Dear J,
Thank you for your understanding words. I could not stop
crying while reading your e-mail.
I have lost cats before, but I don’t think I felt this sad
before. We did have a special bond – we were in love with each other -- I have
not cried like this in years -- It makes me think how short life is and how
fast it can be over.
It took me a lifetime to liberate myself and create a home
for myself. I’m looking forward to retirement and just spent the rest of my
life with just me and the beings I love most, but it makes me think how fast
all it will be over. Now that I have created a home for me and I’m emotionally
free -- I wish I could live forever and now Sutti reminded me how all can be
over in a blink of an eye.
Today at 5:30 pm will be a week Sutti is gone. I wish these
last 3 years she lived with me I was already retired so I could have spent more
time with her. I wanted more time with Sutti.
And how sad it is that most people never get to experience
emotional freedom and be at home with themselves.
This world should be a heaven for us but instead is full of
dangerously repressed people or sociopaths/psychopaths suffering and making
others suffer – unconsciously and compulsively looking for scapegoats – which
we have to be constantly on the lookout for, especially in the workplace!
Without truth and truly loving ourselves and another
breathing living being we will never
become a seeing and a feeling person no matter how many self-help books we read
and how much intellectual knowledge we get on psychology -- only with the truth and by truly loving
ourselves and another being – we will we become a seeing and a feeling person.
Only when truth and love is our first goals in life -- truth and love has always been my first goals
-- and everything else has always been
secondary for me -- when we stand for truth and truly love ourselves and share
it with another living breathing being -- will the floodgates to the repressed
emotions will be open to flow in a
healthy way -- to be consciously felt within the context of our own childhood
-- without using others as scapegoats to temporarily and superficially alleviate
the repressed emotions of the child we once were. Everywhere I go I just see
people going around like robots masquerading with the illusion of love and
covertly and silently manipulating others with their illusion of love.
My childhood and teen years were the saddest, most of my
adult life was a struggle, but I accomplished emotional freedom and now the
consolation I get is that in my retirement years that I hope will be many, I
know, they will be the most beautiful years of my life and wish Sutti could be
with me for many of them to enjoy with me.
You too, take good care, as much as possible.
Sylvie
Dear Sylvie...
Oh, i am so very sorry to hear that...
I don't know, how to react or to give some comfort in your
sorrow...
How you and Sutti met and you became the closest mates, seems
like a kind of fairy tale, right? She chose you... and so did you...
Such a sweet story, no
doubt this is a unique experience...
Looking at her picture, i see such a so beautiful, kind and
peaceful being!
I just can be with you
in sadness and crying. What a bad fate,
that she had to die too early by a virus...
I am sorry, I have to go to work soon, but will write more
soon.
Sylvie, I give you a big hug and share your feelings.
Take good care and let the tears flow, as long as they need
to flow.
Take good care, as much as possible
J
Dear J,
I hope you are hanging in there and not so busy with some
extra free time for yourself.
Last Saturday my favorite cat, Sutti passed away suddenly,
caught a virus and stop eating and drinking and she was gone overnight.
I'm so devastated I don't have Sutti anymore, she was about 8
years old, but I only had her for about 3 years, she appeared on my back patio and
I used to put food and water for her out there and I even made a shelter for
her to stay warm in the cold days of
winter, she lived outside at least 3 to 4 years, but every time I went in the
patio she would run, but one day when I called her, she came to me and came
inside and never wanted to be out again alone, would go in the patio with me
and sit in my lap, but when I went inside she would follow me in, she was the
sweetest cat I ever had and was so grateful for me taking her in -- she wanted to be next to me all the time
loving me with her very soft and gentle little kisses. I always looked forward
to going home to be with her. The house feels so empty without her.
I just wanted more time with her -- three years was not
enough -- I wish I could hold her and touch her silky soft coat one more
time. My work has been so busy and plus
doing a lot of side jobs checking on house and cat sitting for people that are
away that I don’t have time to be with my feelings and feel my sadness.
I cry when I’m in the car driving to my jobs and I crying
going to sleep at night and when I wake in the morning. If was any of my other
cats to pass I would not be this sad.
Sutti was my special Kittie.
I like to find another Kittie like her but I know there are
never two beings alike even if they look alike, personality is never the same.
It will never be another Sutti like her.
I hope the next time I write my heart is no longer this sad.
Hugs from Arizona,
Sylvie
7-13-19 5:30pm
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