This blog is about learning to understand all of our feelings and learning to consciously face, feel, and experience all of our feelings within the context of our own childhood.
Everything we become and everything that happens to us is connected to childhood. Not every victim becomes an abuser, but every abuser was once a victim of abuse. These are facts. Violence is not genetic; it’s learned.
https://sylvieshene.blogspot.com/2014/08/a-dance-to-freedom-book-reviews.html
Friday, March 14, 2025
The Difference Between a Narcissist and Codependent
Dear Jo,
Thank you for the birthday wishes.
I think of you often, and I hope you are hanging in there.
It was nice to hear from you and see that you are hanging in there.
Thank you for sharing Kenny Weiss's video. He articulates very well the evil behaviors of many dangerously repressed people. But isn't it interesting that all these very well articulated people are labeling different levels of repression, and no one talks about the repressed emotions?
Malignant narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths, or whatever you like to call these now evil people with a sharp intellect, gifted and with intellectual knowledge have mastered the art of repression, transference, and projection to perfection, and the co-dependent like I used to be never really mastered the art of repression, thank goodness! We are still able to feel and self-reflect and therefore have a better chance of growing up to stand on their own two feet and be emotionally liberated.
In other words, a co-dependent is a broken person, and an evil person is a very dangerously repressed person with no chances of growth and healing, which is very sad.
"Evil vs Broken
Do not confuse a broken person for an evil person. A broken person can be fixed, but an evil person cannot. An evil person causes pain; they hurt others. They deliberately cause chaos. A broken person would never do any of those things because they know how it feels to be on the other side of those actions. Don't confuse someone who can be saved with someone that you will need to be saved from."
You too, take good care and don't let yourself down.
Sylvie
"Let's just make it easy.
Narcissist...
Sociopath.....
Psychopath....
No need to distinguish which is which.
They all simply suffer from "Shitty Person Syndrome". Avoidance is the only known treatment."
Narcissists are highly sneaky. They will use your reactions to what they have done to you in an effort to make you look crazy. They do this by telling others only half of the actual occurrence and conveniently leaving out their actions.
Some people can be so toxic to your health. They don't want to love you properly but don't want to let go of you either. The more you give, the less they appreciate, and the minute you've had enough and decide to walk away is when they are ready to love you and treat you right. So you give them a chance in hopes that they've changed, only to realize it was all fake. You find the strength to walk away once more, and here he/she comes proclaiming his/her love for you, and you give in again. The cycle repeats itself until you gather up enough strength to say enough is enough and really cut him/her out of your life.
These words by Alice Miller go right to the heart! Yes, the amnesia of politicians or leaders of sects does afflict countless people. We are witnessing how Donald Trump's amnesia of his childhood repression is hurting many! "Kafka was hardly aware of the fact that the main sources of his imagination were deeply hidden in his early childhood. Most writers aren't. But the amnesia of an artist or writer, though sometimes a burden for their body, doesn't have any negative consequences for society. The readers simply admire the work and are rarely interested in the writers' infancy. However, the amnesia of politicians or leaders of sects does afflict countless people, and will continue to do so, as long as society remains blind to the important connections between the denial of traumatic experiences in early childhood and the destructive, criminal actions of individuals.”
“To many people it seems easier to take medication, to smoke, drink alcoholic, preach, educate or treat others, and prepare wars than expose themselves to their own painful truth” From the book Banished Knowledge by Alice Miller
Addiction, greed, and obsessions are all the same thing. Greed, obsessions, or addiction means that whatever the object of our affection is, we can never get enough of it. Addicts live in constant fear of losing the object of their affection and go to any lengths to protect it. They will lie, cheat, steal, go to war without thinking twice, and exploit others, even their own children. No wonder many young people are so angry; when we feel used, manipulated, and exploited, we get furious.
What is addiction really?
“Recovery From Self-Betrayal: What is addiction really? It is a sign, a signal, a symptom of distress. It is a language that tells us about a plight that must be understood.
The drug business would not flourish if there were not so many people who, in refusing to acknowledge their wounds, are in a permanent state of self-betrayal.
Thus, people work to get rid of symptoms instead of searching out the cause.
There are plenty of means to combat symptoms of distress: medications, sermons, numerous "treatments," "miracles," threats, cults, pedagogical indoctrination, and even blackmail.
They can all work for a while, but only because they reinforce the repression and reinforce the fear of resolving it.
However, many people who become abstinent this way are driven into another addiction because the real reasons for becoming addicted must be kept hidden.
A lot of money and fame comes from this business of repression because it satisfies the longing of so many grown-up children: to be loved as a good child (I am blind as you want me to be. I am ready to forget all your cruelty, even at the cost of my life. Can you love me now?).
In the long term, we have to pay a high price for this repression. The repressed story continues to try, again and again, to be heard at long last. Thus, your plight will look for other symptoms, another language, until it is taken seriously enough. An addiction is an attempt by a person in despair, who is not allowed to be in despair, to get rid of his or her memory, to forget his or her plight.
Of course, this "solution" is no longer needed if the goal is exactly the opposite, if you want to remember, if you want to feel your plight and to understand its reasons, if you slowly become aware of why you were so afraid of acknowledging the reasons.
This can happen once you decide to stop running away, to stop betraying yourself, to allow the truth to enter your consciousness.
You decide to do so because you finally understand that everything else is useless and because you no longer want to watch your life go by before having even begun to live. You decide to stop betraying yourself because you understand that only you can give yourself the love and care you never received and that you can't do that as long as you deny the truth.” Breaking Down The Wall Of Silence: The Liberating Experience Of Facing Painful Truth by Alice Miller, page 126
"Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts and never lies. ...If the repression stays unresolved, the parents’ childhood tragedy is unconsciously continued on in their children” - Alice Miller
"Resolving childhood repression is the vaccine against the charlatans of the world who exploit those who are still emotionally blinded by the unresolved, repressed emotions of the children they once were."
-- Sylvie Imelda Shene quote from my book A Dance to Freedom: Your Guide to Liberation from Lies and Illusions page 172
We don’t need more studies to show us what causes mental illness and violence. The problem is not a lack of knowledge and educated people; there are plenty of educated people with intellectual knowledge. The problem is an emotional blockage with the so-called “professionals” or “educated people” hiding behind their rationalizations and seductive theories to protect themselves from having to face and feel their own emotional pain. It takes courage to see, face, and feel the repressed emotions of the child we once were. intelligence alone is not enough, but it rather helps create seductive rationalizations, theories, illusions, and lies to hide behind.
There are two kinds of people: those that think: I don't want others to suffer as I did. And those that think: I suffered, and I want others to suffer too.
Until people resolve childhood repression, will always be the same shit different asshole!
The true tragedy of life comes from those who manipulate, swindle, and use others' empathy and compassion as an opportunity to benefit themselves.
"Yes, we can say this without any hesitation. Every behavior that is directed against the health of a person, that hinders the healthy functioning of the body and mind, is a repetition of once-endured mistreatment, neglect, confusion, lies, betrayal, perverted practices, and the exploitation of the child." Alice Miller
Very few people are able to look in the mirror and take responsibility for their ignorance/evil; the answer Alice Miller gave to one of her readers is so true. It seems that everywhere I go, I see people pretending or faking it to have healed. It comes to mind when I use to go to al-anon and codependents anonymous and the elders use to say: “fake it until you make it” I could tell they all were pretending and faking it and I use to think to myself: you can’t pretend and fake it forever and you going to have to face it sooner or later. I share a little tiny bit of your optimism; otherwise, I would give up completely.
AM: You write: "My main point in the allegory is that by necessity none of us are passengers anymore. Everybody's crew." I agree with you. But to become aware of the fact that our obedience learned in childhood doesn't allow us to think freely probably needs more than many hundred years. I am not sure if the tortured planet leaves us the necessary time to understand this fact, to protest against it, and to become a conscious, responsible members of the crew. http://www.alice-miller.com/en/we-all-are-the-crew/
Dear Sylvie,
I send you my best wishes for your birthday!
On your website, I see your hard work in offering the truth and bringing light into the dark sides of wounded humans.
I hope, after all, you are okay and healthy with your cats, and they shall be healthy and happy, too.
I found this video of Kenny Weiss, and it brought me insights into my behavior, but knowledge alone doesn't help.
I make my surroundings crazy by being in contact but only pretending to relate. If it comes to terms of going for something together, I fail. I am still in contact with my family and the cat there. I feel not free to be there but also not free to leave them alone. This is what I wrote to you from day one...
So far, so embarrassing.
We all have a great responsibility for ourselves and any life on this planet, and each of us failing makes this place worse than it is...
I write this to you and dont change my behaviour...
This annoys me.
I don't know. On a certain level, I have given up. But I shouldn't allow myself to.
What devastating birthday greetings...
I don't really know why I connect... I don't trust myself a bit...
TAKE GOOD CARE and dont let yourself down
J
In toxic relationships, it's crucial to understand the difference between a narcissist and a codependent.
This video delves into each person's distinct traits and behaviors, helping you spot the differences and navigate these challenging relationships with clarity.
Learn how to identify these roles and empower yourself to break free from toxic patterns.
Watch now to gain valuable insights into narcissism vs codependency.
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