Sunday, December 16, 2012

Random acts violence.

It’s very sad that the world witenessed another random extreem act of vilonce and is very frustrating to me to see well-meaning people saying very well-articulated memorized half-truths on Facebook, but because they themselves have not resolved their own repressed emotions from their own childhood, they don’t realize they are still covertly enabling to the random acts of violence, some to the extreme scale like we witness last Friday to continue in one form or another.

I see some people here preaching to people not to abuse their children, but then they also preach against abortion and they don’t realize being against abortion are contributing to child abuse to continue.

Preaching never worked and will never work no matter how hard we preach.

The only way we can ever stop enabling these acts of violence against innocent beings that be children other adults or animals, is if we stop preaching and find the courage to face and feel our own repression and then we share our experiences how we liberated ourselves from our own repression and hopefully in this way helps others rather the courage to face, feel and resolve their own repression and this is the only way we stop enabling acts of violence to continue.

As Alice Miller says: “The injunction against abortion goes even further: Consciously or unconsciously, it represents support for cruelty against children and active complicity in the creation of unwanted existences, existences that can easily become a liability for the community at large.”

Also in her book “Free from Lies” Alice Miller says it best:

“There is still a widespread belief that children are incapable of feeling: either the things done to them will have no consequences at all, or those consequences will be different from what they would be in an adult. The simple reason advanced for the belief is that they are “still children.” Only a short while ago it was permissible to operate on children without giving them an anesthetic. Above all, the custom of circumcising boys and girls and subjecting them to sadistic initiation ritual is still quite normal practice in many countries, blows inflicted on adults count as grievous bodily harm to torture; those inflicted on children go by the name of upbringing, Is this not in itself sufficient and incontrovertible proof that most people have suffered serious brain damage, a “lesion” or a gaping void where would expect to find empathy, particularly for children? Effectively, this observation is evidence in favor of the theory that all those beaten in childhood must have sustained subsequent damage to the brain, as almost all adults are more or less impervious to the violence done to children!

In my quest for an explanation of this fact, I decided in 2002 to find out at what age parents thought they might begin impressing the necessity of good behavior on their children by giving them “little” smacks and slaps. As there were no statistics available on this point, I instructed a survey institute to ask one hundred mothers from different strata of society how their children were when they first decided it was necessary to make them behave better by administering slaps to their hands or bottoms. The responses were extremely enlightening…

As far as I know, what infants feel when they are physically attacked and the affects that suppression of these feelings have on the life of individual adults and the whole fabric of society are issues that have never been address by philosophers, sociologists, or theologians. The lengths to which the evasion of the issues has gone struck me with full force recently when I was reading a superbly written and highly informative book on the subject of anger. The book describes with minute precision the disastrous effects of anger directed at scapegoats in the course of history. But nowhere in the four hundred pages is there any reference to the origins of such anger. At no point does the author indicate that the anger felt by every individual person stems from the primary, justified anger of the small child at the blows on it by the parents. The immediate expression of anger is suppressed, but at a later stage this suppressed fury will be direct at innocent victims with uninhibited savage.

As the torture of children and the suppression and denial of that torture are so widespread, one might assume that this protective mechanism is part of human nature, that it is designed to spare us pain and hence plays a salutary role. But there are at least two facts that militate against this interpretation:

First, the fact that suppressed abuse is passed on to the next generation so that the progression of violence cannot be halted; and second, the fact that remembrance of the abuse we have been subjected to cause the symptoms of illness to disappear.

…The unspoken injuries can heal if they are not left to fester in the unconscious. When children given this kind of information later become parents themselves, they will no longer compulsively repeat the sometimes brutal or perverted behavior of their parents, as the suppression of their injuries will not drive them to do so. …Children who are told the truth and are not brought up to tolerate lies and cruelty can develop as freely as a plant whose roots have not been attacked by pests (in our case lies).

