Donald Warner Parker:
Sending you my best wishes for your reemergence in nursing. May you sail through your upcoming exams—whoever has you as their nurse will be fortunate to have someone with such a kind and sympathetic heart. Your compassion will be truly appreciated and respected, as you richly deserve.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Thank you, Donald! Nursing is demanding work, and I burn out quickly. I regret letting my license expire—having a backup would have been wise.
Have you noticed how the Orlando shooter worked in security? The security industry attracts explosive personalities, like my ex-boss, who was a bank robber. I’ve realized many wealthy people are white-collar criminals who hire others like them to do their dirty work. They don’t want honest, authentic people around. The world is in serious trouble.
Donald Warner Parker:
You’re welcome, Sylvie. Nursing is undoubtedly draining, especially for someone as empathetic as you. While you wish you’d kept your license, life led you elsewhere—your book A Dance to Freedom details this journey, and there’s likely material for another book!
Your observations about security work resonate—it does attract volatile individuals, like the Orlando shooter and your ex-boss. And yes, many powerful people operate through deception, surrounding themselves with enablers. As Scott Peck wrote in People of the Lie, dishonest individuals despise those who reflect their own falsehoods.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Thank you for your thoughtful words, Donald. Few truly understand my book—you’re one of them. Since publishing A Dance to Freedom, I’ve gathered more material for another book, which I hope to write soon.
I read People of the Lie—our world is drowning in deception, and most blindly accept it. Alice Miller’s words come to mind: "Children told the truth, not raised to tolerate lies, develop freely—like plants unharmed by pests." Lies fuel the violence destroying society.
Donald Warner Parker:
Your book has been a profound support—I revisit it often, letting its insights sink in. Your emphasis on not forcing emotions is crucial; it’s a trap many fall into, repeating the pressure our caregivers imposed.
I agree: our society is steeped in lies because facing childhood trauma is too threatening. People scapegoat truth-tellers rather than confront their pain. Alice Miller’s Free from Lies explains this well: "Only by knowing the truth can we free ourselves from childhood fears."
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
I’m glad my book helps you. Even after being attacked by sociopaths at my job, if it reaches one person, the struggle was worth it. But I’ve learned caution—many would rather kill than face the truth.
Alice Miller faced similar persecution. Even her son, clinging to psychoanalysis, tries to discredit her work. Narcissists in "helping professions" (therapy, medicine, clergy) often cause the most harm—they preach healing but attack those who expose their emptiness.
Donald Warner Parker:
Your experiences mirror Miller’s warnings—people will retaliate when confronted with truth. As you wrote in your book: "Those who ignore their childhood pain crave scapegoats."
Martin Miller’s conflicted stance on his mother’s work shows how unresolved rage persists. Yet, Alice Miller’s insights remain valid—truth doesn’t depend on the messenger.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Exactly. Many "healers" are wolves in sheep’s clothing. I may share anonymized emails to expose their toxicity. Narcissists in power—especially those posing as trauma experts—are the most dangerous.
Martin’s lingering anger proves his dependency. As Alice wrote: "Hatred persists when we remain emotionally chained to our abusers." True freedom comes from breaking that bond.
Randell:
And nursing pays better!
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
True, but it’s hard work! Security can be fun—meeting diverse people—if not for the narcissists.
Boniface Niba:
All will be fine.
Sylvie Imelda Shene:
Yes, as long as we don’t react to sociopaths’ mind games. Rising above their lies robs them of power.
Unpolished original conversation below
Donald Warner Parker: Sending you my Best Wishes for your reemergence in your nursing career, and may you sail through those upcoming exams. Whoever has you as their nurse will be most fortunate to have someone with such a kind and sympathetic heart," that I am sure will be " truly appreciated and respected!", as you richly deserve.
