12 Tactics to Put a Narcissist in Their Place - How To Put A Narcissist In Their Place

 

The malignant people at my job of nine and half years were hoping I would react to their lies, mind games, and smear campaigns, but I don't play their game. By refusing to play and walking away that's how we stay free. It does matter what people say or think about us. Once we have truly resolved our childhood repression, all we care about is being free and staying free. 

True learning only comes from real experience and an open mind that has not been hijacked by a malignant OR corrupted system.

As long as people remain repressed, they have no free will; the dead hand of their own repression will drive them endlessly into the state of compulsion repetition.

Rise above their bullshit, because reacting to their lies and bullshit, that's what they want and that's what gives them power. I no longer give my power away like that. Marty is the only one in my life I gave my power away to like that, I only wanted his love but instead, after being in a relationship with him for 10 years I got a master's degree in psychology. 

My book is a strong mirror and they don’t like their own reflections, so they want to try to bring me down. How dear of me, an ex-topless dancer and now a gate attendant put such a strong mirror in front of them. And like my family, they are using the same tactics..., but what they want to do is to put me in my place and show me who is in charge to manage their own fears and keep their own image, repression, and little illusions intact.

Just as Alice Miller says: “Conditioning and manipulation of others are always weapons and instruments in the hands of those in power even if these weapons are disguised with the terms education and therapeutic treatment.” For Your Own Good, P. 278

And of course, just like my teachers and older sisters, they want to destroy my spirit so I will be like them. They are allergic to my aliveness.

Just like Donald wrote in the discussion about my book: “The passage below from the Alice Miller interview How To Combat Denial came to my mind right away when I read of your sisters blaming your mother for your being so difficult and rebellious:

Borut Petrovic Jesenovec: I notice that a lot of people become allergic when they see a truly childlike child unburdened by guilt and abuse. They just can’t stand it. They repeat that every child must be socialized as soon as possible, in other words, taken away from parents and put into kindergarten so that he/she becomes "available" to anyone. They preach the benefits of socialization as if it were a most sacred, noble cause. I find this social pressure enormous. But in this context, socialization equals adaptation to cruelty. Why is a child who is alive, genuine, and pure, in their eyes unbearable, even sinful, and must, by all means, be mutilated so he/she would become similar to them?

Alice Miller: Because the child’s creativity and liveliness trigger in the parents the repressed pain of being suffocated. They are afraid of feeling the pain, so they do whatever they can to avoid the triggers. By insisting on obedience they kill the lively child, they victimize him or her as they themselves were victimized before. For that reason, they absolutely need information. This is why we talked and worked on this interview. Most parents don’t want to hurt their children; they do it automatically, just by repeating what they themselves learned as children. We can help them to stop this destructive behavior by explaining to them why it is actually destructive. So that they can wake up and make a choice.

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/01/they-are-allergic-to-my-aliveness.html

https://youtube.com/shorts/IakABYfTsAQ?si=wrttE-aFCRQdWnsO

https://youtube.com/shorts/r-kzw2zJatU?si=vPLMGce5o2leY7Hp

https://youtube.com/shorts/gtfkWR_cDLg?si=AAfv3McGntC4B5OR

https://youtube.com/shorts/xwBFN3J-kLQ?si=8GQcEopHu3eCSOIJ

What Is Narcissistic Baiting?

The video above articulates beautifully the narcissist's baiting tactic. 

I have learned not to take the bait and not to react. 

I have been the target of these evil people too many times in the workplace since I published my memoir  A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions, sharing my life experiences and psychological discoveries. 

At my job of nine and a half years, I was treated like a criminal after I published my book but a year later, we saw who the true criminals were. If it was me, the little woman to commit a crime my name and face would have been splashed all over the news stations! 

I was their target to destroy, but when it was one of them to self-destruct, all became silent and it became a big cover-up and no one cared that these professional criminals with their projections and lies -- I lost my job and more than half of my income -- AND they could have destroyed my life completely.

My ex-boss had the perfect cover, he would rob banks and go take cover at Securitas, the Security company that employed me at the time! Perfect cover! But on March 11, 2016, which by coincidence was my birthday, he chose the wrong day to rob banks, because he never made it to his cover at Securitas office, he killed himself in a police standoff after robbing a bank. 

