This is why MM still stuck in in his hatred for his mother, because he is still emotionally dependent on his mother and also dependent on her money and using her to make money for himself. He is trying to make a name for himself by unconsciously in a symbolic way kill his mother with his book to free himself, but these are fantasies of a small child and we never achieve true freedom by allowing the wounded child’s fantasies dictate our present actions, but actually will keep us stuck and strengthening the walls of our emotional prison leaving very little chance of ever escaping our childhood emotional prison.
So my suggestion to you is to find someone you can talk with freely about all of your authentic feelings and helps you clarify and consciously feel all of your feelings within the context of your childhood and focus on improving your physical health. Also look for resources you might have to help you gain autonomy how slow or little might be, baby steps is better than not taking any steps at tall. I wish you much luck, courage and strength on your journey.
Here is another blog about primal therapy.
Read Alice's article at the bottom.