Thursday, May 31, 2012

Some of my comments in abortion debate after Dr. Tiller’s murder three years ago

Reading the last comments made me very sad. Lies always make me very sad.

I had an abortion and I did not cause me emotional or physical harm, having a baby I could not take care of, financially and emotionally, that would have caused me emotional problems, these people use strong language and made up pictures and stories to project their disowned guilt feelings into others; people that are pro-choice make perfect scapegoats for them. They are very unconscious and ignorant. Very, very, very sad.

J, you don’t get the point I am only fighting for the freedom for the right to choose. Freedom most of you pro-lifers want to take away. You chose whatever you like I don’t have control over that and I would not want the responsibility of making someone’s choice. Only ignorant unconscious people want to make decisions for others.

Pro-lifers are just doing to others what was done to them in their childhood – unconsciously tell their true story of their childhood by compulsively repeating, recreating or reenacting it over and over again with substitute people -- the compulsion to repeat is too great -- this is why I don’t get in direct discussion with these people because I don’t give them a chance with the help of their ideology to make me their substitute person to dump on. They were born in a painful vicious circle and take refuge in ideologies because facing the painful truth that their parents/caregivers exploited, abused and forced their beliefs on them is too painful for them to face, so they look for safe scapegoats to take revenge for what their parents did to them. Women that choose to abort and not carry a pregnancy to term makes perfect safe scapegoats for them – also doctors that perform abortions make perfect scapegoats – the person that killed Dr. Tiller who he really wanted to kill was his parents, but if he had killed his parents he would not have found any support from anyone in society, because we live in a society that protests parents no matter what they do to their children. So he unconsciously transferred his justified hate for his parents to Dr. Tiller, because with the help of ideology he could find a lot of support from all the pro-lifers. “Since every ideology provides a scapegoat outside the confines of its own splendid group, the weak and scorned child who is part of the total self but has been split off and never acknowledge can now be openly scorned and assailed in this scapegoat. The reference in Himmler's speech to the "bacillus" of weakness which is to be exterminated and cauterized demonstrates very clearly the role assigned to the Jews by someone suffering from grandiosity who attempts to split off the unwelcome elements of his own psyche..." Alice Miller

B.M. wrote: “And, speaking of psychology I'm damned good at it. If I could see you I probably could nail much more about you. Your avatar is a good indication for starters with the eyes missing… I'm positive above all else there has been some kind of tragedy that has brought you to this point at your tender age…” You so right B.M. – it’s nice to see there are other people out there that are not emotionally blind. My sister got involved with a very disturbed man and they had a little girl in the eighties, the same age of this young girl here. I tried to protect my niece from the U.S. by reporting her parents to the child protective services, but because most people working at the child protective agencies are emotionally blind and they were not able to see through the pretense of my sister and her partner (both were very charismatic and with colleges degrees) and they believed their very well-articulated lies over me. I was so far way that I was not able to give this little girl the help she needed. Now at 24 years old I tried to explain to her of the facts and why she is so angry and how she is directing her anger at the wrong people. Guess what just like this young girl here she in denial and directing her anger at pro-choice people proclaim that she is pro-life. Also she is a very good artist and guess what she painted a young girl that kind of looks like her, you guessed it the young girl in the picture has the eyes close. Just like this young girl here, her avatar picture has no eyes: It says I rather be emotionally blind, protect my parents and direct my anger from my childhood at scapegoats than see the truth that I had parents that exploited me and did not really love me and I can’t handle the pain of the real truth, so unconsciously and compulsively they will keep looking for safe scapegoats to direct their anger; very sad.

Sandra, M C in his post, articulates very well who the liars are. I will print here his words again: “The hatred and violence espoused by the ilk of Victor Magilke and others (O'Reilly, the far-right radicals, the rabid pro-lifers, etc.) do nothing but stir up more violence and hatred. These persons have no legitimate right to declare themselves as being intelligent or believable. Theirs is the culture of lying, deceit, and domestic terrorism. Shame, shame on those who would have us believe their despicable self-righteousness!”

T, thank you for your support; it’s nice to see there are other people able to see through the masks people use to deceive themselves and others of who they really are. I am glad to see they don’t fool you. Congratulations on not being emotionally blind! Child abuse causes people to be emotionally blind, the fact that a lot of people here are so emotionally blind it just says their childhood abuse was extreme and their denials will not change this reality. People that never face their reality will endless need scapegoats to take revenge for what their caretakers/parents did to them when they were little. Dr. Tiller and pro-choice people make perfect scapegoats for them. Their fight for the unborn children is just a symbolic fight. These people suffer from Stockholm syndrome; read the article “Love and Stockholm syndrome:the Mystery of Loving an abuser
In their last posts illustrate very well the vicious circle they live in and they are raising the haters of tomorrow. Read the article how “Evil is born anew with every new generation” in the link below:

C: “You are one SICK woman!!! You need psychiatric help BIG time!! I KNOW what my life was and IS and I THANK GOD..that it's not like yours!!”

Denial, denial, denial, your words are a projection of yourself into me. I am a grown-up person with experience, knowledge and understands these psychological mechanisms and what we understand cannot hurt us, but I feel sorry for the children in your life because children don’t have the experience and knowledge to understand these projections and when people unconsciously project their sick self into innocent children --- this is child abusive --- I hope you find the courage to face your sick self and stop your illusion of love so you will stop being an abuser for the children in your life. What does not contain real love must contain an illusion. Real Love is eternal present. Only illusions come and go. We get deeply hurt when we mistake an illusion for real love. What do you contain an illusion or real love?

S, your words to me are a projection of yourself and you are the one that needs to listen to your words and the same goes to C. Each person has to decide for themselves if they should have children or not, but I would prefer to see people that have become conscious and self-aware have children. Being a parent is a privilege, not a right. Unfortunately, most people are not born with this privilege. Sadly, the majority of people do not have the self-awareness to see it; and because of parental ignorance, blindness, and denial, they bring new life to a life of endless suffering. Of course, if a person becomes conscious, self-aware and does his/her emotional work can gain the privilege to become a parent.
What is really sick is people fighting for the unborn life/children that are not suffering and not doing anything for the children that are already here and can't protect itself and is being used by unconscious people and suffering all alone.

We will never be able to stop child abuse as long as we say: “when we needed a good smack we got it!!!!!” this is an idealization of the parents and I am sure the person that said these words, now smacks her own children without thinking twice. This is How Emotional Blindness is Created. Read the flyers in the links below: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.
The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown

Also, read the interview by Noreen Taylor It is Never Okay to Spank, Beat or Hit a Child
The website  women on waves have great information for women that want to have control over their bodies.