Sylvie Imelda Shene: Thank you, Donald! Being a nurse is very hard work, and I burn out very quickly, but I wish I had never let my License expire because I need to have a backup just in case. Has anyone noticed that the shooter in Orlando worked in the security business?! The security business is a magnet for individuals with explosive personalities. Just like my ex-boss, who was a bank robber!!! I have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't want honest and authentic people like me around. The world is in a real serious trouble
Donald Warner Parker: You're welcome, Sylvie! I am sure that being a nurse is very demanding work, and being such a sensitive person to people's suffering, it is understandable that one might burn out quickly. You may wish you had never let your License expire as you need to have backup just in case, however, fortunately, life took you down other roads that your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions describes in great detail, and all that has unfolded since that you have written about, material for yet another book perhaps. Apparently, "The security business is a magnet for people with time bombs in their brains!", as your examples of the shooter in Orlando and your ex-boss, who was a bank robber, graphically illustrate. Naturally with your life experience you "have come to the conclusion that a lot of rich people are white color criminals and they like to hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them, and they don't like honest and authentic people like me around." As the old saying goes "birds of a feather flock together" and the last thing that dishonest people, "People of the Lie", as Scott Peck calls them, wants around is people like you that are honest and authentic, who held up a mirror to their lies, just with their presence, even if they do not say anything. They will avoid this like the plague and be compelled to annihilate and destroy someone like this (whom they use as a scapegoat) in their presence to keep their own repression and denial of their childhood traumas intact, as you know and understand so well, and have found out the hard way through your own direct personal experience, and survived thanks to the extensive work you have done to face up to and resolve your childhood traumas. It must be a big relief to be leaving that part of your life behind and moving into a new phase. Congratulations!
Sylvie Imelda Shene: Thank you for your very thoughtful comment, Donald. You are one of the very few people who have read my book and truly understand it. Yes, since I published A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, I have gathered a lot of material for another book! And I hope Ed and I will start working on it very soon. I read Scott Peck’s book “People of the Lie.” Sadly, our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere, and the most disheartening part is that many people in our society believe these lies.
The words below by Alice Miller come to mind --- and this is why the world is so fxxxked up, because most people believe the lies, first told by their parents in childhood, and then in adulthood by those in power positions standing in symbolizing their parents. Lies fuel the violence we witness everywhere and are destroying society. "Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case, lies)." Telling Children the Truth
Donald Warner Parker: You're most welcome, Sylvie, for my comment that I was touched to hear that you found it very thoughtful. I was also touched, and it means a lot to me that you think I am "one of the very few people that read my book that really understands and gets it!" I am still slowly reading and re-reading your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions as different parts of it sink in more each time and I have found it most helpful and supportive to confront some of what has been going on in my life and how it links up with my childhood and stay present to the feelings that surface. It's so true what you wrote in your book, "As you allow the events in your life to unfold, all that's really required of you is that you observe the feelings that arise naturally to the surface. You don't have to force it -- they will come up on their own! Just be sure to brace yourself because you'll likely have to look back and face some painful truths and memories -- many of which may shock you" page 160. I have very much appreciated your emphasis on not forcing from my first reading of it and recognized that it was of great importance not to do so, a trap I am sure that I and many others have fallen into, which of course is a reenactment of how our parents and caregivers could not allow us to just be as we were and putting pressure on us to perform. I have no doubt from what you have been sharing that you have gathered a lot of material for another book, which I will look forward to reading. I whole-heartedly agree with you when you write, "Sadly our world is full of people living and spreading lies everywhere and the saddest part is that most people in our society believe these lies!", which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge" as Alice Miller called it, who unwittingly trigger the rage, hatred, and violence of formally abused, neglected and mistreated children who did not have the freedom to be themselves and had to falsely accommodate and conform in order to survive to such an extent that they are totally aggressor identified and are compelled to do so. Thank you for enclosing the Preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller that is not available on her website, which I will make sure to share sections of on various Facebook pages with the link to your website, Sylvie Imelda Shene, FACING CHILDHOOD TRAUMAS.
"I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free. Only in this way can we free ourselves from the fears and anxieties we knew as children, blamed and punished for sins we did not know we had committed, the fateful fear of the sin of disobedience, that crippling anxiety that has wrecked so many people’s lives and keeps them in thrall to their own childhood.
Given the right help, we as adults can free ourselves from that terrible spell. We can procure vital information and realize that we are no longer forced to search for some profound logic in everything our educators and religious instruction teachers passed to us as the gospel truth – and which was nothing other than the product of their own anxieties. You will be amazed at the relief you will feel when you step out of that stifling role. Then, at last, you will claim your right to face reality head-on, to reject illogical justifications, and to remain true to your own history." -- Alice Miller
Above excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free
Prologue: Thou Shalt Not Know
by Alice Miller
Sylvie Imelda Shene: Dear Donald, I was so glad to read that my book is helpful to you and a support in your life. It makes it all worth it, even after being attacked by a mob of sociopaths at my job of nine and a half years. if it helps one person, all my hard work and sacrifices are worth it. The most disheartening aspect for me is that, in order to keep myself safe, I have to be cautious about who I share my knowledge with. I’m sure I’m having the same experiences Alice Miller had when she made these psychological discoveries and tried to share them with the world, and she, like me, was persecuted and ostracized. A lot of people would rather kill you than face their own painful truths, and to keep their illusions intact, which protects them from seeing and feeling. NOW, I’m sure she went through the same persecution I went through in my last job of nine and a half years of trying to share and educate the public about the dangers of childhood repression. I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul. Even Alice Miller's adult son, in order to keep his illusion of psychoanalysis intact, which protects him from having to feel the repressed emotions of the child he once was, is trying to discredit the pioneering work his mother did later in life. Now, I have no doubt her experiences with her adult son that burst her illusion with psychoanalysis and were the catalyst to her psychological discoveries and her books.