My birthday was the wrong day to go out robbing banks! 

When they know that you know their true nature you get a target on your back. 

With their lies and mind games, they hope you react and you do something crazy so they can point the finger at you, label you as crazy and paranoid, and accuse you of being the narcissist to discredit you to cover up their true nature. But a truly free mind cannot ever be played with or manipulated and cannot ever be captured again. I might have to walk away and leave a job but they can't manipulate me or use me to hide their true nature. Free at last! 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2023/03/hard-evidence-of-my-ex-boss-being.html?m=1

I see their games so clearly now that I have resolved my own childhood repression. 

 As I wrote in my book on pages 172, and 173  "Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans [or nartissists] of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were.

Once you’re free, your whole outlook on life is going to change. This quote, from a patient of Alice Miller’s, expresses what happens perfectly: “The world has not changed. There is so much evil and meanness all around me, and I see it even more clearly than before. However, for the first time, I find life really worth living. Perhaps this is because, for the first time, I have the feeling that I am really living my own life. And that is an exciting adventure. On the other hand, I can understand my suicidal ideas better now, especially those I had in my youth — when it seemed pointless to carry on — because in a way I had always been living a life that wasn’t mine, that I didn’t want, and that I was ready to throw away.”80

I’ve removed all the barriers of false morality and am totally free to experience all my feelings, take them seriously, and decide whom, if anyone, to share them with. I’ve faced my past and can deal with my present circumstances in the context of growing awareness instead of childhood fears. These words by Alice Miller express how I exactly feel: “If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status. … I will know that I have

lived my own, true life.”81

It really is a powerful feeling, and you’re likely to find yourself possessing a power that will be threatening to a lot of people. Society is on the side of the status quo, so be prepared. As Alice Miller writes in Free from Lies, going against the parents “is a source of major alarm for others … They will sometimes mobilize all the forces at their command to discredit the former victim and thus keep their own repression intact.”82

But thanks to Alice Miller, I’m content to be who I am regardless of what other people think. This passage, from Breaking Down the Wall of Silence, sums it up so well: “To live with one’s own truth is to be at home with oneself. That is the opposite of isolation. We only need confirmation when we are alienated from ourselves and in flight from the truth. All the friends and devoted admirers in the world cannot make up for the loss.”83

When I die I will not be sad because I have truly lived and will die in freedom, no longer scared and no longer a captive of the emotional prison into which I was born." 

After I published my book all the sociopaths at my job felt threatened by my knowledge and sure enough, they all gathered the forces at their command to try to destroy me and discredit me and my book. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/08/it-was-attempt-of-psychological-lynch.html

 https://youtube.com/shorts/vygUUr1YlgA?si=4b9N18ISNvBBdw1S

https://youtube.com/shorts/FiiUvMhOlzE?si=QiN9ZzMJwoBAJzfg

"D. Escalation of manipulation tactics

When faced with fear, narcissists often intensify their manipulation tactics. They may gaslight, deceive, or engage in emotional manipulation to regain control over the situation and neutralize the perceived threat.

Coping with Narcissists’ Fear Reaction

A. Setting boundaries and protecting oneself

It is essential to establish clear boundaries when dealing with narcissists. Setting limits on their behavior and refusing to tolerate manipulation can help protect oneself from their fear-based tactics."

Read more in the link below:

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/who-do-narcissists-fear-the-most-identifying-threats-to-narcissists/

The Psychology of Malignant Narcissists - People of the Lie

 

I read most of the books by M Scott Peck, they were eye-openers, but it was Alice Miller's books and website that helped me heal and liberate myself from the emotional prison I was born in and from the people of the lie/evil in our world. 

https://www.amazon.com/stores/M.-Scott-Peck/author/B000APXCQ4?ref=ap_rdr&isDramIntegrated=true&shoppingPortalEnabled=true

As Alice Miller wrote:  “If we hate hypocrisy, insincerity, and mendacity, then we grant ourselves the right to fight them wherever we can or to withdraw from people who only trust in lies. But if we pretend that we are impervious to these things, then we are betraying ourselves.” Alice Miller --  Free from Lies: Discovering Your True Needs page 55