Thank you for your letter. It’s nice to hear from people that are not emotionally blind and has the courage to face the facts and are able to see the lies that some people try to pass as the truth. I think you would like to read the book that just came out last week by Alice Miller “Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs” I recommend reading all her books, no one on this planet exposes the lies in our society like her. Congratulations on having the courage to see and best wishes, Sylvie

Thank you T, I know some people here claim to have the truth, but they are very far away from it and when someone puts the facts in front of them, they can get very mean, but they are really, unconsciously telling their true story how they were treated by their parents. Children that are preached to, they learn to preach, children that are spanked, they learned to use violence to get their way. I am sure when they were little and they tried to comfort their parents with their truth, their parents call them IDIOT and stupid too. They lacked the courage to stand alone with their truth and unconsciously along the way they started to idealize the parents and became like them. And now when anyone confronts them with the facts, they call others stupid just like their parents call them.

C, you are not in reality look around, the professionals and other people trying to help are emotionally blind, not aware that they are carrying a psychological virus and unconsciously in a covert way, under the disguise of help are harming those they are trying to help all over again. They are not enough enlightening people in our society to assist all the people in need and I am not going to bring a child to this crazy world for all these unconscious people to contaminate; read the article: “THE ESSENTIAL ROLE OF AN ENLIGHTENED WITNESS IN SOCIETY” Treating symptoms do not work in the long run, it just temporally and superficially solves problems, and the only way we solve any problem is by facing the root problem that child-rearing practices around the world are abusive.

E’s words articulate very well fundamental truths. I too grew up with fanatics which made my youth a living hell. I will print here again her words. “I'll defend others' rights to believe as long as they don't try to shove it down my throat. The difference between you and the holier-than-thou'ers is that you don't use your beliefs as a cudgel. THEY somehow think they have the right to dictate to everyone else just what we can or should believe, do, say or live according to. You have graciously explained you feel pretty much as I do: that we each should live according to our own beliefs; exactly how it should be. Courtesy and acceptance of our differences. That IS what a free society is about. The other approach went out with the Puritans and their witch hunting. These modern-day witch hunters are doing their best to bring back the days of NO religious freedom. They'd have us all back under the religious yoke if they could, without thinking through the consequences. They think the religious murder of a doctor is innocuous enough because it ties in with their own beliefs. It's sickening how pervasive this type of closed-mindedness has affected our society. The fanatics never recognize it in themselves. My mother was one of them, which is why they will never shout me down. I've personally seen lives destroyed by such single-minded fanaticism. Kudos to you Sylvie and the other open-minded here.”

G, thank you for giving me the freedom to do with my body what I feel is best for me and I respect your choice to do what you think is best for yourself. I only ask the pro-lifers to stop forcing their beliefs into others. When we force our beliefs into others we are nothing but dictators. The following words by Alice Miller shine light why dictators are the way they are. Most pro-lifers were abused and now they idealize their abusers and when people idealize their abusers they become just like them and this is their sad truth that they do not have the courage to face. “…Dictators and the Dynamics of Cruelty Every dictator torments his people in the same way he was tormented as a child. The humiliations inflicted on these dictators in adult life had nothing like the same influence on their actions as the emotional experiences they went through in their early years. Those years are "formative" in the truest sense: in this period the brain records or "encodes" emotions without (usually) being able to recall them at will. As almost every dictator denies his sufferings (his former total helplessness in the face of brutality) there is no way that he can truly come to terms with them. Instead, he will have a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom he can avenge himself for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears.”

-“I go live the life that my mother gave me thanks, mom."
Yes! You are using your life to transport the ignorance your parents transferred to you like a robot – I call that wasted life. Yes killing Dr. Tiller was a choice, an unconscious choice, he chose to direct his anger, hate towards someone that never hurt him, because he was a coward to direct his anger towards the people that really hurt him, probably his parents. We live in a world full of cowards.

"Find something else to say. Make yourself seem somewhat intelligent. Murder is never the answer.”
Abortion is not murder that is your belief and does not make it real just because you believe it. Killing Dr. Tiller; a living breading human being that was murder.

I listen to the young lady that said: “I left my dead baby in a toilet at Gorge Tiller’s”
This young lady’s emotional problems are not caused by her abortion, but by her upbringing and now in order to protect her parents, the abortion gets the blame for her emotional problems and sadly she fell into the trap of the religious extremists, that use strong language and lies to shock people, and is going to keep her in the dark and exploit her; very sad.

Some of the pro-lifers (I am not mentioning names anymore they know who there are) accuse me of pushing my views on others and show fear that I might influence someone in having an abortion. Yes if someone gets to the conclusion that having an abortion is the best thing for them I like to help them be at peace with their decision, in the other hand the pro-lifers want to make them feel guilt. Religion and morality cement blindness and cement, as we know, is very difficult to soften. So I don’t expect the religious fanatics to be able to see and understand what I talk about. I am really speaking to the opened mind. So for now on, I am going to ignore the comments of the religious fanatics.

What makes my blood boil is when I hear the hypocrites say that they want to be a voice for the voiceless, the fetus, the fetus is not suffering, there are millions of children around the world being abused and suffering, that later put themselves in danger and the whole society; why not be a voice for the children already here that are being abused under the disguise of discipline, suffering and really need someone to speak up for them. I bet these same people believe in corporal punishment to make children obedient, raising robots like them. 
As Alice Miller says in her flyer “The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown” “As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression, etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)”

The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown

Life does not start in my womb and does not end in my womb. I have the potential to create a new being, but it’s my choice if I want to do that or not. Life started a long time ago and it will end a long time from now, probably sooner than we like if we kept creating new beings, beings that if we don’t take care of emotionally and physically, later will take revenge on society for being born and will be a destroyer of all life. Also, these people don’t want health care reform because they don’t want government involvement in our lives, but they want the government in my womb. Stay out of my womb, what happens in my womb is my business and no one else’s.

I am sorry, but the pro-spanking people go around and around in their heads like chickens with the heads cut off and only because they are incapable to face and feel their personal painful truths, they idealize their parents, live in fantasy, and imitate their parents without question it, they keep going around in the heads to avoid facing their sad reality. The purpose of their posts is just to make noise and drown the facts and reality, but I will just keep reposting the facts and reality.

The pro-lifers see a fertilized egg (zygotes) as a person, whatever, but that is not reality. The reality is a fertilized egg is nothing but a fertilized egg (Zygotes). You would not call a caterpillar a butterfly, but just like a fertilized egg (zygotes) has the potential to become a person, a caterpillar has also the potential to become a butterfly, but they are not until they do and most no matter what we do they will never become a person or a butterfly.