 By contrast, children who have been informed about the early injuries inflicted on them will be much more critical of brutal movies or quickly lose interest in them altogether. They may even find it easier to see through the dissociated sadism of the moviemakers than do the many adults who are unwilling to face to the suffering of the maltreated children they once were. Such adults may be fascinated by scenes of violence without suspecting that they are being forced to consume the emotional trash peddled as “art” by filmmakers who are unaware that they are in fact parading their own histories.”

The words below by Alice Miller in the same book “Free from Lies” articulates my experience with people that by adolescence the defense mechanisms have been firmly cemented and once they are cemented is near to impossible to soften cement.  

“The best time for a conversation with one’s children about the injuries inflicted on them is probably between the ages of four and twelve, at all events before the onset of puberty. In adolescence the interest in this topic will probably wane. At this stage defense mechanisms militating against the remembrance of early suffering may already be firmly cemented, particularly as adolescent children will soon have children of their own and as parents can then experience position of strength enabling them to completely forget how helpless they once were. But there are exceptions, and in adult life there are also times, despite considerable success in their present-day careers, some physical illness may force people to face up to the questions posed by their childhood.”

I went to a party last night and a lady that was 48 years old had given a baby girl up for adoption when she was 17, she was so sad, everywhere I go I just see people in deep pain trying to forget, but they are somethings you can never forget, like giving a child up for adoption… and I am sure the pain of the child she given up for adoption is even much deeper and if completely repressed she will unconsciously and compulsively reenact what happened to her when she was a little baby by emotionally or physically or both abandoned her own child when she becomes a mother without having memory of what she went through as a little baby, it’s so sad these traumas continue and progressing into the next generation and these unresolved traumas is what contributes to the escalation of  extreme random acts of violence we witness in the world.

The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown

The misled brain and the banned emotions

The Facts:

1. The development of the human brain is use-dependent. The brain develops its structure in the first four years of life, depending on the experiences the environment offers the child. The brain of a child who has mostly loving experiences will develop differently from the brain of a child who has been treated cruelly.

2. Almost all children on our planet are beaten in the first years of their lives. They learn from the start violence, and this lesson is wired into their developing brains. No child is ever born violent. Violence is NOT genetic, it exists because beaten children use, in their adult lives, the lesson that their brains have learned. 

3. As beaten children are not allowed to defend themselves, they must suppress their anger and rage against their parents who have humiliated them, killed their inborn empathy, and insulted their dignity. They will take out this rage later, as adults, on scapegoats, mostly on their own children. Deprived of empathy, some of them will direct their anger against themselves (in eating disorders, drug addiction, depression etc.), or against other adults (in wars, terrorism, delinquency etc.)

Questions and Answers:

Q: Parents beat their children without a second thought, to make them obedient. Nobody, except a very small minority, protests against this dangerous habit. Why is the logical sequence (from being a misled victim to becoming a misleading perpetrator) totally ignored world-wide? Why have even the Popes, responsible for the moral behaviour of many millions of believers, until now never informed them that beating children is a crime?

A: Because almost ALL of us were beaten, and we had to learn very early that these cruel acts were normal, harmless, and even good for us. Nobody ever told us that they were crimes against humanity. The wrong, immoral, and absurd lesson was wired into our developing brains, and this explains the emotional blindness governing our world.

Q: Can we free ourselves from the emotional blindness we developed in childhood?

A: We can - at least to some degree - liberate ourselves from this blindness by daring to feel our repressed emotions, including our fear and forbidden rage against our parents who had often scared us to death for periods of many years, which should have been the most beautiful years of our lives. We can't retrieve those years. But thanks to facing our truth we can transform ourselves from the children who still live in us full of fear and denial into responsible, well informed adults who regained their empathy, so early stolen from them. By becoming feeling persons we can no longer deny that beating children is a criminal act that should be forbidden on the whole planet.


Caring for the emotional needs of our children means more than giving them a happy childhood. It means to enable the brains of the future adults to function in a healthy, rational way, free from perversion and madness. Being forced to learn in childhood that hitting children is a blessing for them is a most absurd, confusing lesson, one with the most dangerous consequences: This lesson as such, together with being cut off from the true emotions, creates the roots of violence.

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