"The unconscious compulsion to revenge repressed injuries is more powerful than reason. That is the lesson that all tyrants teach us. One should not expect judiciousness from a mad person motivated by compulsive panic. One should, however, protect oneself from such a person." Alice Miller -- Breaking Down the Wall of Silence page 82

”Poisonous Pedagogy. The pedagogical conviction that one must bring a child into line from the outset has its origin in the need to split off the disquieting parts of the inner self and project them onto an available object. The child’s great plasticity flexibility, defenselessness, and availability made it the ideal object for this projection. The enemy within can, at last, be hunted down on the outside. Peace advocates are becoming increasingly aware of the role played by these mechanisms, but until it is clearly recognized that they can be traced back to methods of child raising, little can be done to oppose them. For children who have grown up being assailed for qualities, the parents hate in themselves can hardly wait to assign these qualities to someone else so they can once again regard themselves as good, “moral,” noble, and altruistic. Such projections can easily become part of any Weltanschauung.” Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=scapegoating+

Narcissism is an epidemic. Once they know that you know their true nature, you get a target on your back. Being a knowing and a seeing person is like a double-edged sword. It makes you a target of malignant people but also protects you. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=Narcissism+is+an+Epidemic

"Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were."

-- Sylvie Imelda Shene quote from my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions page 172

It's sad to witness on the stage of the world so many symbolic fights but no single person mentions CHILDHOOD  REPRESSION as the root of all our problems

“It's Easier to Fool People Than It Is to Convince Them That They Have Been Fooled.” – Mark Twain

The red flags are always there warning me, so when people decide to show their true colors, I'm not too surprised!

"Not only do Narcissists/sociopaths try and provoke and bait you into having a bad reaction that fits the narrative of their smear campaign, but they will rehearse and stage setups with the flying monkeys during public events. As if they are preparing for a scene in a movie. It's that premeditated." DR. MELANIE CABRERA, PSY 

Yes, I know it's that premeditated. It's pure evil. 

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=flying+monkeys

Being on the receiving end of a person who lacks empathy shows a reality to the human condition that we didn't want to believe existed. Watching people side with your abuser, disbelieve you and even worse, bully or smear you along with the narcissist is highly traumatic and isolating. It's within our human nature or socialization to side with the crowd. The abuser gains momentum by getting to the crowd earlier and then playing up to them which is their perverse talent.

Narcissist n): a more polite term for a self-serving, manipulative, evil asshole with no soul.

Isn't it freakin' Frustrating when you're the only person who can see how evil and manipulative someone is, and everyone else is blind to it?

Just a friendly reminder that abusers don't abuse/target everyone they come in contact with, so placing doubt on the people being targeted by the abuser based on your experience with that person is irresponsible and unkind.

Education alone is nothing more than one more big illusion! The more talented, gifted, and sharp a person's intellect is, the more, they master the art of compartmentalization, and dissociation and create elaborated rationalizations, lies, and illusions to help them run from facing and consciously feeling their own repression and painful truths --- what people need most is courage! Intelligence alone is not enough! 

Having special gifts and talents is wonderful, and it’s okay to cash in your talents for a living, but when people hide behind their special gifts, talents, fame, and money to hide their own personal truth and keep themselves and others distracted from the truth and facts, then, you are misusing your talents and contributing for the lies to spread and silently or covertly you are part of all the violence and atrocities we are witnessing in our world. 

So if people think they are better than others, because they have special talents, they are being delusional. Just like Alice Miller wrote; "It is a great mistake to imagine that one can resolve traumas in a symbolic fashion. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists would be able to resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a).” read more here

Yes, Alice Miller attracted quite a flock of very special birds to her; the world is full of flocks of very special birds, so it’s not hard to do!

I too have dealt with my share of flocks of special birds!  I understand Alice Miller wanting to give people a chance and just like me, I tried to give people a chance and I hoped they would not try to make me their scapegoat to temporarily and superficially alleviate their own repression.

Everyone has been a small child and pretty much is repressed to a degree, some people’s repression is more dangerous than others, and no matter who you spend time with there will always be a risk they will try to make you a scapegoat or poison container.

Alice Miller, like me, was hoping people would stand by her and take responsibility for their own childhood repression and not try to make her a poison container or scapegoat and not use her to stand on her head to try to make a name for themselves.  Most people don’t want to stand on your side; they just want to be the next big thing and use you as a stepping ladder.