To the people that don’t agree or don’t like what I write, please don’t write to me directly, just move on, because I will not engage in dialogue with people that are not mind like. I have learned a long time ago that I cannot make people see the facts if they refuse to open their eyes to see. I don’t share your beliefs and I will never adopt anyone’s believes no matter what they say to me or what names they call me. I don’t have beliefs period. I live in reality and look at the facts. Our world is in this terrible situation because of the crazy beliefs people believe in. When you know instead of believing you will find the courage to be true to yourself. Believes are passed down to us so they should be received with doubt, to know comes from within. I look within to find the answers to my life not to religion or anyone else, so stop preaching to me.

“Every dictator torments his people in the same way he was tormented as a child.” Alice

These pro-lifers were tormented by their parents and now they are here tormenting pro-choice people just because we see and think different from them. Fighting for children that don’t exist it’s really a joke. If you want to do something really meaningful, do all you can to help the children already here and do all you can to raise awareness about all forms of child abuse. The only way we stop the madness in this world is by stopping all form of child abuse. Stay out of other women’s uteruses goes be a dictator somewhere else.

I will change this phrase “Stay out of my uterus, go be a dictator somewhere else.” Pro-lifers fight so hard for the unborn beings because unconsciously they want an endless supply of innocent powerless beings to use, exploit and project their disowned parts. Sorry, you cannot have my unborn children for you to use. Stay out of women’s uteruses and go be a dictator somewhere else. If you're so concerned about the sanctity of life, you better be a vegetarian, anti-war and anti-death penalty too or else you’re little more than meddling, self-righteous hypocrite. Life did not begin my uterus and will not end in my uterus, it begin millions of years ago and will keep going until planet earth can sustain it.

"Unwanted children are usually mistreated. But there exist as a rule also a huge amount of people who were "wanted" indeed, but only for playing the role of the victims that their parents needed to be able to take revenge on. They were wanted to give their parents what the parents never had gotten from their own parents: love, adoration, attention and so many other things. Otherwise, why would so many people have five or more children when they have no time for them? Why do they adopt children if their body refuses to give them what they apparently "want?"
The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged. They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything – and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.
Very few people dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.”

This is why I would never bring a child into the world and give it up for adoption for others to use for their projections. Sorry, you cannot have my unborn children for you to use. Stay out of women uteruses go be a dictator somewhere else.

Unwanted children? 

It’s sad to share the world with these self-righteous, authoritarian and cruel people full of poisonous pedagogy. I am glad I never brought children into this sad world. All the people that scream against health care are the same people that fight against birth control and abortion. They want more people to be born, so they can use, abuse and exploit later on. How clueless can they be, don’t they know if we bring new life into this world and we don’t take care of their needs, this new life when grows up, they will take revenge on society for being born and will put all life in this planet in danger. As Alice Miller’s says: “when see the passion with which Catholic priests - men childless by choice - fight against abortion, I can’t help asking what it is that motivates them. Is it a desire to prove that unlived life, as perhaps their own destinies suggest, is more important and more valuable than lived life? Was that, perhaps, how the parents of those passionately committed to stopping abortion thought, though they expressed it in different ways? Or is it a case of seeing to it that others share the same fate as oneself? Both are possible. Both are dangerous when people are driven to blind and destructive actions by the dead hand of their own repression.”

Pro-lifers are not in reality, they try to help people without recognizing they are emotionally blind, not aware they are carrying a psychological virus and unconsciously in a covert way, under the disguise of help, are harming those they are trying to help all over again. They are not enough enlightening people in our society to assist all the people in need and I am not going to bring a child to this crazy world for all these unconscious people to contaminate; read the article: “THE ESSENTIAL ROLE OF AN ENLIGHTENED WITNESS IN SOCIETY” Treating symptoms does not work, in the long run, it just temporally and superficially solves problems, and the only way we solve any problem is by facing the root problem that child rearing practices around the world are abusive.

"Eleanor, you are doing what everyone else does when they cannot bully others into thinking as they do: You try to denigrate them, thus making yourself seems all the better for having done that. It really is a cowardly act. Smearing someone’s name only makes you look foolish and juvenile. Give it up and walk away with whatever dignity you have remaining. Just thinking about what you and others of your ilk stand for makes my skin crawl and fear for the safety of our Democracy. "

Thank you B. M., B and G for your support it’s very much appreciated. To me pro-lifers are a joke, they pretend to care for the unborn children, but they don’t care one bit about the living, actually, it’s obvious how much they want to make the living suffer. It’s not possible to have a debate with them they see the unborn with more rights than the living --actually, they want to enslave the living to their will. Their parents forced their will on them and now they want to force their will on us. How sad. It’s easier to do to others what was done to them than to become conscious of what really happened to them in their childhood and feel their own pain. This young girl unconsciously is telling the world how split off she is with her profile picture with two faces in it. And we know how dangerous split off people are. The best thing to do is to ignore her and not to react to her words and just keep reposting the facts and reality.

Pro-lifers are showing their true face. My job is done; I have exposed them for what they really are: they are dangerous, mean and they can get really nasty when someone puts the facts and reality in their faces. Their posts just proves there are a bunch of cowards and yes I am glad I did not bring a child into this world where the majority of people are cowards, liars, unconscious and cruel.

Again pro-lifers twist my words around I never said it’s ok to kill your parents you can feel your anger directed at the right people without killing them or anyone else. Feelings don’t kill, actions do. You accuse me of what you pro-lifers are doing. Look in the mirror. “Hatred is only a feeling, albeit a very strong and assertive one. Like any other feeling, it is a sign of our vitality. So if we try to suppress it, there will be a price to pay. Hatred tries to tell us something about the injuries we have been subjected to, and also about ourselves, our values, our specific sensitivity. We must learn to pay heed to it and understand the message it conveys. If we can do that, we no longer need to fear hatred. If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves”
What is Hatred?

Once again I don’t respond to people living in the dark that refuse to face reality and look at facts and use ideology as crunches, if you don’t like my posts go over them, I do the same thing with your posts. I can’t control you and you can’t control me. I will repeat myself again: I have learned a long time ago that I cannot make people see the facts if they refuse to open their eyes. I don’t share your beliefs and I will never adopt anyone’s believes no matter what they say to me or what names they call me. I don’t have believes period. I live in reality and look at the facts. Our world is in this terrible situation because of the crazy believes people have. When you know instead of believing you will find the courage to be true to yourself. Believes are passed down to us so they should be received with doubt, to know comes from within. I look within to find the answers to my life not to religion or anyone else. Get it you that keep mention my name? I will keep posting and repeating myself for as long I find it necessary, I will not have my voice silenced by you or anyone else.
I agree with B’s words I will print them again:

“Why are so many that are against abortion, for war? Some might argue that their beliefs are to save people at birth so when they're 18 we can send them off (to likely die in) war. Also, do you really believe that Baby Pete from England who was horribly abused and died at age 2 wouldn't have been better to have been aborted as a tiny egg?”
B the reason these people fight for the unborn children, so more unwanted children are born for later on be abused and killed in wars, etc., is because unconsciously or secretly enjoy seeing people suffer. I recommend reading Dr. Alice Miller’s books if you like to understand more about these psychological mechanisms.

