Then at that same party, I talked to someone else that has been adopted, but in total denial of his own trauma and completely unaware how he will unconsciously and compulsively will take revenge for what his mother did to him when he was just a little baby on his own children and on other vulnerable pregnant women seeking an abortion under the disguise of wanting to protect their unborn children, so others have the same fate as him.
He told me that he had paid for an abortion when he was young and regrets it, but he does not understand his unborn child is the lucky one that does not have to be the recipient of his repression and the living children are the unlucky ones that are going to be the scapegoats, recipient or poisonous container for his unresolved repression.
Repressed people want to protect the unborn, but the moment that new life is born, they do nothing to protect the rights of the new life, but instead, after a child is born, they protect the parents and especially they idealize the mother, just like Alice’s says: “…I don't think that gender makes a difference when it goes to cruelty. Active cruelty is the effect of endured violence and perversion in childhood and nothing else. Feminists dislike my statements very much when I write in many books (as the Drama, Banished Knowledge, Breaking Down the Wall of Silence and others) that the space society gives to man to rage and destroy life with impunity is the war and to women their home where they can do whatever they want to their babies and toddlers to teach them to obey. What they do in this way, never controlled, never punished, is to cripple millions of people who will never accuse them of their crimes because every child loves her/ his mother and would never, never put her in troubles. Rather they would hate the whole world or all women, but the own mother must stay protected from their hatred forever. In this way, we turn in a vicious circle of blindness. A brutally beaten child will, as an adult, prefer becoming a serial killer to accusing his mother of brutality. And the same is true for crazy dictators who even become "heroes" for whole nations because people learned so early to love and admire the persons who were cruel to them - no matter what they really did.”
"It is, in fact, not surprising to find that those who are both victims and apologist for the use of violence and severity against children are often those who most passionately proclaim their love of the unborn child, i.e., the kernel of life. Abortion can, indeed, be seen as the most powerful symbol of the psychic annihilation and mutilation practiced since time immemorial on children. But to combat this evil merely at the symbolic level deflects us from the reality we should not evade for a moment longer: the reality of the abused and humiliated child, which, as a result of its disavowed and unresolved injuries, will insidiously become, either openly or aided by hypocrisy, a danger to society.
The never acknowledged, never felt pain of their childhood calls for being avenged. They go to church, they pray, they honor their parents, forgive them everything – and they mistreat their children at home, often in a very cruel way, AS IF THIS WERE THE MOST NATURAL THING, because they learned this so early. Their children learn this perverted behavior, also very early, and will later do the same; and so this perverse behavior continues for millennia. Unless people are willing to SEE the perversion of their parents and are ready to consciously refuse to imitate it.
You are not being "sickeningly sarcastic," you only dared to speak out the truth that most people are afraid of seeing or talking about.”
Are women Less Aggressive than Men?
Right to Know One's Origins
“In all of us, there is a hunger, marrow-deep, to know our heritage- to know who we are and where we have come from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hollow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness, and the most disquieting loneliness.” - Alex Haley
To be ignorant of what occurred before you were born is to remain always a child.
Abuse in Adoption
“Regrettably, in many cases, the emphasis has changed from the desire to provide a needy child with a home to that of providing a needy parent with a child. As a result, a whole industry has grown, generating millions of dollars of revenues each year. ...” - United Nations, Commission on Human Rights, 2003
Adoption in the Netherlands is "undutch" while America's love affair with it continues
Relinquishing a child for adoption in the Netherlands is considered "inhumane, unwomanly, undutch, not done," according to Theodore, one of First Mother Forum’s regular readers who comments frequently from across the pond.
As in Australia, England and Wales, adoption rates in the Netherlands are dramatically lower than in the US.* With a population of 16.7 million, one eighteenth that of the United States, the Netherlands has approximately 20 domestic infant adoptions each year compared to 15,000 domestic infant adoptions in the US. If Americans were relinquishing at the same rate as in the Netherlands, they would have given up a fraction of the babies relinquished today--a mere 360 babies, not 15,000. Why the discrepancy, we wanted to know. Theodore filled us in.
A Dutch native, he is familiar with the effects of adoption in his own family, due to what he refers to as an illegal grandparent adoption. He is currently working on a translation of a book about Jewish parents who were separated from their children in WW II, but got them back after the war.
RECOGNIZING LOSS TO MOTHER AND CHILD
As in the U.S., unmarried Dutch mothers suffered through a Baby Scoop Era. The high point was 1970 when about a thousand babies were relinquished. The reasons for the decline in adoptions after that was multifaceted, as in America, but a less prudish attitude throughout the country allowed for good sex education, readily available contraceptives, accessible and abortion. At the same time, welfare benefits improved. "Unmarried mothers are common and widely accepted, while public perception a woman who relinquishes her child is quite negative," he writes. "Surrendering one’s child became something simply “not done.” At the same time, quasi-official support for adoption declined as professionals recognized the loss to mother and child. Today adoption decisions are met with opprobrium; women who give up their babies are not looked upon favorably. (As they seem to be in America, we inject, given the kudos were given to Catelynn and Tyler of Sixteen and Pregnant celebrity.) About 50 percent of babies are born to unmarried mothers in the Netherlands, compared to 40 percent in the U.S. Today in the U.S. more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage--a reality that neither Lorraine or I could have imagined when our children were born in 1966 and we felt only deep shame and societal censure.
Unlike in the U.S. Dutch law allows adoption only by those who already have a parent relationship with the child, i.e. step- and foster children. There is no immediate handing over of a baby to a waiting couple or single adopter.
Adoption itself inflicts psychological harm on adoptees. Adoption means the near-impossibility of either adoptee or adoptive parent being able to take their relationship for granted. Because the parent-child relationship is established by law and not by nature, the relationship cannot be regarded as a simple fact of life as it is in natural families, by either adoptees or adoptive parents.
Some adoptees may be less harmed by the disruption of the natural bond with their birthmothers than others. Some adoptive parents are better at empathizing than are others. Some are able to love and accept the children they adopt for who they really are, while others will never stop trying to mold adoptees into the natural children they could not have. But still adoption itself, I think, harms children. . . . Inside every adoptee lurks an abandoned child and that child hurts. . . .
Yes, I know that some non-adopted children are damaged by abuse, poverty or other ills. I know many single parents have one or more risk factors in their families. Yet most, maybe all, of the problems that face vulnerable natural parents can be eliminated by societal and familial support, while the problems that occur in adoption, particularly when the parents are infertile and the adoption is closed, are inherent in adoption and cannot be prevented or eliminated.”
As someone said in a Facebook page “Adoption Trauma” post: “As an adoptee raised in an extremely loving home, with a reunion that was a disaster, I can honestly say that the lies have to stop. As a civil society, we need to stop this nonsense of human trafficking disguised as adoption. If a mother cannot, absolutely cannot parent "her" child then legal guardianship should be appointed. Again I say, I had a lovely home but this adoption masquerade has to end! Grown adults should be mature enough to stop playing house and just raise the other women’s child but never ever insist on making the child play act in the drama of their life pretending to be their child. They are not their child but someone else's they are caretaking for! This is cruel and inhumane to be any different.” http://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/adoption.trauma.7/posts/329901923758616?notif_t=feed_comment_reply
I feel the same way as Lynn Beisner: "But for many women, like my mother, abortion would be an inconvenient act of courage and selflessness. I am sad for both of us that she could not find the courage and selflessness. But my attitude is that as long as I am already here, I might as well do all I can to make the world a better place, to ease the suffering of others, and to experience love and life to its fullest."
Also, read Adoption can be such a tragedy part 1 and 2 in the links below:
Also, read Discussing Politics