I’m so glad I wrote my book! It really showed me the depths of humanity’s repression and how dangerous humanity at large is! I consider myself divorced from humanity! I practice social distancing and keep human relations with long bridges, some people with very, very long bridges, and some bridges, I will never cross again!

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/search?q=depths+of+humanity%E2%80%99s+repression

Hoovering a Technique of Emotional Abuse

Unresolved childhood traumas combined together with present traumatic experiences is a recipe for a tragedy. This is the root cause of most of the tragedies we witness in our world.

Good people are A MAGNET TO THE NARCISSIST. If you are a sensitive, kind individual, especially one possessing a high ability for empathy, NARCISSTISTS WILL BE CIRCLING. Be aware of it. Learn to see the red flags. THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE.

MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS DON'T CHOOSE LOSERS. THEY CHOOSE YOU BECAUSE THEY WANT THE QUALITIES THAT YOU HAVE, THE ONES THEY ARE LACKING, THAT THEY WILL NEVER HAVE

Keep Their Façade Intact

Narcissists often have a carefully constructed persona they present to the world. Hoovering is a way for the narcissist to prevent you from sharing their experiences with others and exposing their true nature.

Additionally, they might use hoovering tactics on your friends and family [or coworkers] to maintain a façade. Other people will have a hard time believing your accounts of their abusive and manipulative behavior because they “seem so nice” and “wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

Narcissists are not what they pretend to be.They are what they hide.

Please don't make the fatal mistake of believing you can "fix" a malignant narcissist by loving them more, by not doing what triggers them off.....they don't want to be fixed because they like what they are. They want to destroy you, feed off you, deplete you and exhaust you!

If you're lucky enough to get away and leave a narcissist, you will probably find they act as though you've caused them severe injury. In their delusional heads they will be thinking, how dare you leave me, when i'm not done controlling, using or abusing you. And because their ego will be damaged by the loss of their supply, be prepared to be slandered by lies and stories about you. They will share these fabricated stories and lies, to anyone who will listen, so they can be sure that they look like the victim. Don't let them get to you, hold your head up high and remember it doesn't matter what other people believe, because you were there, living the nightmare, so you know the truth.

The truth is, narcissistic parents don't have children because they want to nurture and guide their offspring through life; they have children so that they have an automatic, built-in relationship in which they have power, one in which the narcissist can write the rules without any checks and balances.

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PEOPLE NEVER REALLY GROW. THEY NEVER LEARN THEIR LESSON. THEY NEVER RECOGNIZE THEIR MISTAKES. THEY NEVER ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FAULTS. THEY NEVER ADMIT THEY WERE IN THE WRONG. YOU WILL NEVER RECEIVE AN APOLOGY FROM THEM AND YOU WILL NEVER SEE THEIR BEHAVIOR CHANGE.

10 THINGS THAT DRIVE A NARCISSIST CRAZY!

• Not getting enough narcissistic supply

• People not believing they are an authority

• Your happiness

• Being ignored

• Having boundaries and limits imposed on them

• Being questioned

• Your successes

• When you refuse to be taken in by their charm/love bombing

• When you let go, rebuild your life, and begin to THRIVE

Some signs of hoovering include:

• Manipulation: The narcissist manipulates the victim back into the relationship against their will
• Twisting the conversation: The narcissist twists the conversation
• Declaration of love: The narcissist declares love
• Repentance: The narcissist apologizes, but the apology is qualifiers that show the narcissist still holds the victim responsible for their behavior
• Threatening to harm themselves: The narcissist threatens to harm themselves
• Using others: The narcissist tries to get other people to reach out to the victim on their behalf
• Excessive gifts: The narcissist sends the victim lavish or expensive gifts
• Overpromising: The narcissist promises to take the victim on an exotic vacation, buy their dream house, or even marry them
• False crises: The narcissist makes up some crisis or emergency, such as a health scare 

Hoovering can cause the victim to lose confidence and start to question their self-worth. Eventually, the victim may recognize how toxic the relationship is and want out. This is the stage where hoovering typically comes in.