"Opposed to abortion! Don’t have one! But don't dictate on my own body or someone else's body"
Ironically, many people who support hitting children say something very similar. Something like If you don't want to hit children don't. But don't tell me how to raise mine.
If I stand for some life but not others then I am being a hypocrite/ phony.
And the simple info about fetuses having a heartbeat at 3 weeks and the like is the truth. That is basic science.
Judgmental insults are not part of the mission here. M The difference between an abortion and abusing children is very different. Abusing children affects the whole society because the abused children will later take revenge on society for being born and will be a destroyer of life and put others in danger. Abortion has no effect on society and because of that it’s no body’s business, but between the woman and her consciousness, but abusing children is everyone business because it affects all of us. Most
Parents have children because of their unconscious need to pass on to others the humiliation one has undergone oneself and the need to find an outlet for repressed effect. “The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child's great plasticity, flexibility, defenselessness, and availability make it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within, can at last, be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities, the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, "moral," noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of an Weltanschauung.” For Your Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence by Alice Miller, page 91

The pro-lifers see a fertilized egg (Zygotes) as a person, whatever, but that is not reality. The reality is a fertilized egg is nothing but a fertilized egg (Zygotes). It has the potential to become a human being, but it not until it does and the reality is most fertilized eggs miscarry without even the woman ever noticing it. Pro-lifers fight so hard for the unborn beings because unconsciously they want an endless supply of innocent powerless being

Pro-lifers say having an abortion is murder and mutilates our soul, I see it the other way around: carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth to a new being that we are not able to take care of and protect, THAT, would be mutilating my soul and would be soul-murdering, and would have robbed me the chance at freedom and I talk from experience, knowledge is experienced, everything else is just information and experience has taught me that most information out there is misleading information and lies. I know without a doubt if I had carried a pregnancy to term when I was not ready, my soul would have been mutilated and would have been soul murder by bringing a new being into an abusive vicious circle and my soul would not have become whole and free like it is today, and I was able to liberate a soul instead of contributing two more mutilated lost and confused souls into this world and continue the painful vicious circle. Some people see a fertilized egg (Zygotes) as a person, but that is not reality. The reality is a fertilized egg is nothing but a fertilized egg (Zygotes). Pro-lifers fight so hard for the unborn beings because unconsciously they want an endless supply of innocent powerless beings to use, exploit and project their disowned parts. Carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth to new being we are not ready to nurture, take care of and protect, THAT is soul murdering and contributes to the destruction of the world,
I hate being dependent on anyone for anything and I fxck hated the fact that I could not get my birth control pills over the counter and I had to be dependent on a doctor all my life to get them. Let us have our pills whenever and anywhere we want them.

I would not ever, ever carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new life that I am not sure I would be able to take care of and protect, especially if I had been raped. I would rather die, and for sure I would not give it up for adoption when I know, for sure, that most people desire to have children come from their unconscious need to have an available objects to take out, avenge for the wrongs done to them by their own parents. Most pro-lifers suffer and want to make sure others suffer too, secretly or unconsciously they enjoy seeing others suffer, it’s like they want to make sure they have an endless supply of new victims or scapegoats.

Lies, misleading information, and violence against children are the destroyers of all life, not abortion.
“A person's right to live does not and should not interfere with another person's bodily autonomy. And no, a woman's right to her body DOES NOT end once she is pregnant. To even assume so is like saying "your right to your organs end once a dying person needs them". NO ONE and NOTHING has the right to use the body of another without their consent or against their wishes. IF a man can't rape me if a leukemia patient can't take my marrow or my blood, and if someone in need of a liver can't take mine, then why should a fetus have the right to remain in my uterus if that's not what I want? You CANNOT give a fetus a right that NO OTHER HUMAN has.”

I had to have an illegal abortion while living in Portugal in 1979. Every woman should have access to legal abortion. It still makes me mad that I had to put my life in danger by going underground to have an abortion. Why can people understand that I am the owner of own body and only me can make the decisions affecting it and no one else can dictate in my own body
M said: Well, I need to say that I am very opposed to abortion. The baby has a heartbeat within 3 weeks and all of their parts soon thereafter. A premature baby can survive at less than 6 months. So, therefore, the other babies are just as real. Studies have shown that they move away from the sucking instrument.......
There's a long waiting list for loving would be adoptive parents.
Also, it is a stereotypical misconception to think that anti-abortionists are conservative.

Sylvie said: Opposed to abortion! Don’t have one! But don’t dictate on my own body or someone else’s body. I would not ever, ever carry a pregnancy to term and give birth to a new life that I am not sure I would be able to take care of and protect, I would rather die, and for sure I would not give it up for adoption when I know, for sure, that most people desire to have children come from their unconscious need to have an available object to take out, avenge for the wrongs done to them by their own parents.
People that idealize their childhood and parents they will keep having a limitless craving for scapegoats on whom they can avenge themselves for the fears and anxieties of childhood without having to re-experience those fears. This is why most pro-spanking people are also pro-lifers and fight so hard for unborn children, they suffer and want to make sure others suffer too, unconsciously or secretly they enjoy seeing others suffer, it’s like they want to make sure they have an endless supply of new victims, scapegoats to use, exploit and use as their scapegoat or poison container. And yes an abortion should be done as soon as possible, right away, but please don’t tell lies and misleading information. I can recognize a phony from a distance!

When Rachel opened her mouth saying that Mother Teresa said that will be no world peace in the world until abortion ends, I changed the channel because I refuse to listen to lies, Mother Teresa and Rachel are wrong, the truth is: there will be no world peace until we end all forms of child abuse. The truth is that most pro-lifers are also pro-spanking and conservative and your denials will never change that. About science! Science also says that violence is in the person’s genes, which is a lie; science also protects parents like most people in society. Violence is created by child-rearing practices. You keep your illusions, beliefs to yourself and let others make their own decisions. We live in a world where most people are pretenders, pretending that care and love, which gives the illusion of love and this is why most people live in a state of confusion because the illusion of love is very confusing! Like I said before I recognize a phony, pretender from a distance.

"No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned. “Alice Miller
Abortion rights protect life

I wish all the pro-lifers read the article “PROTECTING LIFE AFTER BIRTH” by Alice Miller in the link below and digest the information in it for them to see that nothing is what it seems and people that proclaim to be pro-life are really against life and people that are pro-choice are really pro-life. Read the article in the link below to see the facts that people that proclaim to be pro-life are really ignorant that put all life in danger. Forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy to term is a crime against her, her unborn child and a crime against humanity.

