"The Debt: When terrible, abusive parents come crawling back, what do their grown children owe them?" By Emily Yoffe
Sylvie: Monica, I always wonder what the pain might be like for a mother to realize that because of her blind spots caused by her own childhood traumas was not able to be the mother her children needed and how it has affected their childhood and adult lives. Your honesty in these words is very touching: "I am a mother and like Alice Miller I did not give enough importance on the essentials of what a mother is, starting with leaving small children with people you do not know well like baby sitter, toxic relatives, toxic teachers. Of course, in the mix there are good people if one is lucky. There is a lot to be aware of apart from one's own blind spots as a parent. All you can do 'if the damage is done' is give them all the support by not hindering as adults to find their way into full consciousness of their own childhood." I was wondering if you have read my blog The Pain of a Mother?
Sylvie Imelda Shene Eli, thank you for your honest comment. The key word is honesty. Tell children the truth and when you realize you made a mistake and done your child wrong apologize and give them the time, space and freedom to express their true feelings no matter how hard it is for you.
In the link below is the preface of the book Free from Lies by Alice Miller with the title “Telling Children the Truth”. I am still working on the Portuguese translation and I will have soon the English version available on my website also. I know you know Spanish so here is the Spanish translation!