Here are some tips for overcoming hoovering:

If you mention their past behavior, let the gaslighting begin 

Test the narcissist by expressing your valid reservations

Watch how quickly the narcissist turns on you

Hoovering is a manipulation tactic used to “suck” victims back into toxic relationship cycles. 

Someone who hoovers fears that their target will “get away” from them, so they may engage in love bombing, feigning crises, stalking, or smear campaigns in order to suck up all their target's time, energy, and attention.

"One of the most difficult things about being abused by a Malignant Narcissist is coming to terms with the fact that the person never really loved you or even cared about you at all.

Even though this is difficult, it is something you must face courageously, as thinking that they have real feelings will only lead you into a trap.

It is only when you face the truth that you can get out of the trap, no matter how hard the truth is to accept. When you're in love with a Malignant Narcissist, you are not in love with a real person; you're in love with the illusion that the Narcissist created for you.

The Narcissist puts on a front and acts like everything you want and need them to be until- 

SURPRISE!!!

The Narcissist gets you where he or she wants you, then changes into a completely different person... cold, dismissive, hateful, mean, deceitful and unlovings It is quite shocking. It knocks you off balance. This is precisely what the Narcissist wants.

Jenna Ryan (Self Love U)

 What does Hoovering Look Like?

Hoovering is similar to love bombing in that the person hoovering is attempting to exploit their victim’s vulnerabilities.

Narcissists are often skilled at knowing exactly what a person wants; they will aim to make their target feel special, loved, and valued to lure them back into the relationship or to re-establish control."

Unlike love-bombing, which tends to occur at the beginning of a relationship, hoovering happens after the devaluation or discard phase.

It is the narcissist’s way of getting back the attention, admiration, and control they feel they are losing. It typically occurs after the victim has attempted to distance themselves or end the relationship.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-hoovering-signs-how-to-respond.html

HOW TO SPOT A NARCISSIST!

Love bombing

Lies and Cheating

Excessive Need for Adoration

Excessive Need for Validation

Smear Campaign

Controlling

Silent Treatment

Possessiveness

Withholding

Gaslighting

Intimidates

Inconsistent

Word Salads

Constant Drama

Creates Confusion

Financial Abuse

Double Standards

Jealous

Needs Constant

Emotional Abuse

Lacks Empathy

Emotionally Unavailable

No Remorse

No Conscience

Triangulation

Lacks Boundaries

Violates Boundaries

Isolates You

Disregard for Others

Not Accountable

Flying Monkeys

Supply

Obsessed with Looks

Obsessed with Social Media

Stonewalling

Crazy Exes

Hoovers Exes

Future Faking

Unhealed Trauma

Energy Vampires

Trauma Bond

Addicts (sex/drugs)

CYCLE OF NARCISSIST ABUSE

1. Idealize

2. Devalue

3. Discard

4. Hoover

Empaths be like:

I don't just listen to your words. I listen to your use of words, your tone, your body movements, your eyes, your subtle facial expressions. I interpret your silences - I can hear everything you don't say in words.

Unknown

TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST

Don't argue with them.

Don't engage with them.

Don't defend yourself.

Be indifferent.

Be grounded.

Be emotionless.

The smarter you become about narcissistic abuse, the crazier the narcissist will say you are. 

The narcissist believes they are the authority that determines reality.

To them, your facts are meaningless, and your logic offensive.

Sometimes people try to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power - not because they don't see it, but because they see it and they don't want it to exist.

Narcissistic Individuals Buy Into Their own Masks

Covert narcissists for example think they are really good people. They buy into their "humble demeanor" There is a delusional aspect to narcissism, there has to be for them to believe they are perfect or superior. They rationalize all the bad things they do. They find a way to blame you, or make it your fault, or believe you deserve it. That is how they could live with themselves. Especially covert narcissists, they can't imagine being looked at as anything other than wonderful people. -Maria Consiglio

A number one way narcissists control you is they teach you to doubt yourself. They gaslight you and literally trick you into thinking what you saw you didn't see, what you heard never happened, and what you're experiencing is an illusion, and not real. They do this so much that after a while you really start to doubt yourself. That is why your whole relationship feels like a perpetual state of confusion. That is exactly where they want you. They can't control a person who is strong in their conviction, so they keep you doubting yourself. It is a horrible and cruel way to not only control a person but to keep a person perpetually off balance and in a weakened state of mind.