If the pro-lifers can’t see that child abuse is more the norm than the exception, then they must be emotionally blind because if you have your eyes open you will be able to see it everywhere. Read in the link below to see how emotional blindness is created:

Forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy to term is a crime against her, her unborn child and a crime against humanity.

Pro-spanking people are closed minded, very sad and a shame. They suffer and secretly enjoy seeing others suffer too, otherwise, why would they fight so hard for the parents right to spank their innocent children, when children misbehave is never the child's fault, but the parents' fault and if someone needs a spanking would be the parents. Children are like sponges or antennas that absorb all of what their parents repressed. What parents repress, children express, so if you don't like what you see in your children go inside of yourself and take responsibility for all that is repressed in yourself and your children will change without you having to do much. And what is sooo sad for me it's that most of these pro-spanking, hypocrites, cowards hide behind "God" to do their evil work.
Children make perfect mirrors, triggers, to rise to the surface, our unconsciousness, all of the traits in ourselves that we have disowned, repressed and denied. No one can trigger in us what’s not already in ourselves. Most parents blame and punish their children for triggering and mirroring those traits back to them. This is the biggest injustice I have whiteness in this world. When this happens parents lose the opportunity of becoming responsible parents and the opportunity for healing to start. This is very sad and tragic. Parents don’t realize that in most cases their desire to have children comes from their unconscious needs and compulsion to recreate their own childhood situation but now to be in control of it.

-“I go live the life that my mother gave me thanks, mom."
Yes! You are using your life to transport the ignorance your parents transferred into you – I call that a wasted life. Yes killing Dr. Tiller was a choice, an unconscious choice, he chose to direct his anger, hate towards someone that never hurt him, because he was a coward to direct his anger towards the people that really hurt him, probably his parents. We live in a world full of cowards.

"Find something else to say. Make yourself seem somewhat intelligent. Murder is never the answer.”
Abortion is not murder that is your belief and does not make it real just because you believe it. Killing Dr. Tiller; a living breading human being that was murder.

“People don't have children to abuse them. People have children because they want them. I’m sorry if you were abused, but not all of us were. There are a lot of happy households. I don't abuse my children, I love them”
Denial, denial, denial-- if you were not abused you would not be judging others choices and forcing your beliefs and views on others.

I don’t want to make anyone decisions only the sick, unconscious and dysfunctional will want to make others decisions. The pro-lifers want to make others decisions, so this alone makes them sick and unconscious, pro-lifers parents forced their beliefs on them and now they are unconsciously like robots doing the same to us. They are unconsciously telling their sad stories by repeating it here with us and this is the reality no matter how much they denied it and run around in their heads. Each person has to decide what is best for them – period – if someone makes the wrong decision is for them to learn from it and I have no business to interfere in their personal decisions - Period- Stay out of my uterus. Go be a dictator somewhere else.

For the person that said I should be fixed, nature has taken care of that, I just turned 50 and I don’t think I will be getting pregnant, plus I am not in a relationship and I am not planning to be, so there is not a chance for me to get pregnant, but if there was a chance I could get pregnant I would like to have the freedom to decide what is best for me and not have authoritarians self-righteous people make my choice. Life does not start in my womb. Life started millions of years ago and abortion does not stop life. Life will always continue until, we, the humans destroy the mother earth.

“Silvie, I suppose the theory of pro-life believers reenacting their own childhood would also apply to those who had a pleasant, supportive childhood?”

If you had a supportive childhood you would not be forcing your believes on others. People that have supportive childhoods don’t force their beliefs, ideologies on others. You did not have a choice because of your adopted ideology and allowed others to make your choices and now you want the same fate for others. The objective of most people is not freedom for themselves and others; the objective of most people is to one day having their own slaves. The easiest way to get your own slaves is to give birth to them.

I never said all --- I said most people --- everywhere I go I see most people especially pro-lifers abusing their children --- what society call childrearing practices --- this so called childrearing practices are abusive and this is why our society is sooo dysfunctional and violent if you do not see this fundamental truth you are in denial. I like very much the words Thich Nhat Hanh says in his book Peace Is Every Step: “Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.”

Pro-lifers idealize their childhood, mother and father and the more abused there are the more attached to their parents become, staying close to them, some never leave their parents home and the more they become like them --- very sad --- You see people tell their true story by unconsciously, compulsively repeating, recreating, reenacting it over and over again, their childhood situation through all their lives, unless they find the courage to see their parents as they are and not the way they like them to be. The way the pro-lifers are speaking in their posts are just the same words their mother/father use on them when they were little and now just like parrots they use those same words on us. I don’t force anything on anyone. Do you see any of the pro-choice people go around shooting people because they don’t see as we do? Pro-lifers are the ones using extreme violence to force their views, beliefs on others. You think abortion is murder/crime, fine, I think forcing a woman to carry a pregnancy to term is a crime against her, her unborn child and crimes against humanity.

S, just to inform you I have broken free from the vicious circle I was born in. Reading your posts I see you in denial and living with illusions, you still are affected by your up-bring, if you had broken free from your vicious circle you would no longer be condescending and forcing your views into others and respect others decisions.

C, each woman decides what the answer is for themselves, not you. And for your information, I have found freedom, happiness, and joy in my life. You are the one probably have not found it yet, otherwise, you would not be telling others what is right or wrong and making decisions for others. Free happy people let people decide what’s right or wrong for themselves and sure do not make decisions for others.

You will know a lot about human motivation once you realize one thing: ninety-nine percent of humanity spends ninety-nine percent of their time trying to avoid painfully personal truths. Teresa just because you are in the majority, it does not mean anything, it just means you are with the blind because that’s where the majority in this world is.

Thank you for your message and support. The ignorant, hypocrite pro-lifers are loud and obnoxious and we need to be courageous and as loud and put the facts in their faces and maybe they will be the ones going into hiding. I no longer will be quite with the knowledge I have.

S: I used to be pro-life when I was in high school and in the first few years of college. Now that I'm a bit older and more mature, I'm pro-choice. I know there is the option to give up the baby for adoption, but who knows what dysfunctional family the baby might end up with. This is one of the reasons why I don't want a child. I don't want to make a choice that I can't take back. As harsh as it sounds, it's better for a pregnancy to be stopped, that for a child to have a bittersweet or even a horrible childhood.

Not to generalize, but I notice that many pro-lifers tend to be pro-spankers. (Thankfully, there are some pro-lifers who are anti-spankers.) Anyway, why fight so hard to save the embryo or fetus, and then once he/she is born, you slap him/her around and hurt him/her in other ways? I wholeheartedly agree with you that to really be pro-life, you protect and love the child after he/she is born, not just before.

