Adoption can be such a tragedy -- Part 1

Dear X,

I read your last e-mail, and I feel all your hate being transferred or projected onto me. I want to write a letter to you. Still, I need time to sit at the computer without distractions, and I just have not had the time to concentrate on your letter, as you know, writing does not come easily to me. 

All the accusations you made of me are what you are doing; they are pure projections, but I will get into it later. 

I don’t have much time this week to meet up, but next week, after 3pm on Wednesday, looks pretty good if you have time and feel good to meet up to see if you can use this opportunity to help you free yourself from the repressed emotions of the baby and child you once were that still are repressed in you. I am sure it would improve your physical health overall, but if you project your hate onto the trigger and make your triggers your scapegoat, they don’t get resolved. They remain trapped in your body, triggering you over and over and blocking your body from healing. 

You judged Michael Jackson’s art as not being expressive art, and therefore, his art was not healing, and that your art is expressive and healing. Still, you are proof that is not saving you either, you are dependent on those around you to pay your rent and on the government for food stamps, so you still a dependent little child and your art is just helping you survive too, you remain a lost little child in a maze confused looking and waiting for a substitute mother figure to save you. Still, it will never happen, because no one can make up for what you did not get as a child. 

You say we need an enlightened witness in our lives, true, but what I am hearing is that you want a mother to hold your hand and that was a need of the child you once were and now no one can make up for that, you have to become the mother to that lost child still inside of you with the help of an enlightened witness, like Alice Miller was to me. And she can be yours, too, if you concentrate on her books. 

Just because you disagree with my comment: "Art can help people survive their childhood traumas, but will not free them from it, unless they are able to face and feel the painful repressed emotions of the child they once were, they will unconsciously and compulsively reenact their childhood drama in the present moment, and art just helps them cope with it."
June 7 at 7:52am ·

When you got mad at me for my comment above on your post about art being healing, I wish you had read Alice Miller’s words below, so you could see that your art did not liberate you from your repressed hate, and unconsciously and compulsively, you are still looking for scapegoats to relieve your pent-up anger. You not agreeing with me does not mean I did not say a factual truth, because your case is in itself proof of my statement to be true, but you are not ready to face and feel that truth, because at the moment, the pain is too much to bear, and I completely understand.  

"It is a great mistake to imagine that one can symbolically resolve traumas. If that were possible, poets, painters, and other artists could resolve their pain through creativity. This is not the case, however. Creativity helps us channel the pain of trauma into symbolic acts; it doesn't help us resolve it. If symbolic revenge for maltreatment received in childhood were effective, then dictators would eventually stop humiliating and torturing their fellow human beings. As long as they choose to deceive themselves about who really deserves their hatred, however, and as long as they go on feeding that hatred in symbolic form instead of experiencing and resolving it within the context of their own childhood, their hunger for revenge will remain insatiable (see Miller 1990a).” read more here

When people are not ready to see and feel, they always tell me, "I disagree," and when I hear those words, I usually just let it go, because I know I cannot force anyone to face and feel if they are not ready.

If I wanted to humiliate you like you said I was doing, I would have said all this in your public post. Still, I did not want to expose you to this painful truth in your public post when you are not ready to even face it in private. Yes, you inspire my posts on my Facebook page. Still, I was not exposing you in my posts; you exposed yourself on my posts with your comments, you were trying to humiliate me, but instead you humiliated yourself, just like your childhood abusers did when you were a defenseless little child. Still, I did not respond to your comments then because I did not want to discuss it in a public post; if I wanted to humiliate you, as you said, I would have said all this in public posts. 

You are the one continuing to abuse yourself and others the same way your childhood abusers abused you, unconsciously and compulsively reenacting your childhood drama in the present moment. 

You post things on Facebook exposing the government's poisoning of our food. Still, you are poisonous yourself when a painful feeling comes up for you with cigarettes and alcohol, don’t you think the nicotine will not help heal the inflammation in your joints? 

You say Dr. Mate says that taking drugs is like a warm hug to the addict, but why would you want a fake hug from something that will betray you? 

I would rather not have a hug at all; if I get one, I want an honest, real hug. You like Dr. Mate and maybe he is a truly enlightened witness, but he has not helped you liberate yourself like Alice Miller has helped me, so you are not a very good example of him being a true enlightened witness, but you make him look more like an enabler.

More soon, I have to go now,

Sylvie

Also, read Adoption can be such a tragedy -- part 2
http://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2012/07/adoption-can-be-such-tragedy-part-2.html

2-21-2018

Hard to believe it has been 6 years already since a sociopath on Facebook targeted me, trying to manipulate money out of me.  When she figured it out, I could not be manipulated. She no longer had a use for me in her life, and used my comment on her post to move to the devalue phase and then discard me. 

Sociopaths are all the same: Idealize, devalue, and discard. When in the idealized phase, they mimic you to a T to fool you that they are like you. She mimicked me perfectly.  

I thought I would share the e-mail I shared with my co-writer at the time:

From: Ed Sweet <@.com>

To: Sylvie Imelda Shene <s@.com>

Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2012, 3:27 PM

Subject: Re: My letter to J

Sorry to hear that she's lashing out at you....Occupational hazard, I guess!

Sad that people try to hurt the ones who just want to help them.

Ed

From: Sylvie Imelda Shene <s@com>

Date: Wed, Jun 13, 2012 at 9:07 AM

Subject: Re: My letter to J

To: Ed Sweet e@com

Thank you, Ed, but it’s all good! One more opportunity for me to practice and learn to master handling transference, because my book might trigger the whole repression of a small country and have its collective anger transferred onto me, so I have to become a master at handling transference!

I am willing and happy to be a scapegoat or a poisonous container to a small child. Still, never to an adult ever again, because it helps a child, but allowing an adult to make us their scapegoat or poisonous container, it does not help them or anyone, but endless perpetuates their childhood drama and regresses us to our own childhood drama, so when people are not ready to see and feel their repressed emotions in the proper context, we must walk away.

As a child, we could not walk away from people projecting themselves into us, but the beauty of being a mature, autonomous adult is that we are free to walk away from anyone who refuses to see and feel.

 J’s repression started being triggered at my party. Now it came to a head and exploded. When she saw Kim’s painting, it started triggering her repressed jealousy of her adoptive brother, because her adoptive parents favored their natural son over her. When she noticed that I loved the painting your wife painted for me, it started triggering her, because I was favoring and spending more money on Kim’s painting than on hers. Hence, she painted this painting named “For Your Own Good” with me in mind, thinking I would become interested in the painting because me being such a fan of Alice Miller’s work.

I could see very clearly that she named this painting “For Your Own Good” to manipulate me to buy another painting from her. I asked her how much she was selling that painting for. And she said it was $2000! 

I told her that I had just spent so much money on my party and vacation while my niece was here, and on a ghostwriter to help me with my book, so I could not pay that much for painting right now. 

She came down in price, and now she is asking $800 for it. I was planning to get the money together and buy it, just to make her happy and give her some extra cash. Still, I guess I wasn't doing it quickly enough and brought her repressed emotions to a head. She shot herself in the foot by taking revenge on me for what her childhood abusers did to her when she was a defenseless little child, which is very sad.

Thanks for listening, and have a good day.

Sylvie