A kind person will sense your fears and soothe them. A cruel person will target your fears and FEED them. Rose Gardner

Narcissists are not what they pretend to be. They are what they hide.

Dark Truth:

Emotion for a narcissist equates to fuel. They want to hear you getting irritated. They want to get you annoyed. They want your voice to rise and see the tears of frustration welling your eyes. When they see this, it makes them feel so powerful.

THEY ARE PREDATORS

They seek out compassionate, trusting good-hearted human beings, and then mimic those qualities. Like parasites, they are their strongest when they have a healthy host. And then slowly, they use their victim's love to destroy them from the inside out. But unlike parasites, they don't do this for survival. They do it for fun/entertainment in order to temporarily alleviate the twisted state of living in contempt, envy, and boredom.

The high narcissists get from hurting an innocent child is a hell of a lot more intense than the one they would get from targeting a world-weary adult. This is why narcissists stalk their own children; that and easy access. Malignant narcissistic parents also stalk their children's souls in order to be human extensions-to live vicariously through them. Either way; the malignant narcissist parent gains in the transaction of the child's soul. They drain the child (kill life in the child), and leave them hollow (without a self) so that they can fill the child with themselves: be it as a dumping ground for their own toxic waste; or a vessel to live their narcissistic fantasy through.

Narcissist v. Sociopath

A Narcissist sees others as a means to validate his existence. The less validating you are, the less use you are to a Narcissist.

A Sociopath views others as entertainment. The less entertaining you are, the less use you are to a Sociopath.

Both the Narcissist and the Sociopath need to dominate and control others. They will both exploit you with no remorse and have no conscience. My advice? Do not validate the Narcissist and do not entertain the Sociopath. Stay clear of them. Once they suck you in, it is hard to get away. Avoid them both at all costs and if they manage to bring you into their den, run like hell. Lisa E. Scott

https://www.verywellmind.com/the-difference-between-a-narcissist-and-a-sociopath-5181518

What is Stonewalling?

• Dismissing your concerns or refusing to discuss an issue

• Dismissing your ideas and perspectives like they are invalid, stupid, unreasonable or boring

• Avoiding discussing or problem solving issues

• Busying themselves while you're trying to talk to them

• Avoiding eye contact, staring past you, or at their phone, watch or TV

• Acts as if you're unimportant and have nothing of value to say

• Ignoring you when you speak

• Eye rolling

Lisa E. Scott

Fortunately, some are born with spiritual immune systems that sooner or later give rejection to the illusory worldview grafted upon them from birth through social conditioning. They begin sensing that something is amiss, and start looking for answers. Inner knowledge and anomalous outer experiences show them a side of reality others are oblivious to, and so begins their journey of awakening. Each step of the journey is made by following the heart instead of following the crowd and by choosing knowledge over the veils of ignorance.

Henri Bergson

Depression is caused by the repressed emotions of the child you once were. And all addiction is a form of escapism... find the courage to face and resolve your childhood repression and you know true freedom that cannot be bought with money and cannot ever be stolen.

Evil vs Broken

Do not confuse a broken person for an evil person. A broken person can be fixed an evil person cannot. An evil person causes pain, they hurt others. They deliberately cause chaos. A broken person would never do any of those things because they know how it feels to be on the other side of those actions. Don't confuse someone who can be saved with someone that you will need to be saved from.

Empaths be like:

I don't just listen to your words. I listen to your use of words, your tone, your body movements, your eyes, your subtle facial expressions. I interpret your silences - I can hear everything you don't say in words. Unknown

Does the narcissist's description of YOU actually make a good description of the narcissist?

Welcome to the wonderful world of PROJECTION.

When conflict arises, we are able to let it go and move on. Narcissists must get revenge.

We trust in the good of all people. Narcissists believe everyone is just like them.

We like to help people feel good about themselves and feel relief when a conflict has been resolved. Narcissists like to fight.

We take responsibility when we've made a mistake. Narcissists blame everyone else. We enjoy being compassionate. Narcissists enjoy being manipulative.

Handle every situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away. :-)

Accept that the narcissist is what

he/she is. Narcissists are totally incapable

of love and deep connection. Nothing

you did or didn't do would have changed

the outcome. You were not loved for YOU as a person. You were viewed as an object and loved for your utility, not for your individuality. You were used for the perks you were able to provide. You were their human helium tank that maintained their inflated view of themselves. I know it sounds harsh, and it's a very painful realization to accept. But the acceptance of this fact is also the very thing that will accelerate your healing and set you free

"You are wasting your time if you are trying to reason with a narcissist. They will twist everything you say. They are not trying to understand you. They are trying to keep power over you."- Maria Consiglio

THE NEW TARGET ISN'T THE LOVE OF THEIR LIFE. THEY ARE THE NEW SUPPLY. A NARCISSIST DOESN'T LOVE ANYONE. NOT YOU. NOT THE NEXT PERSON. NOT THE ONE BEFORE 

A Narcissist can't allow others to see who AND what they really are - an empty dark, angry, repulsive, dangerous person who loathes life and people, as well as lacking ALL empathy, and morals, and is abusive. So, the Narcissist creates a highly likable, moral, good, and normal MASK/image that will procure them adulation, affirmation, and attention. Everything the Narcissist requires to survive and walk among the 'real' or 'normal' people. WHY, because they need the basic things that only 'functioning' human beings can provide BUT they can't, so they morph into one of us so they can 'harvest' what they need from people.

IDENTIFYING TOXIC PEOPLE

They are controlling. They have to have everything their way. And the only agenda they care about is their own. They don't take, "no" for an answer, unless they are manipulating you, or it will ultimately suit their purpose.

They are never wrong!- Even with evidence to the contrary, they will never admit to being wrong. And don't expect an apology from them. Their enormous ego would never even entertain that possibility.

They are draining. You feel depleted every time you are in their presence. Extremely selfish people are like vampires, they suck the life force right out of you.

They are deceptive- They sometimes come in the guise of being helpful and caring. They may even be helpful. But don't be fooled it always comes at a cost. Or they get some narcissistic pleasure from it. They love having their egos stoked, and being told, what great people they are. Meanwhile, if you do one thing they don't like they will bury you in an instant, without even a second thought.

They are liars They are the most deceptive people you will ever meet. Everything they do, everything they are is set up to deceive and fulfill their purpose.

"They are delusional They really believe their own lies. They even think they are great people. They have this innate ability to fool everyone including themselves." Maria Consiglio

Pay attention when people react with anger and hostility to your boundaries. You have found the edge where their respect for you ends.

"Stop trying every which way to let a Narcissist know how you feel. The truth is they don't care how you feel. They are not interested in your feelings or how something affected you. They are only interested in getting their own feelings validated and getting their own needs met. Stop thinking they don't understand, they understand. They are just not interested. Your needs are not even a thought in their mind. A Narcissist's mind is not wired the same way. Their initial reaction is always me first, then me again and again." -Maria Consiglio

Malignant narcissism is a runaway freight train ride from childhood on, a vicious cycle of bad behavior that soon passes a point of no return - when you do something so evil that you'll never be able to get real and face your true self in a mirror. The things you do to trample others ("glorify" yourself) this way are abhorrent. People would abhor you if they knew. Indeed, you would abhor yourself if you faced facts about what you have become. So, don't expect an adult narcissist to change. It ain't gonna happen.

FUNNY HOW THE PEOPLE WHO DESPERATELY WANT TO CHANGE YOU ARE THE LEAST LIKELY TO CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THEMSELVES. 

A NARCISSIST WILL NEVER BE WILLING TO CHANGE. THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE PERFECT AND THAT IT'S THE WORLD AROUND THEM THAT MUST CATER TO THEM.

VULTURES

Beware of opportunistic people who suddenly appear when your life is falling apart. Disguised as good samaritans, they eagerly offer advice and assistance. In reality, they are there to pick the meat off your bones.

"The further society moves away from the truth, the more it hates those who reveal it." George Orwell

SOCIETY HAS BECOME SO FAKE THAT THE TRUTH ACTUALLY BOTHERS PEOPLE.