Thank you, S for writing and for your courage to share with the world of having had an abortion, most women because of hard judgments and crazy beliefs of others never admit they had an abortion. I have noticed that unconscious people love to make women that chose an abortion their scapegoat to project and transfer their repression. Where did you get the impression Alice was my guru? No one is my guru. My feelings are my guru; I pay attention and listen to my feelings. Yes, everyone can have their opinions and if their opinions are hurtful to me personally I have the right to express someone’s opinion is hurtful to me and walk away. As a child, I could not walk away from my abusers, but the beauty of being a mature autonomous adult is that I can walk away from anyone that I consider abusive to me and is committing an injustice to a dear friend of mine. In her article “What is Hatred?” Alice Miller articulates it beautifully.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Unintentional Cruelty Hurts, Too

Steps on the Path to

Reconciliation: Anxiety,

Anger, and Sorrow--

but No Guilt Feelings

Unintentional Cruelty Hurts, Too

When we examine the child-rearing literature of the past two hundred years, we discover the methods that have systematically been used to make it impossible for children to realize and later to remember the way they were actually treated by their parents. Why are the old methods of child raising still so widely employed today? This is a mystery I have tried to understand and explain from the perspective of the compulsive repetition of the exercise of power. Contrary to popular opinion, the injustice, humiliation, mistreatment, and coercion a person has experienced are not without consequences. The tragedy is that the effects of mistreatment are transmitted to new and innocent victims, even though the victims themselves do not remember the mistreatment on a conscious level.

How can this vicious circle be broken? Religion says we must forgive the injustice we suffered, only then will we be free to love and be purged of hatred. This is correct as far as it goes, but how do we find the path to true forgiveness? Can we speak of forgiveness if we hardly know what was actually done to us and why? And that is the situation we all found ourselves in as children. We could not grasp why we were being humiliated, brushed aside, intimidated, laughed at, treated like an object, played with like a doll or brutally beaten (or both). What is more, we were not even allowed to be aware that all this was happening to us, for any mistreatment was held up to us as being necessary for our own good. Even the most clever child cannot see through such a lie if it comes from the mouths of his beloved parents, who after all show him other, loving sides as well. He has to believe that the way he is being treated is truly right and good for him, and he will not hold it against his parents. But then as an adult he will act the same way toward his own children in an attempt to prove to himself that his parents behaved correctly toward him.

Isn't this what most religions mean by "forgiveness": to chastise children "lovingly" in the tradition of the fathers and to raise them to respect their parents? But forgiveness which is based on denial of the truth and which uses a defenseless child as an outlet for resentment is not true forgiveness; that is why hatred is not vanquished by religions in this manner but, on the contrary, is unwittingly exacerbated. The child's intense anger at the parents, being strictly forbidden, is simply deflected onto other people and onto himself, but not done away with. Instead, because it is permissible to discharge this anger onto one's own children, it spreads over the entire world like a plague. For this reason we should not be surprised that there are religious wars, although such a phenomenon should actually be a contradiction in terms.

Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on. If I can feel outrage at the injustice I have suffered, can recognize my persecution as such, and can acknowledge and hate my persecutor for what he or she has done, only then will the way to forgiveness be open to me. Only if the history of abuse in earliest childhood can be uncovered will the repressed anger, rage, and hatred cease to be perpetuated. Instead, they will be transformed into sorrow and pain at the fact that things had to be that way. As a result of this pain, they will give way to genuine understanding, the understanding of an adult who now has gained insight into his or her parents' childhood and finally, liberated from his own hatred, can experience genuine, mature sympathy. Such forgiveness cannot be coerced by rules and commandments; it is experienced as a form of grace and appears spontaneously when a repressed (because forbidden) hatred no longer poisons the soul. The sun does not need to be told to shine. When the clouds part, it simply shines. But it would be a mistake to say that the clouds are not in the way if they are indeed there.

If an adult has been fortunate enough to get back to the sources of the specific injustice he suffered in his childhood and experience it on a conscious level, then in time he will realize on his own--preferably without the aid of any pedagogical or religious exhortations--that in most cases his parents did not torment or abuse him for their own pleasure or out of sheer strength and vitality but because they could not help it, since they were once victims themselves and thus believed in traditional methods of child-rearing.

It is very difficult for people to believe the simple fact that every persecutor was once a victim . Yet it should be very obvious that someone who was allowed to feel free and strong from childhood does not have the need to humiliate another person. In Paul Klee's Diaries we find the following anecdote.

From time to time, I played tricks on a little girl who was not pretty and who wore braces to correct her crooked legs. I regarded her whole family, and in particular the mother, as very inferior people. I would present myself at the high court, pretending to be a good boy, and beg to be allowed to take the little darling for a walk. For a while we'd walk peaceably hand in hand; then, perhaps in the nearby field where potato plants were blooming and June bugs were all over, or perhaps even sooner, we would start walking single file. At the right moment I'd give my protégée a slight push. The poor thing would fall, and I'd bring her back in tears to her mother, explaining with an innocent air: "She fell down." I played this trick more than once, without Frau Enger's ever suspecting the truth. I must have gauged her correctly. (Age five or six)

No doubt, little Paul was repeating something here that was done to him, probably by his father. There is only one brief passage about his father in the Diaries:

For a long time I trusted my papa implicitly and regarded his words (Papa can do anything) as gospel. The only thing I couldn't bear was his teasing. On one occasion, thinking I was alone, I was playing make-believe. I was interrupted by a sudden amused "hmpf!" which hurt my feelings. It was not the only time I was to hear this "hmpf!"

Mockery from a beloved and admired person is always painful, and we can imagine that little Paul was deeply wounded by this treatment.

It would be wrong to say that, because we understand its origins, the harm we compulsively inflict on another person does not cause harm and that little Paul did not hurt the girl. To recognize this makes the tragedy visible but at the same time offers the possibility for change. The realization that even with the best will in the world we are not omnipotent, that we are subject to compulsions, and that we cannot love our child in the way we would like may lead to sorrow but should not awaken guilt feelings, because the latter imply a power and freedom we do not have. Burdened by guilt feelings ourselves, we will also burden our children with guilt feelings and tie them to us for a lifetime. By means of our mourning, we can set our children free.

Distinguishing between mourning and guilt feelings might also help to break the silence between the generations on the subject of the crimes of the Nazi period. Mourning is the opposite of feeling guilt; it is an expression of pain that things happened as they did and that there is no way to change the past. We can share this pain with our children without having to feel ashamed; guilt feelings are something we try to repress or shift to our children or both.

