddest thing for me is that, in order to keep myself safe, I have to be careful who I share my knowledge with. I’m sure I’m having the same experiences Alice Miller had when she made these psychological discoveries and try to share them with the world, and she, like me, she was persecuted and ostracized. A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling. NOW, I’m sure she went through the same persecution I went through in my last job of nine and a half years of trying to share and educate the public about the dangers of childhood repression. I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul. Even Alice Miller's adult son, in order to keep his illusion of psychoanalysis intact that protects him from having to feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was, he is trying to discredit the pioneering work his mother made later in life. Now, I have no doubt her experiences with her adult son that burst her illusion with psychoanalysis and were the catalyst to her psychological discoveries and her books. 

The fact that so many people believe in lies is a barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood suffering. These words you wrote could not be truer: “which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge"

No, without the truth we cannot heal and be set free. Thank you for sharing the excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free.
Most people don’t want an awake people around them, period! Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy. Most rich people live in much fear hiding behind their money and religion and that’s why they hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them. 

These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of "power" (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can't be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.”

Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Again your book has been very helpful and a great support in my life and I am sure also for other people as well. Of course, you need to be careful as to who you share your knowledge with (and naturally are saddened about it) and no doubt Alice Miller had similar experiences of being persecuted and ostracized. Alice Miller warned her readers a number of times in her books and Readers' Mail of how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. It hits a main cable that few people are willing or have the capacity to recognize and face up to, and so of course instead directing their hatred at the people who hurt them early in their lives (in the container of their self-therapy or with an enlightened witness, which are all too rare as you know), who are really responsible for it, they need scapegoats to project it onto as you so well know and wrote in your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, "People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood," page 83. I completely agree with what you wrote above, "A lot of people rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling." I know from my own life experience just how true that is. From what you have described what you have gone through from your last job of nine and a half years "for trying to share and educate the public about the dangers of childhood repression," I'm sure it's true what you wrote, " I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul." It sounds really horrible from all you have described, and I am sorry you have had to go through it. From what little I have read in regards to Martin Miller from a few abridged interviews, what stood out for me was how his mothers work saved his sanity and his life from what he went through at his father's and her hands, which I found to be a validation of her work. The truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on its own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it. Again I completely agree with you when you write, "Most people don’t want awake people around them, period!" It's simply just too threatening to their repression and denial of their childhood trauma and makes them too uncomfortable whether they are conscious of it or not, and not to be underestimated as to how far they could go to maintain their illusions. Like you wrote, "Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy." They want to smash the mirror rather than look at the truth is being reflected back to them in it, again as you so well know the extent of, and found out the hard way going through a living hell of being persecuted and ostracized.

"Readers frequently tell me of the hostility they encounter when they declare their allegiance to the cause of protecting children. Their attitude challenges a system that for most people represents a familiar, reassuring frame of reference. New information can be a source of uncertainty, and in the face of uncertainty the temptation is to resort to threatening behavior-similar to the intimidation parents use to bring their children up to be "good" and always do as they are told. This confronts enlightened witnesses with the same kind of painful rejection that children experience at the hands of their parents.

In some cases, the reaction is so extreme that it amounts to moral condemnation, if not downright ostracism. It bears similarities to the hatred that led to the systematic persecution of the early Christians. Though the effects of this hatred are by no means comparable (the early Christians were brutally tortured and slain), there are significant parallels between the fury aroused in both cases by people openly supporting the protection of children that was preached and practiced by Jesus himself ("Suffer the little children to come unto me," Mark 10:14)." -- Alice Miller

above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND
Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free
by Alice Miller www.nospank.net/miller18.htm
The Truth Will Set You Free
Alice Miller Index wwwnospank.net/milindex.htm

Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear Donald, thank you AGAIN for your very thoughtful comment. I started responding to your last comment but got distracted by other things and just today came back to finish it. Yes, I read many times Alice Miller warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. These words she wrote in the letter title Homosexuals are not an Exception could not be truer: ““…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for it. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/.../homosexuals-are-not-an.../

She also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her Standing on My Feet. And while working on my book with Ed I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my work might turn against me and I could lose my job, so I was very well aware of the risks, but I never thought, they would go to such extremes, but I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils. The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller's side, but have been the fakest. I might publish some of the exchanged e-mails with these people anonymously of course, so others can see and feel the poison of these people that cast themselves as more knowledgeable experts and better than others. Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas: ‘Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others.”

"One important aspect of NPD that should be noted is that it does not prevent people from occupying, as well as aspiring to, positions of power, wealth, and prestige. Many people with NPD, as Kernberg's classification makes clear, are sufficiently talented to secure the credentials of success. In addition, narcissists' preoccupation with a well-packaged exterior means that they often develop an attractive and persuasive social manner. Many high-functioning narcissists are well-liked by casual acquaintances and business associates who never get close enough to notice the emptiness or anger underneath the polished surface.

Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others. In recent years a number of books and articles have been published within the religious, medical, and business communities regarding the problems caused by professionals with NPD. One psychiatrist noted in a lecture on substance abuse among physicians that NPD is one of the three most common psychiatric diagnoses among physicians in court-mandated substance abuse programs. A psychologist who serves as a consultant in the evaluation of seminary students and ordained clergy has remarked that the proportion of narcissists in the clergy has risen dramatically since the 1960s. Researchers in the field of business organization and management styles have compiled data on the human and economic costs of executives with undiagnosed NPD. Rebecca J. Frey, Ph.D., Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders"
Read more: http://www.minddisorders.com/Kau-Nu/Narcissistic-personality-disorder.html#ixzz3WAoi7wbB

Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving and cause great harm, because they talk a good talk in public, but when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they are writing by a narcissist, sociopaths or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him. 

I too have read Martin Miller’s words where he says his mother’s books saved him and I totally believe him that Alice Miller’s psychological discoveries saved him from losing his mind completely, but I also see how he is still stuck in the hate of the child he once was towards his mother and never truly liberated himself and never found his own autonomy. I have had people writing to me in total confusion caused by Martin Miller’s writings -- he is creating a lot of confusion out there -- in one hand he is talking a good talk and in the other hand he is still stuck in the emotions of the child he once was and this is causing a lot of confusion for people that still looking for a way out of their own emotional prisons. As long we remain in the state of dependence we will remain stuck in anger -- just like Alice Miller wrote in the article ‘What is Hatred?“: “…a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer. If we deny ourselves this feeling, we will suffer from physical symptoms.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/ 

His mother is dead, but it seems he never found his own way, autonomy and still is dependent on his mother. As long we remain in the state of dependency our anger will not resolve, but increases. Alice Miller wrote in one of her books that she learned a lot from the intense discussions with her adult son and I have no doubt about it, that she learned a lot and were the catalyst to her liberation and an inspiration for her books and many articles. You are completely right the “truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on its own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it.”

Also, these words I wrote to Alice Miller talking about BR and her answer came to mind: You know when I read her book and articles and the answers to your reader’s mail, which I enjoy reading, I could feel that she still was repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings but from her head.

I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are not capable of feeling their repressed feelings and they unconsciously project those repressed feelings onto scapegoats.

AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can be then RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an endpoint of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.

Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Once again you are most welcome for my comment that I am touched that you found very thoughtful. Coming from you that is a real compliment. Thank you for elaborating on your response to my last comment. Of course, knowing Alice Miller's body of work so well and having dedicated your life to spreading her message you have "read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment." You really found the perfect passage that really states the extent to which she warns people to be careful, and I whole-heartedly agree with you that her words could not be truer, "…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for it. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer in telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/

Most understandably you had no idea of the extremes that people at your work could turn against you, even though you were well aware of the risks until it actually happened, and then the full extent came through with devastating clarity. It is a most valuable and most painful lesson to really get " to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing acting as if personality pretending to be good people and I removed their pretty masks and veils." Hard-earned wisdom not to be regretted and why would you gave that you have had the emotional openness to see it for what it is and learn from it as a result of all the work you have done on yourself with Alice Miller as your enlightened witness. You wrote that "The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers and I thought they were on Alice Miller side, but have been the fakest." A response from Alice Miller that you included in your book on page 191 once again says it all, "I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most of the cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one's parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."

You wrote that you have had people writing to you "in total confusion caused by Martin Miller's writings." As I have not read what they have written to you I don't know what their confusion is about. For myself regardless of what I have read in a couple of abridged interviews with Martin Miller about how he suffered at the hands of his mother in her re-enactments with him and her husband, this does change for me the truth and validity of her body of work (and all it has meant and done for me), which once again stands on its own, regardless of what was going on in her personal life that was not resolved from her childhood, at that time, and consequently re-enacted as described. I do not know how you have responded to these people however I am sure you been very clear and straightforward in whatever you have had to say. Thank you for what you added on, which I well remember from reading in your book.
http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/

Randell:  And MUCH better pay, too!

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, it’s better pay! But it's a lot of hard work!!! Working in gated communities it’s kind of fun if the security business didn’t attract so many malignant narcissists!!! You get to meet some really cool people! But I’m so tired of working with malignant narcissists…

Monica Chelagat Very similar to where I worked. A lot of interesting people from all over the world, but it is full of sociopaths!

Boniface Niba ALL WILL BE FINE !

Sylvie Imelda Shene Yes, Boniface. In the end, we all be FINE! As long we don't react negatively to the sociopaths lies and mind games!
Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and it's what gives them power.

If you like to read more about my experience with a mob of sociopaths also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge