Children Learn What They Live

"Children who are lectured to, learn how to lecture; if they are admonished, they learn how to admonish; if scolded, they learn how to scold; if ridiculed, they learn how to ridicule; if humiliated, they learn how to humiliate; if their psyche is killed, they will learn how to kill--the only question is who will be killed: oneself, others, or both." -- Alice Miller above excerpt from Pedagogy Fills the Needs of Parents, Not of Children.

From the book For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence by Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2011/01/pedagogy-fills-needs-of-parents-not-of.html?m=1

Children Learn What They Live

 If children live with hostility,

they learn to fight.

If children live with ridicule,

they learn to be shy.

 If children live with tolerance,

they learn to be patient.

 If children live with encouragement,

they learn confidence.

If children live with praise,

they learn to appreciate.

 

If children live with fairness,

they learn justice.

 

If children live with security,

they learn faith.

 

If children live with approval,

they learn to like themselves.

If children live with acceptance and friendship,

they learn to find love in the world.

Something I keep witnessing --- people with unresolved deep-seated trauma --- that has been transmitted from generation to generation, either overtly through abuse or covertly with the illusion of love aided by the hypocrisy of a political or religious cult, they are obsessed with politics, religion, or both, so they don’t have to face, see and feel their deep-seated trauma.

What if, there was once life on other planets and we once lived there, but humans destroyed those planets, and the planet Earth is the last planet that sustains life and we are about to destroy this one too? This is our last chance to preserve life and create a heaven for us.

"Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies.
The body sticks to the facts." — Alice Miller

“Inability to face up to the suffering undergone in childhood can be observed both in the form of religious obedience and in cynicism, irony, and other forms of self-alienation frequently masquerading as philosophy or literature.  But ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, nicotine, or medicine, it usually has the last word, because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind, particularly if the mind has been trained to function as an alienated self. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality.” From the book the “The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects ofHurtful parenting” by Alice Miller

https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2021/08/people-are-driving-by-repressed-emotions.html?m=1

As long we go on repressing our painful feelings with the aid of religion, medication, alcohol or drugs, or what else we come up with to distract us from facing and feeling our true feelings, the compulsion to repeat our painful childhood dramas will continue sooner or later in one form or another. Avoiding facing and feeling our painful truths causes blockage and intensifies our guilt feelings, supporting our blindness and neurosis.

I intend to make use of my freedom as an adult to let the child within finally ask the questions she always wanted to ask.-Alice Miller [Me too, I intend to do the same!]

"Not leaving sooner is not an indication or a measure of a victim's strength or intelligence. It has more to do with the severity of trauma they have experienced."

""The smarter you become about narcissistic abuse, the crazier the narcissist will say you are.

"When conflict arises, we are able to let it go and move on. Narcissists must get revenge. We trust in the good of all people. 

Narcissists believe everyone is just like them. We like to help people feel good about themselves and feel relief when a conflict has been resolved.

Narcissists like to fight. We take responsibility when we've made a mistake. Narcissists blame everyone else.

We enjoy being compassionate. Narcissists enjoy being manipulative."

"If I allow myself to feel what pains or gladdens me, what annoys or enrages me, and why this is the case, if I know what I need and what I do not want at all costs, I will know myself well enough to love my life and find it interesting, regardless of age or social status." Alice Miller 'Free from Lies'

Yes, the powerful enables in our society are the real problem. The malignant narcissists, sociopaths, assholes, or whatever you like to call them, they, would never have been able to go on with their lies and mind games without the enablers... enablers are just as guilty if not more... https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2015/10/enablers-are-just-as-guilty.html

I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they like me... Now I look around and wonder if I like them...

For cult leaders or religious leaders, charlatans, hypocrites, sociopaths, and psychopaths --- all fake people acting as if personality, my book is a piece of shit, because it exposes them, but for those that want the whole truth based on facts, my book is a treasure.

It’s so sad to constantly witness how awful, how fake a person is, yet everyone loves them because they put on a good show.