Since sorrow reactivates numbed feelings, it can enable young people to realize what their parents once inflicted on them in the well-meaning attempt to train them to be obedient from an early age. This can lead to an eruption of justifiable anger and to the painful recognition that one's own parents, who are already over fifty, are still defending their old principles, are unable to understand the anger of their grown child, and are hurt and wounded by reproaches. Then the child wishes he or she could take back what has been said and undo all that has happened; because now the old familiar fears that these reproaches will send the parents to their graves return. If children are told early and often enough, "You'll be the death of me yet," these words remain with them all their life.

And yet, even if a person is once again left alone with this awakened anger because his aging parents can bear it just as little as before, the mere admission of this feeling to consciousness can lead out of the dead end of self-alienation. Then at long last the true child, the healthy child, can live, the child who finds it impossible to understand why his parents are hurting him and at the same time forbidding him to cry, weep, or even speak in his pain. The gifted child who adapts to parental demands always tries to understand this absurdity and will accept it as a matter of course. But he has to pay for this pseudo-understanding with his feelings and his sensitivity to his own needs, i.e., with his authentic self. This is why access to the normal, angry, uncomprehending, and rebellious child he once was had previously been blocked off. When this child within the adult is liberated, he will discover his vital roots and strength.

To be free to express resentment dating back to early childhood does not mean that one now becomes a resentful person, but rather the exact opposite. For the very reason that one is permitted to experience these feelings that were directed against the parents, one does not have to use surrogate figures for purposes of abreaction. Only hatred felt for surrogates is endless and insatiable--as we saw in the case of Adolf Hitler--because on a conscious level the feeling is separated from the person against whom it was originally directed.

For these reasons I believe that the free expression of resentment against one's parents represents a great opportunity. It provides access to one's true self, reactivates numbed feelings, opens the way for mourning and--with luck--reconciliation. In any case, it is an essential part of the process of psychic healing. But anyone who thinks that I am reproaching these aging parents would be misunderstanding my meaning completely. I have neither the right nor the grounds to do so. I was not their child, was not compelled by them to be silent, was not raised by them, and--as an adult--know that they, like all parents, could do no differently than behave the way they did.

Because I encourage the child within the adult to acknowledge his feelings, including his resentment, but do not absolve him from these feelings, and because I do not place blame on the parents, I apparently create difficulties for many of my readers. It would be so much simpler to say it is all the child's fault, or the parents', or the blame can be divided. This is exactly what I don't want to do, because as an adult I know it is not a question of blame but of not being able to do any differently. Children cannot understand this, however, and they fall ill in the attempt to do so because of a lack of access to their feelings. Only if the child in the adult suspends his futile attempt to understand can he begin to feel his pain. I believe that the children of those adults who finally dare to face their feelings will benefit as a result.

Perhaps even this explanation cannot clear up the misunderstandings that frequently arise in this connection, for they are not rooted in the intellect. If someone learned from an early age to feel guilty for everything and to regard his parents as beyond reproach, my ideas will of necessity cause him feelings of anxiety and guilt. We can see just how strong his attitude, instilled at an early age, is by observing older people. As soon as they find themselves in a situation of physical helplessness and dependence, they may feel guilty for every little thing and may even regard their grown children as stern judges, providing the children are no longer submissive as they once were. As a result, the grown children feel they have to spare their parents out of considerateness, and the fear of hurting them condemns the children to silence once again. Since many psychologists never had the opportunity to free themselves from this fear and to find out that parents need not die if they hear the truth about their child, they will be inclined to encourage a "reconciliation" between patients and parents as quickly as possible. If the underlying rage has not been experienced, however, the reconciliation is an illusory one. It will only cover over the rage that has been bottled up unconsciously or has been directed against others and will reinforce the patient's false self, even at the expense of his children, who will certainly sense the parent's true feelings. And yet, in spite of these impediments, there are an increasing number of books in which young people confront their parents more freely and openly and honestly than was previously possible. This fact awakens hope that critical writers will produce critical readers who will refuse to allow themselves to be made to feel guilty (or more guilty) by the "poisonous pedagogy" to be found in the professional literature (in the areas of education, psychology, ethics, or biography). Taken from the book “"For Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence" by Alice Miller  

Monday, May 14, 2012

A great danger indeed

"I designate as pessimistic the thought that we are far more dependent than our pride would like to admit on individual human beings (and not only on institutions!), for a single person can gain control over the masses if he learns to use to his own advantage the system under which they were raised. People who have been "pedagogically" manipulated as children are not aware as adults of all that can be done to them. Like the individual authoritarian father, leader figures, in whom the masses see their own father, actually embody the avenging child who needs the masses for his own purposes (of revenge). And this second form of dependence--the dependence of the "great leader" on his childhood, on the unpredictable nature of the unintegrated, enormous potential for hatred within him--is decidedly a very great danger." Taken from the book "For Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence" by Alice Miller (page 243)

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Sylvia Plath: An Example of Forbidden Suffering

You ask me why I spend my life writing?
Do I find entertainment?
Is it worthwhile?
Above all, does it pay?
If not, then, is there a reason?...
I write only because
There is a voice within me
That will not be still.


Every life and every childhood is filled with frustrations; we cannot imagine it otherwise, for even the best mother cannot satisfy all her child's wishes and needs. It is not the suffering caused by frustration, however, that leads to emotional illness but rather the fact that the child is forbidden by the parents to experience and articulate this suffering, the pain felt at being wounded; usually the purpose of this prohibition is to protect the parents' defense mechanisms. Adults are free to hurl reproaches at God, at fate, at the authorities, or at society if they are deceived, ignored, punished unjustly, confronted with excessive demands, or lied to. Children are not allowed to reproach their gods--their parents and teachers. By no means are they allowed to express their frustrations. Instead, they must repress or deny their emotional reactions, which build up inside until adulthood, when they are finally discharged, but not on the object that caused them. The forms this discharge may take range from persecuting their own children by the way they bring them up, to all possible degrees of emotional illness, to addiction, criminality, and even suicide.
The most acceptable and profitable form this discharge can take for society is literature, because this does not burden anyone with guilt feelings. In this medium the author is free to make every possible reproach, since here it can be attributed to a fictitious person. An illustration is the life of Sylvia Plath, for in her case, along with her poetry and the fact of her psychotic breakdown as well as her later suicide, there are also the personal statements she makes in her letters and the comments by her mother. The tremendous pressure she felt to achieve and the constant stress she was under are always emphasized when Sylvia's suicide is discussed. Her mother, too, points this out repeatedly, for parents of suicidal people understandably try to restrict themselves to external causes, since their guilt feelings stand in the way of their seeing the situation for what it actually is and of their experiencing grief.