The fact that so many people believe in lies is a barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood suffering. These words you wrote could not be truer: “which is a disturbingly telling barometer of the degree of repression and denial of childhood trauma in our culture (as I am sure you well know), where the truth is so unwelcome and shunned like the plague, as it's so threatening, and the consequent lashing out, targeting and scapegoating of people who are honest and authentic and speak about the "forbidden knowledge"
No, without the truth, we cannot heal and be set free. Thank you for sharing the excerpt from The Truth Will Set You Free.
Most people don’t want to be around awake people, period! Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy. Most rich people live in much fear, hiding behind their money and religion, and that’s why they hire other criminals to do their dirty work and to protect them.
These words Alice Miller wrote to me come truer every day: “Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of "power" (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy; it can then be RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an end point of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time, they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can't be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind and can also explain it in your forum.”
Donald Warner Parker Dear Sylvie, Again, your book has been very helpful and a great support in my life, and I am sure also for other people as well. Of course, you need to be careful about who you share your knowledge with (and are naturally saddened about it), and no doubt Alice Miller had similar experiences of being persecuted and ostracized. Alice Miller warned her readers a number of times in her books and Readers' Mail of how hostile, vicious, and downright hateful people can become confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. It hits a main cable that few people are willing or have the capacity to recognize and face up to, and so of course instead directing their hatred at the people who hurt them early in their lives (in the container of their self-therapy or with an enlightened witness, which are all too rare as you know), who are really responsible for it, they need scapegoats to project it onto as you so well know and wrote in your book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, "People who idealize their childhoods, or otherwise ignore their pain, have limitless cravings for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood," page 83. I completely agree with what you wrote above, "A lot of people would rather kill you than face their own painful truths and to keep their illusions intact that protects them from seeing and feeling." I know from my own life experience just how true that is. From what you have described what you have gone through from your last job of nine and a half years "for trying to share and educate the public about the dangers of childhood repression," I'm sure it's true what you wrote, " I don’t think most people will ever know the intensity of having a mob of sociopaths stalking your soul all at once and plotting behind closed doors to murder your soul." It sounds really horrible from everything you've described, and I'm sorry you've had to go through it. From what I have read regarding Martin Miller in a few abridged interviews, what stood out to me was how his mother's work saved his sanity and his life from the trauma he experienced at his father's and her hands, which I found to be a validation of her work. The truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stand on their own, regardless of how anyone may try to discredit them. Again, I completely agree with you when you write, "Most people don’t want awake people around them, period!" It's simply just too threatening to their repression and denial of their childhood trauma. It makes them too uncomfortable, whether they are conscious of it or not, and should not be underestimated as to how far they could go to maintain their illusions. Like you wrote, "Everyone loves me until they find out how much I understand the human mind --- the moment they find out that I can see behind the pretty masks people wear, then I become their target to destroy." They want to smash the mirror rather than look at the truth being reflected back to them in it, again, as you so well know, the extent of, and found out the hard way, going through a living hell of being persecuted and ostracized.
"Readers frequently tell me of the hostility they encounter when they declare their allegiance to the cause of protecting children. Their attitude challenges a system that for most people represents a familiar, reassuring frame of reference. New information can be a source of uncertainty. In the face of uncertainty, the temptation is to resort to threatening behavior, similar to the intimidation parents use to bring their children up to be "good" and always do as they are told. This confronts enlightened witnesses with the same kind of painful rejection that children experience at the hands of their parents.