"THE TRUTH ABOUT OUR CHILDHOOD IS STORED UP IN OUR BODY, AND ALTHOUGH WE CAN REPRESS IT, WE CAN NEVER ALTER IT. OUR INTELLECT CAN BE DECEIVED, OUR FEELINGS MANIPULATED, AND CONCEPTIONS CONFUSED, AND OUR BODY TRICKED WITH MEDICATION. BUT SOMEDAY OUR BODY WILL PRESENT ITS BILL, FOR IT IS AS INCORRUPTIBLE AS A CHILD, WHO, STILL WHOLE IN SPIRIT, WILL ACCEPT NO COMPROMISES OR EXCUSES, AND IT WILL NOT STOP TORMENTING US UNTIL WE STOP EVADING THE TRUTH!" - ALICE MILLER

If we do not work on all three levels body, feeling, mind -- the symptoms of our distress will keep returning, as the body goes on repeating the story stored in its cells until it is finally listened to and understood. -- Alice Miller

Emotional access to the truth is the indispensable precondition of healing. Alice Miller

We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people. Alice Miller

Want to meet someone who has seen evil in human form and actually became stronger through the experience? Want to talk to someone who has wisdom beyond their years? Want to see what inner resiliency looks like in a person? Spend some time with a survivor of narcissistic, sociopathic, and psychopathic abuse. They are some of the most sparkly gems I have ever known. Shannon Thomas

Narcissists Technique Known as Baiting

Narcissists use a variety of techniques, known as "baiting", to manipulate and control others. Baiting is a form of passive-aggressive manipulation that aims to get a reaction from the target. Narcissists may bait their targets in many ways, including:

• Insults: Mocking, taunting, and ridiculing with offensive jibes
• Guilt-tripping: Playing the victim, such as blaming others for their own unhappiness
• Intimidation and threats: Provoking fear or anxiety to keep the recipient compliant
• Fear-provoking and scaremongering: Threatening physical harm, social consequences, or emotional abuse
• Intrigue: Using vague comments 

Baiting typically triggers the target's anxiety, shame, and fear, making them easier to control and manipulate. The goal is to gain control or maintain power in the relationship, manipulating the partner or coworker into submission or compliance with the narcissist's desires and demands. 

Some ways to manage bait include: Recognizing the bait for what it is, Noticing how the bait makes you feel, Managing your own responses, Focusing on your own feelings and needs, and Practicing mindfulness and self-care.

Individuals with narcissistic traits or NPD may deliberately insult or provoke you with hurtful comments to elicit an emotional or defensive response. Narcissistic baiting is a manipulative strategy that narcissists use to cause emotional reactions and maintain control over their targets.

https://youtube.com/shorts/6UlNELUhbyA?si=CGSnredmPz94ESjh

https://youtube.com/shorts/2yXruakWP0g?si=9ApH2WHKBoSMuu4D

https://youtube.com/shorts/tCAqGkuw2Xc?si=U9vZRVowtNXyss3Y

If there isn’t chaos, narcissists will create it

https://youtube.com/shorts/tzDf5spzOv4?si=Zp2VWsq1zw-ctpwo

https://youtube.com/shorts/UvaF9ZbJ14Y?si=8o08NFiCB1L6-mL1

Narcissists may thrive on chaos because it allows them to gain control and keep people focused on them. Chaos is energy without direction, which narcissists can use to create confusion. When people become confused, narcissists can blame them for the chaos.

Narcissists may also create chaos to:

• Relive turbulent pasts: Narcissists may create chaos to relive turbulent times with early caregivers.
• Find gratification: Narcissists may find gratification and satisfaction in chaos.
• Have attention: Narcissists have an insatiable need for attention and validation, and conflict allows them to be the center of attention.

Narcissists may also create chaos by:

• Forcing people to think
• Forcing people to reflect
• Forcing people to doubt and question
• Introducing the unpredictable, incomprehensible, senseless, and cruel into people's lives -

Narcissists are often immature, insecure, and abusive people who are terrified of exposure. They may also have a sense of entitlement that voids the opportunity to fit in. 

Narcissists will actually manufacture the chaos and confusion if there isn’t any.

Narcissists regularly:

1. Instigate crazymaking arguments

2. Ruin holidays & special occasions

3. Provoke jealousy & use triangulation

4. Give you the Silent Treatment

5. Steal your time & energy

https://centerforhopewny.org/narcissists-crave-chaos/