Sylvia Plath's life was no more difficult than that of millions of others. Presumably as a result of her sensitivity, she suffered much more intensely than most people from the frustrations of childhood, but she experienced joy more intensely also. Yet the reason for her despair was not her suffering but the impossibility of communicating her suffering to another person. In all her letters she assures her mother how well she is doing. The suspicion that her mother did not release negative letters for publication overlooks the deep tragedy of Plath's life. This tragedy (and the explanation for her suicide as well) lies in the very fact that she could not have written any other kind of letters, because her mother needed reassurance, or because Sylvia at any rate believed that her mother would not have been able to live without this reassurance. Had Sylvia been able to write aggressive and unhappy letters to her mother, she would not have had to commit suicide. Had her mother been able to experience grief at her inability to comprehend the abyss that was her daughter's life, she never would have published the letters, because the assurances they contained of how well things were going for her daughter would have been too painful to bear. Aurelia Plath is unable to mourn over this because she has guilt feelings, and the letters serve her as proof of her innocence. The following passage from Letters Home provides an example of her rationalization. 

The following poem, written at the age of fourteen, was inspired by the accidental blurring of a pastel still-life Sylvia had just completed and stood up on the porch table to show us. As Warren, Grammy, and I were admiring it, the doorbell rang. Grammy took off her apron, tossed it on the table, and went to answer the call, her apron brushing against the pastel, blurring part of it. Grammy was grieved. Sylvia, however, said lightly, "Don't worry; I can patch it up." That night she wrote her first poem containing tragic undertones.
I thought that I could not be hurt;
I thought that I must surely be
impervious to suffering--
immune to mental pain
or agony.
My world was warm with April sun
my thoughts were spangled green and gold;
my soul filled up with joy, yet felt
the sharp, sweet pain that only joy
can hold.
My spirit soared above the gulls
that, swooping breathlessly so high
o'erhead, now seem to brush their whirring
wings against the blue roof of
the sky.
(How frail the human heart must be--
a throbbing pulse, a trembling thing--
a fragile, shining instrument
of crystal, which can either weep,
or sing.)
Then, suddenly my world turned gray,
and darkness wiped aside my joy.
A dull and aching void was left
where careless hands had reached out to
my silver web of happiness.
The hands then stopped in wonderment,
for, loving me, they wept to see
the tattered ruins of my firma-
(How frail the human heart must be--
a mirrored pool of thought. So deep
and tremulous an instrument
of glass that it can either sing,
or weep.)
Her English teacher, Mr. Crockett, showed this to a colleague, who said, "Incredible that one so young could have experienced anything so devastating." When I repeated Mr. Crockett's account of this conversation to me, Sylvia smiled impishly, saying, "Once a poem is made available to the public, the right of interpretation belongs to the reader."

If a sensitive child like Sylvia Plath intuits that it is essential for her mother to interpret the daughter's pain only as the consequence of a picture being damaged and not as a consequence of the destruction of her daughter's self and its expression--symbolized in the fate of the pastel--the child will do her utmost to hide her authentic feelings from the mother. The letters are testimony of the false self she constructed (whereas her true self is speaking in The Bell Jar). With the publication of the letters, her mother erects an imposing monument to her daughter's false self.

We can learn from this example what suicide really is: the only possible way to express the true self--at the expense of life itself. Many parents are like Sylvia's mother. They desperately try to behave correctly toward their child, and in their child's behavior they seek reassurance that they are good parents. The attempt to be an ideal parent, that is, to behave correctly toward the child, to raise her correctly, not to give too little or too much, is in essence an attempt to be the ideal child -- well behaved and dutiful -- of one's own parents. But as a result of these efforts the needs of the child go unnoticed. I cannot listen to my child with empathy if I am inwardly preoccupied with being a good mother; I cannot be open to what she is telling me. This can be observed in various parental attitudes.
Frequently, parents will not be aware of their child's narcissistic wounds; they do not notice them because they learned, from the time they were little, not to take them seriously in themselves. It may be the case that they are aware of them but believe it is better for the child not to become aware. They will try to talk her out of many of her early perceptions and make her forget her earliest experiences, all in the belief that this is for the child's own good, for they think that she could not bear to know the truth and would fall ill as a result. That it is just the other way around, that the child suffers precisely because the truth is concealed, they do not see. This was strikingly illustrated in the case of a little baby with a severe birth defect who, from the time she was born, had to be tied down at feeding time and fed in a manner that resembled torture. The mother later tried to keep this "secret" from her grown daughter, in order to "spare" her from something that had already happened. She was therefore unable to help her acknowledge to herself this early experience, which was expressing itself through various symptoms.
Whereas the first attitude is based entirely on the repression of one's own childhood experiences, the second one also includes the absurd hope that the past can be corrected by remaining silent about it.
In the first case we encounter the principle, "What must not be cannot be," and in the second, "If we don't talk about what happened, then it didn't happen."

The malleability of a sensitive child is nearly boundless, permitting all these parental demands to be absorbed by the psyche. The child can adapt perfectly to them, and yet something remains, which we might call body knowledge, that allows the truth to manifest itself in physical illnesses or sensations, and sometimes also in dreams. If a psychosis or neurosis develops, this is yet another way of letting the soul speak, albeit in a form that no one can understand and that becomes as much of a burden, to the affected person--and to society--as his or her childhood reactions to the traumata suffered had been to the parents.
As I have repeatedly stressed, it is not the trauma itself that is the source of illness but the unconscious, repressed, hopeless despair over not being allowed to give expression to what one has suffered and the fact that one is not allowed to show and is unable to experience feelings of rage, anger, humiliation, despair, helplessness, and sadness. This causes many people to commit suicide because life no longer seems worth living if they are totally unable to live out all these strong feelings that are part of their true self. Naturally, we cannot require parents to face something they are unable to face, but we can keep confronting them with the knowledge that it was not suffering per se that made their child ill but its repression, which was essential for the sake of the parents. I have found that this knowledge often provides parents with an "aha!" experience that opens up for them the possibility of mourning, thus helping to reduce their guilt feelings.
Pain over the frustration one has suffered is nothing to be ashamed of, nor is it harmful. It is a natural, human reaction. However, if it is verbally or nonverbally forbidden or even stamped out by force and by beatings, as it is in "poisonous pedagogy," then natural development is impeded and the conditions for pathological development are created. Hitler proudly reported that one day, without a tear or a cry, he managed to count the blows his father gave him. Hitler imagined that his father never beat him again thereafter. I take this to be a figment of his imagination because it is unlikely that Alois's reasons for beating his son disappeared from one day to the next, for his motives were not related to the child's behavior but to his own unresolved childhood humiliation. The son's imaginings tell us, however, that he could not remember the beatings his father gave him from that time on because having to fight down his psychic pain by identifying with the aggressor also meant that the memory of the later beatings was repressed. This phenomenon can often be observed in patients who, as a result of regaining access to their feelings, now remember events they previously emphatically denied had taken place.
Taken from the book "For Own Good: Hidden cruelty in child-rearing and the roots of violence" by Alice Miller (Page 254)