In some cases, the reaction is so extreme that it amounts to moral condemnation, if not downright ostracism. It bears similarities to the hatred that led to the systematic persecution of the early Christians. Though the effects of this hatred are by no means comparable (the early Christians were brutally tortured and slain), there are significant parallels between the fury aroused in both cases by people openly supporting the protection of children that was preached and practiced by Jesus himself ("Suffer the little children to come unto me," Mark 10:14)." -- Alice Miller
Above excerpt from BARRIERS IN THE MIND
Chapter 7 from The Truth Will Set You Free
by Alice Miller
Sylvie Imelda Shene Dear Donald, thank you AGAIN for your very thoughtful comment. I started responding to your last comment but got distracted by other things, and only just now came back to finish it. Yes, I have read many times Alice Miller's warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious, and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment. These words she wrote in the letter title Homosexuals are not an Exception could not be truer: “…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for it. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer by telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.”
http://www.alice-miller.com/.../homosexuals-are-not-an.../
She also warned me directly in her reply to my first letter to her, Standing on My Feet. While working on my book with Ed, I mentioned to him a few times that some people at my workplace might turn against me. I was aware of the risks, so I could lose my job, but I never thought they would go to such extremes. Still, I’m glad I wrote my book, because I really got to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, acting as if personality pretending to are good people, and I removed their pretty masks and veils. The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers, and I thought they were on Alice Miller's side, but they have been the fakest. I might publish some of the exchanged emails with these people anonymously, of course, so others can see and feel the toxicity of these individuals who present themselves as more knowledgeable experts and superior to others. Just like it says in the post you shared on Facing Childhood Traumas:
Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power, particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry), often do great harm to others.
"One important aspect of NPD that should be noted is that it does not prevent people from occupying, as well as aspiring to, positions of power, wealth, and prestige. Many people with NPD, as Kernberg's classification makes clear, are sufficiently talented to secure the credentials of success. In addition, narcissists' preoccupation with a well-packaged exterior means that they often develop an attractive and persuasive social manner. Many high-functioning narcissists are well-liked by casual acquaintances and business associates who never get close enough to notice the emptiness or anger underneath the polished surface.
Unfortunately, narcissists in positions of high visibility or power—particularly in the so-called helping professions (medicine, education, and the ministry)—often do great harm to others. In recent years, a number of books and articles have been published within the religious, medical, and business communities regarding the problems caused by professionals with NPD. One psychiatrist noted in a lecture on substance abuse among physicians that NPD is one of the three most common psychiatric diagnoses among physicians in court-mandated substance abuse programs. A psychologist who serves as a consultant in the evaluation of seminary students and ordained clergy has remarked that the proportion of narcissists in the clergy has risen dramatically since the 1960s. Researchers in the field of business organization and management styles have compiled data on the human and economic costs associated with executives who have undiagnosed NPD. Rebecca J. Frey, Ph.D., Encyclopedia of Mental Disorders"
Read more: http://
Narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the health professions are the most confusing, deceiving, and cause great harm, because they talk a good game in public. Still, when they are alone with a person they fear that might expose the emptiness and insecurities, that’s when they become very vicious, and if they can, they will destroy you to protect their false self. I wonder if the truthful words written above are written by an authentic person or if they are written by a narcissist, sociopath, or psychopath. I will never know unless I have an interaction with him.
I, too, have read Martin Miller’s words, in which he says his mother’s books saved him. I totally believe him that Alice Miller’s psychological discoveries saved him from losing his mind completely. However, I also see how he is still stuck in the hate of the child he once was towards his mother, and never truly liberated himself, and never found his own autonomy. I have had people writing to me in total confusion caused by Martin Miller’s writings -- he is creating a lot of confusion out there. On the one hand, he is talking a good talk. On the other hand, he is still stuck in the emotions of the child he once was, and this is causing a lot of confusion for people who are still looking for a way out of their own emotional prisons. As long as we remain in the state of dependence, we will remain stuck in anger -- just like Alice Miller wrote in the article ‘What is Hatred?““…a person we are at the mercy of and either cannot free ourselves of, or at least believe that we cannot. As long as we are in such a state of dependency, or think we are, then hatred is the inevitable outcome. It is hardly conceivable that a person being tortured will not feel hatred for the torturer. If we deny ourselves this feeling, we will suffer from physical symptoms.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/what-is-hatred/
His mother is dead, but it seems he never found his own way, autonomy, and is still dependent on his mother. As long as we remain in the state of dependency, our anger will not resolve, but increase. Alice Miller wrote in one of her books that she learned a great deal from the intense discussions with her adult son, and I have no doubt that she gained valuable insights and was the catalyst for her liberation, as well as an inspiration for her books and numerous articles. You are completely right, the “truth of Alice Miller's discoveries and her body of work stands on its own regardless of how anyone may try to discredit it.”
Also, the words I wrote to Alice Miller, discussing BR and her response, came to mind: You know, when I read her book and articles, as well as the answers to your readers’ mail, which I enjoy, I could sense that she was still repressed and harboring illusions. What she was writing was not coming from her true feelings but from her head.
I call people like that parrots—they have great smarts, memories, and are very talented at writing and articulating, but they really don’t understand what they are saying. They are unable to acknowledge or express their repressed feelings, and they unconsciously project those feelings onto scapegoats.
AM: Thank you for your thoughtful letter I agree with you that there is a difference between the powerless, legitimate rage of a desperate child that reacts to the cruelty of their parents and the rage of the adult who is attacking others out of denial of their history by imitating the behavior of own parents from the position of “power” (even grandiosity). The first rage (of the child) should be felt and expressed in therapy, it can then be RESOLVED. The second one (of the adult), directed toward scapegoats, can NEVER be resolved (see dictators). If therapists see it as an endpoint of their therapies and don’t enable the patients to confront the early parents and the feelings of that time, they do much HARM to them. Staying trapped in the hatred toward scapegoats can’t be the successful end of a therapy. I hope that you can continue your work if you have this difference in mind, and can also explain it in your forum.
Donald Warner Parker, Dear Sylvie, Once again, you are most welcome for my comment, and I am touched that you found it thoughtful. Coming from you, that is a real compliment. Thank you for elaborating on your response to my last comment. Of course, knowing Alice Miller's body of work so well and having dedicated your life to spreading her message you have "read many times Alice Miller’s warnings in her books and in the readers’ mail about how hostile, vicious and downright hateful people can become when confronted with the truth of her discoveries about child abuse, neglect, and mistreatment." You really found the perfect passage that really states the extent to which she warns people to be careful, and I wholeheartedly agree with you that her words could not be truer, "…But be careful and don't give such information to anybody who does not ask you for it. They would kill you rather than accept the truth that they suffered abuse in childhood. You know how much time it takes to confront oneself with one's own childhood. So don't try to be a healer by telling people what they definitely don't want to know. You can only heal yourself, and this is much, very much.” http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/
Most understandably, you had no idea of the extremes that people at your work could turn against you, even though you were well aware of the risks until it actually happened. Then the full extent came through with devastating clarity. It is a most valuable and most painful lesson to really get " to see firsthand how most people are wolves in sheep’s clothing, acting as if personality pretending to be good people, and I removed their pretty masks and veils." Hard-earned wisdom not to be regretted, and why would you give that you have had the emotional openness to see it for what it is and learn from it as a result of all the work you have done on yourself with Alice Miller as your enlightened witness. You wrote that "The worst of them have been those casting themselves as being experts on childhood trauma and healers, and I thought they were on Alice Miller's side, but have been the fakest." A response from Alice Miller that you included in your book on page 191 once again says it all, "I can only urge you to trust your feelings and to NOT offer your empathy and interest to everybody just because they say they read and understood everything I have written. In most cases, it is a lie. To understand my books means to overcome the fear of one's parents, to honestly feel the justified rage TOWARD THEM, and to no longer use others to get free from the accumulated rage."
You wrote that you have had people writing to you "in total confusion caused by Martin Miller's writings." As I have not read what they have written to you, I don't know what their confusion is about. For myself regardless of what I have read in a couple of abridged interviews with Martin Miller about how he suffered at the hands of his mother in her re-enactments with him and her husband, this does change for me the truth and validity of her body of work (and all it has meant and done for me), which once again stands on its own, regardless of what was going on in her personal life that was not resolved from her childhood, at that time, and consequently re-enacted as described. I do not know how you have responded to these people; however, you have been very clear and straightforward in everything you have said. Thank you for what you added, which I well remember from reading in your book.
http://www.alice-miller.com/en/homosexuals-are-not-an-exception/
Randell: And MUCH better pay, too!
Monica Chelagat is very similar to where I worked. A lot of interesting people from all over the world, but it is full of sociopaths!
Boniface Niba ALL WILL BE FINE!
Sylvie Imelda Shene, Yes, Boniface. In the end, we'll all be FINE! As long as we don't react negatively to the sociopaths' lies and mind games!
Remember! Rise above the sociopaths' bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, it's what they want and it's what gives them power.
If you'd like to read more about my experience with a mob of sociopaths, also read my blog post Experienced Knowledge.
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